Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that I do not own any of the Harry Potter greatness that is.
Everything between the X 's takes place in the past
/-/= passing of time, time lapse, whatever. lol.
What Happened?
I sit on the cold floor, staring at the dull grey stone. It's chipped and worn; aged. My fingers make nonsense doodles in the dust. Suddenly, I hear screaming. It's not far from my own small confinement. They must be close. I see a small flutter. No, not again. I tense up; my hands become cold and clammy, I can feel perspiration on my forehead and the back of my neck. I can see them now. Dark and hooded they glide smoothly along the ground, like graceful dancers. Swift and silent they move, consuming all life as they travel. In their wake they leave a bitter cold. They're coming closer; they are almost to my cell. I feel the cold in me, running through my veins like poison. Now they stand before me in their usual positions. For the hundredth time, it seems, I'm forced to relive the worst days of my life.
X X X X X
"Sirius, he's on to us. We have to go into hiding."
I merely stood there, staring at my best friend. He looked . . . scared, terrified even. I've never seen him look like that in all the years that I've known him.
Lily stood next to James, looking deathly pale. Cradled in her arms was Harry, sleeping peacefully.
"James, I . . . ." I don't know what to say.
"We need your help."
"Anything," I said. And I meant it. I would do anything for the Potters, even if it meant sacrificing my own life for theirs and their safety.
"We spoke with Dumbledore earlier," Lily began. "We agreed to perform the Fidelius Charm."
"The Fidelius Charm?" They must have been truly fearful if they were going to perform a spell that was that complex. "Are you saying that you want me to be – "
"– our Secret-Keeper, yes."
James obviously trusted me enough for me to not only be Harry's Godfather, but to be their Secret-Keeper. And he had every reason to. Never once had I betrayed James or our friendship, nor did I ever intend do. Even Lily trusted me, which was saying a lot because of our history in school. She never really approved of our "trouble-making ways".
"Of course," I said.
/-/-/
It was five days after the Fidelius Charm had been performed. I spent the entire time locked away at the Shrieking Shack. It was the only place I knew that would be safe for me; I didn't want to risk being caught.
It was then when I began feeling restless, uneasy almost. I didn't know what it was, but it made me feel uncomfortable. Something was wrong. I had apparated to Godric's Hollow. I told James and Lily to change their Secret-Keeper. I suggested Peter Pettigrew, a long-time friend from Hogwarts. I said that he was less likely to get caught. And let's face it, he had never exactly been the brightest fellow, so no one would possibly think of him. It seemed like a good idea.
After the switch had been made, I set out to my refuge. Not long thereafter, that nagging feeling crept back into my gut. Something was definitely wrong. I made for Pettigrew's hiding place, only to find that he wasn't there. Was he taken? I asked myself. Looking around I found my answer; there were no signs of a struggle. He had left freely. But to where? I grew fearful. Surely he wouldn't have . . . . I brushed the thought away quickly and immediately set out for James' house.
/-/-/
I saw the ruins of the house overhead. It made me sick. I touched down and ran to a nearby bush and threw up. I made my way to what was left of the house; it looked as though someone had set fire to it. Half of it anyway; the other half seemed to have held out whatever devilry that had occurred.
The air was thick and stale; I could smell burnt wood. I saw a large figure emerge from the rubble, where the front door used to be. It looked as if he was holding something. I slowly moved my shaking body forward; my legs felt like lead beneath me. My feet scuffed through gravel and broken stone.
"Who's there?" the figure called. The voice was deep, gruff, but also thick and cracked, as if he had been crying.
"Ha – Hagrid?" I said weakly.
"Sirius?"
I ran forth to him.
"Hagrid?" I looked into his beetle-black eyes, searching for answers. "Are . . . they . . . did . . .?" I couldn't speak.
He nodded and gave a loud sniff.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!" I cried. I sank to me knees. It felt as if the life had been taken from me. I hugged myself, rocking back and forth, crying hysterically.
"No. . . they're not dead . . . they're not dead . . . ." I repeated brokenly through my sobs.
Hagrid's large form knelt down next to me. I felt his large hand on my back. I threw myself into the man. Sobs racked though my shaking body; I couldn't stop crying. I hugged him tightly. Hagrid consoled me, calmed me down. After what seemed like ages I finally stopped; my eyes red and puffy, face wet and salty, my breathing heavy. I looked down to see what was in Hagrid's arms. I gasped. Wrapped in a fluffy, light blue blanket was Harry. His small forehead donned a jagged cut, almost like a lightning bolt. The tears flowed from my eyes once more. I should have been there; I should have protected them, protected Harry. I looked up at Hagrid.
