Moria's Revenge
Chapter 42 - Determined

Authors: Kookaburra & Llinos
Beta: Marigold

Pippin hobbled along beside Galadriel, his hand in hers. When she had first come for him, he had initially resisted taking her hand, convinced that he was not fit to be in the same room as she, much less hold her shining, clean hand.

But gently the Lady insisted, and soon he felt lifted by more than just her supporting hand, but also by some spirit lifting his heart – soon he would be free! Free from the pain of his evil memories, and the burden he knew they must place on the others. At this realisation Pippin's thoughts darkened – he would free the others from his problems, but he did not want to forget them –his cousins, his kin, his friends.

As Pippin wrestled with these thoughts, Galadriel led him deeper into the Golden Wood, winding around the colossal mallorn trunks, and the babbling rills. Her wise heart was saddened as she looked at the perian doggedly walking beside her. Even when she shortened her step, Pippin was still straining to keep up, so laboured still was his walking. This was certainly the longest he had walked since he had first passed the borders of Lórien.

Finally they reached a small dell, where the rivulet spilled into several basins. Wordlessly Galadriel took Pippin by the shoulders, and guided him down several cunningly cut steps to the bottom of the depression. As soon as the hobbit sensed that their journey was over, he sank down onto a small boulder, breathing heavily. Although the Lady had not spoken a word to him during this time, Pippin felt a soothing aura emanating from her that comforted him very much.

Galadriel moved across the grass, and filled a silver ewer from the waterfall formed as the crystal stream spilled over the lip of the hollow. She then poured the water from it into a shallow silver basin. Pippin watched her with guarded interest. Was this some device to aid in erasing his memory? He would have thought that the Lady Galadriel was powerful enough to do it by herself.

"Peregrin Took." Pippin's reverie was interrupted by Galadriel's soft tone. "It is time."

He stood. She extended a hand, and he walked over to her, and took it.

"I- I don't know what to do…" he began, baffled at what was expected of him. Galadriel smiled softly at him. Again Pippin marvelled that such kindness and compassion was directed at him by someone so majestic – that she should even be aware of an insignificant being such as he.

"Step up here," Galadriel gave Pippin just enough support so that he could climb up on the pedestal. "And the mirror will show you what you need to know to make your decision." That hadn't been what Pippin meant when he asked what he was to do, but Galadriel was wise, and he was sure she knew best. Gripping the edge of the stand, he leaned over and gazed in.

All Pippin could see were the reflections of the water on the bottom of the bowl. Then it misted to grey, then muted green. Colours and shapes swirled and coalesced into images. To begin with he had trouble discerning what he was seeing, but then he recognized his mother and father's sitting room in the Great Smials. Sunlight was streaming through the round windows and a small hobbit lad sat in a great armchair, carefully cradling a tiny bundle in his arms, while Pippin's mother looked on with a sweet smile upon her face.

Suddenly Pippin realised that he wasn't looking at just any hobbit lad, but at his Merry! No one else had that combination of straw-coloured hair and round nose. Then the little bundle must be Pippin himself! He was looking back into the past, seeing the day when he met Merry! As soon as the realisation struck him, the image changed – he now saw himself and Merry running hand-in-hand with ill-gotten mushrooms bulging their pockets, then the vision changed again to both of them sitting in front of the hearth at Bag End, listening to Cousin Bilbo tell them wondrous tales of adventure.

As more and more scenes from Pippin and Merry's life together appeared, Pippin shed tears, tears for himself, as he knew he would not remember these happy times once Galadriel took the memories away. But then the scenes shifted in tone. Merry howling in pain when he had broken his arm falling from the old chestnut tree in the South Pasture, and Pippin steadfastly comforting him until help arrived. Then came the awful day when Merry's beloved pony, Thunder, stepped into a rabbit hole and broke his leg. Uncle Saradoc had had to put him down, and Merry had cried and cried while Pippin hugged him tightly. That image shifted to Merry keeping Pippin company as the younger hobbit recovered from some childhood illness. These were not at all happy memories, but Pippin knew he would miss these too.

