It would be difficult for anyone to describe the feeling of realizing your thoughts are mirrored by your environment. If Seifer were to try he'd only be able to describe it as the world as he knew it ending. The fading edges of light turning into bright colors and beckoning twinkling lights in the sky. As his thoughts and insecurities were paired away, an innumerable amount of instances, emotions, and nuances shined through him, waiting to be connected together. Waiting to stop being ignored.
Zell had excused himself from the table a few moments ago to go to the restroom, leaving him alone to contemplate the sunset silently. He knew Zell was uncomfortable with the silenc, but he was bound to come back to find Seifer. He'd just had a great epiphany of the variety that was so utterly personal that even saying that he'd had some life altering event would have simply been ludicrous.
He greeted Zell with a smile when he returned that he matched with a frown.
"Hey, Zell." He started as Zell took his seat across from him. He hoped the candlelight would show how shiny his teeth were. He'd worked very hard for just that right shade of natural whiteness. "I'm sorry about before, I'm no good at, heh heh, you know. I guess you could say being nice." He had his hands clasped on the table, making his posture more formal than he would have liked. But in a way it was fitting. This was it, the real confession.
"Hunh." Zell answered, sitting back in his chair and balancing his right leg on his left knee. He didn't sound so convinced. Seifer maintained his smile as best as he could, but it went from light to strained very quickly.
"To be perfectly clear -- and I want to say that this is as great an understatement as I can make -- I was really nervous about this, " He waved his hands about him vaguely to indicate the 'appointment' without actually having to put a name to their (hand gestures). "The last thing I wanted to do was screw it up like I have been so far." The world take note, this was actually the first time Seifer had accepted the entire fault of any situation in a vocal manner.
"Hunh." Zell took a swig of water and just glanced at Seifer. He looked slightly skeptical, but he seemed to be accepting what Seifer was saying. Slowly, he was accepting what he was saying very slowly. He was obviously waiting for Seifer to continue. Which made him blustered.
He took a drink of his own water and fiddled with his napkin to buy himself time. He was hoping that Zell would have just accepted his little speech and taken the conversation from there. That earlier feeling of euphoria (thoughts and environment, right?) left him as fast as it had come, leaving him feeling slightly worn.
He shrugged. "I've known you for as long as I could speak and I've been jealous of you for as long. It's like everything you give your heart over to everything and I hated that. I couldn't ever do something like that no matter what it was and no matter what I said you wouldn't stop. I really can't remember what we really were like as kids. I guess we got along some of the time. Edea told me that. She said that sometimes she'd make me make up with you and we'd be great friends for a little while. I think I always fucked that up, even if she didn't say so.
"For a couple of hours we'd run around and I wouldn't push over your sand castles or throw your cards on the floor. She said no one could make you laugh harder than I could. I think I liked you back then, but still had the same problems I do know, or with a little hope did at any rate. Do you remember anything? I hope I'm still not that little kid." He looked contemplative, facing off into the ocean, his eyes still shining with vaguely remembered shadows around the lighthouse he'd been for such a short time in his life. He didn't want to look directly at Zell, fearing he'd see his own scornful face reflected at him.
He heard a light chuckle. "Yeah man, I remember a little. Ma said I would talk about you a bunch when I first came to live with her. She actually asked Edea if you were my bro or sumthin. But I told her you were just some jerk. But I think you had an awesome penguin impression."
Seifer smiled and shook his head. His penguin impression was above par. In fact, so was the rest of their little gathering. Later Seifer teased Zell about his choice of terminology. And he made Zell laugh harder than most people did, until his cheeks were glowing red. Admitting weakness to Zell had him walking on eggshells, but with every shock or small hurt, he got something better in return and he learned what it was like to be open with someone.
They stayed for two coffees and a dessert, until the small cafe had emptied out and all the tables cleared. Their legs were slightly wobbly from sitting for so long in small chairs that were only comfortable for small interludes. Seifer had his jacket tossed over his shoulder, looking like he could be photographed at any given moment for the cover of some Balamb nightlife magazine. Zell looked like a miscreant who had happened on the better side of the tracks, an accurate assessment for his state.
The surprising thing was seeing the two of them smiling at each other. Their pace was companionable and they stood so close that they were in danger of banging into each other at any moment. If they weren't so aware of the other's closeness, their arms may have collided at any moment. Zell made a conscious effort not to check his watch.
