Chapter 36 - Told

Moria's Revenge
Authors: Kookaburra & Llinos
Beta: Marigold

Merry felt as though someone had given him a blow to the stomach. He grabbed the wine glass from Pippin while at the same time pulling his cousin into a bone-crushing embrace.

"Please don't say such things, Pip, please, everything's going to be all right soon, you'll feel better, I promise..." Merry continued to whisper encouragements into Pippin's ear, while carefully setting the wineglass onto the end table.

"No, Merry." Pippin's voice was quiet, but flat and toneless, and he did not return Merry's hug. "I don't think it'll ever be better, Merry." Pippin squirmed a little as Merry hugged him tighter, and grabbed the wine glass again, lifting it to his lips with both hands and draining it in one long gulp.

"Easy, easy, there, Pippin." Aragorn grabbed Pippin's hand to keep his young charge from holding out his glass to Boromir for more wine. "You're going to get tipsy if you keep that up!"

Pippin scowled and struggled a little against the ranger's grip. "But that's what I want!" he exclaimed. "I want to make it not hurt so much... I want it to go away!" Pippin added in a whisper.

Merry sighed sadly and pulled his sad cousin in for another squeeze. "Hush, Pip, I want to make it go away too, but I don't think getting drunk is the best thing for you right now."

"Anything's better than remembering, Merry!" Pippin put his hands up to his face in anguish. "Anything but... remembering them touching me..." His voice caught, and he started to cry once more, deep bone wracking sobs shaking his tiny body. "No, no, no..."

Aragorn gave the two elven healers a significant look, and they picked up on the cue and quietly left, leaving the two hobbits alone in the room with Aragorn and Boromir. Aragorn gently stroked Pippin's hair as Merry held him close. "Pippin," he tried. Pippin's only response was to bury his face tighter into his cousin's shoulder. Aragorn let him carry on, knowing that he would have to stop crying eventually. He moved next to Boromir for a moment and they both waited patiently.

Before Pippin had managed to cry himself out, Legolas and Gimli arrived with Icicle in tow. The warg immediately jumped up on the bed and pawed at Pippin and Merry until they unlocked their embrace and let her lie between them. Pippin even gave a small smile as the warg licked his face to clean the salty tears away.

Pippin sniffed as Icicle settled down with her paw firmly on his wrist as she turned her attention to cleaning his arm thoroughly. "Oh Icy, stop that!" Pip unexpectedly pulled away from the warg and rubbed at his skin where her tongue had been. Icicle whined a little and resolutely turned her attention to Merry for the time being, licking him instead.

"I'd forgotten her, hadn't I?" Pip looked up through his tears and reached a conciliatory hand out to the white coat, "Umumum, I didn't remember her for a while and now… now…"

"What Pip?" Aragorn prompted. He could tell that the hobbit's emotions were in turmoil and he needed to express them.

"Now she just brings it all back." Pip pulled his hand back from Icicle again. "She was the one that saved me though. I would have died if not for Umumum. Yet when I look at her or touch her all I can think of is being back in the… hands… in the…" Pippin trailed off. It seemed too soon to face up to what had happened – perhaps he never could.

"Pippin there is another way." Legolas came forward and sat on the bed and took the hobbit's hands in his. The elf glanced around at the others to see if he should explain the offer made by the Lady. Aragorn and Merry had both nodded and Boromir and Gimli did not protest. He carried on. "The Lady Galadriel has said that it is possible for her to take your memories away, as she did just now, for these past few hours, only then it would be forever."

Pip's face lit up with hope and he turned to Merry in obvious excitement. "That would be wonderful! It would be as if it had never happened!"

"But wait, there is more." Aragorn came and put his hand on Legolas' shoulder. "You would lose all your memories, not just those of the orcs, but everything from the day you were born." Aragorn took in a deep breath that sounded more like a sigh, "You would not even remember how to walk or talk and would be as an infant once more."

"Oh but that would be…" Pippin broke off once more, furrowing his brow as he tried to take in the implications of what Strider had just told him.

"But… but who would… I mean," Pippin shook his head in bewilderment, "who would even look after me? It's as if I…" He looked up at Aragorn and Legolas, their faces filled with concern. "Who would be my Mamma?"

In spite of the gravity of the situation, both Aragorn and Boromir felt a small smile twitch at the corner of their mouths. Merry stroked Pippin's back gently and whispered in his ear, "why I would of course Pip."

Legolas' sharp ears had deciphered the whisper and he too smiled, still holding Pippin's hands, "we all would little one. You would have many Mammas."

"But would I have to grow up all over again?" Pippin asked solemnly, "That would take so long and you all have to leave to complete the Quest when Frodo is better. You cannot wait for me."

"I would wait for you." Merry whispered again. "Even if it took forever and then a bit longer."

