Moria's Revenge

Authors: Kookaburra & Llinos
Beta: Marigold

Chapter 37 – Continued

"Pippin, I know you might not want to tell any more," Aragorn lifted the hobbit's chin and gazed into his tear-filled green eyes. "So let me ask you a question instead."

"I suppose so." Pippin gave a small hiccup and looked at the goblet of red wine. Boromir wordlessly took the vessel from his hand and set it down.

"What do you think we did when we found you were missing?" Aragorn had let Pippin's chin go, but his large hand stole over the little hand and covered it protectively. "I don't know if you thought about it then, perhaps you were too distraught, but think about it now, it's important."

"I-I don't know." Pippin had thought about it at the time and that memory suddenly flew back to him. "I wished for a moment that you would rescue me, th-then I-I didn't... I was always in trouble and a nuisance and I thought you'd be glad I was gone, especially after I caused the orcs to find us and the... the big thing th-that killed..." Pippin broke off, staring at his feet again now. Merry said nothing but stroked his cousin's hair, he wanted to scream at Pip, to tell him how he was not a nuisance and that he was frantic when Pip was missing, but he held his peace, for he knew Aragorn had matters in hand.

"Anything else?" Aragorn prompted. "Did you not think that we would be looking for you or that we would be frantic with worry?"

"Not really," Pippin shook his head with sorrow, "I knew that after what had happened, after what the orcs had done to me, you probably wouldn't want me back anyway, I felt so dirty and disgusting."

"Well I'm sorry little one," Aragorn made Pippin look at him again as a kind, gentle smile spread from the ranger's lips to his eyes. "You have the answer to that very, very wrong. Pippin, we were desperate with worry for you and immediately started a search. Merry especially was in a terrible state, I feared for his health and Frodo and Sam were distraught."

"Wh-what's distraught mean?" Pippin thought he could guess what the big word meant, but could not think of what else to say.

"It means worried to distraction." Aragorn explained gently. "As soon as we knew you were missing, Legolas and Gimli went in search of you."

"Aye, we did young hobbit." Gimli supplied, "and a difficult trail it was. I fear we failed badly. The goblins led us a dance with their false tracks and meanderings. They set out to make sure we would not be able to find you."

"It grieves my heart little one," Legolas's voice actually trembled a little as he spoke, making Pippin looked up at him with wide eyes. "Just when I needed all my skills of hearing and seeing the most, they proved false." The elf's head drooped down and Haldir rested a comforting hand upon his shoulder. "I failed you Pippin and I have never until now, asked your forgiveness."

"But... but..." Pippin stammered unable to form words. Surely the only one at fault for his capture and torture was himself. He had deserved what happened to him, the orcs had told him he did and he had believed them. "Not you, Legolas!" Pippin finally managed to exclaim. "You could not do a wrong to anyone."

"We both are at fault." Gimli agreed and, hitching forward from his seat on the ground, he moved to kneel in front of the bewildered hobbit. "I too crave your forgiveness young Peregrin. I too was deceived by the goblins' mendacity and cunning. We followed the false trail they left through the woods, not realising at first that they would be clever enough to lead us astray."

"Gimli is right." Legolas continued in a subdued voice. "We were arrogant in our belief that we could track them easily and retrieve you, little one. The time we wasted meant your torture was prolonged and for that we are to blame. It would not be reasonable to ask you to forgive us for the wrongs you suffered because of our failing." Legolas's face was filled with grief and tears ran freely down his cheeks now. "But all I ask is that you understand it was lack of skill that kept us from you, not lack of care."

"I- I don't know what I should say?" Pippin looked at Gimli and then Legolas, his heart was clenched with sympathy for the guilt-stricken pair, but surely they could not have felt so responsible for what had happened to him. "It wasn't your fault I got lost and stolen."

"No Pippin," Aragorn put his hand on Gimli's shoulder. "It was not their fault and it was not yours either. If anyone was to blame it was I – please, please try to believe that! Each of us feels responsible in some way for what happened to you and, of all of us, you are the least to blame – do you understand?"