Suddenly the images in the mirror vanished and, after a moment of blackness, new images took their place – dark visions, visions of his time as a prisoner in Moria. Pippin wanted to close his eyes, but he stayed riveted. He could see himself, one bright speck in the midst of the chaotic violence that had surrounded him during his captivity. However, that vision was gone in but a moment, replaced by scenes of Lothlórien itself. Pippin saw Merry once again keeping vigil at his side, never giving up hope that his cousin would be healed and doing everything in his power to help in that healing. There was another abrupt jump in the images and Pippin guessed that it indicated more time passing.

Now he could see Merry alone – then Merry talking to Strider. They were arguing, and the confrontation led to Merry running off. Why would Merry have to run from dear old Strider? The mirror only showed pictures, so Pippin simply kept that question in the back of his mind as the scene shifted to Merry now speaking to Sam – once again the conversation ended in a clear argument. What was happening? Pippin could just about understand having a confrontation with a Big Person, but a disagreement that ended in shouting between two of his dear friends? It was unthinkable!

The mirror-Merry sank back down on the bench, every muscle showing weariness and defeat and Pippin wished with all his heart that he could hold and comfort Merry the way the older hobbit had so often done for him and the way he had for Merry before. His hand reached out for the mirror, as if he could reach through space and time and offer Merry reassurance.

"Do not touch the water!" Pippin jerked his hand back as if he had been burned, and looked up at Galadriel for guidance, but she was not looking at him, only at the mirror. Now with all of the sad things the mirror was showing him, Pippin did not think he wanted to see any more, but his gaze was inexorably dragged back down.

Now Boromir was speaking to Merry – but something about his posture and attitude set off alarms in Pippin's head – it was predatory, and cunning. 'Run Merry!' Pippin did not know why he thought this, only that he did. He breathed a sigh of relief when Merry finally did bolt.

As Merry encountered Gimli and then Legolas, Pippin could almost see the burdens being placed on his dear friend. His poor Merry! All those Big People wanted him to do these things that they themselves were unable and unwilling to do! How could they expect Hobbits to cope? How could they expect him to cope?

With tears in his eyes, he watched Merry make the trudge back up to the flet where Frodo was and, to his disappointment, they seemed to be arguing as well. Why were they at odds? It was bad enough that the Big People were putting pressure on the hobbits, but now they were falling out with each other! That wasn't right! An overwhelming desire manifested inside of Pippin to march straight to Frodo's room, sit both of them down and work through whatever was bothering them. With a start he realised that he would not be able to do that – the next time he saw the inside of Frodo's room, he wouldn't remember it at all – would not remember sweet Frodo or dear Sam or his darling Merry … or the horrid things that had happened to him in the mines, he reminded himself.

When Merry entered his own empty room, Pippin felt a terrible pang of regret – they wouldn't be able to say good-bye properly – but perhaps it was better this way. It would be easier for Merry, and… Pippin's thoughts halted in their tracks when he saw the look on Merry's face when he discovered Pippin's room empty.

"Merry," Pippin whispered, "please don't be angry with me, I have to- I c-c-can't go on like this." As he followed Merry's progress down the stairs and out into the forest, he continued his whispers, begging Merry not to be angry or sad.

When Merry finally tucked himself away in the roots of the tree and broke down into anguished sobs, Pippin felt his heart break. He felt his own body shuddering as he shared in his sobs, realizing that Merry was feeling as lost and alone as he had felt in the mines when he was tortured by the orcs. But unlike him, poor Merry had no one to turn to, not even Icicle.

But, worse than that, Pippin realised in that moment, that if Merry had been able to find him in the mines he would have battled his way through the blackness and despair of a thousand orc dungeons before turning his back on him. He had said as much, even offered to try and share what Pippin had suffered if it would lessen the anguish of his memories in any way.

