Moria's Revenge
Chapter 39 – Sad

Authors: Kookaburra & Llinos
Beta Marigold

As Pippin buried his face in Icicle's fur, sobbing his determination to undergo the healing that would remove all his memories, Boromir stepped forward and put his hand on Merry's shoulder, catching the hobbit's eye and shaking his head as he desperately tried to pull his cousin round by force. "Let him be Merry, you're only upsetting him and yourself as well." The man felt a deep shudder run through the halfling as he struggled to compose his feelings.

"Don't decide yet Pippin," Aragorn could see the devastation in both the hobbits. Pippin was sobbing, but more worryingly he seemed unable to touch or even look at Merry. "We've made you suddenly remember things that you find impossible to think about without feeling terrible and that was why it was important for you to talk about it."

"Why Strider," Pippin looked up through his tears, really not understanding what he had been trying to achieve. "Why was it important for me to talk about it - so that you could all know what happened before my memories were taken?"

"No!" Aragorn put his arm round Pippin and gently but firmly drew him into a hug, "I thought you understood. We have put a great deal of strain on you and probably too soon. Normally I would not have suggested you talk about what happened so recently but it was important for you to know whether or not you could deal with the memories."

"It was?" Pippin did not really understand why the others had wanted him to describe what had happened in such detail.

"Yes," Aragorn gave the trembling hobbit a little smile. "Pippin what you have to decide is not something to be undertaken lightly. It is a very big decision and I know all of us would prefer if you chose not to lose your memories."

"You would?" Pippin peered up at the Ranger.

"Of course," Aragorn pulled back a touch now and turned Pippin to face Merry. "Our memories, good or bad, are what make us who we are. If you choose to give up yours it means that Merry will lose his Pippin, to say nothing of your cousin Frodo and your parents. It's as if you'll be a new person."

"But I think that's what I want." Pippin sniffed and still would not meet Merry's eyes, "After what they did, I don't want to be me any more, I want to be a new person."

The elves and the men exchanged resigned glances but Gimli stood up and went to Pippin, patting Icicle as she nuzzled his hand expecting the usual titbit that the dwarf would give her. "Young Pippin, don't you make your choice yet. It is too big a decision and you are upset." He looked at the others, "I think we should make him wait at least a day or two – give the hobbits a chance to say goodbye if nothing else."

"Goodbye?" Pippin looked up at Gimli, not wanting to believe what he heard.

"Of course," Legolas joined the dwarf to reinforce his argument. "You will have to say goodbye Pippin my dearest. The Pippin we all know will be gone forever."

Pippin set his mouth in a firm line of resolve. The idea that the Pippin he knew at the moment being gone, appealed to him greatly. He would no longer have to try and deal with the appalling memory of the orcs defiling him. He would not have to think of dear Merry touching his tainted person again. He would not have to remember them urinat… 'No, don't even think about it now!' Pippin's mind screamed, 'never, never have to think about that!'

It was this final memory that had decided Pippin. He had not been able to repeat it to any of his friends and he knew he never would. He feared waking in the night and thinking about it – he already had several times. The thought made his mind freeze and his body quake. The dreadful memory took over his whole being, making him incapable of coherent speech or sensible action. No! He could not live with that memory and if he had to lose all other memories with it – then so be it.

"I'm sorry, but I have to say goodbye then." Pippin's voice was so quiet only the elves could make every word out, but all knew what he had said. "I-I'm sorry Merry," he managed now to finally look at his older cousin. "I do love you - but I can't do it, tell you and share it… not… not that! I can't say, but believe me, I would if I could – but I just can't!"

"I understand my Pip." Merry took him into his arms and squeezed, being careful not to hinder any of Pippin's injuries, but jolting his own recently damaged wrist in the process. "I'll always love you whatever you decide and I'll teach you everything all over again - we all will, Frodo and Sam and me. Don't worry, it will be all right."

