Severed Ties
Chapter 5
Days Like This
May 11th, 2002
9:29 a.m.
"So, Rupes," Spike said while picking at the chipped paint on his nails, "get to talkin'."
Giles had to stifle a laugh at the vampire's predictability. The watcher knew that his tone had put the blonde on edge and Spike had surmised that what Giles was going to say was serious. It reminded the watcher about the first time he had tried to have a serious talk with Spike. It had been a few weeks after the Initiative had chipped him and Giles had come to Spike while the vampire was searching for another place to live. Giles had proposed the question of whether Spike had seen the chip as a sign: a beacon of sorts, giving the vampire a second chance to fight on the side of good. He had been met with open hostility from the bleached blonde and had never again broached the subject, even during last summer when Spike had been integral to the group. No, they had still treated him like an outsider. No matter how much Dawn loved him, Spike was never looked at as part of the gang. He was the muscle or babysitter on call but never anything more. And as much animosity the Scoobies rightfully had towards Spike, despite the obvious changes that the vampire underwent, their viewpoints had never changed.
And Giles had no one to blame for that but himself.
The watcher pinched his nose, a tired sigh slipping from his lips. He had to apologize to the vampire but was clueless as to how to begin.
Despite his cavalier façade, Spike was anything but calm waiting for Giles to break the ice. By the grave look in the watcher's eyes, Spike knew that dear old Ripper wanted nothing more than to warn him to stay away from Buffy. The vampire had known for the past month that the threats would come but he just didn't know when. If Xander had still be here, Spike had no doubt that the brunette would have taken it upon himself to give the speech but with Xander gone, the duty fell to Giles.
"Spike," Giles started but was interrupted when Spike stood unexpectedly.
"You know what, Rupes? Save it."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You heard me, you wanker." He paced a few feet from the table before walking back again. Running a hand through his sleep-tousled hair, the vampire turned towards Giles, his cerulean eyes filled with anger, pain, fear and disappointment.
"It's never gonna be enough for you lot, is it?"
"Spike," Giles said, trying to keep his tone steady. "What are you talking about?"
Spike let out a harsh laugh before fixing Giles with a determined gaze that made the watcher squirm. "I will not leave 'er." Though his voice was steady, Spike could feel his emotions overflowing inside.
"You…you mean Buffy?"
"I don't care what you think is best for 'er, I won't go. I made 'er a promise to always be there for 'er and you won't drive me away just because you think I don't deserve 'er. Wake up, Rupes. I know I don't soddin' deserve the slayer's 'eart, but by God, I 'ave it. And now that I do, I sure as 'ell don't intend to piss on it."
Spike stared at the bewildered man in front of him and, if anything, Giles's confusion only fueled the vampire's frustration.
Giles jumped when Spike roared and slammed his fist on the island countertop. "What do I 'ave to do, huh, Rupert? What do I 'ave to do for you to trust me? For you to know that I love your slayer--that I love Buffy more than my soddin' existence?" He sat down tiredly and when he next looked at Giles, the watcher saw the hundred plus years of bloodshed and pain wash over the vampire's face.
Spike sat there, head in his hands. All the anger had drained from his body and the weariness he had tried to stave off for the past month broke free from its moorings, inundating him with a grief similar to what he had felt when she had plunged off that tower.
"I have worked by your side for three years, Ripper. True, I haven't been the paramount of cooperation with the lot of you but--ever since this summer, I've done nothing but work beside you, no questions asked. Never have I asked for the respect or gratitude I deserve and with the exception of Glinda and Nibblet, I've never gotten consideration for the feelings that I do have.
"I know that you think I'm nothing more than a soulless monster with government plastic shoved into my brain, making me play nice but it's not that. Do you think Buffy would have told me that she loved me if she didn't trust me? If she didn't believe in me?
"I can't fight you all. If you want me out, sooner or later, I'll be out. But I won't leave without a fight. So unless you're prepared to dust me, I suggest you sod off." The last words were whispered though Giles heard them quite clearly.
Giles motioned to put his glasses back on but decided against it. He granted Spike a humorless smile and took a deep breath before beginning.
"Spike, for over a century, you brought death to countless innocents as William the Bloody. You have been a danger to us every moment up until the Initiative chipped you. Even then, you were dishonest with us countless times, and that's not including your impetuosity."