"Merry." Aragorn looked at him sternly. "Do not make promises you may not be able to keep." Merry looked sharply up at the ranger, query on his puzzled face. It was then Aragorn suddenly realized that, with all that had happened recently, no one had actually discussed with Merry their provisional decision that, should Frodo not recover in time, he would be asked to complete the Quest as Ringbearer with Sam as his companion. "It's just that you may have other responsibilities that are greater." He added quickly.

Merry frowned at this suggestion but realized that Strider obviously did not want to discuss that now. He turned his attention back to Pippin. "I'd make sure you were well cared for, whatever happens Pip, I promise."

"It would not take as long as you might think Pippin," Legolas explained. "You could re-learn most of what you needed to know quite quickly. Although it would take longer to tell you all the good things that had happened in your life, but at least you would not recall the bad things."

"But I would forget everything?" Pippin was trying to imagine what that would feel like. "All I would know would be what you told me?"

"Yes," Aragorn agreed. "Pippin it is not something to undertake lightly. All of our memories, both good and bad, are what makes us who we are."

"I know," Pippin looked sadly down at his empty wine glass still clutched in his small hand, "but at the moment I don't care much for who I am."

"But what of those who care for you?" Gimli asked unexpectedly. Pippin looked at the dwarf in surprise, his face a question. "Would you have yourself forget all the love and affection others have for you? That is a truly wonderful thing to own and if you throw away your memories you will have no recall of how much you have been and are loved."

"I don't know." Pippin looked in bewilderment from one to the other. Boromir smiled encouragingly at him and Gimli nodded as if in agreement. Haldir was standing quietly next to Boromir, a sympathetic smile on his face. Aragorn, his eyes fixed steadfastly on the two hobbits, sat on the bed beside Legolas, who was still holding Pippin's hands and Merry, dear Merry, was nestled up to him, lying half over Umumum, and stroking his hair. "I- I wouldn't want to forget any of you, although forgetting about Moria would be so much better – I could start again as if nothing had happened. But if I forgot Frodo and Sam and… and…" Pippin could not bring himself to say it, but everyone knew he meant Merry.

"I know little one," Aragorn reached out and touched Pippin lightly on the forehead. "I think he will always be here, no matter what happens."

"But I'd forget him!" Pippin cried out in sudden anguish, making Merry jump. He threw himself into Merry's arms, jarring his cousin's sprained wrist slightly. Merry made no complaint but just hugged Pippin closely. "I don't want to forget you Merry!"

"But Pip," Merry pulled him back a little so he could see his face, "I'd remind you of everything and you could be my old Pip again, happy and singing, not afraid or crying any more."

"Then how do I decide?" Pippin turned back to the others, "I don't know how I'm supposed to choose!"

Legolas released the little hands and moved to the side so that Aragorn could sit in front of Pippin now and the ranger took Pippin gently by the shoulders and looked steadfastly into his eyes. "The Lady Galadriel has told us how you must chose." Pippin looked hopeful at the mention of the Lady's name. "She believes you must recount all that happened to you, that you would rather forget, and once you have remembered it all, only then will you be able to decide if you can live with those memories."

"But that would be like reliving the whole thing." Pippin looked at Aragorn in dismay, "How can I do that – I'm not sure I do remember it all."

"You won't be reliving it, Pippin," Aragorn assured him, "we shall be here with you this time, helping and protecting you. Letting you see it was not your fault, that you were the strong one because you survived."

"Really?" Pippin asked tentatively. As he looked at the steady gaze of the ranger and glanced up at the other encouraging faces around him and felt Merry's comforting hand on his back, he almost believed he could do it. "Do you think that?"

"Yes of course, Pippin." Aragorn smiled now, "and if it takes me to tell you every step of the way that it was not your fault and explain to you why it was not your fault – then that's what I'll do. If after that you still cannot live with what happened, then I think you must choose to forget everything – but Pippin…"

"Yes Strider?" The hobbit looked hopefully into the kind eyes.

"I think you will be equal to remembering everything – if you survived the orcs, you can survive the memory and prove you are stronger than all of them."

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Frodo started awake – a commotion on the other side of the door to the main chamber had woken him. He immediately started to struggle upright, but was restrained by a sturdy, familiar, sun-browned hand on his shoulder.

"Now, Mr Frodo, don't be trying that again." Sam leaned over Frodo, looking into his master's face with concern, searching for any new sign of pain. Frodo frowned, and looked away. Being confined to a bed had heightened his sensitivity towards being fussed over, and right now Sam's concern, though Frodo knew it was well meant, grated on his nerves. Why did everyone insist on treating him as if he were an invalid? 'Because you are an invalid.' the infuriatingly logical part of his mind answered. Frodo was about to answer with a sharp retort to Sam, but caught himself in time, recognising the prodding to push Sam away as coming from the Ring. The Ring. It was trying to get him to push the others farther and farther away – so he, Frodo, would have nothing to depend on but It.