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Elven wine, Frodo decided, was not like any of the wines Bilbo or previous generations of Bagginses had laid down at Bag End. Elven wine, Frodo realized, not only did not give one a hangover, it actually made one feel better! He yawned and even managed a gentle stretch, poking Sam in the ribs as he wriggled his arms free of the covers.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam came quickly awake and rolled himself to a sitting position, dry washing his hands anxiously as he realized that Frodo was moving perhaps more than he should. "Be careful now, don't you go damaging yourself again before you're even better."

"But I feel much better Sam, really," Frodo smiled at his friend's worrisome ways, "I know I was a bit careless before, but really look at the bandages. No new blood in sight and I can talk without it hardly hurting at all."

"You do look much better Mr. Frodo," Sam admitted his head critically on one side. "Perhaps my massage helped a bit - you know just to relax you a bit."

"I'm sure it did Sam," Frodo managed to reach out and pick up one of the empty wine goblets and sniffed at the dregs. "But I think there was something in this vintage besides grapes you know."

"Are you saying they drugged the wine?" Sam lowered his voice to a conspiratorial level. "That they put some secret elvish potion in there?"

"Indeed, Master Samwise," In spite of his whisper, Sam had forgotten about Elven hearing. "We often secretly drug our charges." Deilen's voice belied his words and he was obviously amused.

"I-I wasn't meaning to say…" Sam felt his face turning scarlet, he had not intended to be overheard.

"That's all right Sam," Deilen collected up the empty goblets onto the tray. "I did add a little something to the wine, an extract from a special moss called Glaslichen. It has very special healing properties, especially in cases of blood loss."

"But Sam drank the wine too." Frodo looked a little alarmed at the thought of his dear companion being medicated unnecessarily. "Is that not a bad thing?"

"No, no." Deilen reassured them both. "It is quite harmless, in fact humans often use it as a preventative medicine." The elf saw Sam's brow furrow at his words and added, "A medicine you take to stop you getting ill." The elf smiled. "It won't hurt you."

As the healer turned to leave once more, Frodo asked, "Deilen, where is Pippin? Is he up here? I could have sworn I heard his voice earlier."

"Yes, young Pippin is indeed in this flet, as are your other companions. I believe they are having him recall what happened to him." Frodo looked shocked at the news.

"What? Why? Surely that cannot be healthy for him!" Frodo exclaimed. "After all, it has only been just over a week since -it- happened!"

Deilen nodded. "I have my concerns as well, however, I do not know him as well as you and your companions do. Estel seems to think it is a good idea, and I have never known him to be reckless or careless with another's well-being. However, if you feel up to it, would you like me to ask if you could join them? Or if they would mind coming in here?"

Frodo thought for a few moments. "Yes, I'd like that very much, Deilen. I feel almost as if I've abandoned Pippin just when he needed me."

"Very well." Answered the elf, and he swept out of the door.

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"Come then," Aragorn signalled that it was time for the session to move on. "We shall go to see if Frodo is well enough for visitors." Aragorn climbed to his feet, stretching a little from the cramped position he had maintained for so long. "You must give Frodo and Sam some time to understand your decision, Pippin and then let them say farewell to you."

"You make it sound so final." Pippin looked mournfully up at the ranger, while Merry closed his eyes and made a wish that Pip would change his mind. "As if I was about to die."

"Yes," Aragorn agreed, adding nothing to alleviate the silence that followed.

The stillness of the room was broken only when a soft knock sounded on the chamber door. Aragorn looked up and said, "Enter."

Deilen pushed the door open, and said, "Frodo is feeling much better, and would appreciate visitors, if it would be appropriate." He nodded at Pippin's quivering form, which was still wrapped around Icicle's neck.

"Thank you, Deilen. I daresay we will most likely take up the offer." Deilen nodded silently and slipped out of the room.

"Merry moved a bit closer to Pippin, his head on one side in enquiry. "Well, Pippin? Do you want to go and visit Frodo and Sam?" Pippin nodded and sat up, scrubbing at his face.

"Y-yes, I do, Merry. A-after all, I'm going to have to say good-bye, aren't I?" Pippin tried to put on an unaffected face, but his voice betrayed him and broke on the last few words.