Spike opened his mouth to speak but Giles silenced him with a wave of his hand. "We have had every reason to distrust you and your motives from the beginning, especially when we discovered your feelings towards Buffy. Angel once told us that you would stop at nothing to obtain that which you desire. So why would Buffy be any different?
"Be that as it may, you did show nobility when you were taken by Glory though I must say, despite what you allowed her to do to you, I still did not trust you. But Buffy had. Truth be told, if Buffy hadn't been so adamant about it, you never would have been included in our attempted escape from Glory. It just so happened that were it not for those events, everything I detested about you would have stayed in my mind. And I would have been wrong."
Spike looked up at that, the sincerity of the watcher's words bleeding through his dejection.
"Spike, during those last days against Glory and the subsequent months before Buffy's resurrection, you showed me something. You showed me that demons could change for the better. That they, or more to the point, you could feel just as deeply as any human being. You disproved a lifetime's worth of education about the nature and motivations of demons. I am ashamed that I never expressed my gratitude…"
"Gratitude?" Spike repeated as if the word was foreign to him.
"Yes, Spike. Gratitude. Not just with when you went out on patrol with us or was there for Dawn. But also for the times you patrolled without us, fought things that even Buffy had never seen before." Giles chuckled at the vampire's surprise. "Oh, yes, Spike, I know about some of the things you did without our knowledge. I always desired to confront you about that but my grief at the time often stood in the way. I do hope you forgive my tardiness.
"Spike, even in those times when I didn't trust you, I did respect you."
"Why?"
"To go on after you were violated by the Initiative. The strength and fortitude it took to continue on is inconceivable. To have you entire lifestyle ripped from you without any means of retrieving it, to have the courage to go to your mortal enemy for help when you were defenseless against us. You showed a strength that most people cannot even conceive of, much less do. That was precisely the reason I approached you about your possible change in destiny."
"If I remember correctly, I sorta threw it back in your face," Spike said and smiled sheepishly.
"That you did. Still, I should have known that you would do that. My God, it had only been a few weeks since the chip had been implanted in your head. How could I not have understood your reaction and given you more time to adjust instead of sulking?"
"Sulking?" The vampire repeated. "Not quite sure I follow you."
"After I asked you that first time whether or not you saw the chip as an opportunity as another way of life, I never broached the subject again and I can only assume that it was my blasted pride that prevented me from asking you again. Not only that, but I never tried to include you as a part of the group, despite the time we shared in my flat."
"Sorry, Rupes, but you know as well as I do that, back then, I'd 've drained the lot of you the first chance I got."
"So why didn't you?" On the blonde's puzzled stare, he continued. "You could have hired demons to kill us, just like you did with the Order of Taraka. You could have sent an army of bounty hunters after us until we were finally beaten. You didn't. Why?"
Spike shrugged. Truthfully, he had briefly entertained that exact course of action but dismissed it just as quickly.
"I do not know, either," Giles conceded, "but what I do know is that if you were the same demon that came to town all those years ago, then chances are we wouldn't be having this conversation. Spike, you have changed and it's a tragedy that we've never taken notice of it before."
The room was silent for several minutes as Giles allowed the blonde to mull over what had been said. When he thought enough time had elapsed, the bespectacled man addressed the final segment of his thoughts.
"Buffy has been through so much in her young life, and I am not just referring to the task of fighting evil virtually every night. I'm referring to the heartbreak of loss; of those she gave her heart to leaving her.
"Her sorry excuse of a father was her first major disappointment. He skipped out on her without a second thought and has not contacted her since."
"Good riddance," Spike nodded, the vehemence clear in his tone. Giles smiled grimly and not for the first time he wished he could get his hands on Hank Summers, to throttle the man into submission for abandoning his family.
"Then," the watcher continued, "there was the Angel debacle. Having to kill him tore away any innocence and faith that she had. Though she will never regain the former, her faith has been slowly restored. Of course the faith that she had begun to get back before Joyce got sick was damaged by Riley's betrayal and what she felt as her mother abandoning her."
"But Joyce would have done anything for Buffy."
"I know that, you know that and, somewhere deep down, so does Buffy. But it still doesn't change the fact that, in Buffy's eyes, Joyce, just like all the others, left her. Just like her father, just like Angel and Riley. Just like me."
"You?"
"Because I left her, too. Although it was under the pretense that I was doing her a favor, even as bad as she was apparently doing after the resurrection, I still felt as if I was no more useful than a crutch to her, having no real value."
