Zell was proud of himself for not gaping like a fish. The knowledge that he could have reached out and touched this man in intimate ways came back to him in a rush of heat to his face. He felt disappointed in himself that he hadn't taken the moment to touch those soft cheeks, or trace that scar with his finger. At that moment, Zell was certain Seifer would have let him do whatever he had wanted.

And you just had to think about that with his tall frame against the door frame like that. The general shape of his body was pleasant. His cool blue eyes, his blunt blonde hair. The still impressive chest and arms. The way he carried himself and the way his clothes fit his body. The confidence, but the knowledge of the vulnerability inside. It struck Zell hard because he had never known someone as well as he knew Seifer, which was hardly complete, that he had gone so far to even recognize as a potential partner...romantically.

In this odd reunion of theirs, this was probably only the second or third time Seifer had truly one up on Zell. But if it would remain so would yet to be seen. Zell had managed to turn the tables on him before, he may be able to do it again. Zell was not so fearful as to allow Seifer to run away with him. This was a game of Seifer trying to catch Zell because Zell had so much more to lose than him...and so much more to fear.

Seifer would have given just about anything to get a clear confession from Zell about some sort of feelings for Seifer. As it stood, he could only understand that Zell had some sort of confused feelings towards him. He was still conflicted as to whether he should lust for revenge on Seifer or for his warm embrace. One was very very bad and the other VERY VERY good!

Seifer lifted himself easily from his leaning position and sauntered into the hall. He gave Zell an appreciatory glance and smile. He was feeling his courage coming back to him in waves while Zell looked like he couldn't trust himself to speak. He swung the door closed easily, having automatically locked it as soon as he opened it. It was a habit of his that he enjoyed. Concise.

He stared at Zell, waiting for him to lead the way. He scuffled his feet into the tiles and Seifer thought he was going to scream into the void of silence that was the two seconds before the door clicked shut and he spoke.

"So, where were you planning on taking me? Or was your plan to just show up here and look at me the entire night." He accompanied this statement with a sardonic smile that he could not hide.

"Sorry-"

"Oh no, don't be sorry," Seifer interrupted, "That's fine if that's what you want to do all night. But maybe we could move to another room with better lighting." This time, his grin threatened to turn into gentle laughter as he imagined himself sitting in his apartment on his stool with his chin on his arm as Zell just stared dumbly at him.

Zell stared at him with scorn in his eyes. "I guess that would work as long as you didn't stand in front of one of your walls. Else you'd disappear." The second he said it, he realized what a sad retort that had been and looked down fiercely. The black with the white was purposeful. You had to be someone very rich to wearing an entire suit of white. Seifer certainly wasn't up to it.

"Well, I guess I best keep my jacket off for now so you can still find me without looking at my feet." His answer was still teasing, not because he wanted to, but because if he didn't say anything his courage would fail him and he certainly didn't know the right thing to say. Just the wrong thing. It was a talent.

Zell stared sullenly at the ground for a moment, letting some of the blood that had rushed into his face fade away before looking up again. He didn't look like he was pleased to be there anymore. Seifer cursed himself for not being strong enough to keep his mouth shut. Zell finally looked up and frowned up at him. It didn't look like he was going to argue with him. Or curse him. Or even argue with him anymore.

instead, he sighed, and his shoulders deflated. Seifer was perplexed, this wasn't what he had expected from Zell at all. With a limp swing of his arm, Zell gestured him down the hall. "Let's get this over with." He had turned away so Seifer couldn't tell if he rolled his eyes or not. Which would have been a good sign, it would show that Zell was still with him.

They walked down the dimly lit hall. One of the three lightbulbs they passed was flickering badly, sending a rippling effect across the dingy walls which were once as white as his suit. Paint chips flicked off here and there. It hadn't been swept in some time and dust clung inside the corners. There was a large collection of dirt inside the corner of the screen door which alone fended off the elements until winter came about. It opened with a squeal that was not interrupted by anymore words between the two.