Their words tapered off as they drew closer to Seifer's apartment building. It was that silent anticipation of parting where you search for enough words to quickly express the multitude of emotions running through you. How do you express joy of being, regret of parting, anticipation of next meeting, esteem in their regaurd, and so many other things in a few sentences? How do you tell someone everything you want them to know before you even knwo what it is? How do you ask them to stay without asking them to stay forever?
It came down to that eternal syllable. "So..." Zell started, hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels just feet away from Seifer's door.
"So..." Seifer responded, his back to his door. The door to his lonely apartment that was alone and had no one inside it. It was very small once you spent enough time pacing it.
"So..yeah, I guess I'll see you around." Zell smiled toothlessly and awkward and stopped his rocking. Seifer was too flustered and too unsure of what to do next to do anything. He just waved a hand in assent and nodded. "Definitely." He agreed.
Several more awkward waves and nods and Seifer was inside his door feeling that sinking pit in his stomach. Had that gone well? What the hell had just happened? Oh Hyne, he thought things had gone well...things had gone well. He was probably expecting too much from Zell. Maybe he was just always this casual about relationships or just went very slowly. He probably wanted to be courted and didn't like calling him up. Maybe he was just humoring Seifer. He closed his eyes and leaned heavily against the cool wood of the door, not daring to move until he could get his insides in control.
"Shit!" He called out too loudly as he jumped up from the door. He hadn't heard anyone walk up and most certainly didn't expect someone to start knocking. His name was called quietly from outside the door, an edge of worry in the voice. A familiar voice. "Zell!?" He asked, unbelieving, throwing open his door to find his very favorite golden haired boy waiting for him, holding a small paper in his hands.
"Uh, I found this paper just outside your house and it has your name on it, I don't know if it's important or not..." He shrugged and handed the paper over to a very still shocked Seifer. He took the paper numbly between his fingertips and smoothed it in his hand. It was covered in a little oil and a lot of water. He opened it up and smoothed it between his long digits. It was a water meter reading. Seifer Almasy has used xx.xx litres of fresh water, etc.
"Oh, it's just a water reading." He had studied the paper for too long. It had very little written on it.
"Is that important?" Zell asked.
"Not really, thank you though. I may still need it."
"No problem." Zell shrugged and gave a casual wave of his hand.
"Um, have a good night."
"yeah, you too."
"..you're still standing here."
"So're you." Seifer was right this time, Zell was certainly nervous about something. He licked his suddenly dry lips as the smaller man visibly fought with his indecision. They started at each other, just two feet apart.
Zell closed the distance and cupped one hand behind Seifer's neck to pull him closer. When they were only an inch apart, they both hesitated and stared at each other.
Zell, even with dinner, had a hint of bubble gum flavor on his lips. Seifer couldn't hear a thing over the heartbeat drumming through his ears. When his blood had finally stopped shooting through his veins fast enough to cut steel, he found himself enjoying the warm sensation of Zell's exhaled breath against his cheek. He leaned forward to put more pressure into their contact and was pleasantly surprised when Zell's arms wrapped around his waist to pull him closer as Zell stepped through the door and into his apartment.
He heard dully the door click shut behind him before feeling his back pressed into it.
The next morning, Seifer awoke alone on his couch with his clothes from the date still on. A small note was left for him on the endtable. It was written in quick, uneven scrawls. It was evident that the particular author of the note had been in some hurry to scribble it out before taking off:
Seifer,
had to run for train. Didn't expect to stay so long...Forgot what it was studying fr oral exams. Will never forget yr cute squeaks. Will you be my little mousey? (quick mousey picture goes here)
xox Call you soon xox Zell
Seifer smiled. If Zeifer was going to chew on his ear to make him squeak everytime he wanted to hear it...sure. He'd be his little mousey anyday.
Author's notes: Phew! It's been a while! I got that second job and work about 65 hours a week! It's been four weeks now since I had a day off. In that time my car also broke down and my good friend's mom broke both wrists (both of them!). I don't have a day off tomorrow, but i only work three hours tomorrow(note: I usually work a minimum of eight hours a day, but I do at least 3 12-13 hour days). So this is totally the first chance I've had to continue!
Unfortunately, time away and a new obsession with Naruto pulls me off to other fandoms. I'll probably continue this fic, but don't hold your breath for too long! Most chapter updates after this will probably be cutesy, sweety little things. Just to let you know the boys are doing fine! I've been in love with Final Fantasy 8 for years now and it comes and goes in little spurts. So I'm sure a little down the road I'll greatly expand the story!