Jerking himself away from his gloomy woolgathering, Frodo looked back up at Sam and inquired, "What do you suppose they're doing out there?"

Sam smiled down at him, pleased that his master was taking some notice of the outside world. "I expect that it's just Mr Merry, Master Pippin, and the others coming back from their dinner." Sam then gave Frodo a teasing wink. "I hope you didn't think that we cooked all this good food just for you, Master!"

Frodo actually smiled at that last. The shadow that had welled up in his mind was now dissipating. How could he have ever been angry with his dear Samwise? He reached for Sam's hand with his good arm, and clasped it. "Thank you, Sam."

Looking rather surprised, Sam asked, "What for, Mr Frodo?" Frodo opened his mouth to reply, but just then the door swung open, and Silael walked in.

"Well, young Frodo, I see you are awake. Do you feel rested after your nap?"

"Yes, a bit." Frodo answered. In truth, he felt weary enough to sleep for a week, but his many hurts kept him from feeling comfortable. Also Frodo realised, he wanted to move. Any change of position at this point would have been better than continuing to lie on his back, which put pressure on the glass cuts. As Silael came over to the bedside and began to inspect how the new bandages were holding, Frodo winced and squirmed the tiniest bit. Now that he had thought about moving, he could not stop.

"Are you uncomfortable, Frodo?" Silael seemed to have seen the problem at once.

Frodo was loath to complain after everything the kind elves had done for him, but it was pointless now to deny his discomfort. "My back is rather sore, and I'm feeling rather stiff from lying like this all the time."

"Well, that's easily solved. In fact, I came in to see if you wanted to be turned over for sleep. I will find Deilen, and we will move you so you do not strain your shoulder." With that, the senior healer glided quietly out of the room.

"You should have told me you were uncomfortable, Mr Frodo," said a slightly hurt Sam. "I'd have called them in right quick!"

Frodo sighed. It must be hard on Sam, he realised, to see his master hurt and not be able to help directly. "Don't worry about it Sam." Frodo said in vain, for he knew Sam would worry about it, no matter what Frodo said. "I hadn't even thought about it until now. However, if you do want to do something for me, could you give me a little more wine? I do not think my hurts will let me sleep soundly if do not have some spirits to chase them away."

Sam beamed, pleased that Frodo had asked something of him that he could deliver. "Of course, Mr Frodo, right away, sir!" After he had filled the glass a quarter full, Sam carefully walked back across the counterpane, and settled beside Frodo to help his master drink. At first Frodo felt a flash of annoyance again at the coming 'babying' as he called it to himself, but that soon gave way to a sense of security as Sam settled Frodo on his strong shoulder and carefully tilted the glass to Frodo's lips. It was good to have friends who babied one once in a while, Frodo decided.

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"Where shall I begin?" Pippin looked anxiously around him. Aragorn had lifted Pippin off the bed and sat him on a heap of pillows on the floor, with Merry and Icicle snuggled up next to him. The others sat on the floor around the hobbits, the two men, the two elves and the dwarf were determined to help Pippin and Merry through this ordeal and, as Aragorn had pointed out, all sitting on the floor was a far less ominous and threatening position for the little one.

"Begin with a little more wine." Boromir smiled and handed Pippin a half-filled goblet, "it will help you to relax."

Aragorn nodded that it was all right, "just sip it Pippin," he advised. "Then start at the time when you were first lost."

Pippin clutched the goblet, but made no attempt to drink. He gulped a little and began. "I was walking along at the back and I couldn't think of anything except that I had killed Gandalf." He hiccupped back a sigh and carried on before the others could interrupt him. "It was all I knew, because I had dropped the stone in the well and made a noise. I felt so, so tired and then I looked up and realized I was going very slowly, I couldn't see anyone in front of me any more and then I panicked. I remember my heart beating so fast I could hear it in my throat. I ran and ran but I couldn't find you. I wanted to shout but I started to hear other noises and I was too scared and then something, a great black shape, came at me out of the bushes and then everything went black."

"Poor Pip!" Merry already had tears of contrition running down both cheeks. "I should have been watching you, I should have waited for you or seen you weren't keeping up…"

"All right Merry," Boromir reached out and took Merry's little hand in his large one and squeezed it gently. "We all should have. I was leading the party at that time – I should have noticed Pip missing sooner."

"What happened when you woke up Pip?" Aragorn prompted gently. "Can you tell us?"

"Mm…" Pippin sniffed a little and drew a breath still gazing into his untouched wine. "Next thing I remembered was coming to and I couldn't move. I tried to do what Boromir told us and not show I was awake until I knew what was happening, I knew there were lots of them and that I was tied up. But they just kicked me till I opened my eyes. Then I saw them and I was really scared."

"So for how long do you think you managed to keep your eyes shut?" Boromir asked, surprising Pippin into looking sharply up at him.

"I- I don't know." Pippin considered the question. "About 5 minutes perhaps, it seemed like longer."