"I think so." Pippin whispered it very quietly. "But I spent so long believing what they, the orcs told me, and thinking that you were not even looking for me and that it was my fault, that it's hard to see it any other way." Pippin looked up at the Fellowship and his eyes rested on Legolas who was still weeping and then moved to Boromir. "Especially with what happened in the dining hall. I hardly understand how it did – but that's what made me think you all hated me."

"Pip!" Merry finally could hold his peace no longer. "Why would you think that my little love? You know it's not true!"

"Perhaps Pippin feels ready to go on with the story now." Aragorn suggested gently. "Then he can explain why he thought that."

Gimli resumed his place in the circle on the cushions, Legolas dried his eyes and Boromir refilled Pippin's goblet with a little more wine, judiciously watered down by half and handed it back to the hobbit.

"When they first took me into the mine I was thrown in a little cave with bones and skulls." Pippin shuddered at the thought and Merry cuddled a protective arm around him. "Then they shut me in and it was pitch black so I couldn't see." Pippin paused for a sip of wine. "I was glad though because, although I was cold and hurting, at least I was alone. But then they came for me again."

"Oh Pip!" Merry buried his face in Pippin's shoulder and squeezed him close as he felt the little body tense with the pain of memory again. Icicle whimpered slightly but nobody else spoke.

"Two big orcs came and dragged me out. They told me it was my fault I was there and that I had killed Gandalf and the fire demon thing, because I had dropped the stone in the well. So that was when I knew."

"Pippin," Aragorn gently interrupted, "did you not think what they said was a bit strange?"

"No," Pippin shook his head. "I already knew it was true, even before they took me - if I hadn't dropped the stone, they might never have found us."

"Oh Pippin, my lamb, that can't be true." Merry stroked his cousin's shortened curls that were growing damp with sweat. "Think about it my sweet. How could they know it was you that had dropped the stone if they hadn't already been watching us?"

"What do you mean Merry?" Pippin had been so convinced that it was his fault that this information made no sense to him.

"Pippin," Aragorn explained patiently, "I tried to tell you before, but I don't think you knew what was going on too much. "They - the orcs and goblins - could not have possibly known it was you that made a little noise unless they had already been there and seen us - seen you drop the stone. How could they have known otherwise?"

"Besides," Boromir added, "we made many other noises, it was only a matter of time before they would have found us. How could nine people move silently through crumbling mines for four days and pass unnoticed by those already there. It just was not possible."

"But Gandalf said..." Pippin began but trailed off.

"Gandalf knew we could not reach the other side without being discovered." Aragorn gently pointed out. "He did not want to frighten you hobbits, but he knew we would have to fight ere the end but wanted to delay it for as long as possible. He also feared the Balrog. That was why I did not want to go into the mines in the first place."

"So it really wasn't my fault?" Pippin shook his head in disbelief. "I really thought I had caused it all to happen."

"No Pippin, you did not." Aragorn took his hand and looked firmly into his trusting green eyes. "Really my dear little hobbit, your tiny stone did not kill Gandalf, nor did it alert the orcs, they already knew we were there."

"But I thought you had come to punish me." Pippin's face was bewildered again as he looked back into Aragorn's steady gaze. "That was why you all came into the dining hall with the orcs to beat me."

"Pippin, I think you must have been very confused." Boromir said gently, "but really we did no such thing."

"Nor would we." Aragorn drew the confused hobbit's attention again. "Pippin you know better than that."

"If we had found you with the orcs we would have slaughtered every last one of them." Gimli growled in anger, "we would taken you out of there at once, not helped them. Did you really think so badly of us?"

"And of yourself?" Legolas asked sadly. "None of us would harm you Pippin or wish any harm upon you."

"No!" agreed Boromir, "nor suffer those that harmed you to live!"

"So why did you think that little one?" Aragorn asked gently. Pippin was starting to get a little agitated at the anguished rebuttals of the others. There had to be a reason for him thinking as he did. "What made you think we wished you harm? Carry on with your story Pippin, if you can, from where the orcs took you from the prison."