Rising gracefully to his feet, Aragorn looked down at Pippin. "Come, Pippin. On your feet." Pippin was a bit startled at the abrupt tone the Ranger had used, but felt a swelling of determination to stand up with no help. It was a challenge with the stitches in his midriff, but he managed it with a minimum of staggering. Merry was just standing up, and made a motion towards Pippin as if to help him walk once more, but Pippin waved him away.

"No, Merry- I can walk now. I just can't go very fast." Pippin walked forwards a few tentative steps, then looked back at his cousin triumphantly.

"That's very good Pip!" Merry's cheerful tone hid his concern at how much Pippin was still bent over. As the others began to stand and stretch, Merry took advantage of the momentary rise in the noise level to query Aragorn about it.

"You've no need to worry, Merry." was the answer. "It sometimes takes two weeks or more until the skin stretches to accommodate the stitches, and by then they're ready to come out. Pippin is really making remarkable progress in his physical healing." Aragorn did not say it, but the implication that Pippin was not making such improvements in his mental state was plainly there. Merry gazed sadly ahead at Pippin as the younger hobbit tottered out the door at the head of the little procession, talking with, but mostly listening to Gimli.

When they reached Frodo chamber, Sam clambered down from the bed to help Pippin. But the injured hobbit insisted again on doing what he could by himself. Merry breathed a sigh of relief when Legolas finally picked up Pippin and set him on the bed, helping the other two up as well. Every fibre of Merry's being had been tensed to spring to his cousin's aid should he fall.

Frodo's eyes took on a teasing glint. "Hullo there, Pip." he smiled. "Why haven't you come by to greet your Cousin Frodo yet?"

Pippin was astonished. Did Frodo not know all that was happening to Pippin? That he was having to relive the worst experience of his life? "Fro- I, I haven't come because, well, you see…" He faltered, at a loss for words.

"Now Mr Frodo!" Sam exclaimed. "I know now that you're feeling better, since you're taunting Mr. Pippin so – and you weren't even in a state to be able to receive company until you woke up a bit ago!"

"Frodo! I should have known you were teasing!" Pippin said indignantly. "You always are a bit silly the day after you've been drunk!"

Now it was Frodo's turn to be astonished. "Pippin! Wha- how did you know?" He queried, concerned that perhaps something in his behaviour had tipped Pippin off. However, Pippin only gave him a lopsided smile, and nodded towards the nightstand where the empty wine bottle and two glasses stood. Chuckling, Frodo reached out with his good arm and ruffled Pippin's wayward curls. "You don't miss a thing, do you? Sharp as a knife, you are." Nodding vigorously, Pip flopped down next to Frodo, his eyes closing as Frodo continued to stroke his hair back from his temples.

Aragorn hated to ruin the peace that had settled over the room, but he knew that Pippin would have to continue with his account of his days in the hands of the orcs. He cleared his throat.

"Pippin, perhaps you should continue with your story."

Pippin's eyes opened and he looked up warily at Aragorn. "Will I have to start from the beginning? Frodo and Sam don't know everything – will I have to tell it all again?"

"No, Pip." said Merry, reaching an arm around his shoulders. "I'll tell them after you've finished, you don't have to tell it ever again – I promise."

"Oh – that's good then." Pippin murmured quietly as he hoisted himself into a sitting position. He gulped, and looked around at all of the expectant faces. "Well, er- after the-they were done," Pippin's voice halted as he remembered just what 'they' were done doing. "they …p-put the metal back in my mouth, and then they just w-waited for Mast- I mean, Pigface, to come back."

Merry had a feeling that Pippin had skipped over something- something important. He finally decided that he would wait until the others had left before he asked Pippin about it. As much as Merry trusted Strider, he was still not entirely convinced that having Pip bare his soul in front of so many people was a good idea. He surreptitiously reached over and wrapped Pippin's hand in his own, wishing that he could wrap his whole body around his young cousin, and thereby shield him from all the horrible things that had happened.