"That was very good Pippin." Boromir looked the hobbit squarely in the eye. "I don't know if any of us could have lasted so long, but you did the right thing and you were then more prepared for what was happening. You obviously learnt your soldiering lessons well."

This was the last reaction Pippin was expecting. "But I couldn't do anything. I got myself captured and it was my fault."

"No! Pippin you must not say that." Aragorn told him for the hundredth time. He hardly knew how to ever make the hobbit believe him. "It was not your fault and as Boromir said, you did the right thing in giving yourself some time."

"I did?" Pippin actually perked up a little at their praise. "After that there was nothing I could do and they knew that."

"Yes they did." Gimli put in. "But not fighting back young Pip, then that was the right thing. Gimli the dwarf would not have survived the experience. My rage would have got the better of me and that would have been wrong."

"It would?" Pippin looked at the dwarf, his eyes wide with surprise. "I knew I couldn't fight them though. I was too little and there were too many of them and I was tied up."

"But no more could I have fought with them under those circumstances, Pippin." Aragorn smiled at Pippin's obvious belief that the others would have made a better show. "Nor Boromir nor Legolas nor any of us. You did the right thing."

"Oh." Pippin looked at the expressions on their faces. No one seemed to be laughing at him or even rebuking him for not fighting harder. They were praising him. Feeling more confident, he carried on. "After they kicked me a lot, they said things to scare me and then they cut the ropes a bit and stood me up. One of them made me drink something horrible, I nearly choked, but he just poured it down my throat."

"That would be orc whiskey I expect." Gimli had encountered the liquor before. "They use that to keep you conscious and aware. It is an evil device to make their victims suffer more."

Merry gave Pippin an encouraging hug and he continued. "Then they blindfolded my eyes and pushed and pulled me around. I fell over and they just kept pulling me up and pushing me down again and then they kicked me so hard I flew through the air." Pippin's lower lip trembled and large tears ran down his cheeks now, matching those that still ran down Merry's face. Pippin rubbed his eyes with the back of his sleeve until Boromir handed him a handkerchief. He blew his nose and continued. "Then they said I had to beg them to leave me be and that if I didn't beg hard enough it would be my own fault whatever happened."

"Yes Pip," Legolas reached out a comforting hand to the distressed hobbit. "There are two different kinds of cruelty. They were tormenting you mentally as well as physically, trying to make you think you had control over what was happening. That in some way it was your own fault and you deserved it."

"Which of course you did not." Haldir added softly.

Pippin tried to catch his breath from crying, "B-but I thought I did, because I didn't beg enough, so it was my own fault."

"They would not have released you, no matter what you had said or done." Haldir felt very moved at the innocence of the little perian, "There was nothing you could have done to change that, it was not of your making and you did not deserve anything that those foul creatures did to you."

Pippin finally took a small sip of his wine and carried on. "After that they argued a bit, I think about me and then they tried to get my scarf – Merry's scarf," Pippin reached out for the re-knitted garment that was on the bed and Boromir fetched it and gave it to him, watching with a smile as the hobbit hugged it to his face. "But I didn't let go and they couldn't get it away."

"Oh my brave Pip!" Merry hugged him, almost spilling Pippin's wine and wincing slightly as he knocked his damaged wrist once more. "You kept it the whole time, I know because you still had it when we found you."

"Sometimes they used it to tie me with, Merry," Pippin nuzzled his face into the scarf, "but I had to keep hold of it – it would have been like letting you go if I'd lost it."

"That was very courageous of you Pippin." Boromir pointed out, "and it probably helped you to survive – did you know that?"

"No," Pip looked at the scarf, which was now draped over his legs. "I just knew I wanted it. How did it help me survive?"

"It was symbolic." Legolas rubbed the knitted garment lightly between his fingers. "It was symbolic of hope and gave you something of your own to cling to."

"Also it was the one act of rebellion that you could manage," Aragorn added, "and you stuck resolutely to that – that was important too."

"See Pip, you're much braver than you think, aren't you?" Merry gave him a little kiss on the cheek.

"Am I?" Pippin seemed totally bemused by all the compliments. "I didn't feel very brave."

"I know little one, but you are," Legolas said encouragingly. "You're even being brave now in telling us about it."

"Well I don't know if I can stay that brave." Pippin frowned as he remembered the next part. "They tied me on a rock and tore my shirt and waistcoat off. Then… then they used a whip. It was the most terrible pain I had ever felt up until then. I think I passed out when it hurt so much I couldn't think any more."

"It's best not to fight the pain, when it becomes unbearable." Aragorn said gently. "Go on Pip, you're doing well."

"I woke up when they threw cold water on me." Pippin shivered a little at the memory. "I was hurting so much and I was so ashamed and frightened, I just wanted to stay in the blackness, but they pulled the blindfold off me and I could see them again and they were shouting at me and hitting and kicking me, then there was a fight. One of the orcs, I think he was the leader, said they couldn't just do what they wanted, so they killed him and that's when it got really bad."