And yet… here was he watching Merry endure the pain of losing him and he, Pippin, was turning his back on his dearest cousin, not reaching out his hand to comfort him, even though he had it in his control to prevent his Merry's suffering altogether. All he had been able to see was his own suffering, hardly had he considered the pain he was causing dear, sweet Merry.

Pippin stumbled backwards, stepping off the platform, and landed hard on the forest floor. "I-I'm sorry Milady- I c-c-can't do this now, I need… need to… Merry!" He stammered as he picked himself up and staggered from the glade.

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Merry's hitching sobs would not abate, even though he had cried for so long there was scarcely any breath left in his body. Nothing would ever be right again. Nobody understood the despair he was feeling. He wished from the bottom of his heart that he had been able to protect Pippin, he would have endured any amount of torture to save his dear one from a second of torment. He would give anything, starting with his very soul, to save Pippin from hurt. But even that had not been allowed him.

Suddenly he felt a familiar touch on his neck and a small hand wound itself into his curls, the thumb rubbing against the lobe of his ear in the way he sometimes did to Pippin. Although he realised someone small, a hobbit, was trying to comfort him, Merry's grief was too deep, too catastrophic to be eased. He shook his shoulder slightly and garbled into his sleeve, "Go away, I can't talk, I can't…Pip… oh Pippin!"

"Merry…" Pippin whispered between his own tears, "it's me, it's Pippin… please Merry, don't cry. Please, I'm so sorry."

"Pip?" Merry half sat up and turned around, stunned to see his little cousin there beside him. "Wha- what are you doing here? How do you know me? I thought…"

"No, it's not done… Merry… I don't think I can…" Pippin found himself trembling with emotion. Now that he had seen what he had almost done to Merry, he felt a new guilt and anguish build up inside him.

"What?" Merry sniffed, rubbing his sleeve across his face, "You've decided Pip, you have to go through with it, you have to have your memories taken away."

"No not that," Pippin took Merry's hand in his and sank to his knees beside his cousin. "I already know I can't do that – not to you, no matter how hard it is to bear, your pain is more dreadful than anything the orcs did to me."

"B-but…" Merry's voice would not come and he could only cling to Pippin's hand, his lip trembling and his breath still hitching with the residue of his grief.

"What I meant was, I don't think I can forgive myself… I mean, for how much I've hurt you," Pippin took Merry's hand in both of his now, kissing the fingers and looking up, his eyes full of apology, into his cousin's tear-streaked face. "Merry, it was dreadful of me, I was only thinking of myself and my anguish. I thought I would give anything not to have to remember, but now I realise I would give anything not to lose you – you are the most important part of me – the other half of my soul, even death would not take you away from me, so how could I relinquish you for the sake of forgetting what a few disgusting orcs did to me. Nothing is that bad… I'm so, so, so sorry! Can you ever forgive me, my dearest Merry?"

"Pippin! Oh Pip!" Merry flung his arms around his little cousin, clutching him to his chest and almost squeezing the breath out of him. "Why would you even ask? You don't need my forgiveness, like everything I have and everything I am, it's yours for the taking – always was, always will be."

The two hobbits knelt together, locked in each other's arms, for so long that time itself seemed to stand still. Eventually Merry looked up and, managing a small smile, held Pippin at arm's length. "But what about you? How will you cope Pip? You know I'll do whatever I can – share it with you, never mention it – whatever you want."

"I-I think I can tell you now, Merry," Pippin's eyes looked straight and squarely into his cousin's with a confidence that none had seen, certainly since he had been rescued. "I know now that nothing can ever be as bad as losing you – that was really the worst part of it all – not being with you."

"Oh Pip," Merry put his head on Pippin's shoulder, "That was my pain too. Knowing you were suffering and not being able to stop it – not being able to find you. But…" Merry lifted up and gazed lovingly back into the steadfast green eyes, "Together we can overcome anything – can't we?"