"P-Pigface had the others go off into the dark part of the room, and I could hear all sorts of horrible metal sounds – clanking, groaning and so on," Pippin continued. "Th-then he took me over to where they were working. First he tied up my hands with my scarf, and then he put it on a big hook that was on a chain from the ceiling." Pippin stopped once more and gazed down at the scarf in his hands, stroking it rhythmically. "That's when I started to get really, really scared. I – I couldn't move or anything! They could have done anything they wanted – well, they already had, but at least before I could fight a little…"

"And you did a wonderful job fighting, Pippin. Remember what we told you?" Aragorn cut in, and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching over and patting the hand that Merry was not holding. Pippin looked up into Aragorn's kind eyes and nodded.

"Yes, I remember. None of this is my fault, and I did everything I could." Pippin duly recited. Aragorn gave him an encouraging smile, still not convinced that the lesson had been learned. "When they were all ready, one of the orcs turned this wheel around and around, and I started to go up to the ceiling."

Then, when I was far, far above the floor, one of them did something to the wheel, and I- I…" Pippin's throat closed from the remembered terror of plummeting to the ground.

"Did you fall, Pippin?" prompted Aragorn. Pippin nodded wordlessly. "How far down did you go?"

"N-Not very far- only a few feet. And then I stopped, but… but I wished I hadn't because it hurt so much!"

"What hurt, Pippin-dear?" Frodo asked quietly from his prone position in the bed.

"My arms," Pippin whispered fearfully. "I th-thought they were to be torn off! And then they did it over and over, and I kept wondering how I was staying up in the air, because surely my shoulders couldn't hurt that much and not have my arms ripped away!"

Merry hugged Pippin even tighter, tears in his eyes, once more feeling a surge of gratitude that his Pippin had been returned in one piece.

"Pippin- do your shoulders ever trouble you now?" Legolas queried, concerned that perhaps some lasting damage had been caused by the rough treatment.

"Sometimes, not always. Mostly in the mornings, when it's cold. But they're getting better, Legolas! Please don't worry on my account."

Boromir chuckled. "Little One, we all worry on your account because you are a member of our Fellowship- we cannot help worrying about ones we love so dearly."

Looking down at the coverlet, Pippin blushed furiously. He still became overwhelmed at the thought of being counted as worthy by the other, in his mind, more useful members of the Fellowship.

"A-after they were done with my arms," he continued, "The orcs then told me something very, very bad."

"What was it Pip?" prompted Merry.

"Oh, I don't think it really matters. Mer- see it didn't happen anyway! At least, not completely."

"Was it what they said about cutting you open, Youngling?" Gimli asked astutely.

"Y-Yes. They s-said they were going to c-cut open my stomach and, 'tear out yer tripes, and string 'em through the trees!' and that y-you were going to find me by following them!" Pippin sobbed now, shaking uncontrollably. "I-I just w-w-was so sc-c-cared when they said that, that everything went really dark." Pippin paused for a few panicked breaths.

Nausea welled up in Sam's throat. He had been listening silently, not wanting to intrude on what was very personal for the gentle-hobbits. His stomach roiled even more when he caught sight of dear Mr Frodo's face. It was paler than usual, and was a mask of cold fear. Sam could barely think about how Mr Frodo would have reacted had the orcs been able to carry out their plan. "But, Mr Pippin," he finally found his voice, "they didn't manage to do any of those awful things, so something must have gone right for you. What happened when you woke up?"

"They'd started drinking again, and I didn't know whether it was a good thing or bad."

"What do you mean, Pippin?" asked Frodo.

"Well, I thought it might put them to sleep, or make them happy so that they wouldn't want to hurt me anymore. But then I also thought that it might make them nasty and angry – you know, like the way Ted Sandyman gets when he's had too much."

"Ah – and which did it make them?" asked Frodo, although he was afraid of what the answer might be.