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Some time after the glass was empty, Silael returned with Deilen, the elder elf carrying a small earthenware jar. He set it on the nightstand next to the empty food tray while Deilen checked Frodo's pulse and temperature once more, making small talk with Sam. Frodo simply drowsed against Sam, the wine finally doing its job and making him woozy and light-headed. He only opened his eyes and blearily looked around when Sam gently undid his used nightshirt, and Silael and Deilen carefully lifted him and laid him on his stomach. When he was settled, Silael gently pulled back the covers to Frodo's hips and inspected the bandages swathing the Ringbearer's back, then began to carefully peel them away.

The act of removing the bandages also removed Frodo's muzziness.

"Ah!" he cried out in response to a bandage taking a half healed scab with it.

"Sh, sh, there, Mr Frodo, it'll be over soon..." Frodo's head was turned in such a way that he could not see Sam, hovering over him anxiously, but soon a comforting hand began to run through his dark curls reassuringly.

Silael noticed Samwise's distress at not being able to do anything to help his master, and said to Deilen, "Perhaps you could show Samwise how to apply the ointment – that way we can go and see to our other patients." Deilen nodded, and walked around to the side of the bed Sam was sitting on.

Taking a good portion of the soothing oil from the jar with his fingers, Deilen gently daubed it on one of the cuts on Frodo's back. Frodo let out a hiss of pain at the contact, but then just as quickly stopped.

"It – it just stopped hurting!" He exclaimed.

"Good." Answered Deilen. "That means I have made it correctly."

By this time Silael had finished his examination, and pronounced Frodo well on the way to recovery, and said that with the proper care, it was unlikely that any of the cuts would scar.

As the elves made to leave, Samwise called from beside Frodo, where he was still working the medication into the wounds tenderly. "Wait, sir, Mr Silael, I won't be able to get his shirt back on without you here!"

"Do not worry, Sam. It is warm enough that Frodo will be comfortable, and I have left an extra quilt at the foot of the bed if your master needs it." With that, the two elves ghosted out of the room, the quietly closing door being the only clue that they had been in the room moments before.

"Don't worry about it Sam," Frodo mumbled sleepily. "Just don't stop what you're doing...feels so nice..." The Ringbearer was relaxing again, with Sam's strong hands rubbing out the pain in his back with that wonderful oil.

Sam smiled, and continued kneading the taut muscles in Frodo's back after he was finished with the wounds, working out the tense knots that had woven themselves into his master's shoulder.

"Mmm...Sam..." Frodo mumbled into the soft pillow, "you don't really have to...ah... do this...mmm..."

Sam grunted as he worked at a particularly tense spot under Frodo's shoulder blade, then smiled as the muscle released, quivering as it did so. "I'd say your back is telling me something quite different Mr Frodo," he replied.

Frodo sighed and said nothing. He would never been able to convince Sam that his job as gardener did not include waiting on his employer hand and foot.

"Y'know, Shham..." Frodo's voice was beginning to slur from the combination of wine and relaxation, "When we get back to...mmm... the Shire... I'm going to have to increase your wages – ahh!"

Sam's strong hands did not pause in their rhythmic massaging, even though Sam himself was dumbfounded. "Why, whatever for, Mr Frodo?" He said as he moved his hands up to the nape of Frodo's neck, working deep in the muscles at the join between Frodo's skull and spine.

"Becaussh – mmmphhf!" Frodo's reply was muffled by the fact that Sam was working so deep, his head was rolling back and forth on the pillow with the force of Sam's rubbing. He waited until Sam moved back to his shoulder. "Because you're no longer jussht doing my bit of garden, Sam – you're my companion and the labour is worth its wages."

Mulling what his master was saying over in his mind, Sam started working his way slowly down Frodo's spine. "But Mr Frodo, I'm not exactly sure I'd want to be paid for that, if you follow me."

Frodo did not, but only had the energy to reply with a, "Hhmphf."

"See, Mr Frodo, you're..." now Sam was blushing – he had never really got over the fact that as a member of the serving class, he should not really be Frodo's friend, "...you're very dear to me, Master, and I don't think I could put a price on our friendship."

"Oh, oh Sam..." Frodo was strangely moved by Sam's statement, which did not escape his notice. Sam knew that his master tended to get rather maudlin when in his cups, and so decided that he'd better make his point and get Mr Frodo off to sleep right quick.

Sam now carefully worked at the muscles at the base of Frodo's spine, where the backbone no longer bent. Back when they were in the Shire, if his master was having any trouble sleeping, a good working over of those muscles would make him drift off immediately.