"Yes, yes we can!" Pippin agreed sadly, "I think now I can find the courage within myself to face this, but not without you – and – and if you will help me I know I can do it. It-it's just that I don't think I can bear to actually say – you know say out loud what happened. It would be like knowing they'd won and how much they'd damaged me… it's so hard Merry…"

"It will not be easy, Pippin dear heart." So wrapped up in each other had they been, that neither hobbit had noticed anyone else approach and the Lady Galadriel's footfalls were so soft it would take acute elven ears even then to hear her. "I may be able to help you to share what happened without Pippin having to speak of it. It will still be hard to bear but, if you are brave and trust one another, it may ease your pain Pippin."

"Oh my Lady!" Merry looked up in awe at the beautiful face, "I would do anything to help Pip and I will try to be as brave as he has been in making the choice to remain Pippin."

"I know you will Merry," Galadriel smiled at the two tear-stained, trusting hobbit faces gazing up at her. "Come now and I will do what I can for you." She offered a hand to each and, as they took her offer and stood, Merry wiped his sleeve across his face and then smiled resolutely across at Pippin.

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Aragorn was there in the healing chamber even as the three arrived, together with Deilen who had met them at the foot of the flet and carried poor exhausted Pippin the rest of the way.

"You found him Pippin!" Aragorn smiled at them both, "Merry I'm sorry I upset you, I should have realised how much pressure you were under."

"I-I shouldn't have been so silly," Merry looked at his feet, ashamed now that he had let his feelings get the better of him. "I should have listened to you and faced up to my responsibility, not just run away."

"No, it was my fault," Aragorn grimaced as he thought of what the poor youngster had been through. "I know that under normal circumstances you would not have hesitated and I know that you were not afraid for yourself – but rather that you were torn in two – a hard thing for anyone.

"But I was being selfish, just thinking about Pip and not the greater good." Merry looked up at the man, his bottom lip quivering with the remorse he felt.

"Merry," The Ranger knelt to hobbit eye level and took the little hand in his. "It was wrong that no one saw how much you were in need of sympathy. The Lady Galadriel told me what happened. You have been poorly treated by all of us. No one meant you to suffer so, we have all been so concerned with Pippin and Frodo, that your feelings were not considered."

"I'll try to do what is right Aragorn," Merry felt his eyes grow hot again as tears welled up at the kind words, "I will really."

"Merry, Merry!" Aragorn put his arm around the hobbit now and drew him in, "Don't you see? I am trying to apologise to you. You did nothing wrong, nothing selfish. You were just trying to please everyone and that is not always possible. You are a good brave hobbit and have nothing to be sorry for. It is I who am sorry – sorry I demanded so much of you without considering what else you already had to bear."

"And now there is yet another trial he must face," Galadriel said softly, "Do not fear Pippin," She caught the look of alarm on the younger hobbit's face, "No one but you two will know what occurred. All Estel needs to know is that the unbearable will now be borne by both of you, so the pain of it may be eased by the sharing."

"Really?" Aragorn held Merry away from him so that he could look into his face, "Pippin has agreed to this? And you will do it?"

"Of course I will." Merry nodded, "Although I do not know how or what I must do."

"Come," Galadriel drew Merry to the bed, where Pippin was already seated, and helped him up, "it is time."

"Wh-what are you going to do My Lady?" Pippin held Merry's arm tightly to keep from shaking, "what must I do?"

"You must be brave Pippin," Galadriel began, "I will try to join your minds together through my own thoughts, although I will not heed what is happening in your minds. I have enough control to do that. What took place must be just between you and Merry. Do you understand?"

Both the hobbits nodded, but only Pippin spoke, "is it going to be like living it all again? Only I don't know if I – if…" he trailed off, not sure what he could bear now.

"Yes," Galadriel laid a gentle hand upon his head, "except this time you will not be alone. Merry will be with you the whole time. I want you to remember exactly what happened. Merry will not be able to change what they did but he may be able to alter the way you cope with it, do you understand?"