Pippin gulped a little more wine and looked around at the patient faces. Merry gave him a small squeeze and he began again. "I was so ashamed as I had no clothes, only my scarf and the orcs pulled me out and when they'd said all those bad things to me, they put a collar and leash on me as if I were a dog. Then they put chains on my wrists and ankles, with a chain between that was so tight I couldn't stand, and I had to crawl on the ground."

"That was the collar with the spikes in it." Boromir remembered removing the cruel apparatus when they had found Pippin. "When they tightened the chain it made the spikes dig into you. You must have been very brave not to have passed out from that Pippin."

"I didn't know that," Pippin admitted, "I just remember that it hurt horribly. I didn't know why, I just thought I was very weak to feel such pain. But after a while I was more worried about other things."

"My poor little one." Merry was trying to be brave, but Pippin's suffering was more than he could bear and the tears were flowing freely again.

Pippin's bottom lip jutted out as he remembered the dreadful humiliation. Recounting it now was the first time he had allowed himself to even think about it coherently. "They dragged me to a big eating place – a dining hall I think. There were long bench tables and wargs roamed about looking for scraps. I was chained up to a ring and then they were eating and I was so hungry, Merry." Pippin looked at his cousin knowing that he over anyone else would understand. "I begged for food. I know it was wrong, but I couldn't help it."

"It wasn't wrong, Pippin," Boromir gave a half smile. "You only did what your survival instinct told you to do. I don't suppose a hobbit's natural urge for self-preservation is tested very often, but it is obviously keenly present."

"I- I don't understand, Boromir," Pippin looked at Merry first, but he too shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. They both looked up at the Gondorian and then Aragorn. "What does that mean?"

"What Boromir means," Aragorn explained, "is that all living, breathing creatures have a natural instinct to take care of themselves. It's what makes you able to hide very easily when big folk come along, for that is the built-in defence of the hobbit folk. It's also what makes your blood pump fast when you're scared so you can run away or fight harder. It's what makes you feel hungry so that you know you have to eat," the ranger added with a smile, "a defence that works very well in hobbits."

Both Merry and Pippin each gave a small giggle at this comment, smiling through their tear-stained faces. "So Pip was only doing what he had to do?" Merry confirmed, looking lovingly at his little cousin.

"Yes, I have known mighty warriors beg for crumbs if their need were great enough." Boromir added. "But Pip, did they give you anything?"

"No," Pippin shook his head sadly. "Well one did. He gave me a mushroom, but the wargs fought me for it and there were too many, so they took it... and... and I tried to get a drink of water as well." The memory of the wolf-like creatures prompted the hobbit's recollection of his other confrontation with the animals. "There was a bowl of water on the floor, really dirty water, but I was frantic with thirst and... and I managed to drink some of it, but then a big warg came and chased me away and drank most of the water, so I only got a couple of mouthfuls."

"But that was good Pippin," Boromir told him. "It was more important that you got some liquid inside you than food really."

"Yes it was." Legolas agreed. "But it must have been very frightening for you Pip, with all those fierce animals fighting around you."

"I thought they would bite me at least, or tear my throat out." Pippin confessed. "I was petrified of them all. But the worst part was... was..." Pippin broke off again, staring at his feet, afraid to meet the eyes of his friends, even though he knew none of them would look down on him openly.

"What Pippin, my love," Merry urged him. "You can tell us."

"No! I can't" Pippin suddenly wailed in anguish, "because... because, telling you... Merry, I'm too ashamed. Even now, sitting here with you all, it's like it happening all over again." Pippin looked frantically around at the group. He pulled away from Merry and, dropping the goblet, caught hold of the precious scarf and hugged it to his body as if trying to cover himself up. "Why are you asking me all this?" Pippin looked on the verge of panic all at once, "you know what happened. You must know - you were all there!"

"Pippin what are you saying?" Merry caught hold of his cousin's arms and held him firmly in spite of Pippin's struggles to get away. "We weren't there - we would not have stood by and let any of this happen to you, you know we wouldn't!"

"Why do you think we were there little one?" Aragorn prompted gently. "Were you getting a bit confused by then? It's not such a strange thing to happen, many prisoners become disorientated after prolonged torture and you had certainly suffered that."