"And forgive me for speaking so plain, sir, as I know it's not my place, but it seems to me that paying me as your gardener is one thing… " Sam screwed up his courage and his face to say what he wanted and prepared to start work on Frodo's back just so that his master would fall asleep as soon as Sam said what he wanted to say, "…but when I rub your back and cook your dinner and make sure you're all right or just spend time talking and being with you, if you paid for that… well what I mean is, I don't want paying for being your friend – I love you Mr Frodo and that's not something you pay for."

"Sam!" was the only exclamation Frodo had time to utter before the effects of the wine combined with the comfort of his servant's hands upon his back, and he fell into the abyss of sleep.

Sighing, Sam carefully arranged Frodo's good arm into a position he judged to be more comfortable, fluffed the pillows under Frodo's head, and pulled the thick covers over Frodo's body, and tucked him in securely. He then padded to the foot of the bed and gathered up the extra quilt Silael had left them, brought it back, and laid that over his master and himself as well. He smoothed Frodo's uncombed dark curls away from the pale forehead, checking his master's temperature. Then, satisfied that all was well, Sam laid down next to Frodo, one hand over his master's, and whispered, "Sweet dreams, Mr Frodo – I do love you – really I do."

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"I don't think I can say the next part." Pippin looked down at his sock covered feet and then took a gulp of the wine. "I can't even think about it, let alone say it."

"All right, my Pip." Merry patted his hand gently, "if you can't say it, then it can't be helped. But you were managing so well and everything you've said so far – well I couldn't have handled it any better. You did nothing wrong."

"Pippin, even if you can't bear to think about it, does it sometimes come into your head anyway?" Aragorn lifted the hobbit's chin up so that he was looking into his eyes. "Be honest now."

"Y-yes, it does," Pippin admitted, "all the time really. But I just shake my head and make it go away."

"And does it?" Boromir asked quietly.

"No." Pippin dropped his head back down as Aragorn withdrew his hand. "It won't go away and I just get really, really…" Pippin began to draw in huge breaths as the thoughts ran through his head once more.

"Well that's what we're here for," Aragorn told him. "It's only by talking about it that you will ever be able to be free of those memories – by sharing them. Do you see?"

Pippin nodded slightly, but did not look convinced. "You don't know how terrible it was, Strider, none of you do. I can't tell you because you'd be too disgusted with me."

"No Pippin – not with you!" Merry cried out in frustration. "With them! Not you!"

"Pippin, my dear little hobbit." Aragorn leaned over again and took his hand in his. "Who do you think has tended your hurts all this time?"

"Why you of course." Pippin looked up at the ranger suddenly, wondering why he was asking such an obvious question.

"And do you not think that I couldn't guess much of what was done to you?" Aragorn asked gently, his head on one side.

"Oh yes, I suppose so," Pippin sighed a little breath. "I suppose you all know."

"Pippin, it wasn't your fault." Boromir added to Aragorn's argument. "Also I have seen terrible things meted out to prisoners of war in my time. It is not fair or just, but it happens and their comrades do not blame them for their suffering."

"It was just that…" Pippin gulped the last of the wine down and kept his eyes firmly on the empty goblet. "what they did to me – I had never before – at all – you know."

"Oh you poor thing." Legolas uttered in sympathy. "You were pure, and they… but Pippin, listen, you are still pure, truly! You are pure in heart and no one can take that from you."

"Legolas speaks wisely and the truth." Haldir agreed. "Your heart is truly pure, no matter what foul thing touched your body."

"But first they told me to beg," Pippin looked up and around as if he had a guilty secret. "and I did, I was a coward and afraid. I begged and begged them to let me go. On my knees I pleaded with them, but I couldn't get it right."

"But you know now that they never would have let you go," Gimli said quietly, "It would have made no difference what you had said, they were merely tormenting you, before they laid hands on you, to make you feel responsible."

"They did touch me – so much." Pippin's voice had sunk to almost a whisper. "They took all my clothes then and held me up by the rope round my wrists and then threw me into the crowd and all the orcs were mauling me at once and pawing at me, it was so terrible."

All the listeners were silent, save Merry who gave one small sob and squeezed Pippin a little tighter. He began to realize why his baby cousin had been so afraid of anyone touching him.

"Then they put me on the rock and the first one… he… he…" Pippin stopped, his face buried in his hands and sobs taking the place of words.

"Take your time Pip," Merry said in a calm tone that he did not feel. "You cry as much as you need to."

"Oh Merry, he took me like the ram does with the sheep!" Pippin finally wailed the awful truth. "Up until then, I didn't even know males could do that to males."

Pippin drew an even deeper breath and shuddered as the whole scene began to replay in his memory – the humiliation, the pain, everything. His shaking grew more severe as he remembered the shameful names the orcs had called him and the dreadful things they had done – things he had not even known of before. Well, Boromir had said that if he spoke of the bad things, they would become less painful, so that was what he must do.

"Then – then they – " Pippin had to stop to try and get his voice under control. "Th-they called m-me their -their..." No! He could not say it- no matter how much the others cared for him, the humiliation was too great and if they knew what the orcs had shouted at him while they rode him.