Merry nodded, "I think so. Pip will remember the whole event while we are linked and I will see what happened, but I can also say things to him and to the… the orcs?"

"Yes, Merry," Galadriel placed her other hand on Merry's curls now, completing the circle between the three of them. "Remember you can not stop anything, but you can change how Pippin reacts to it and perhaps how he feels about it… are you both prepared?"

Pippin clutched Merry's arm a little tighter and Merry took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We are." Merry spoke for both of them, although he could feel Pippin's fear emanating from every sinew in his being. "It's all right my Pip," he whispered, "I'm with you this time."

Aragorn quietly backed out of the room as Galadriel gently stroked her hands over the hobbits' curly heads. "Be one with me, my little friends, be one within my mind…"

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Pippin was holding Merry's hand, standing, whole and well at a shining portal that glowed brilliant white light, obliterating the darkness beyond. He felt happy and he could feel Merry's thoughts too it seemed, happy thoughts. Glad that he was alive and well, happy to be together.

Gradually the light began to fade and the darkness started to overwhelm it. Pippin felt himself diminish and start to quake with fear, but still Merry steadfastly held his hand and thought what a brave and good hobbit he was.

As the light dimmed to a glow, both the hobbits realised they were standing before the gates of Moria and everything began to move with nightmare speed. They journeyed through the mines and Gandalf was lost and as they came to the other side Pippin was stolen.

But this time Merry was there too.

As the orcs ripped Pippin's clothes away and laughed at him and abused him, Merry held Pippin's hand in his, and whispered to him, "They are ignorant animals my Pip. You are braver than they. So many of them and you are just one brave hobbit. They are stupid and evil and even if they hurt you now, you will get better again and they will still be stupid and evil." Merry did not know where this eloquence had come from, it just seemed right, as hard as it was to say it, and not succumb to the horror of seeing what they had put his Pippin through.

When Pippin was thrown into the filthy, dark cave among the bones, Merry held him and comforted him, putting his own coat around Pippin's bare shoulders. Even in the darkness, he could feel Pippin's fear and despair, and did his best to let Pippin know that he was not alone.

"M-m-merry?" came a muffled voice from where Pippin had buried his head in Merry's shoulder.

"Yes, my Pip?" Merry planted a kiss in his cousin's curls.

"I'm so s-sorry I brought you into this, M-merry; I'm sorry you had to see... them…" here Pippin's voice broke off and he made a gesture indicating what he meant.

"Oh, Pip- shhhh, Don't be sorry, there's no place I'd rather be than at your side – no matter what the circumstances. Don't you know how much you mean to me?" He gently pushed Pippin away, and turned Pippin's face up towards his, and wiped away the tears that were flowing freely.

"I d-d-do, but when I think about the orcs they, well, they crowd out the thoughts about how much you love me."

"Then I shall just have to make sure I continue 'crowding out' the thoughts of them," replied Merry. He did just that, whispering into Pippin's ear.

When the orcs dragged Pippin out again and chained him, Merry held his hand and even interposed his own body when the orc beat and kicked Pippin, taking the blows himself and snarling at the evil faces that dealt out scorn and hate. He was struck again by the size difference between the orcs and Pippin – who seemed like such a small bright spot in the midst of the overwhelming darkness. As the orcs dragged the small form, Merry kept pace, saying words of encouragement.

Merry knew what was coming next and together they withstood the trials of the orc mess hall, where more appalling torture was heaped upon the little hobbits. Merry cuddled Pippin closely as they crawled under the table and beat off the wargs as they fought over the mushroom that Pippin had claimed.

When they inserted the stinging, foul hotroot into Pippin, Merry held him close and rocked the pain away, not letting him run around the great hall in agony. "Soon over Pip, soon gone," he crooned over and over.