"It made them happy to start with – that's when they first made me nurse from Umum." Pippin cast a fond glance over to where the warg was sprawled on the floorboards. "One of the orcs suggested it to Pigface because Umum was licking me and pawing at the gag. She dragged me right across the room to her own bed."

"And that was a good thing, wasn't it, Pip?" said Merry. "You at least had something warm and nourishing in your belly."

"Yes," answered Pippin, nodding. "It was a very good thing. Though at first I was really scared, because Pigface said that if I didn't he'd break my legs as well. Then I went to sleep, and I think that was even better- I didn't hurt when I was asleep."

"And that's the reason you slept so much on the journey to Lothlórien, Pippin." interjected Aragorn. "Your mind had equated slumber with safety."

"I suppose so. I remember even less of your finding me than I do of when I was captured." He looked around at each face as if he had suddenly realized something. "Um, Strider? Was- was I difficult at all?"

With a wry grin, Aragorn answered, "You weren't exactly co-operative, Pippin. But don't worry, your reticence to be treated was completely understandable."

"Oh, all right. I just remember some odd things…but they're no matter. Anyway, when I woke up again, Pigface was yelling really loudly at the others. They had all fallen asleep from the drink, and had wasted most of the night. Pigface told them that he would let common goblins do me in."

"Poor Pip!" cried Merry, able to find his voice at last. It must have been terrible for you to have to hear all of that."

"N-no Merry, it wasn't really so bad. I mean, I was afraid because I knew whatever they did would hurt, but dying seemed like the best thing right then."

Merry fell silent, not wishing to prompt any more self-loathing statements from Pippin. It seemed impossible that the cheerful, happy, irrepressible lad he had known from babyhood could not wish to go on living, despite what he had suffered.

"The two goblins were ones who had been in the group to kidnap me, so I was pretty afraid that they- they'd do…what they had done before. Pippin paused then went on. "Pigface also had said that if they had time, they could use the metal thing to break my mouth." Pippin stopped, and looked up at all of the expectant faces. "There isn't really much else to tell. They put me on the rock, an- and cut my stomach, then I heard a yell- not my own, but someone else's- it sounded like a battle cry. The - next thing I remember is…Merry." Pippin turned and smiled at his cousin. "I remember seeing you, Merry."

"Oh and I remember finding you Pip." Merry blanched at the memory. "I'll never forget that for as long as I live and then perhaps it will still remain in my head, after I'm gone."

"Was it so very terrible?" Pippin asked with concern. "Did you feel sickened?"

"Only by what had been done to you," Merry whispered gently. "But mostly, although I was horrified that you were so hurt, mostly it was a feeling of overwhelming relief that you were still alive. That was all I could think about and I know it was dreadfully selfish of me, but I was so happy I had my own Pippin back, I could have burst."

Pippin sat in stunned silence. While he had been recovering Pippin had not been in any fit state to consider very deeply exactly what his ordeal had meant to the others, particularly what it had meant to Merry. For a lot of the time, during his captivity he had assumed Merry would be disgusted with him and never so much as want to touch him again. But now he realised that was not the case – that Merry would have been deeply beset with sorrow had he died, perhaps not even wanting to live himself… no! That was a dreadful thought. But Pippin knew now it was true – it was how he would have felt if it had happened the other way round.

For a moment – a brief second or two – as Pippin looked into his older cousin's eyes he saw the deep love there that was just for him. Then he looked round at Frodo, lying injured beneath the coverlets, trusting him and relying on him for his support and at Samwise, full of concern and worry for him but sure he will be brave and do the right thing. As he looked at the three of them – just for a moment he thought he could do it – could live with the dreadful memories, and if he woke up in the night shaking with terror he could cope with it. They would be near and would help him.

Then that memory fell unbidden into his mind. Once more he was lying hurt and degraded on the floor of the Master's chamber – Pigface's chamber. Pippin realised it did not work, whatever Aragorn said, he still thought of the dreadful great orc as Master. He was lying there and they… they…

"No! I can't! I can't! I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, Merry! I can't do it." Pippin lifted his head up and shamefacedly looked at the other three. "I have to have it all taken away! I don't want to be me any more – I just can't do it!"