"I understand," the vampire whispered. Giles nodded though decided not to comment any further on the subject.
"So, you see, Spike, every man Buffy has ever cared for has left her. Though their excuses may have been different, the fact remains that they all deserted her. All of us. Except you."
"And I never will," Spike swore.
"I know you won't. If you haven't left yet after all we have put you through, then you won't now that Buffy loves you.
"You are her equal, Spike. You stand up to her regardless of her mood. You instill confidence when she requires it and feed her the unvarnished truth unlike any other. You hold her in the highest esteem yet do not place her upon a pedestal where she can do no wrong. You are the only one strong enough, in both mind and body to be what she needs. A partner."
Reading the vampire's thoughts, Giles stood and walked over to the seated vampire, laying his hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Spike, despite you not having a soul, despite the demon living inside of you, your love for Buffy has proven to me that you have within you what most people in this world shall never have." Off of Spike's look, Giles finished.
"Humanity."
Spike felt chills creep over his undead flesh at the simple word and tears threatened to spill from his eyes. Buffy had told him the exact same thing the night before the fight at the Bronze and it had meant everything to him. He never thought anyone could say anything that would affect him the way her acknowledgment of him did. And even if Giles's admission did not top that moment with Buffy, it had come pretty damn close.
Giles saw the vampire—no—the man, before him struggling with a battery of emotions. He smiled internally at Spike's desperate attempts to conceal what he was feeling to no avail. Giles had always known that the vampire's emotions were always revealed through his cerulean eyes. And though he was of the "stiff upper crust variety", Giles wondered briefly if his own feelings towards his surrogate daughter's paramour were evident.
Saying no more, the watcher nodded before taking the paper and exiting the kitchen, leaving Spike to his own devices.
As soon as Giles left, a single tear made its way down Spike's cheek and he roughly wiped it away. Taking a deep breath, he headed to the basement in an attempt to find a semblance of peace.
Plopping down on the mattress, Spike stared up at the ceiling. "Thank you," he whispered to the empty room before falling asleep and, for the first time since he had been with Buffy, Spike slept with a smile on his face.
*&*
May 11th, 2002
12:18 p.m.
"Faith, no!" Dawn screamed though her shouts of protest fell on deaf ears.
"Sorry, Dawnie, but I don't think that'll cut it," came the snarky reply from the slayer.
"Faith, if you drop me, so help me I will…" but Dawn's words were cut short when she was tossed three feet into the air and into the snapping waves. The water crashed over her head and it was several seconds before she surfaced, hacking water from her mouth. All the while, Faith stood knee deep in the waves, hands on her stomach as she laughed uncontrollably.
"You are so dead," Dawn yelled and charged the laughing slayer. Faith evaded Dawn's lunge and ran to shore with the brunette not too far behind.
"Come back here, Faith," Dawn screamed, chasing her through the throng of beach going onlookers.
"Gotta catch me first, Auntie," she hollered over her shoulder. They had been at the beach a little over two hours and the whole time had been spent like this; laughing and joking with Willow and Tara, though the latter two had remained in their initial spot, reading and soaking up the sun.
Faith laughed as Dawn chased her. The blonde risked a peek behind her and saw that Dawn was catching up rapidly. Wow, she thought to herself, Dawnie's really…
She never finished the thought because, when her eyes focused in front of her, a group of three guys with their backs turned blocked her path. Faith reacted instinctively, somersaulting over the group, landing on the other side of them.
"Hey guys," Faith said, grinning sheepishly at the three guys that gaped at her in shock. She glanced past them, looking for Dawn but saw no sign of her. Shrugging her shoulders, Faith turned around and made her way back to Tara and Willow.
He had come out of nowhere.
One minute Dawn had been on her niece's heels, intent on making Faith pay for the little 'hoist Dawn into the ocean' stunt while, the next minute she was spitting out a mouthful of sand.
"Damn it," the teen growled, her anger directed at whatever it had been that had tripped her up.
"Careful baby," a deep voice said close to her ear. Dawn jumped up, pushing off the hard body underneath her. She scrambled to her feet and glared at the smirking figure still on his back.
"Young ladies aren't supposed to talk like that," he teased and held his hand out for Dawn to help him up. She folded her arms across her chest in response. "So, I take it you're not going to give me a hand, huh?" Dawn cocked an eyebrow at the stranger who chuckled at her gesture before getting to his feet and dusting the sand from his body.