He could barely hold onto Pippin, so great were the convulsions that wracked the small body. "Merrymerrymerry – it hurts, please make it stop, please...!" Pippin shrieked again and again. Merry wept bitterly wishing there was a way he could relieve Pippin's agony. He had already wiped off some of the excess with the corner of his cloak, but there was nothing he could do about the hotroot inside.

Then they drugged him and whipped him, but Merry still cradled him, shielding his body from the worst of the blows and when Pippin looked up and saw Legolas and Boromir, Merry whispered reassuringly, "it's not them Pip, look again. They've given you an evil mushroom – a bad one – that makes your eyes deceive you. It's not them – look through my eyes and you will see. Then Pippin found he could see through his cousin's eyes and at last he knew the truth. The orcs were the only ones who had beaten and kicked him and now, as he looked, suddenly the image in their thoughts changed.

Merry had managed to push himself further into the memory and now the orcs were beating and abusing Merry too!

"No!" Pippin suddenly rallied, "Don't you touch my Merry – you foul creatures – not my Merry – I will kill you!" His fists balled and his temper made his blood flow faster, chasing away the pain and fear. Pippin was aware that this was not what had happened the first time, but the knowledge that had Merry been there he would have been this brave, filled him with the pride that had been stripped of him before. The action filled Merry with pride as well.

"Stay angry, Pip, that's right." He murmured.

Then the scene moved rapidly on and they were dragged before the Chief Orc, the one Pippin had called "Master". Again Pippin trembled with fear as the great brute tormented and raped and beat him, although this time Merry held his face and whispered over and over, "He's a pig-faced piece of excrement, the pigs would not eat with him, he's so low. He stinks worse than a pig and… and Pip my love, no one has ever loved him in all his life. Just think of all the people who love you! No one would want to have him, even if he came gift-wrapped on a plate of stuffed figs!" The ordeal was almost as hard for Merry as it was for Pippin- having to see his little cousin crushed under the appalling bulk of the Chief, seeing his terror filled face peeping out intermittently at the apex of the orc's thrusts was nearly too much, and when words finally failed him he simply held Pippin's hand and wept over it.

The pain was still real and the appalling agony and humiliation as they were chained up next to the wargs, although not treated as well as they, but now they held to each other and Pippin pushed himself in front of Merry when the filthy great hand came near to either of them. Merry's heart swelled at the determination Pippin was showing. "That's my brave lad," Merry whispered. "I knew you'd save me Pip."

Then he was gone and as the hobbits lay in each others arms, naked on the floor, a terrible gag rammed into Pippin's mouth, Icicle came and licked and tended to them both, whining and worrying at them with her concern and love. "You see how much Icy loves you Pip, from the very first you won her over. That was so clever of you."

"Yes, Merry," Pippin was not sure how he could talk through the awful gag, "I would have died without Umum – without Icicle – I know I would. But she'll be gone in a while and then there is worse to come, Merry."

"I know my little love," Merry kissed the brown curls, "But I'm with you now. This is it, isn't it? Are you ready?"

Pippin nodded and the scene moved swiftly forward. Icicle was gone and three leering, hideous Uruk-hai stood over them. Although he knew the next scene was inevitable, Merry clutched Pippin to him, trying to delay the ordeal for just a few moments longer. As the orcs tried to tug Pippin away from Merry, Pippin began to whimper quietly. "Merry-please-don't-let-them-take-me-please-no..." But, for all Merry's attempts, they still pulled Pippin viciously away from Merry and one of the three held Merry tightly, making him watch, unable to talk to Pippin or help him no matter how hard he struggled.

Frugly seized Pippin's jaw and forced himself on the helpless hobbit, grunting with need and pushing himself to and fro. Then he turned Pippin about and the other orc took his place as they both vented their filthy, animal lust upon the poor hobbit. Pippin was beyond crying out and now, somehow, Merry watching, unable to help, was making it worse. This was just what Pippin had dreaded, that Merry would see him, helpless and shamed, unable to fight back, totally at the mercy of whatever degradation these frightening creatures chose to brutalise him with.