"I- I'm not sure," Pippin stuttered. "It does all get a bit hazy after that." He looked at the concerned faces over the top of his protective scarf. Gradually the little hobbit realized that he must have been mistaken, about Merry anyway, but it had all seemed so real. "Th-they did something else to me then." Pippin was trembling now as he remembered the next dreadful incident. Slowly he crept back into Merry's comforting embrace. No one pushed him to continue, letting him find his own time and pace.

"Th-they p-picked me up and put me on the table - on my back." Pippin looked nervously around as if someone was about to repeat this action and put him on a table again. "...and... and they put something, a thing they had been eating - I don't know what, put it in my... there..." Pippin, not wanting to vocalize what had been done to him, patted his hand to his rear. "It hurt like nothing I could describe - I haven't the words for it." He shook his head sadly and curled into Merry's arms as if their warmth might chase away the bad memory.

"It was probably cayenne, Pippin." Boromir said gently. "It's a very hot spice, I've seen cruel people do it to horses, to make them buck and leap about. Did they say they were going to make you leap about? Was that it?"

"Th-they said it would make me dance." Pippin agreed, "and I ran about but it only hurt me more and I hit my head on the wall, but nothing would make it stop."

"There, there," Merry stroked Pippin's face and kissed the tears from his cheeks. "Poor my Pip, you were so brave."

"The next thing I remember was they – they put something in my mouth." Pippin frowned at the half-forgotten foggy thought. "A mushroom I think. One of them sat me in his lap and fed me pieces of mushroom." Pippin looked up with an air of triumph. He had never quite managed to capture that memory before, there was just a vague recollection of an orc stuffing bits of food into his mouth, but now he remembered exactly. That was why he had been upset earlier when Merry fed him a mushroom - it had reminded him. "But after that it all gets muddled up." Pippin shook his head as if that would rearrange the thoughts into the proper order. "I can't quite sort out what happened."

"I think I know what it was, young Pip." Gimli nodded knowingly as all turned to face him. "It was an hallucinogenic mushroom."

"What's that?" Merry asked. Pippin just looked at them both in confusion.

"It's a very strange type of mushroom that only grows in caves such as Moria." Gimli explained. "They are quite dangerous and young dwarves are warned away from them at an early age."

"What do they do?" Merry hugged Pippin in a little closer, nuzzling his face into his cousin's curls.

"If you eat one, they make you see things that are not there." Gimli said simply. "So, for example, you might think there is a bridge when there is none and fall to your death. That's what makes them so dangerous."

"But I saw all of you there." Pippin peeped nervously up at Boromir. "I saw you Boromir and you had a whip and... and I kept saying I wouldn't annoy you any more if you'd just spare me... but... but it hurt worse because you were whipping me. Then you gave the whip to Legolas and... and..." Pippin slowly trailed off. It had seemed so real but now that he thought about it of course it made no sense - no sense at all. Why would Boromir and Legolas beat him in an orc's cave? "It wasn't you – was it." The realisation had finally registered in the little hobbit's brain. "How could I have been so silly to think it was?"

"Pippin, you're not silly." Boromir said kindly, "You were very traumatised and they drugged you with that bad mushroom. The mind is a strange thing and can easily go off balance, you really coped very well considering the terrible things they put you through."

"And it explains a lot that we did not understand before." Aragorn had worried much about Pippin's mental state while he had nursed his bodily hurts. It had taken a lot of work and patience to make him realise he was safe and that they were not going to torture or torment him, especially when his treatment had called for painful procedures. "That is, I expect, part of why you were so afraid of us after we found you. I do not think you knew for a long time who we were even."

"I was very confused," Pippin agreed. "I didn't know where I was or what I was doing. I'm not even sure exactly when you found me. It's all mixed up now."

"Well perhaps we can piece that together for you," Aragorn suggested. "Tell us what else you remember, if you can Pippin." The man paused and looked appraisingly at the little one. Hobbits were so hard to predict, one moment they seemed so emotional that nothing would ever calm them, then they seemed able to deal with the most traumatic of events. "Unless you need to take a rest for a while?"

