Titled for another Me'shell Ndegeochello song. And wow, this is a dialogue-heavy chapter. As always, thanks for the kind reviews. At times a bit too kind – you all know you can be more critical, right? How else do we learn, after all?

Loyalty

Catherine sat in the break room, waiting for Warrick, Nick, and Greg, absentmindedly staring at her cell phone. Sara had called her twice since she had left San Francisco, but she knew there was no way Sara would call her tonight, not with Grissom there. Toying with the buttons, she noticed the time, 10:32, and imagined what they were doing, until the images became too painful for her to contemplate. She slid her hands through her hair, hanging her head and wishing the muscles in her neck would miraculously loosen. Then strong, warm hands caressed her neck and began kneading the tight muscles. She didn't even have to look up. "Mmmm, Warrick. If I pay you, will you never stop doing that?" she purred as his fingers worked their usual magic.

"Wow, Cath, you are tense. The pressure of command getting to you already?" he teased gently. Sweeping a few strands of hair out of his way, he worked up one side of her neck and down the other, hearing her low moan of appreciation. "So what's going on?" he asked quietly.

"What's going on what?"

"You tell me." His deep voice expressed his concern clearly. "You've been looking considerably more stressed every day since you've been back. And a couple of times I've caught you shooting daggers at our esteemed leader when his back was turned." He chuckled softly. "What, you got too used to being the boss up there in San Francisco?"

San Francisco, where Grissom was with Sara. She sighed. "No, it's not... work. Something else."

"Lindsey?"

She shook her head as his hands worked the tightness between her shoulder blades, where stress tended to accumulate. "No, not Lindsey."

"Wow."

Catherine half-turned her head to try to meet his eye. "What?"

"Well, he must be something, whoever this new guy is." He caught her narrowed eyes and explained, "I've never seen you like this about someone since, well, since ever. It must be something special."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Maybe?"

She sighed, letting all of her frustration show. "Well, I think so. I'm just not sure what the other person thinks."

"Did you tell him?"

"No. Why would I?"

He chuckled at that. For all her experience with people, Catherine didn't always seem to understand them. Or else she judged their motivations according to her own way of handling people. "Well, sometimes it helps." He chuckled again at the thoughtful look on her face. "Cath, we all have our insecurities. We all think we're alone in our feelings. And if it's enough to cause this much tension in your shoulders, then maybe it's important enough to talk about." Warrick shrugged his shoulders, leaning down so his sparkling green eyes met her suddenly vivid blues ones.

Her smile lit the entire break room. "Warrick, I have to make a call."

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Sara pulled away as her phone rang, the timid kiss still burning on her lips as she fumbled for her phone. She finally got it on the third ring, right before the call was answered by her voice mail.

"Sidle.

Catherine let out the breath she had been holding when it took so long for Sara to answer. Her voice didn't sound aggravated at being disturbed, which settled the butterflies in Catherine's stomach somewhat. "Sara. Look, I know he's there and you really can't talk." Catherine's words poured out in a rush. "I.... I just need to tell you something. On the beach, I was right, you know. I can't define this for you. You do have to make that decision on your own. But I should have told you something...." She took a huge breath. Here goes. "I want it, whatever 'it' is... however we want to define it.... I want it... with you. Whatever else is going on right now, I need you to know that."

Catherine wasn't sure she had made any sense, and the long pause stretched her nerves to the breaking point. Catherine thought for a second that Sara had hung up, until she heard a soft exhalation. "Yeah, me too." Another pause, shorter this time. "I... have to go. I'll call you?"

"You better."

A quiet chuckle reached her ears. "I will." And then Catherine was holding a dead line, but with a huge smile slowly playing across her face. She turned, caught Warrick watching her through the glass, and she gave him the thumbs-up. He shook his head in amusement at her blindness, and mimed looking at the time.

"Who was that?" Gil's question cut through Sara's chaotic thoughts as she stood there, clutching the closed cell phone in both hands. She could still hear Catherine's voice echoing in her ears, 'I want it, whatever it is.'

"Reality," she answered, unthinking.

"Reality?" He stared at her back, unsure of what had just happened. It had been an odd phone call; Sara had barely spoken, just listened intently to whatever whoever was saying, before hanging up. It had taken less than a minute, but whatever had transpired equated to a monumental shift if Sara's body language was any indication.

"Gil? Do you remember what I said when I asked you out to dinner?" She was still facing the window, away from him, but in the darkness outside her pale face was clearly reflected. The expression on her face had gone from conflicted to peaceful, in the blink of an eye, the lines suddenly smoothing along her forehead.

Then he remembered what she had told him, and his blood froze in his veins. "You said..." he stumbled over the words, his mouth suddenly dry and tongue clumsy, "by the time I figure it out, it really could be too late."