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Merry held a trembling Pippin tightly as the Big Folk left Frodo's room to tell Galadriel of Pippin's decision. Rocking slightly, Merry stroked Pippin's curls, and whispered encouragement to him. Even though in his head he knew Pippin's decision was his own to make, Merry's heart felt as if it had been torn out. In a few hours, Pippin would not remember him, Frodo, or anyone.

"M-Merry?" Pippin whispered.

"Yes, Pip?"

"I'm sorry, Merry."

"For what, dear heart?"

"For choosing to forget...I just can't stand remembering anymore!" Pippin's sobs began in earnest again. Merry hugged him tighter for a few heartbeats, and then manoeuvred Pippin to sit up and look Merry in the eyes. He only had a few hours left with the Pippin he had grown up with, and he didn't fancy wasting them on tears.

"Pip - I understand, it's the only thing you feel that you can do, now lets spend what time we have just enjoying each other's company, hmm?" Merry grabbed a corner of the counterpane and wiped Pippin's tears with it. "Can you open your eyes, Pip? Look at me." Still sniffling, Pippin raised his swollen, red eyes to Merry's. "That's it, love." Merry crooned.

"Will you make sure to tell me everything, Merry? Please? I don't want to not know everything good that's happened." Pippin choked out.

Frodo had been watching the exchange silently, not wanting to intrude on his cousins, but he felt compelled to. "Pippin, you know Cousin Merry will tell you everything- and Sam and I will tell you things, too." So saying, Frodo reached out with his good arm and stroked Pippin's sock-covered foot.

"That's right, Master Pippin. With the three of us helping you, there won't be anything to worry about."

Pippin smiled through his tears. "Th-thanks Sam." he said, and laid his hand on the gardener's arm. "You'll have to tell me about every single mushroom and carrot Merry and I lifted from Bag End's gardens! I know you remember every travesty!"

Frodo roared with laughter, then held his arm up, and said, "Come here, you!" Pippin dived gratefully into Frodo's embrace, though was careful not to jostle him. Breathing in his little cousin's scent, Frodo snuggled a now giggling Pippin close. "You goose," he murmured into the cinnamon curls. "You would want to know every single trick and prank you and Merry have pulled." Pippin grinned up Frodo.

"Of course, Frodo-dear. How else would I make sure I didn't repeat one?" Pippin quickly ducked his head to avoid a good natured swat. Breathing heavily, Frodo and Pippin were still for a long moment, savouring the feeling of love and togetherness as only hobbits can.

"Frodo?" Pippin's quiet query was further muffled by Frodo's arm that was thrown protectively over Pippin.

"Yes, Goose?"

"Do- do you think we could get started a little early, maybe?"

Frodo frowned in confusion. "Early for what, Pip?"

Pippin squirmed into Frodo a little tighter. "Early for remembering. Tell me a memory, Frodo." Frodo smiled sadly and planted a kiss on Pippin's forehead.

"All right Pippin. Hmmm...let's see, which memory should I tell?" He asked putting on an exaggeratedly thoughtful face. "I know- how about that one summer day when you and Merry decided that Aunt Lobelia's chickens were looking peaked, and decided to feed them some of Bilbo's best seed cake?"

Merry groaned. "Frodo- I'm sure Pip doesn't need to hear that one!"

Pippin giggled and reached out to where Merry was sitting, and grabbed his cousin's big toe. "You're just embarrassed because it was all your idea, Merry!" Then, turning back to Frodo, Pippin enthused, "Yes, Frodo! Tell it- tell me the memory."

"All right." Frodo sighed. "Once upon a time, there were two very, very naughty hobbit lads..." Frodo's voice floated on soothingly, telling Pippin about the happy times that seemed so long ago. Eventually, Frodo's voice became softer and quieter, as Pippin's eyelids drooped. Finally Frodo stopped when Pippin's breathing was deep and rhythmic in sleep. After a few minutes of stroking Pippin's hair, Frodo looked up at Merry and said, "Well?"