Thank you so much for reviewing, it's really why I update the story at all! 333
Zell had excused himself from the table a few moments ago to go to the restroom, leaving him alone to contemplate the sunset silently. He knew Zell was uncomfortable with the silenc, but he was bound to come back to find Seifer. He'd just had a great epiphany of the variety that was so utterly personal that even saying that he'd had some life altering event would have simply been ludicrous.
He greeted Zell with a smile when he returned that he matched with a frown.
"Hey, Zell." He started as Zell took his seat across from him. He hoped the candlelight would show how shiny his teeth were. He'd worked very hard for just that right shade of natural whiteness. "I'm sorry about before, I'm no good at, heh heh, you know. I guess you could say being nice." He had his hands clasped on the table, making his posture more formal than he would have liked. But in a way it was fitting. This was it, the real confession.
"Hunh." Zell answered, sitting back in his chair and balancing his right leg on his left knee. He didn't sound so convinced. Seifer maintained his smile as best as he could, but it went from light to strained very quickly.
"To be perfectly clear -- and I want to say that this is as great an understatement as I can make -- I was really nervous about this, " He waved his hands about him vaguely to indicate the 'appointment' without actually having to put a name to their (hand gestures). "The last thing I wanted to do was screw it up like I have been so far." The world take note, this was actually the first time Seifer had accepted the entire fault of any situation in a vocal manner.
"Hunh." Zell took a swig of water and just glanced at Seifer. He looked slightly skeptical, but he seemed to be accepting what Seifer was saying. Slowly, he was accepting what he was saying very slowly. He was obviously waiting for Seifer to continue. Which made him blustered.
He took a drink of his own water and fiddled with his napkin to buy himself time. He was hoping that Zell would have just accepted his little speech and taken the conversation from there. That earlier feeling of euphoria (thoughts and environment, right?) left him as fast as it had come, leaving him feeling slightly worn.
He shrugged. "I've known you for as long as I could speak and I've been jealous of you for as long. It's like everything you give your heart over to everything and I hated that. I couldn't ever do something like that no matter what it was and no matter what I said you wouldn't stop. I really can't remember what we really were like as kids. I guess we got along some of the time. Edea told me that. She said that sometimes she'd make me make up with you and we'd be great friends for a little while. I think I always fucked that up, even if she didn't say so.
"For a couple of hours we'd run around and I wouldn't push over your sand castles or throw your cards on the floor. She said no one could make you laugh harder than I could. I think I liked you back then, but still had the same problems I do know, or with a little hope did at any rate. Do you remember anything? I hope I'm still not that little kid." He looked contemplative, facing off into the ocean, his eyes still shining with vaguely remembered shadows around the lighthouse he'd been for such a short time in his life. He didn't want to look directly at Zell, fearing he'd see his own scornful face reflected at him.
He heard a light chuckle. "Yeah man, I remember a little. Ma said I would talk about you a bunch when I first came to live with her. She actually asked Edea if you were my bro or sumthin. But I told her you were just some jerk. But I think you had an awesome penguin impression."
Seifer smiled and shook his head. His penguin impression was above par. In fact, so was the rest of their little gathering. Later Seifer teased Zell about his choice of terminology. And he made Zell laugh harder than most people did, until his cheeks were glowing red. Admitting weakness to Zell had him walking on eggshells, but with every shock or small hurt, he got something better in return and he learned what it was like to be open with someone.
They stayed for two coffees and a dessert, until the small cafe had emptied out and all the tables cleared. Their legs were slightly wobbly from sitting for so long in small chairs that were only comfortable for small interludes. Seifer had his jacket tossed over his shoulder, looking like he could be photographed at any given moment for the cover of some Balamb nightlife magazine. Zell looked like a miscreant who had happened on the better side of the tracks, an accurate assessment for his state.
The surprising thing was seeing the two of them smiling at each other. Their pace was companionable and they stood so close that they were in danger of banging into each other at any moment. If they weren't so aware of the other's closeness, their arms may have collided at any moment. Zell made a conscious effort not to check his watch.
Their words tapered off as they drew closer to Seifer's apartment building. It was that silent anticipation of parting where you search for enough words to quickly express the multitude of emotions running through you. How do you express joy of being, regret of parting, anticipation of next meeting, esteem in their regaurd, and so many other things in a few sentences? How do you tell someone everything you want them to know before you even knwo what it is? How do you ask them to stay without asking them to stay forever?
