Beautiful Chapter 9
A/N: Well, here it is, finally. Thanks go to Blaire for the ego-stroke, which convinced me to post this, despite the fact that I'm still not all that happy with it. She totally rocks my casbah (in an entirely platonic way, I assure you ;) )
Also, I want to apologize for how long I went without updating and I really hope this was worth the wait.
She was crying again.
Lex was unused to dealing with emotions other than suppressing or manipulating them, he was at a loss as to what exactly he could do that would make this situation any better for her. So, he settled for being nothing more than a [he hoped] soothing background presence when she got like this, which had been happening more and more frequently as of late. He wouldn't do anything unless she asked him to, he was afraid that anything else he did might do her more damage than good.
Chloe was sitting in front of the mirror, studiously taking in her reflection, observing the woman that sat before her as though she was a painting or a statue, something disconnected and distant from her, rather than who she was. Tears were streaming silently down her face and Lex knew what was wrong; she still had no idea who she was.
Oh, she knew who she was, that was for sure; in fact she could recite it for you like facts out of a textbook if you asked her to. She was Chloe Sullivan, 21 years old, and she lived in a Metropolis penthouse with Lex Luthor, acclaimed businessman and multi-billionaire, 26 years old. The problem wasn't so much that she wasn't aware of who she was, of who she was supposed to be, it was more that she couldn't remember ever having been Chloe, was unable to think, act, speak like Chloe. She wasn't the person that Lex kept hoping that she would suddenly become. She hated disappointing him –he never showed his disappointment, but she could tell it was there just the same- and she wished that she could make him happy, appease him with a memory here or there, but she just simply wasn't the woman he was hoping she would be. She was an entirely separate entity from Chloe Sullivan.
She was sitting motionless, the only movement in the room, the only sign of life in her, was that of the tears that slid slowly down the face she couldn't remember owning, and the slight up and down motion of her chest that proved that she was still breathing. She was studying the face that looked back at her, taking in every detail, her face, Chloe's face.
An explosion.
A veritable shower of glass shards tumbling down, looking like a firework explosion made solid. Far too beautiful for what it was, the byproduct of anger, of confusion, of pain. Chloe stood in the center of the shards, seemingly unaware or uncaring of the blood that ran down her tattered hand, not noticing the glinting bits of the mirror that had forced their way into her skin, catching the light in such a way that they could almost be mistaken for jewelry were it not for the blood that was dripping from the places that they were. Her face was still expressionless, dispassionate, except for the gleam of anger in her red-rimmed eyes.
Lex rushed over from where he had been standing in the doorway, observing her much in the same way that she had been observing her reflection, both searching for some trace of Chloe. He wrapped his arms around her and she collapsed into him, sobs now wracking her slight frame – she'd given up any pretense of having control. He held her rather awkwardly at first, he was unsure how to comfort a person –he'd done it only once before, his mother after Julian- but eventually he relaxed his muscles and simply held her, as though he could somehow physically shield her from her pain.
He rubbed her back gently, tenderly, and whispered quiet, soothing words into her ear, hoping that the cliché actually did work. "It's all right, sweet." The endearment slipped out without him even noticing. "Let it all out. I know this is difficult, but it can only get better from here. You don't need to worry, I'm here; I'll help you, I'll always help you." Together, they sank to the floor. Lex, mindful of the shards that were still scattered around the floor, protected her from them with his body, not wanting any more harm to come to her. He was aware that doing so would leave cuts that would sting later, and that some of the shards could, quite possibly, imbed themselves in his skin, but he was unable to summon up any part of him that cared. Chloe was more important, her needs came first; she would always come first.
He wasn't sure how long they lay there, she sobbing, he struggling to lend her any comfort he could, before the sobs quieted into sniffles and then eventually, those too died and they were enveloped in silence, her slightly erratic breathing the only noise in the room.
She was the one who broke the silence. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I've tried to be her, but I can't. I'm sorry I can't be her... I'm so sorry..." Fresh tears fell down her face.
Lex, looked down at her, genuinely surprised. That was what she thought? That he was merely dealing with her until she got her memories back and became Chloe once more? Didn't she understand that she would always be his Chloe, whether she remembered it or not? He tipped her chin up and by doing so, forced her to look him in the eyes as he carefully wiped the tears from under hers. He kept his voice gentle and soft and said, "Chloe, I want you to listen to me. I care about you and will continue to care for you no matter what; whether you want me to or not. I don't want you to ever try to change yourself or be someone you aren't for my benefit. Don't strain to remember –I won't press you to- simply do as you wish. Okay?" He returned her nod with a quick one of his own and pulled them both to their feet. "Now let's get you cleaned up."
It took a little under two hours to remove all of the glass shards from her hand, disinfect the wounds they left, and bandage it up, but Lex was more than willing to spend the time. He was reluctant to simply leave her with a nurse, unsure of how Chloe would react, afraid that her emotions were still volatile. Plus, he liked being able to take care of someone for a change, and especially enjoyed being able to take care of her.
He wasn't entirely sure where the compulsion and the desire to protect her, take care of her, and more than anything else, to make her happy, was coming from, what force compelled him to feel and act the way he was. He was almost able to convince himself that it was because they were friends.
Whatever it was that he was feeling, he refused to label it with something as trite as love, or even attempt to categorize it, for that matter. As it was, he wasn't even entirely sure what love felt like. There was a time in which he had believed himself to be in love with Helen, but that had felt different from what he was feeling now for Chloe.
All he knew right now was that he wanted to protect her, wanted to see her smile again, hear her laugh again. Most of all, he didn't want to lose her. Ever.
He was leading her into her bedroom -right across the hall from his own and right next door to his office, so she could always reach him if the need arose- when she spoke again, quietly, hesitantly. "Will you stay with me?" Her eyes pleading with him just as strongly as her voice was, "Please? I don't want to be alone."
He nodded, willing to spend the night in the chair beside her bed, despite how sore his neck might be for the following day, if it would make her a little bit happier. He was easing himself into the chair, when she caught his wrist. He looked up at her and into pleading green eyes, still a little red from all the tears. "Could you, could you please stay in the bed with me?" She asked, still a little hesitant, "I really don't want to be alone."
He slipped under the sheets beside her –both of them still dressed in what they had worn that day, she in her tank top and jeans, and he still wearing the suit he had donned for a meeting earlier that day- and pulled her close to him, spooning her and placing a light kiss onto her head before wrapping his arm around her stomach. It was like that that, only a few minutes later, they both drifted off to sleep.
the A/N Strikes Back: And, because I've been so sucky lately, I'll keep working on this story and try to gulp actually update it regularly from now on.