"No Strider," Pippin seemed a lot calmer now. "I can carry on - I just don't remember that much. When Boromir – I mean the orcs were whipping me I lost consciousness and when I came to I was being taken somewhere by the big orc, to his chief. I don't remember it all, but I do remember it was very, very bad!" Just thinking about what had happened once in Master's chamber made Pippin shiver again. He tried to go on with his account, but found it very difficult to continue, despite his assurance to Strider. The only sounds he could make around the lump in his throat were several choking gulps. It seemed that the harder Pippin tried not to cry, the more tears fell from his eyes.

"When – when we reached M-Master's room," Gimli stirred at the way Pippin referred to the chief orc, but held his peace. The last thing Pippin needed was to be interrupted right now. "The big orc pushed me into it really hard. I remember hurting my hands and knees. And – and then I looked up, and all I could see were two huge boots, and I felt so scared, and I couldn't see that well, and suddenly Master picked me up, and then... and then..." Pippin's account paused as he remembered the big orc's hands on him, touching everywhere, taking the last shreds of his pride.

Once again he abruptly pulled out of Merry's arms. Pippin could not bear to have anyone touch him, not right now, not with those memories playing in his head.

"Pippin?" Merry asked quietly, having learned over the years, but especially this last week, that it was generally a good idea to leave Pippin alone when he got like this, and to not push him. After all, Pippin always came back to him, in the end.

"What are you feeling, Little One?" Aragorn prompted, trying to get Pippin to open up so that the rest of the Fellowship could help him sort though his confused emotions.

Pippin's whole frame quivered, and the little hobbit bowed his head and put one hand over his eyes. "I- I don't kn-know...I just don't know!" wailed Pippin.

"No, Pippin," interjected Legolas, "I'm sure you do know what you are feeling. You just don't know what to make of it. You can tell us what you feel, you don't have to know why you feel what you do."

Nodding wordlessly, Pippin raised his head from his hand, and turned his head towards Merry, but kept his eyes downcast. "I f-f-felt like I didn't want to be touched. B-b-because it reminded me of M-m-master. B-but then I moved away from Merry and that felt worse..."

Merry felt a lump in his throat at Pippin's words, and made a move to fold Pippin back into his arms. Pippin saw this, but flinched away again. "My poor Pip- what did he do to you?" Merry exclaimed – Pippin might have sulked on occasion, and when he was delirious after being rescued he had panicked often, but flinching away from Merry's touch while completely lucid was a new reaction from Pippin.

"Oh, Merry, you can't imagine!" Pippin cried out, and his sobs returned. "I was so scared- M-Master was everso, everso big – even taller than Strider! And – and at first I thought he wasn't as bad as the others, because he – he petted me and didn't shout, and after all the others hitting me and snarling at me it felt so good!" Pippin attempted to get himself under control, and drew several deep shaky breaths.

"You're doing wonderfully, Pippin," said Boromir from across the room. The Gondorian was really very impressed and proud of the small but strong hobbit seated in front of him. Every time he thought that Pippin would have to stop, he would draw upon some hidden reserve of strength, and continue. Darkness clouded his mind as he thought of the orcs that had wreaked this havoc upon the pure soul in front of him. Someday he would make them repay every tear Pippin had shed with a gallon of their own foul blood and his bloodlust was fuelled even further by what Pippin related next.

"M-Master just kept touching m-me- he touched me really bad... H-he said I w-was interesting b-because I l-looked like a wench, b-but I am a lad." Pippin drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them, as if trying to block out the world with all its bad memories.

"Pippin, no one could mistake you for a lass," Aragorn told him, "he was saying that to torment you and even if it were true, it's not a bad thing to be fair of face."

"Which you are Pippin, dear heart," Legolas said gently, "You are extremely fair of face and I expect that is why the orcs did not kill you at once, because they desired your beauty."

"I'm afraid Legolas is right," Boromir added. "If you were not so well favoured in your looks I doubt they would have abused you so."

"Your friends speak true," Haldir nodded his head, "Orcs delight to take their pleasure with anyone that is pleasing to the eye and you, my little one, are past pleasing. On this occasion it proved your undoing, but also your salvation, for otherwise they would have killed you out of hand."