"It doesn't matter Pip, my love." Merry whispered. "Whatever it was I still love you and I always will."

Pippin summoned up his courage again at these words. "They c-called me their… pony and horsey and then they took turns one after the other – it hurt so much! But the shame hurt far, far more than anything. Even though I thought my rear was on fire, I was really crying because I was so ashamed."

"But Pip," Boromir said, a hint of a lurch in his usually stalwart voice, "You did nothing to feel ashamed of – it was done to you, not by you or with your consent."

"But there were so many of them," Pippin was sobbing again now, "I thought it would never stop and I just wanted to die, but I couldn't." He drew a deep breath as Merry stroked his hair and Aragorn patted his hand gently. "Then when it stopped I thought my pleas had finally been answered, but they had not – it just got worse still."

"Pip? My love, my poor baby." Merry was crying non-stop as well, "you didn't deserve any of that – but you didn't deserve to die either."

"I would rather have died, than what they did next." Pippin breathed. "But I don't think I can tell you Merry or anyone. It's too disgusting and foul!"

"Pippin, you are very young," Aragorn stroked his trembling hand, "you should not have had to learn about these things in such a terrible way, but I think I can guess what happened next and the only truly disgusting part was that it was forced on you by those foul creatures."

"Strider, you couldn't know what they did – could you?" Pippin rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and Boromir patiently offered a large handkerchief to him. "It's not even something the ram would do!"

"They forced themselves into your mouth?" Aragorn said very quietly. "Pippin it's just another kind of rape and it must have been terrifying for you, little one."

"Yes, I-I…" Pippin trailed off peeping through his fingers with horror into Merry's face. "Merry, if you never want to kiss me again, I will understand – really I will."

"And what if it had been me, Pip?" Merry pulled Pippin's hands away from his face and placed a small kiss on his sad lips, "would you never want to kiss me again?"

"Of course I would!" Pippin suddenly realised that what his cousin had said was true. "Oh yes Merry of course, I would always want to kiss you!"

The two elves exchanged a small smile at the hobbits' informality in kissing each other so readily. Legolas had explained to Haldir earlier, when he had asked if Merry and Pippin or Frodo and Sam were lovers, that hobbits were very demonstrative and tactile, even between grown males, and that kissing did not necessarily signify anything except their deep affection for each other.

"Here Pippin," Boromir replaced the hankie the hobbit was clutching with a refilled goblet of wine, "take a little rest now. Have a few sips of wine and take a few deep breaths."

"Boromir is right," Gimli agreed. "You are coping with it all very well young one and you have told the worst now."

Pippin gulped a little too desperately at the strong red wine. "No Gimli, I haven't. I know it seems like that," Pippin sniffed a deep sigh and pulled a little way away from Merry as if he suddenly felt defiled again. "Once they took me inside the mines it really got much worse." He looked down at his sock covered feet once more, afraid to meet the eyes of his friends. "Much, much worse. Worse than anything any of you could imagine!"

********************************************************************************************************************************************

TBC

A/N Hi Llinos here in the Chair:-

Sorry this has been so long a'coming :-(. My excuse is that I got very tied up with writing a poem for Baylor's story and I've neglected Recaptured as well – shame on me! But on the other hand I hope you've all been reading Baylor's wonderful Fate and the High King's Falcon and, if you have, I'm sure you'll stick around for chapter 26, which is where the song puts in its appearance. If you haven't – then what are you waiting for?

In this chapter, after a brief skirmish I managed to bully Kooks into letting me do most of the Pippin bits and she did virtually all of Frodo and Sam. I'm so mean but she'll probably get her revenge on me next time, although she does seem to be getting more and more enthusiastic about writing F&S – warming up for her next fic no doubt!

Heya- this is Kookaburra- Don't let Llinos fool you, it was really me being sneaky and loading most of the chapter on her able shoulders, 'cause my writing muse had up and left. I really have no handy excuse except for the fact that I'm really lazy, and that the RPG Llinos and I participate in is really picking up. ALSO- I HAVE MY OWN WEBSITE! Yes, folks- the majority of this past month has been spent teaching myself html and coding 35 chapters of MR! So, if'n y'all want to see it, come stop by at:
[NB: FOR SOME REASON FF.NET STRIPS OUT URL'S – SO I HAVE POSTED THESE WITH * INSTEAD OF SLASHES – WHEN PASTING THE URL's PLEASE REPLACE ALL ASTERIKS WITH SLASHES – THANKS]

http:**www.geocities.com*barngoddess110
I have an extensive links section, several original stories, and several humorous works.
Then there is my live journal at
http:**www.livejournal.com*users*paulaberr*

In addition, Emma has been busy making pictures for lots of stories – including Moria's Revenge. These are absolutely super and you can view them on Kooks website – here:

http:**www.geocities.com*barngoddess110*gallery_main.html

Okay, I think that's everything – now on to the reader's comments and authors' smart alec replies, otherwise known as:

Q & A

Assena: as long as it ends good, I'll read it!
Llinos: Aha – but if it doesn't it'll be too late to unread it! Seriously – don't worry, we plan to put all the soldiers back in the box when we've finished playing – well I do anyhow – can't speak for Kooks!
Kookaburra: I generally do too – at least they're physically okay, but they might have some minor psychological damage. :-)

Seal: but I'm just going to curl up in a little ball in the corner if sweet little Pippin doesn't eventually come out of this ok
Llinos: Well then you won't be able to review the final chapter :-( - so we'll have to see what we can do.