Because Zell didn't want to say anything and Seifer wanted to say too much. Instead, he contemplated the silence as best he could to keep himself from going insane. Whenever he let Zell surprise him, he let loose with something that sent him back farther than he had moved forward. Whenever he seemed to be getting anywhere close, there was some new facet of his being that Seifer hadn't predicted and he raised up to block it, deflect the blow. Leaving both of them dazed.

No, he was certain that this was his single chance to get Zell to at least view him as a full person. A person not marred by the jagged views of their youths. He needed some connection to his past, some way to assure himself that he had existed at all. Ironic how his safety now depended on people forgetting his past, but it was his past that made him real at all in the first place. It sometimes felt like a tenuous hold he had on himself, and if he let go he might slip away.

Even as they walked in silence, he was afraid that Zell might forget he existed and just continue on home to his Ma. She would ask him how his meeting with his friends had gone and he'd say that they got held up, or that he'd gone someplace else, or that he just hadn't felt like it. Then he'd stuff it in the back of his mind and return to Garden, forgetting about him. Someone might mention his name later and he'd shrug and say that they'd met and talked while he was on vacation from balamb, but hadn't seen him since.

He was determined to not let that happen. They passed his block and turned towards the balamb inn. Seifer could have closed his eyes and made his way down the road. He passed by the inn at least five times every week for the last two years. This was about the time he ventured past from work most nights, but tonight, he was going towards. Much more nicely dressed than usual. He found the sound of Zell's chain clattering against his leg somehow comforting. It meant Zell couldn't just shut him out, the small noise invited more to join it. Unfortunately, none of them took up the offer before they stopped outside the inn.

The Balamb inn was made for tourists. Most families in the area had visitors stay with them, but rarely in the hotels crowding the area. Especially not the Balamb Inn. it's rooms overlooked both the harbor and the ocean. In the tourist months, it was always booked solide. Zell had had the pleasure of experiencing it himself. Seifer could only imagine what it was like to wake up with the sun on your face and the smell of clean ocean filtering in through the windows. Then you could throw back the curtains and sip tea, coffee, or whatever else you may have on the small deck attached.

On the bottom floor of the inn, was a small cafe that was only frequented by people in the town during the cooler months, when you could actually find a seat. Even so, it was slightly pricey and Seifer had to admire that Zell had chosen to take him there. He added another mark against himself for being so keen to upset him when this had been waiting. When Zell glanced at him, he attempted a smile that attempted to show comraderie. He wasn't hoping for much else at the immediate moment.

Zell frowned slightly at him and gestured towards the door. "After you." He said, intending Seifer to lead the way. Which he did. Once inside, he took in the calming atmosphere. A few local couples dined inside, dressed for a special occassion like an anniversary or some other thing actual people did when they had families and friends and lovers.

Each table was round and could seat approximately four people. They were covered in a delicate pure white linen that ended in lace delicately tacked onto the end. A white candle in a crystal holder in the middle of the table was the only light besides the very faint glow from the hanging globes. Not a wide variety of food was served there and the menus boasted large, bold print so that it could be read in the dim light. IN such a light, you could discreetly hold another's hand and appreciate the stupendous view.

The wall facing the ocean was almost completely glass. It was thick glass, used to survive storms and high winds. Seifer imagined that it was impressive to dine there while the weather raged outside, but glad for it tonight. The hostess smiled widely at Zell like he was someone important. He was someone important, Seifer reminded himself, and she led them without delay to the deck portion of the small cafe. It had four tables, round like the ones inside, but smaller. Only for 2, and it was clear which one they would be seated at, because it was the only one properly set. the deck wrapped around the wall behind the reception desk, thus it did not block the view from inside, but rather offered more intimate feel.

No one could see them up in the deck unless someone was either on the ocean and looking at them through a scope, they came out the door leading to the deck, or they leaned over one of the railings from the porches along the upper rooms. As it were, Seifer was confident that they could not be seen over the copse of trees under them or the wide expanse of sea. The sun was just beginning to set and Seifer had not spoken more than one amicable word with the man he sat across. There were no distractions here except for the waitress who brought them water and menus.