Stiffening, Merry replied, "Well, what?" although he had a hunch as to what Frodo was asking about.

"Merry, you know perfectly well 'what'. Tell us what happened to Pippin."

"You already heard what happened to him, Frodo." Merry countered.

"Yes, but we did not hear all of it. Merry," Frodo's voice took on a tinge of desperation. "My little cousin, whom I love very dearly, is about to be taken away from me. Now, I think you'll agree that I at least have the right to know what was so terrible that he can't stay with us."

Merry slumped in defeat, and passed his hand over his eyes. "It's just- I don't know if I can bear repeating it..." his voice breaking at the end, Merry began to weep softly. Suddenly a strong warm arm slipped around his shoulders, and he leaned against its solidness, his own strength deserting him.

"There, there Mr. Merry," said Sam softly. "You just get your thoughts in order, we'll wait." In truth, despite his calm demeanour, Sam was anxious that he was stepping quite beyond the bounds of proper behaviour, but seeing Mr. Merry in such a state worried him more.

"Thank you, Sam." Merry said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. After taking a few deep breaths, he began: "It all started when we were fleeing the mines, and Pip lagged behind..."

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"Milady," Aragorn touched his brow and his heart with a slight bow of the head as he greeted Galadriel, high up upon the elven flet. "We have come to bring you the perian's answer."

The first silver glimmer of evening moonlight trickled warily through the gold of the Mallorn leaves, the light and shadows flickering across the careworn faces of Aragorn and Boromir. Gimli and Legolas stood to the side of the talan, their heads hung down, unwilling to meet the searching, questioning eyes of the beautiful Lady of the Golden Wood.

"I know what it is he wishes," She smiled sadly. "I fear it is not the answer you would have desired, but that is sometimes the way of the world – to what purpose we may not know – but there will be a reason."

"I feel we have failed." Aragorn breathed the words, "That I have failed. I had hoped to let him see that he could live with what had happened, that it would make him stronger, but I could not."

"No more could I with my own child." Galadriel reminded him. "Dear Pippin has a great innocence and I thought his naïveté might have protected him, but alas, I fear it may be his undoing."

"At least his innocence will be restored." Legolas looked up and met the calm gaze, "Although the cost is great."

"Great indeed," Galadriel agreed, "But then so is his little heart, he is strong for all he seems so weak. As are all the periain. They have a nobility and innocence that is a rare and wonderful combination. I have not encountered such in any other species."

"But Frodo is weakened now, from his encounter with the Gollum creature." The problem had been worrying at Aragorn throughout his concern over Pippin. "We have still to decide if he will recover enough to continue." The ranger furrowed his brow, "How long Milady, will Pippin take before he is able to continue the journey?"

"I do not think that the little one will reach the maturity needed to continue on the Quest if he undergoes this loss of memory," Galadriel explained gently. "It will take several months to teach him even enough that he may walk and talk and behave as an adult again."

"Then if Frodo is unable to go on we shall have to take Merry and Sam." Boromir shook his head in dismay. "I know enough of the hobbits to realise that will be a dreadful wrench for all of them. Do you think Merry will find it in himself to leave Pippin at such a time and what of Sam? Can he leave his master's side? It would be hard for him even if Frodo were well, but now that he is ill, Sam may find leaving him next to impossible."

"You do them too little credit, my Lord Boromir," Galadriel smiled sadly. "Think of all they have already left behind them. Halflings rarely, if ever, even leave the confines of the Shire and yet these four have journeyed league upon league, through danger, sorrow and hardship for the sake of the Quest. Do you think that any one of them would abandon their duty or fail the Quest now, for personal considerations?"

"No, Milady." Boromir bowed his head respectfully. "I should know better. They are made of sterner stuff and I should not disregard their nobility and honour in such matters. I beg forgiveness."

"Which I am sure the periain would gladly bestow." Galadriel paused for a moment, then continued carefully. "Also, pertaining to this matter, I know the hour is late and you have all had a trying time, but I think it is important that you explain to Meriadoc exactly what may be asked of him."