Cranberry Ramen: I would just like to say, right off the bat that this story is quite possibly one of the best I've read.
Llinos: Why thank you! May I just say that your name is one of the best I've ever read – I think it's some kind of fruit flavoured noodle – is that right?

Kookabrra:Well, I know top ramen is a salty noodle stew.
Cranberry Ramen: Pippin is my favorite LOTR character I love the plot, the little episodes the characterization, and the details.
Llinos: Pippin is my second fave character – Merry is my No.1. Glad you like the details – I think the more you add, the more real it seems.
Kookaburra: I generally just say that "Mippin" is my fave. character- they're just like salt and pepper- can't have one without the other!

Jukia: You are a very good writer you should write more stories.
Llinos: Oh there are more – you could try Recaptured by me.

Boromira: it's pretty amazing that two different people are writing the story but the transition is seamless.
Llinos: I know – it amazes us too!

:) : I'm kind of on the shy side when reviewing. This is such a depressing story! But I'm hooked.
Llinos: Oh dear! You're shy and we've depressed and hooked you! Now I feel really bad!

Blue Jedi Hobbit: Looks like plenty more juicy story is coming up.
Llinos: To quote Al Jolsson "You ain't seen nothin' yet!" Well you have – but it's not over yet, I should say.

Lily Baggins: You people are evil. :) I love you for being so evil.
Llinos: See we all have our redeeming features.
Kookaburra: *wicked cackle* Thank you – feedback like this makes our work here at EGFBFF (Evil Geniuses for Better Fan Fiction) feel so much more worthwhile.

QTPie: It will be so very sad if he has his memory erased, oh I can't even imagine.
Llinos: No – but unfortunately Kooks and I can. evil chortle So it might happen – then again – it might not!

Hel: Maybe I start reading Recaptured if it takes too long. But it is so long
Llinos: Now then you are tempting fate! If we don't update this fiction you will start to read Recaptured – well I'd like you to read Recaptured – soooo…
Seriously, don't be put off by the length – it is not too complicated (I don't think) and the boys have a very tricky time, since Merry can't see and Pippin can't hear or speak and all sorts of scary things happen to them. So if you like hobbit angst you should really enjoy it.

The Lauderdale: Icicle is a wonderful character and I like it that there is finally an interesting Warg fanfic character. I've been waiting for one to show up.
Llinos: Interestingly, she grew up as a Deus ex machina, since I joined the story around chapter 7 and wanted some relief for Pippin. I spotted this warg sitting in the corner that Kooks had put there and she grew from there.
Kookaburra: Yep, the mutt does grow on one, doesn't she?

HMP: suddenly has visions of three long-blond hair girls running in screaming in terror almost tripping over their long legs*
Llinos: Oh dear – two of them are supposed to be blokes!
HMP: a little baby pippin but as he looks now?
Llinos: Yes – it's quite a tempting image – no?
HMP: but it's bad! very bad! or is it?
Llinos: Nothing is decided yet! ;-)
HMP: Would there be a way to turn it back around?
Llinos: No – it's a one-way street – can't go back.
HMP: don't tell me you killed him! please don't!
Llinos: Whoops – sorry 'bout that! No – we didn't, but you know that now.
HMP: GO HALDIR! Now I love the elf even more
Llinos: Well that's good.
HMP: Any plans for Sam?
Llinos: No.
HMP: I actually Re-started reading 'recaptured' last week on some other site. up to chappie 23 now
Llinos: Oh good – I actually re-wrote from chapters 20-24 as I hated the originals.
Kookaburra: Speaking (writing!) of which, Marigold is going over earlier chapters of MR, and giving them her full beta treatment. So keep an eye out for those.

Zebra Wallpaper: settle in for some serious hobbit group therapy.
Llinos: Well they're trying the next best thing – serious Fellowship group therapy – I'd buy that!
Zebra Wallpaper: I'm completely, shamelessly addicted to this.
Llinos: Nothing to be ashamed of :-)!

Camellia Gamgee-Took: OMG!! This is fantastic!
Llinos: That's the kind of comment that will make writers keep on keeping on!

PS and don't forget to review – otherwise we'll have nothing to put in this section!
signed Kookaburra & Llinos