"Oh, I didn't think... I mean..." Pippin broke off. He was quite perplexed at the idea that the orcs had actually found him attractive in any way.

"What happened next, Pippin?" Aragorn could see that he was confused; they could come back to this concept later.

"Then – " Pippin's expression suddenly became almost peaceful. "-Then I met Umum!" He paused to scratch the dozing wolf's ears. Icicle merely cracked open an eye and thumped her tail on the ground a few times. "M-master made me crawl over t-to where Umum was, and he chained me up. Only I was very frightened, because I didn't know Umum then. I thought she was just like the other wargs in the caves."

Now it was Merry's turn to smile at the snowy lupine. "I don't think she's quite like any warg, Pip."

"No, she really isn't like anything, is she?" replied Pippin. "B-but I was very frightened of them at first – you see, Merry, there were two wargs in Master's room. The other one didn't really pay much attention to me. I was glad of that, because Master started to feed them from his plate, and they didn't fight or anything for the food, a-and I had to sit next to them on the ground, and wait for M-m-master to finish feeding them. And, I know it was bad of me, Merry, but I kept wishing that Master would notice me, and maybe feed me something... I didn't need much, just something."

M0erry responded by first carefully rubbing Pippin's back, trying to keep his touch as unobtrusive as possible. He would do anything to prevent Pippin from fleeing his arms again. Then he whispered softly into Pippin's ear, reminding him of what Aragorn had said about how there was no shame in trying to survive. Finally Pippin hiccupped, blew his nose, and continued with his tale.

"Then – then it got so bad, Merry... it was s-so bad!" Pippin said to Merry, "M-Master p-put me on – on the bed, and, and h-he..." Pippin's voice now dropped down to a whisper. "He kissed me, Merry. But – but it wasn't a nice kiss, not like the ones you give, Merry." Pippin lifted his head and looked pleadingly into Merry's eyes. "I – I swear Merry – I didn't want to – I didn't mean to kiss him, I swear! P-Please don't be angry with me!"

Merry felt a surge of anger coupled with protectiveness at Pippin's words. He couldn't bear seeing Pippin so distraught and scared. "Shh, shh Pip- I know. You had no control over any of it, remember? Just be calm, I'm here now... shhh... cry as much as you need to, and then go on, all right?"

Pippin just choked and hiccupped, then turned and embraced Merry again. Merry's whole being was screaming at him to hold Pippin and comfort him in some way, but he was restrained by his promise not to touch Pippin without his consent.

"M-M-Merry?" Pippin's voice was barely over a whisper.

"Yes, my Pip?"

"I-I was thinking, perhaps, you could touch me again?" Merry's heart sang with joy at Pippin's request. He carefully and slowly brought one hand up and ran it lightly through his cousin's curls, while bringing his injured arm up to gingerly hold Pippin about the shoulders.

"Is this all right Pip?" He asked warily, not wanting to frighten the battered soul in his arms.

Pippin nodded and let his head drop to Merry's shoulder again, just breathing in Merry's scent and relishing the feel of his cousin's arms around him. "Merry?" Pippin whispered into his cousin's pointed ear.

"Yes, Pip?"

"M-May I sit in your lap? Like I used to?" Pippin whispered this even more quietly, and only Merry and the sharp ears of the elves caught it. Merry smiled affectionately down at Pippin through his own tears.

"Of course you can Pip – here, " Merry grunted with effort as he pulled Pippin into his lap. Pippin, for his part, curled up against Merry's chest immediately and snuggled in as tightly as he could manage.

"Oof! You're a bit bigger than the last time we did this, Pip. I remember when you were little enough to fit all yourself into my lap!" Merry laughed.

"I did not get bigger, Merry." came Pippin's muffled voice. "You've just always been abnormally large. I'm just glad you've shrunk down to manageable proportions over the years." Merry's heart swelled. This was the Pippin he knew, a hobbit who was always making sharp and witty remarks, the Pippin that could always make people laugh.