As Frugly finished and the other orc, handed Merry to him and took his place, Pippin knew that it had all been a mistake! Merry should not be here – should not have to see any of this. He was a disgusting piece of flesh that had no dignity and deserved no love or trust or respect from any one. He was not worthy of the name hobbit even, let alone, son of the Thain or The Took. The final crushing humiliation came, as the orc before him, finished and pulled away, only to urinate on his head. "No, please, no don't let Merry see… please no… no… I would rather die… please no… no…" The words tumbled over and over and Pippin could not be sure if he uttered them or only imagined them.

The orc behind him grunted with release, even as Frugly joined his friend in relieving himself on the prone little body.

Suddenly, to Pippin's and the orc's astonished ears came a peal of unrestrained laughter. Merry was rolling on the floor pointing at the orcs and chortling with glee. "Ha! You great idiot you wee'd yourself – don't you know how to use a privy? Hey and do you know what else? You're dead now anyway – you got twenty elven arrows in you – and you know why? Because Pip saw you! Outside Lothlórien, he saw you first and warned the elves. Ha ha! All three of you! You all get killed!

All at once Merry was back at Pippin's side, holding him and wiping his face and kissing his nose and running his fingers through his hair. "See Pip, it doesn't matter who wins the battle, you won the war! See – you won in the end, my brave, brave Pippin."

"Merry?" Pippin looked up at his smiling cousin in wonder and amazement. "Is it true? Did I do that? Did I win?"

"Yes, of course you did, my Pip," Merry continued to cuddle and soothe him, "you survived and lived to fight another day. We hobbits may not be best at swordplay or fisticuffs, but we have other ways of winning and you won this war – as least you're going to win it, just by remaining you – touched maybe, but unscathed and stronger than before."

"Oh Merry, do you really think so?" Pippin could sense the orcs and the chamber fading from around them, "I was so afraid of telling you or anyone about that thing they did, I thought it was worse than anything – ever, but you made it – I don't know – almost funny."

"It wasn't funny Pip," Merry looked serious again now, "but it was stupid. And I already knew about it, Strider had guessed from the urine he found on you, we all knew, it was just another stupid piece of orc filth designed to make you feel worthless. But you know, they are, or rather were, the worthless ones and now they're dead."

"Oh Merry, Merry, I don't know what to say… that was so…" Pippin laid his head on his cousin's shoulder and sighed deeply.

"Just say you don't care anymore what they did and that you're happy just to be you – my brave, darling, clever, sweet Pippin."

"Yes Merry…Yes of course, my own dear Merry." And as the words left his lips, Pippin realised he was saying them out loud and that they were back in the bedchamber, seated upon the big bed.

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The Lady Galadriel took her hands from their heads and stooped to look enquiringly into the two tear-stained, smiling faces. "All better now?"

Two curly heads nodded in unison.

Galadriel had already known the answer and lifted her head up with a sweet ripple of delighted laughter. Then she leaned in close once more, "and you Peregrin Took, how do you feel?"

"I feel… I feel…" Pippin turned to Merry and grinned, not just smiled but grinned in true Pippin style, "I feel strong! I feel fine! I feel like nothing can ever touch or harm me again! Not as long as I have my Merry." Pippin's grin faded as he turned back to face the elven queen. "Thank you for not taking my memories away My Lady, that would have been a foolish and thoughtless choice for me to make."

"Dear Pippin," Galadriel smiled tenderly as she sat down beside them on the bed, "It is not within my power to do that – to you or to anyone and neither would I. Your memories are what make you – you, for good or ill."

"Then why…" Pippin's eyes grew wide with astonishment. "Why would you offer such a thing… to… I don't understand."