"I had hoped to spare him further distress today," Aragorn sighed. "But it seems unreasonable for us to discuss what may be asked of him without his knowledge. Of course none of us can or would compel him to become the Ringbearer, but the Lady Galadriel offers wise counsel, we should at least tell him of the possibility."

***********************************************************************************************************

TBC

Author's notes: Just a quick announcement to let you all know that I have started on another fic, called "Hubris" which can be found on my website at this url: http:**www.geocities.com*barngoddess110*hubris_main.html (substitute * with slashes – ff.net strips them out of postings.)

Shirebound: Okay, Frodo and Sam next time... you promise!
Llinos: Happy now? Oh you want more do you? Kooks!!
Kookaburra: *le sigh* all right, all right! But there's not much more- that elven wine is good for driving away the Blues!

Pearl Took: But do it, if it is the only way for him to truly be Pippin Took again.
Llinos: Glad you see it that way – see it does have a positive side.

Blue Jedi Hobbit: And now I have to wait for the update...
Llinos: and another… and another… and, well perhaps we'll be further on next time.

Hel: Hey, you are still alive and writing...
Llinos: Well, I wouldn't go that far! I'm alive I think – how about you Kooks?
Kookaburra: I dunno- I think all the packing I'm doing for college has killed me!

TTTurtle: One question...don't you think that it would have been easier for poor Pip if it was only Merry and Aragorn present?
Llinos: Kooks has to answer this as it's her plot bunny – and no blaming Marigold!
Kookaburra: Yes, but then it wouldn't be as angsssty for poor little Pippin.

Camillia Gamgee-Took: *kisses Pippin on the brow repeatedly*
Llinos: Careful with him! He's not been well y'know! Have you got him the right way up? Oh yes, okay, just be careful.
Kookaburra: *lets Camilia G-T kiss Pip on the head, and kisses him in naughtier places*

Pipkin Sweetgrass: I was raised by wolves in the urine swamps of Hell.
Llinos: I knew I'd seen you somewhere before!

QTPie: Please don't leave us hanging like this for too terribly long.
Llinos: Sorry, but we have to torture readers as well as characters! Fair's fair!
Kookaburra: I would think you'd have figured out that torture is our specialty by now. :-)

Jukia: I'm sorry LLinos. *hugs LLinos* Better?
Llinos: That's all right – I just get twitchy when folk forget I'm writing here. But thanks for the hug – can never get enough of those babies!

Coriandra: he's still going have the physical scars. I wonder how they're going to explain that to him.
Llinos: Since he won't know anything – they can pretty much tell him whatever they want.
Kookaburra: Yep – brainwashing is really the only way to go in these tough cases.

Gayalondiel: snips very flattering review that modesty prevents us from repeating
Llinos: Wow, thank you Gaya! Blushes

Assena: Merry will always know, and he'll never be able to talk about it and it'll break his heart.
Llinos: No one ever said things would be easy for Merry! sad face

:): there is too much yet to be resolved!

Llinos: You could be so right! We'd better get a move on Kooks!
Kookaburra: Arrgh! No! I'm too lazy to move on. :-)

Rohi: Is your author pin name Llinos or what?
Llinos: Yes – it's Llinos – but this is posted under Kookaburra's name because she started it and I joined later. We now write it jointly.

Rohi: I wanted to see if you have written any thing else...other then Recaptured...that one is a little too sad, and freaky, and...well...yah.
Llinos: Sorry you don't like Recaptured, it is the other main thing I've written although there are some spin off stories from it.
Kookaburra: You really should try her very adorable stories, "Big Enough to Be Thain", and "A Partnership in Villainy".

HMP: Boromir seems to have seen everything, hasn't he?
Llinos: Yup!
Kookaburra: I've always seen Boromir as the most worldly-wise member of the Fellowship (other than Gandalf). I mean, he's been a soldier all of his life, and has been raised in a city that's always on the brink of war, so he's bound to have seen the most nasty things.