Although she was pissed, Dawn couldn't help but gasp when she finally got a clear view of the guy in front of her.
He wasn't too tall, maybe an inch or so taller than Spike and had the same lean and muscular build. That however was where the similarities ended.
Where Spike was light, the shirtless guy in front of her was dark. His chocolate brown skin shone with what looked like oil as specks of sand still clung to his arms and chest. She could make out a few scars here and there, as well as a tattoo encircling his right bicep but those particular details were secondary to his other outstanding features.
A dark blue sun visor lay on the ground beside him and his baldhead twinkled almost as much as his chocolate brown eyes. Familiar eyes that beckoned to the brunette but she shook it off and studied the strong jut of his jaw and his full, inviting lips that were highlighted by a nearly perfect goatee. She trailed the pattern of his facial hair before settling back on those oh so inviting lips that were now curved into a smile.
Her breath hitched in her chest when he closed the short distance between them and looked down at her with his friendly eyes. She thought she saw a flicker of recognition pass through them before the warmth returned. His gaze traveled over her and though she was surprised by his observation of her bikini-clad form, she did not for a second feel uncomfortable.
"You're a little dirty there," he said, his voice husky. He lifted his hand to her arm and gently brushed the sand away. Dawn's eyes widened at the simple touch and she bit her tongue to stifle a groan.
Brown-eyes must have felt it too, she surmised when he took a quick step back before regaining his composure.
"Sorry 'bout that. Guess you weren't watching where you were going."
"Yeah, about that…" Dawn started but frowned when she realized what he said. "I wasn't watching where I was going?! Are you serious? That was like totally your fault."
"Easy there, tiger," he said, raising his hands, palms up, in submission. "I was just messin' with you." His thick eyebrows arched in amusement that only irritated Dawn further.
"First off, my name is not 'tiger'. It's Dawn."
"Dawn," he repeated as if trying her name out on his lips. "I like."
"Whatever."
"Look, Dawn," he said and the teen shivered at the way her name sounded on his lips. "I was just playing around with you when I said that. I am sorry that I did run into you."
"That's why you were so concerned on whether or not I was hurt." He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. He didn't think 'I know you can take more than that' would land him in Dawn's good graces.
"Sorry," he said and shrugged his shoulders. "Forgive me?" He gave her another brilliant smile before jutting his hand out to her. Dawn studied it intently, trying not to stare at the marble chisel of his abdominal muscles or the vein that flowed down his bicep, branching off into his forearm.
Taking a deep breath, she shook his hand and relaxed as the warmth from his touch slithered up her arm and into her chest.
"C.J." His voice broke Dawn from her reverie and she gaped at him with wide eyes.
"What?"
"C.J. That's my name. Well, at least what everyone calls me. My real name's Cedrik, or Ced for short."
Dawn smirked. "So, you just have the monopoly on aliases, don't you?"
"You could say that." He dropped his eyes, his attention inadvertently falling to Dawn's exposed midriff. Coughing, to cover up his embarrassment, C.J. focused back onto her face. "So you forgive me?"
"For what?"
"Well, for the whole human roadblock thing." Dawn laughed aloud and covered her mouth in embarrassment almost immediately. C.J. chuckled at her modesty before instinctively brushing a strand of hair from her face. Dawn's cheeks flushed at the contact and she hugged herself tightly.
"Well, I better go," she stammered. "I'm still looking for payback on that dear old niece of mine." On his perplexed look, she waved her hand. "Don't ask."
"Sure," he said and couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice.
"It was nice meeting you, Cedrik," she smiled and started to walk past him.
"Are you gonna be here awhile longer?" He asked and Dawn thought she caught a trace of hope in his tone.
"At least a few more hours."
"That's good. Maybe we'll run into each other again before the day's out."
"Maybe," Dawn whispered just loud enough for him to hear before waving back at him shyly and walking away.
"Well," Cedrik said to himself, "if it's up to me, that will definitely happen." He couldn't conceal the grin on his face as he walked back to his friends who had already started teasing him from afar.
A/N: Good news! Starting next Tuesday, I will be back on my schedule of Severed Ties on Tuesday and Do What You Have to Do on Fridays/Saturdays. That will make me focus more and get things out faster.
Our next chapter finds us in LA with the AI gang. Cordy has a vision…