A/N: Hi people. Haven't updated in a long time, huh? Well, that's because I had so little time to get my thoughts together. But now I have it.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. And don't you dare steal it.

Warnings: Not much. Pretty tame – maybe even PG, at most PG-13. No sexual innuendos, nothing like that. Although you may never be sure . Oh, and Yusuke's time (the time Kurama left) will be referred to as YT. Kurama's time, where he is his mother, will be referred to as KT. Some grammar/spelling mistakes, maybe? I'm not a very smooth typist, although I am pretty fast.

Nine Months of Horror

By CocaCola43

Chapter 6: The Joys of Being A Mother…Well, Almost.

Kurama gawked at the man who had just revealed his situation to him. "What are you talking about?" he murmured, his hands trembling.

"I…Shiori…" The man looked helpless. "Don't you remember? You're going to have a baby, my son, and we're going to name him Shuichi, remember? Remember?"

He stared. He was going to give birth to himself. How screwed was that? The doctor cleared his throat yet again, and the man who would be Kurama's husband turned his attention on him, nodding deferentially. "You wanted to say something, sir?"

"You may want to let her stay at the hospital for a bit longer after she gives birth to her child. She may be unstable, both mentally and physically." The doctor smiled benignly, like the old man that he was pretending to act like. "Of course, most of the fees will be covered by your health insurance provider, but the rest…"

"I'll pay anything," the man said quickly. "Just…just make my Shiori remember again."

Kurama thought about what Yusuke would say in response to this statement, and then with increasing horror found that he could not imagine Yusuke's face in his mind very clearly anymore. It was being replaced by someone else's face…a man with swarthy skin and blue eyes, staring at him meaningfully. What did it mean?

"Shiori…" the man moaned. "Shiori…"

His heartbeat quickened – oh no, was this man his former boyfriend or something? He had by now, in this short time, adapted to the fact that he was his mother, a characteristic Kurama was so admired for. The only thing he couldn't understand was why he became his mother. The memory loss he could get – after all, he was in the past now. Yusuke as he knew didn't exist yet. A sliver of fear coursed through him, and he thought wildly, I could never be born! There might be a miscarriage, and I wouldn't be alive. I'd be stuck as Mom forever.

"I'm going to die," he whimpered. In an instant both the doctor and the man were upon him, asking questions and gently prodding his arm and stomach.

"Oh, Shiori, don't think such things like that. Of course you won't die."

"Minamino-san, you will not die from childbirth. You will give birth to a healthy baby boy. All the tests point to these results."

"Stop it," he shrieked. "I don't want a baby boy. I want to be myself again." He was sobbing. Was this how weak his mother was? Usually, when he had been Shuichi, he had never seen his mother cry. Perhaps he was the weak one, not his mother. He was, after all, occupying her mind. Then a thought struck him. Where had his mother gone? Hopefully she wasn't dead.

"I want my mother," he whined, and cried into a pillow. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the doctor sigh and shake his head. The man looked pained.

"Shiori…Shiori, dear, your mother is deceased. Remember?"

"I don't care! I want Mother!"

YT

"Dammit, where the hell is Kurama? I've been looking all around…" Yusuke trailed off. The lightbulb went up in his head, and he grabbed Hiei's arm.

"Hey, Hiei, we haven't checked Kurama's house!"

Hiei gave his mentally challenged companion a scathing glare, and swatted his hand away. "First, we should have looked there before we walked to Kyoto screaming 'Kurama!' Second, don't touch me. You're disgusting, you have what humans call 'cooties,' and I don't like you. Get away from me."

Miraculously, after this rude put-down, Yusuke's ego was still intact. "I'm so smart," he bragged. "Hey, let's go there right now! And you were the one that dragged me to Kyoto. We don't all have super-speed. As a matter of fact, I don't have three eyes either. Hey, what happens when you need glasses? Do they call you six-eyes? And where are you going to get glasses with three lenses? Oh, right, you won't need glasses. You just need new insults; I've heard those about a gazillion times before."

"SHUT. UP."

Meanwhile, Kuwabara was watching MTV. Hey, there were lots of hot girls! Too bad all the good stuff was censored; otherwise he would be glued to the TV screen everyday. As it was, however, he just watched a few shows and started reading Playboy. It was very enriching, after all. You couldn't see stuff like that in the textbooks at school.

A pole-dancer had just started kissing this guy with tattoos. His eyes widened. The pole-dancer took off her jacket. His eyes bulged. The guy with tattoos put his hands on the pole-dancer's butt. His eyes popped out. The pole-dancer was about to take off her shirt – Oh, and they were having technical difficulties and asked him to stand by, please.

He sighed. Kuwabara took pleasure in few things other than insulting Hiei and watching objectionable television, but when the going went tough, he would just have to wait for them to fix whatever technical difficulties they had. He took a bite out of his croissant and sat on the couch patiently, a benign expression on his bony face.

"Kuwabara?" a voice called out. He sputtered and almost dropped his croissant on the carpet. "Open up, we're looking for Kurama."

"Go 'way! I don't got no Kurama here!"