Zell took his menu in a casual manner, but raised it up in front of his eyes. Seifer didn't bother to pick up his. He'd have the special of the night, whatever it was. He didn't care. He would wait Zell out and eventually he would have to talk to him. He was sure that Zell would break the silence if it held long enough. And until that happened, Seifer was going to have to try to tell him everything he could with his face.

Because everytime he opened up his mouth, something horrible came out.

Zell avoided putting down the menu for as long as he could manage. He'd analyzed prices, ingredients, and sauces for as long as he could stand. Then he just left the menu standing in front of him as long as he could stand that. There, two minutes thoroughly wasted. Sixty more to go.

He could feel the moisture of his anxiety clinging to the delicate skin between his fingers. This was tougher than he thought. He should've just not called at all. He had to wonder what in the holy fuck he'd been thinking when he thought it would be a good thing to spend time alone with Seifer. He should've expected the ego and attitude right from the start. He probably thought he was desperate to hop into bed with him. Or wanted Seifer to suddenly wrap him in his strong arms (ha, not so strong anymore) and tell him how much he loved him. With chocolates. Shit, he might as well put a fucking bow in his hair.

Nah, he'd wait it out. Seifer didn't have anyone to tell anymore, and if he said anything. Just friends, right? Anything else was all his fucked up delusion from being isolated for so long. It was a sad thing, really, but he had to have some friends. That's what he'd tell people. He didn't like how the candle light cast so little light. It would be romantic in the dark if he wasn't so worried about reading the other blonde's expression.

As for now, though, the setting sun bathed them in an orange glow. It made them both appear to have darker skin than they would have. As if either of them had tanned instead of staying as pale as they would probably always be. Seifer was staring out into the open water. What in the hell was he thinking?

The sun's shape blurred in the water. It set in brillaint reds and oranges and faint purples as the night sky followed its descent. The view was nothing short of breathtaking. So high up, there was only the line of the horizon separating the dark mass of reflections and the shooting color of the beautiful setting sky.

Through Seifer's seemingly cold gaze, the landscape was coming alive. In his life, nothing was worth anything unless it had something to do with himself. It was at first glance, a selfish philosophy, and one that very much was in the past. Years of suffering and guilt had taught him to revise it to something softer. Something even more meaningful. Nothing was worth very much if it didn't mean something to himself. It was a slight change in wording but a collossal change in outlook.

He turned to look directly at the man sitting across from him and found that their eyes locked together. A window behind Zell was reflecting clearly the brillaint hues of the sun. It was the point of dusk where you could see the light fading, disappearing. Seifer had the sudden image of Zell being the sun, bursting forth onto landscapes he hadn't seen.

And for him, Zell might as well have been. Now he just disappeared from his world, leaving the bright, true hues of his straightforward emotions. He was the sun, and Seifer was the clouds in front of him, the water cutting through his reflection. And he could only see his reflection. He was cutting jags on the grand radiance of him. He wondered why he was there.

Zell was solid and he was stripes.

For a moment, he lost all hope, but he would stop cutting lines into Zell. It was too easy for him to do. This was about him changing, not making Zell realize that he wasn't who he wanted to be. He wanted Zell to realize he was becoming the person he wanted to be. He wanted him there for that. Somehow, someway, he was going to make this other man believe in him. Because if he believed in Seifer, then Seifer could believe in himself.

To be continued...

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I know, I know! Not a cliffhanger, but a tbc. Just what am I doing? Well, to answer my own question, I've always written this fic like it were in an episodic format. There are cliffhangers and upcomings, but all scenes started are finished. Then again, the last five chapters or so have been about the same length and I thought this part would get so very much longer that I wanted two parts!

and what a good part to cut out at! The next chapter (I hope) will include the conclusion of our two lovebirds first foray into quasi non-domestic bliss. I mean, it's about time right? Well, I think so, but I can't say what the boys will do. They have minds of their own...stubborn minds.

Anyhow, thanks so much to my reviewers, both old and new! I hope you guys are still enjoying the story and will continue to enjoy it as later chapters unfold. xoxo Petty R