It came down to that eternal syllable. "So..." Zell started, hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels just feet away from Seifer's door.
"So..." Seifer responded, his back to his door. The door to his lonely apartment that was alone and had no one inside it. It was very small once you spent enough time pacing it.
"So..yeah, I guess I'll see you around." Zell smiled toothlessly and awkward and stopped his rocking. Seifer was too flustered and too unsure of what to do next to do anything. He just waved a hand in assent and nodded. "Definitely." He agreed.
Several more awkward waves and nods and Seifer was inside his door feeling that sinking pit in his stomach. Had that gone well? What the hell had just happened? Oh Hyne, he thought things had gone well...things had gone well. He was probably expecting too much from Zell. Maybe he was just always this casual about relationships or just went very slowly. He probably wanted to be courted and didn't like calling him up. Maybe he was just humoring Seifer. He closed his eyes and leaned heavily against the cool wood of the door, not daring to move until he could get his insides in control.
"Shit!" He called out too loudly as he jumped up from the door. He hadn't heard anyone walk up and most certainly didn't expect someone to start knocking. His name was called quietly from outside the door, an edge of worry in the voice. A familiar voice. "Zell!?" He asked, unbelieving, throwing open his door to find his very favorite golden haired boy waiting for him, holding a small paper in his hands.
"Uh, I found this paper just outside your house and it has your name on it, I don't know if it's important or not..." He shrugged and handed the paper over to a very still shocked Seifer. He took the paper numbly between his fingertips and smoothed it in his hand. It was covered in a little oil and a lot of water. He opened it up and smoothed it between his long digits. It was a water meter reading. Seifer Almasy has used xx.xx litres of fresh water, etc.
"Oh, it's just a water reading." He had studied the paper for too long. It had very little written on it.
"Is that important?" Zell asked.
"Not really, thank you though. I may still need it."
"No problem." Zell shrugged and gave a casual wave of his hand.
"Um, have a good night."
"yeah, you too."
"..you're still standing here."
"So're you." Seifer was right this time, Zell was certainly nervous about something. He licked his suddenly dry lips as the smaller man visibly fought with his indecision. They started at each other, just two feet apart.
Zell closed the distance and cupped one hand behind Seifer's neck to pull him closer. When they were only an inch apart, they both hesitated and stared at each other.
Zell, even with dinner, had a hint of bubble gum flavor on his lips. Seifer couldn't hear a thing over the heartbeat drumming through his ears. When his blood had finally stopped shooting through his veins fast enough to cut steel, he found himself enjoying the warm sensation of Zell's exhaled breath against his cheek. He leaned forward to put more pressure into their contact and was pleasantly surprised when Zell's arms wrapped around his waist to pull him closer as Zell stepped through the door and into his apartment.
He heard dully the door click shut behind him before feeling his back pressed into it.
The next morning, Seifer awoke alone on his couch with his clothes from the date still on. A small note was left for him on the endtable. It was written in quick, uneven scrawls. It was evident that the particular author of the note had been in some hurry to scribble it out before taking off:
Seifer,
had to run for train. Didn't expect to stay so long...Forgot what it was studying fr oral exams. Will never forget yr cute squeaks. Will you be my little mousey? (quick mousey picture goes here)
xox Call you soon xox Zell
Seifer smiled. If Zeifer was going to chew on his ear to make him squeak everytime he wanted to hear it...sure. He'd be his little mousey anyday.
Author's notes: Phew! It's been a while! I got that second job and work about 65 hours a week! It's been four weeks now since I had a day off. In that time my car also broke down and my good friend's mom broke both wrists (both of them!). I don't have a day off tomorrow, but i only work three hours tomorrow(note: I usually work a minimum of eight hours a day, but I do at least 3 12-13 hour days). So this is totally the first chance I've had to continue!
Unfortunately, time away and a new obsession with Naruto pulls me off to other fandoms. I'll probably continue this fic, but don't hold your breath for too long! Most chapter updates after this will probably be cutesy, sweety little things. Just to let you know the boys are doing fine! I've been in love with Final Fantasy 8 for years now and it comes and goes in little spurts. So I'm sure a little down the road I'll greatly expand the story!
Thank you so much for reviewing, it's really why I update the story at all! 333