She turned then, to face him; like so many other times, she was standing over him, telling him something, while he sat and listened in puzzlement, always, it seemed, trying to play catch up. The sadness in her voice might have given him hope, except for the firm resolve underneath her words. "It really is." She dipped her head, bringing both hands up to smooth her hair back behind her ears, hanging her head down for a second, before she sighed. "I'm sorry."

He tried to comprehend and frame a reply, but his stunned mind refused to make sense of the abrupt turn of events. One moment he figured out what he really wanted and next it was taken from him. She was speaking again, and he had to concentrate to hear her words through the din in his head. "I'm, I, there's someone else. I... it's so new, we..." Her words sputtered to a stop. She hated when she sounded like a stammering idiot, so she took a deep breath and tried to frame a half-way coherent sentence while Gil squeezed his eyes shut as her words washed over him, so quiet to be so lethal. "I need to follow this where it goes..."

"See what happens?" he asked bitterly, parroting her words from two years back to her.

"Yes."

"So why did we..." He couldn't finish that thought, how could she have let him hope, "why am I here?"

"You wanted to come," she replied simply. "You didn't ask." She sighed, running her hands roughly through her hair, angry at herself and this situation he had put her in. If he had only ignored her like he had for years, she thought. "I guess we should have talked."

"Yes, you might have told me so I wouldn't have come all the way up here to make a fool of myself." His outburst shocked and surprised even him, but then he saw the anger boiling up behind Sara's narrowed eyes, and he knew his outburst was nothing compared to what was to come.

"This is my fault?" Her voice was surprisingly mild. "You come up here, with all kinds of expectations, and when it doesn't work out the way you want, you blame me?" Sara shook her head with those short, jerky movements that indicated just how angry she was.

"It's just that, after all this time..." He shook his head, hopelessly.

"You thought I'd still be waiting? I waited for years, Gil." She sank down to the couch beside him, all the fight suddenly out of her. "When I left Vegas, I left that behind me. I left you, Gil. I can't go back, especially when I don't know if tomorrow you'll decide you don't want this and push me away again. I can't do that. I won't do that." Her sigh filled the sudden quiet between them. "Even if this other person wasn't in the picture, I don't think I could."

"I love you," he pleaded.

Her head dropped, her fingers holding it up, her eyes closed. "Great." She let the silence stretch, until she realized she had nothing more to say. "Gil, you should go. Maybe we can talk tomorrow." She didn't look up until the door slammed as he left. Her exhalation cut through the quiet of the room a second before her cell phone rang, Annemarie's number flashing on the display.

---------------

Catherine flung open the door and switched on the lights, trying to keep her hold on the package under her arm. "Catherine?" The low voice startled her, and she jumped, losing her grip on the precarious bundle which tumbled to the floor with a crunch. "Jesus, Gil," she yelled, dropping to her knees to retrieve the new bicycle helmet she had been trying to carry while her hands had been busy with the wrapping paper and tape. "You scared me. Why are you sitting here in the dark?" she asked absentmindedly before she froze, raising her head so she could see Gil over the corner of his desk. "Wait, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in San Francisco?"

"I, um, decided to come home early." Her narrowed eyes took in the dark circles under his eyes, the rumpled shirt, and the faraway stare, and her heart dropped for her friend at the same time it began to beat happily for herself. Catherine avoided the topic of Sara, afraid some of the happiness she was feeling would show on her face or in her voice, and directed the conversation to work. "So are you going to work shift tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, then I'll take my wrapping to the break room," she said, gathering her stuff. He nodded, his eyes still fixed somewhere out at the middle distance. He seemed so patently miserable that Catherine relented a little, and ventured to ask, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." When he didn't say anything else for a long minute, she turned to leave.

"Catherine?" he called to her back. "Catherine, was Sara... did you know... is Sara... seeing someone?" Her mouth hung open in amazement. Sara didn't tell him, did she? He kept talking, oblivious to her shocked expression. "She said there was someone else. I... think she was telling me the truth, but... maybe she just said that to hurt me, to get me back." He looked up at her for the first time, a hopeful expression on his face as Catherine tried to school her face into a neutral expression, "Did you meet someone while you were staying with her?"

"I, um.... I think she went on a date shortly before I left. I think it was just starting." She tried to be as honest as possible without disclosing how much she knew.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

He was back to staring into the distance, or at the fetal pig on the metal shelving unit, not really noticing her in the room. "I'll see you in the break room," she muttered as she made her escape.

She even managed to get into the room without dropping her packages a second time, where she poured herself a cup of coffee and started to wrap Lindsey's new bike helmet, bought as a surprise present as Lindsey had been dropping hints that her old Powerpuff Girls helmet wasn't exactly cool anymore and could she have a blue one like Sara? Catherine used the quiet routine soothe her as she speculated on what had happened in Frisco between the two of them. Intent on her work and the thoughts going through her head, she didn't even notice Warrick walk into the break room and pour a cup of coffee until he tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped for the second time that night and glared up at Warrick's amused grin.