"Can I?" I asked.
"Yeah."
I took the small bundle from Hagrid. I sat cross-legged, cradling the small boy protectively in my arms. He was barely a year old. I rocked back and forth, sobbing, holding my Godson to my chest. He was so small and warm; I never wanted to let go.
After a while, a half-hour at least, Hagrid stirred next to me.
"Sirius?" Hagrid whispered. "Sirius, I have ter take him now."
"What? No! You can't!" I stood quickly, yet carefully, protecting the small child.
"I 'ave ter take him ter Dumbledore," he said.
"Let me take him!" I pleaded. "Please! I'm his Godfather! He's all I have left . . . ." I looked down at Harry. I ran my fingers lightly over his brow, brushing the thin black hair out of his face. He continued sleeping peacefully.
"I'm sorry Sirius, bu' I got strict orders from Dumbledore."
For a brief moment I hated Dumbledore, hated Hagrid, hated the world. How could James and Lily be taken from me? They were my whole world! And just when I thought Harry – all that I had left - could be mine, he was being taken from me too. It was unfair.
But it quickly passed. I knew I had to give him up.
I looked down at the sleeping form of Harry, so peaceful and content. "Goodbye Harry. I'll see you soon. I promise," I whispered to him. I kissed him on the forehead before I gave him back to Hagrid. I wiped my face on the sleeve of my robes.
Suddenly I thought of Peter. That filthy scumbag. I must kill him, I decided. I must avenge James and Lily's deaths.
"Take my motorcycle," I told Hagrid. "It will be fast and safe for you and Harry."
"But – "
"GO!" I shouted. "Get him out of here! Hurry!" I could feel the tears prickle behind my eyes once more. I ushered Hagrid forward to where my bike lay strewn about the sidewalk.
Hagrid got onto the motorcycle. I took one last look at Harry – he was awake! I looked at him, his vivid green eyes were locked with mine; they're so innocent and pure. I hope I get to see those eyes again.
I heard the dull rumble of the bike.
"Sirius, are you sure – "
"Just GO!" I seethed. Grief and anger tore away at me. In a moments time he had left, flying across the night sky.
Once again I sank to my knees in tears. I couldn't handle it. How could Pettigrew betray them like that? My sobs reside and my fists clench in anger. I got up. He betrayed them. He sold them out. How could he? We had trusted him . . . . I set out to find the Rat . . . and kill him.
/-/-/
I could see him. He was in a large crowd. Was he trying to hide? The bloody coward. I walked towards him. He turned slightly, but it was just enough that he saw me. What the . . . was that a grin? Perhaps I was just seeing things. He began to approach me. As he did, his face expressed sadness and anger. What did he think he was playing at?
"Sirius," he began.
"Pettigrew!" I spat. I kept my voice down, partly because of anger, and partly because I knew people were after me, people who thought I had betrayed my best friends; I couldn't risk being caught, not when I had the slime-ball right in front of me. "Don't you dare talk to me after – "
"How could you?!" he wailed. What?! "How could you do that?!"
"Do what, you filthy rat?" I didn't bother to hide the hatred in my words.
"Betray Lily and James!" he shouted. "How could you betray them?! Why?! They trusted you!"
What the bloody hell is he going on about? I had thought. It finally had dawned on me. Oh, that was good. I could feel laughter tickle in my throat. I made to retort, whilst my hand made for my pocket to get my wand. I wasn't fast enough.
Suddenly there was an explosion. I ducked. There were screams everywhere, blood curdling screams; they made me nauseous. When I finally looked up, there was a huge hole where Pettigrew had stood. There was a small pink fleshy thing in the crater's wake. Is that his finger? I thought. How disgusting . . . .
Suddenly I began to laugh. Why was I laughing? I couldn't stop.
Is that the Ministry?
Oh no. . .
X X X X X
They leave. My head is cleared from the past. I start crying. My body shudders violently. I have lost everything . . . everything that ever meant anything to me. I can't take it anymore. I'm innocent. I'M INNOCENT! I have to get out. I have to explain. They need to know . . .
/-/-/
Cornelius Fudge comes to visit. Oh joy. We have a normal, civil conversation. I think he's unnerved by it. When we've finished, I ask him for his paper. I tell him I miss the crossword puzzles. He gives it to me, albeit reluctantly. After he leaves I look at it. There's a picture of the Weasley family. I look at the picture closely, and then I see it. Sitting on one of the boys' shoulders is . . . is it? It couldn't be. Hang on . . . it's missing a toe.