Pippin sniffled again. "I think I can tell the next part now..." Merry just made a reassuring noise in his throat, and held his cousin tighter still. "After – after he..." Pippin shamefacedly dropped his gaze and made a motion with his hand towards his mouth. "Then, M- master turned me over, and – and... h-he g-g-got on top of me, and he was so heavy!" Pippin whimpered. The only response Merry could give was to hold on to him tighter. "And- and I couldn't breathe at all! Then- then he - he did like the orcs in the rocks did, only-" Pippin suddenly clamped his hand over his mouth and was silent.

"Only what, Pippin? What was different?" Aragorn urged.

Pippin turned bright red. "No- no I can't- it's too shameful..." he choked out between shuddering breaths. Boromir took his turn at convincing Pippin that what had happened was not his fault.

"Remember what we said about the orcs in the rocks, Pippin? None of this was your doing, and you have nothing to be ashamed of."

"That's right, love." Merry murmured into Pip's ear. "And remember - no matter what happens, I'll always love you."

"He... he called me..." Pippin muttered the last word so quietly even the elves could not hear it, "...he said it was my name and I had to say it."

"What was it little one?" Haldir asked. The others knew what Pippin had said.

"It doesn't matter." Aragorn looked up at Haldir and shook his head slightly. "We know what he told you to say Pippin, but it was wrong..."

"No!" Pippin broke into Aragorn's protestation. "He was right! Don't you see, Strider? It was because of what happened. It was as if I enjoyed it! But I didn't... truly I didn't, but he said I did because... because, well - you know... I couldn't help it, but I didn't want it to happen."

"Pippin, Pippin," Aragorn cried, "That means nothing!" The ranger moved close to the trembling hobbit and took the small hand in his. "He made you..." the man whispered into the little ear very quietly and Pippin nodded his head, not looking up. "But any male would have reacted that way, you're not made of stone, how would you expect your body to behave?"

"I'm not sure because I never... well, you know... before, not properly anyway, we only..." Pippin broke off. He did not want to tell this group exactly what he and Merry had done before, that was too private. "...only touched."

"I know, I'm sure." Aragorn smiled now. Merry was looking distinctly embarrassed but Strider was glad to learn that Pippin was not completely without any experience before this had happened. "Most lads do the same you know."

Pippin blushed a deeper red – he could barely imagine such doughty warriors as those that surrounded him giving into childish curiosity and desires. After surreptitiously wiping his eyes on a corner of his robe and taking several deep breaths, he indicated that he was ready to continue.

"A-and after he-he was done, he m-m-made me say, 'Thank you Master'...but I didn't want to thank him! I d-didn't want anything to do with him!" Pippin's voice rose and became a bit shrill, and his breathing got heavier and faster.

"Pippin," Aragorn cut in, "What are you feeling right now? Are you afraid?"

The bewildered hobbit looked back up into Aragorn's face. "N-no! Not really right now. I-I just feel..." Pippin searched for the right emotion, "really, really angry! W-why did he do that to me? I never did anything to him! Why?" Now fresh tears were dripping down Pippin's face, but the hobbit's expression was one of rage rather than fear.

Merry tightened his hold on Pippin slightly. "But that's good, Pip! You need to feel angry at them, not scared. They did it because they're miserable cowards, and it makes them feel better when they can bully someone. Just hold onto that anger, and let it chase away the fear." Merry finished his speech breathlessly, and gazed into Pippin's red face.

"That was very wise, Meriadoc." Said Boromir. Merry looked at him in surprise. "You are right in saying that one must turn fear to anger in the face of adversity. You speak as one far beyond your years."

Now it was Merry's turn to blush. "Th-thank you, Boromir." He stammered, overcome by the high praise. He quickly turned back to Pippin, eager to remove himself from the centre of attention. "Pip, what happened, you know, a-after?"

"I don't really know, Merry. M-master kicked me out of the bed, an-and I landed on the floor." Pippin shivered, remembering how the harsh stone had leached the heat from his body. "Then- then he said that he wouldn't kill me yet, that he wanted to play with me some more." Pippin quivered again, but this time not from cold. "Then everything went dark- I think I fell asleep."