"Damn, Cath, you were off in la-la land." He laughed at her grimace, and reached out, taking the scissors out of her hand. "Maybe you shouldn't be wielding such dangerous weapons when you are obviously not all here." He started to cut the paper anew, cutting past the lopsided cuts Catherine had inflicted on the paper. "So were you thinking about him again?"

"Who?"

"Your new guy."

"Kinda." He read her look of annoyance and decided not to pursue this line of questioning. "Hey, why are you doing this in the break room anyway? Why aren't you in the boss's office?"

"Grissom's back." She hoped her tone would be read as concern for her friend, and not confusion about what his return meant for her.

"Really?" Warrick's tone was definitely concerned, as any good friend would be, she thought bitterly. He looked over his shoulder, checking the door of the break room behind them. "Do you know what happened?"

She sighed, wishing the exhalation would get rid of her guilt and maybe, just maybe, just a little bit of the joy she felt bubbling up, threatening to overtake her. "I think Sara is seeing someone."

"Wow, really?" Warrick straightened as he slid the wrapped present in front of Catherine. He surprised her by saying, "Good for her. I mean, bad for Gris, but Sara deserves to be happy." He checked the room again, lowering his voice to a whisper. "He made her so miserable. I don't know if he could ever make her happy after all that. So," he shrugged, saying in his body language what he couldn't quite articulate.

Catherine nodded, before smiling up at Warrick. "Thanks for the help, 'Rick." She leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before gathering her things together. "I've got to go make a call before shift starts."

---------------

Sara noticed the cell phone ringing on her hip, reaching for it and bringing it up to her ear mindlessly, the motions smooth through the years of repetition. "Sidle."

"Sara?" Her voice sounded dead through the static of the phone line. Wherever she was, it didn't seem like her reception was good. "Are you ok?"

"Hey you." Although still weary, her tone softened into something resembling warmth, and Catherine imagined that she was smiling just a little. "Yeah, I'm ok."

"Long night?"

"Night, day, and now night again. I got called into a triple. All kids." Sara's voice told the story that her short recitation didn't: once again, her faith was shaken by the thoughts of what people could inflict on themselves and others, so she had throw herself into the hunt for the killer.

"How long since you've slept?" Sara's silence spoke volumes over the phone. "Sara, how long?"

"36, 40 hours, something like that." Catherine could almost see Sara's death glare forming on her face, defensive and defiant all at the same time. "I'm ok," she said in short, clipped tones, trying to head Catherine off.

"How long before you get DNA results back? 12 hours?"

Sara's sigh of frustration sounded clearly over the static in the line. "More like 18."

"Then you have some time for a nap."

"Catherine...."

"Sara... You know if you are exhausted now, then you will be even worse when you really need the energy. You won't do those dead kids any good if you are too exhausted to see what the evidence is telling you.

"Cath, I'll sleep.."

"In three days? No, now. Lay down for a few hours in your office. Annemarie will get you if anything earth-shattering comes up in the meantime. Please?"

"Um, ok." Her rapid capitulation made Catherine nervous, but her next words reassured her. "You're right. And I'll try to sleep. I promise."

"Good." Catherine tried not to sound too smug, but she knew she didn't succeed when she heard Sara's soft chuckle. "Thanks, hon," she mumbled, her voice rough with exhaustion. Catherine wondered if she even realized she had used the endearment. "Um, Cath, why did you call?"

"Oh, um, I saw Gil.' She let the few words say all that she wasn't. "I thought I'd see how you were doing."

"Oh my god, Gil. I meant to call and leave him a message at his hotel. Wait, what, you saw him?"

"He's back in Vegas."

"I thought he was here." Her voice sounded tired and confused, and Catherine knew that now was not really the time to talk about this.

"Sara, why don't we talk later? I want you to get some rest, ok? "Her mouth curved into a smile as she remembered how cute Sara looked when she was sleepy. "You promised."

"Cath... I kissed him.... I mean I let him kiss me. Right before you called." Her sentences strung together in fits and starts as she tried to get her exhausted brain to make some kind of sense. "It wasn't... I let it happen because it was what I had wanted for so long, but it wasn't... It wasn't what I wanted." Catherine's silence on the line scared her, and she kept talking. "Even before you called, I was going to..."

Catherine's quiet words cut off her rambling words. "I know."

"You do?"

"I know, honey. Now get some sleep and call me when you have time."

"Cath?" Sara calling her name stopped her from hanging up the phone as Sara stumbled over her words. "I, um, miss our pillow talk."

Catherine's laughter was husky. "I miss more than that."

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"Cuz like a child
You will never want for love
Cuz all that I have
I give to you
Come and take my hand
And share your life with me
Cuz you are my soul
And I'll always love you"
- Me'shell Ndegeochello "Loyalty"