The front door collapsed, and in terror Kuwabara shielded himself with his croissant. He saw Hiei smirk and say something, and Yusuke laughed. Angrily, he lowered the croissant and yelled, "Whatcha think you're doing to my door? Mommy's going to kill me!" He covered his mouth in shock – he'd referred to his mother as Mommy in front of these hoodlums!

Yusuke looked surprised. "We're looking for Kurama, kiddo," he said, barely containing his laughter. "Go run for your mommy later; we're taking you with us."

Against his will Kuwabara was forced to cling to Yusuke's arm as Hiei knocked over the bookcase in which laid all his posters of posing females and DVDs. "Mommy," he squeaked. "I'm sorry."

He was shoved out of the house and given the curt order, "Go look for Kurama in that direction." Grumbling, he trudged westward, imagining what his mother would say when she found out that her son had been kidnapped by the same people he called his friends. Probably "I'm very disappointed in you" or something like that. He cringed – it was always horrible when his Mommy was mad. Somewhere along the way he dropped his croissant – it was probably bird food now.

"Kurama," he shouted. "Kurama." No answer. He shrugged and entered the nearest café. Perhaps there he could find a replacement to the croissant he had dropped.

"Hi, I'd like a croissant please, no sugar, please. Hey, you're pretty cute. Hey, wanna go out – OW!" He rubbed his cheek as the cashier glowered at him. "I'm sorry, okay?" Minutes later he was presented with a croissant, rather beat-up and wimpy looking, with a huge amount of sugar on it. His stomach roiled – how was he supposed to refrain from becoming hyper if he was forced to eat a croissant with sugar?

"Never mind." The cashier made a rude hand gesture. "Fine, fine!" He grabbed the croissant and sat down at a table, sighing. He had paid for it so he was expected to eat it, but he didn't want to.

"Ahh…" His mouth open wide for a bite, his eyes wandered around the small café and landed on a head of dark red hair. The croissant dropped on the ground in his shock.

"Kurama!"

The person turned around, smiling. "Yes?" The smile was that of a stranger, filled with politeness and slightly protective.

"It's me, Kuwabara! You know…" He scratched his head. "The one who almost beat you in that pie-eating contest?"

Kurama shook his head. "I remember no pie-eating contest. Perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else."

"No! I…"

"Would you mind telling me what your name is?"

KT

"Where's my mother?"

The man shifted and scratched at his collar uncomfortably. "Erm…Shiori, let's just calm down and think…try to remember everything…"

Kurama closed his eyes and recalled his days with Hiei. It was the first thing that popped up into his mind.

"Think about your wedding dress."

What wedding dress? Kurama racked his brain for something relating to the wedding, but nothing came. Wait! The color…color white…and red. Floor-length, luxurious silk, lace collar…with white satin gloves. He briefly recalled his ring, and looked down at his left hand. Yup, it was there, every diamond, every part of the sparkling silver goodness.

"I remember," he whimpered.

The man looked relieved. "That's great, honey," he said enthusiastically. "Now think about little Shuichi, who's about to be born. Can you think about that? Do you remember when we…" He blushed.

"No," he said curtly. "But I'm going to try."

YT

Kuwabara blinked. "You mean you don't remember?" He thought for a few minutes, and then the lightbulb went off in his brain. "I get it! You're not Kurama, you're…" He trailed off, only to whisper dramatically, "Minamino Shuichi." He smiled triumphantly, reminding himself to thank Yusuke for telling him about Kurama's…condition.

The girl who would be Kurama laughed. "Of course not. Shuichi's my son – how can I be him?" She smiled. "You must be mistaken." Green eyes crinkled in the corners in mirth.

The poor orange-haired boy gaped at her. "Kurama…I'm not that stupid."

She smiled again.

"I mean it. I'm not the idiot Hiei's always talking about. I have feelings, I have rational thoughts…Please, don't try to poke fun at me." Kuwabara sighed and ran a hand over his stubbled chin.

"You know you're not really your mother," he continued. He was really getting warmed up – maybe he could be a psychologist! – "I'm not sure what happened to you exactly, but first you turn into a girl and then you start telling me you're your mom…I really can't understand you. You and Hiei were always the mysterious prettyboys of the group. Well, not Hiei so much," he added as an afterthought. "He's a little too short to be considered a prettyboy…maybe he could drop that glare he always has…and wear something brighter, like pink…Yeah, pink's good…"

'Kurama' just grinned.

"Listen to me! My speech isn't about pink or Hiei or prettyboys – it's about YOU, Kurama, and…Um…the point is…no, it's not about you…it's about me…Wow, I've been talking about myself all this time?"

"Who's Hiei? Who has my son been associating with? Are these dangerous criminals? Should I be worried? Who are you?"

"Don't get me started, Kurama! Jeez, for a prettyboy you really are annoying…then again, you're more of a tomgirl now…" Kuwabara was really getting it on now.

KT

It's so horrible to look this fat…

A/N: There's the ending of this chapter. I don't think it's going to be drawn out much longer, I've gotten tired of writing this. There's really no point anymore. Hehe.

Review, please!