It's Pettigrew.
/-/-/
They come to give me my dinner. I slip out in my Animagus form. They can't tell, they don't notice. I slip out of the fortress. I jump into the icy waters and begin to swim.
The mainland isn't too far.
Only a little bit further . . .
/-/-/
I hide in the bushes as a lone figure moves down the street. It's a boy. He looks young. He's carrying an object behind him, a large box or something of the sort. He's also carrying . . . a wand. My heart leaps. I sniff the air. I know that scent. I see the untidy black hair, the round glasses. Just like James. He suddenly looks my way. Lily's eyes. He looks concerned – and scared. What's wrong Harry? I wish I could talk to you. Maybe another day . . . . Suddenly he's on the ground. I laugh to myself. Klutzy, like James was.
But the moment lasts only briefly. I have a mission, I can not delay, and I won't stop until it has been accomplished.
I slip off into the night.
/-/-/
I sit on the edge of the Quidditch Pitch. There's Harry. He looks so much like James. He's a brilliant flyer as well, just like his dad was. He looks so happy.
What's that? Someone's close.
I run into the forest.
I change back into my human form. I lean back against a tree, bringing my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.
I begin to cry.
/-/-/
We're walking down the long, dark, dank tunnel that leads to the Shrieking Shack. Snape is floating in front of me, his lolling head bumping into the ceiling; I don't do a thing to prevent it.
Harry has fallen back beside me. I want to ask him . . . . But what would he say? He's been through so much . . . . What if he says no? What if he says yes? Oh bother . . . . Well, here goes.
"You know what this means?" I ask. "Turning Pettigrew in?"
"You're free," said Harry.
"Yes . . . . But I'm also – I don't know if anyone ever told you – I'm your Godfather."
"Yeah, I knew that."
"Well . . . your parents appointed me your guardian. If anything happened to them . . ."
I think he knows what I'm getting at.
"I'll understand, of course, if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle. But... we... thank about it. Once my name's cleared . . . if you wanted a . . . a different home . . ." I avert my eyes from his gaze.
"What – live with you?" He manages to hit his head on a bit of rock sticking out from the ceiling. I mentally laugh. "Leave the Dursley's?"
"Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to. I understand, I just thought I'd – "
"Are you insane? Of course I want to leave the Dursley's! Have you got a house? When can I move in?"
I turn to face him, letting Snape's head scrape the ceiling. His face shows such joy and excitement.
"You want to?" I ask. "You mean it?"
"Yeah I mean it!" Harry cries enthusiastically.
For the first time in twelve years, I smile.
/-/-/
"Come on, you can do better than that!" I yell, laughing at my cousin as her spell misses me.
The next one didn't.
I'm falling, falling backwards so slowly. It feels like eternity. I brace myself for the landing, but it never comes.
I'm standing somewhere, but I don't know where. It's dark, I can't see anything.
Where am I?
To my left I hear two voices, one male and one female. They seem very familiar. Is it? No. . . it can't be. It's impossible.
To my right I hear two other voices, both male. They sound familiar as well. One is calling for me. It sounds desperate and scared. The other is faint, very quite. It sounds hollow and empty – sad.
I'm confused now. I seem to be trapped between two worlds: the world of the Living, and the world of the Dead.
On my left it's James and Lily that I hear.
On my right it's Remus and Harry, the latter calling desperately fore me. The sound of his voice is gut wrenching. Hearing his pained voice brings salty tears to my eyes. He sounds so lost, so alone. I have to get back to him, he needs me! I can't leave him! I'm his Godfather! I promised James I'd look after him!
I sink to my knees in defeat. I have failed the both of them. And here I am, trapped in this dark, empty void, surrounded by the voices of loved ones.
Now what?
Do I move forward and join my best friend and his wife? Or do I go back to my Godson to take care of him?
The answer is obvious.
The new question: How do I get there?
/-/-/-/-/-/-/
The end. Hehe. Yay. anyhoo. Well, hope you enjoyed it. I personally find this story one of my more better works; everything else is kaka. lol. (more better...? lol.) I must confess I spent the better part of writing this crying b/c I had to go back and forth between PoA and OotP, and just reading everything Sirius did and said... I dunno. And in the 5th book when... gah, it's just too sad. Lol. Anyhoo. Thanks as always to Val my beta, and for cleaning up my messes, be it writing or "emotional". lol. And thanks mucho to EyesofEmerald, WotcherHarry, Ninde Annare, Jess, and Mel Fisher for reviewing my other two one-shots. I appreciate soooo much!