TBC

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A/N: I wrote my bit before my hols – honest! But time flies when you're really busy I guess. I know Kooks has been up to her 'ocksters lately, but never fear, we are ploughing on regardless.

A/N: (Kookaburra) yes- Llinos was an industrious fanfic writer, while I was swamped with term papers. But now the only hurdle between me and graduation is reading "The Taming of the Shrew" by Friday, finishing my welds in (suprise!) welding class, and final tests! Hooray for me! WHHHEEEEEEEEEEI'MGRADUATING!!!!!!! Excited? Moi? Surely not...;-)

Pearl Took: And it's over a month since you've updated!
Llinos: Well I went on holiday and then updated Recaptured, what's your excuse Kooks :-)?
Kookaburra: I was ensuring a successful future for myself by playing computer games working really hard on school work, and building myself an art site. I'm addicted to html now. :-)

NarsilC: I don't remember if I ever reviewed it before.
Llinos: Ah memory loss is a terrible thing, let's hope Pip doesn't get a dose of it!

As im underage i think its best i dont sign in! :
Llinos: No you bad little thingy – I hope you're not too young to be reading such stuff!
Kookaburra: I would make a comment, but can't really, considering some of the stuff I got into just a couple years ago...

Hel: The next chapter will definitely be very interesting.
Llinos: Not quite there yet Hel, keep reading (and reviewing of course).

Jukia: *cries REALLY HARD* POOR PIP! PLEASE! PLEASE WRITE MORE!
Llinos: Ah well if it upsets you so much perhaps we shouldn't!
Kookaburra: I think we'd better give her a fix quicker next time, eh, Llinos?

Lindelea: Got a PG-13 rated version in the works for those of us whose imaginations are a bit too vivid?
Llinos: Give us a break – it was hard enough getting it down to R!
Kookaburra: *gasp* ME? PG-13? No way, my mind is much too dirty for that...:-)

Baylor: I have, indeed, been monopolizing LLinos' time, so my apologies, MR readers!
Llinos: You see what a faithless, fickle writer I am – abandoning MR to write bits for Baylor and then cheating on MR to write Recap – shame on me! (PS Is there anyone who hasn't read Baylor's Fate and the High King's Falcon yet? Well shame on you! Go and read it at once.)
Kookaburra: Yes! Do!

Shirebound: I'm eagerly awaiting the rest of it!
Llinos: Oh dear – could still be another chapter to go.

Blue Jedi Hobbit: (Me? Have fics to update? Yes, but I don't. I'm so cruel...)
Llinos: Get thee hither and update at once – for shame!

Coriandra: Not that I'm complaining, one of my stories went for almost two months before I posted its latest chapter.
Llinos: Makes us look like Billy Whizz on speed then. (If Americans don't know who Billy Whizz is, you'd have to ask Billy Boyd – I bet he knows.)

QTPie: You people have no idea how excited I was to see more of this. And now I'm sad again...I read the chapter and have to wait for more!! Sigh.
Llinos: Ah but at least it wasn't the last chapter!

HMP: Just throwing in my review, since it needs it.
Llinos: Ah and such a review I hardly know how to review it!

Camellia Gamgee-Took: *throws pink confetti*
Llinos: Atishoo!

Aelfgifu: . I Just want to give your Pippin a big hug!
Llinos: Feel free – no charge.

:) :  I can't wait to find out if poor Pippin will keep his memories!
Llinos: Afraid you'll just have to for now.

LilyBaggins: I find real satisfaction out of watching all the Fellowship members support each other.
Llinos: Good, because I'm cringing at the Frodolessness of this chapter – it just didn't seem right to break away from Pip. Actually it's all Marigold's fault, she said we shouldn't. (Psst Kooks, Top tip: when in doubt or trubble, always blame Marigold.
Kookaburra: (OK- I'll try that next time!) But don't worry Lily, my next big project is your traumatised! Frodo fic. Yes- I lurve fics that have everyone involved, and don't just confine the action to a couple characters. That was what impressed me so much about "Recaptured!" When I first started reading it (just over a year ago!) and it truly inspired me!