"To help you see that who you are matters," Galadriel explained, "Not what other people might do to you. It's who you are that is important. No living being could have survived what you did without loss of something, you lost a little of your soul." The Lady took one each of their hands in hers and clasped them together, "Or perhaps you did not have it with you. I truly believe that Merry owns one half of your soul and, without him there, it was too hard for you. But with him beside you – you could be whole again and face the ordeal in a different way." She bent and kissed Pippin on the forehead, "But you had to make that decision for yourself, otherwise it would count for nothing – I knew you would or else I would not have given you the choice."

"And if ever we are parted again," Pippin looked sadly up at Galadriel as if he read something in her eyes, "I will be brave, for I know now that I have it within me to be strong, because I have to come safe home for Merry and everyone else who cares about me."

"Oh Pippin, my dearest Pip." Merry hugged him closer than ever, "I'll never let you go again, even if we're not together, I'll always be with you in my heart and in my soul – for ever and ever."

"But Merry, you may have to take the Ring," Pippin snuggled his head into his cousin's shoulder, "But I can't let you leave me – not when we've just been through so much – not ever. If you have to be the Ring-bearer, then I shall come with you all the way to the fiery mountain. I don't care what anyone says! I can do it and I will. We shall do it together Merry!"

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TBC

Author's Notes

Llinos in the Chair as Kookaburra and Marigold are both inundated with stuff at the mo.

Thanks everyone for the reviews, both Kooks and I really appreciate your feedback. Kooks, in particular has been snowed under just lately as she is involved in an intensive art course right now, but she always reads the reviews the same day and passes them on to Marigold and me. We all love to get them!

Not many questions to answer, as this chapter has pretty done the job. There is still the issue of Merry/Frodo and the Ring – but you shouldn't have to wait too long.

Agent Pip: I cried for Pip all the way through the torture.
Llinos: Well dry your eyes now.

Baylor: Cruel writers, to leave us hanging so!
Llinos: Ah – but we must be cruel how else can we be kind.

Deranged Lil' Hobbit: I think that puts so much more of a Tolkein-essence into the story!
Llinos: Gosh – I never thought I hear anyone say that about this story – but thanks!

Scarlet Angel4: Please don't take away his memories! Please don't make it months and months until the next update!
Llinos: We try to please – hopefully we can fulfil both requests – no promises though.

Sam: How is it possible you make me feel guilty for throwing rocks into streams?
Llinos: I did? Sorry about that! Now I feel guilty for making you feel guilty – especially as you left such a nice review!

Hai Took: Poor Merry, all he needs is a friendly ear and some help not truth or explanations
Llinos: Yes indeed – mean Fellowship – still it all makes for angst!

pipwise brandygin: I'm really worried about Pippin now though - I can't wait to find out :)
Llinos: Hope you liked the solution.

Gayalondiel: poor Boromir, don't be too nasty to him, okay?
Llinos: Well Gaya – Boromir's fate is pretty much sealed – but blame J.R.R.

Oliversgurl: This is depressing.
Llinos: Cheer up – not much more to go!

LadyoftheLlamas: this is the author formerly known as Blue Jedi Hobbit 009 - It's a long story...
Llinos: Bit like this one, eh?
LadyoftheLlamas: I'll just have to delay working on my thesis for my Research Report for a while longer while I go back and read the last chapter or two or three
Llinos: Sorry to interrupt your research – while you research this story!

Camellia Gamgee-Took: Oh, that was utterly amazing - nearly had me in tears!
Llinos: Rats! Only nearly? :)

Amy2: sits down and waits for the next chapter...[waits..lalalala...] Bah! goes to bed
Llinos: Wake up now! It's here!

Lupine Draconis: shocked look
Llinos: To quote Galadriel "all better now?"

Pearl Took: Poor hobbits all! I hope they have some resolution to some of this soon
Llinos: We're getting there.

Coriandra: Poor Merry, he's required to take the Ring and Frodo's angry with him, even though he had no say about it.
Llinos: Well that's still an unresolved problem – sorry to make you wait again!