Disclaimer: We do not own Hermione, Ron, Winky, house elves, Hagrid, Oliver, or S.P.E.W., or Grease (In case you couldn't tell, the song is Hopelessly Devoted to You from said EEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLL musical). We do however own the stage and claim ownership for any newts found wandering on set. Upon submitting yourself to this work of fanfiction (which is in fact one of the weapons of mass destruction formerly held by Saddam Husain), you are formally no longer entitled to compensation for loss of sanity. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Dedication: To all of our reviewers so far, but especially Sharky, who was so thoughtful as to wish us "MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HANGOVERS!"
You are:
Horsewoman (Good luck with your Gaelic, dear), Dobby, Tonks, and Angelina (Quite a mouthful, but since Liz is partially responsible for it we can hardly complain), Plaidly Lush (Yes, well, we did think the tutu was a nice touch. It reflects similar experiences as young girls at a British school with ballet requirements that have emotionally scarred us for life), Iggytheicyiguana (Love the name, brilliant!), Britt Davis (Jess dear, I know spelling isn't your strong point, but I beg of you not to spell newt nute again, please!! Liz will be forced to take action… *evil grin* Her powers do work overseas, you know…), Sharky (What can we say, the reviews are always entertaining, thanks, and Happy Hangovers to you too!), MoonGoddess25 (Actually, we were thinking of Carly Simon, not the film, but whatever works, thanks!), kevin luver (Thanks, always love the reviews!), xlovingfanficsx (Thanks for saving us the trouble of watching the film!), hogwartsdevotee (Thanks, and great name), littlefish (Thanks bro, always so complimentary…), Steph (Glad to see you apretiate our madness!), and Lord Brocktee (We will continue, don't worry!)
Hopelessly Devoted To S.P.E.W.
Hermione stomped on to the stage, narrowly missing the hole created by Hagrid and Oliver.
"Morag, should we maybe fix that hole?"
"No, I think it's a nice artistic feature."
"Fair enough. Plus it's sort of newt-shaped…"
Hermione then sat down on a stool in a spotlight in the center of the stage, adjusted her spew- that is, S.P.E.W. badge, and crossed her arms. She then began to sing.
Guess
mine is not the first cause ignored,
my badges aren't the first unknown,
I'm
not the first to see,
it's hard to get a decent treasurer
Hello, I'm just a girl with purpose
Who
wants to help the poor opressed
Oh Winky can't you see,
I really know what's best for you
I'm
hopelessly devoted to S.P.E.W.
But
now there's nowhere to hide,
since you cast my aid aside
I'm
lost even in class,
hopelessly devoted to S.P.E.W.
Hopelessly devoted to S.P.E.W.,
hopelessly devoted to S.P.E.W.
Ron's always saying "fool, forget it",
My morals are saying "don't let go"
Hold on to they're free, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to S.P.E.W.
But now there's nowhere to run,
since the meetings have begun
And Ron can't you see
I'm
hopelessly devoted to S.P.E.W.
Hopelessly devoted to S.P.E.W.,
hopelessly devoted to S.P.E.W.
It was that moment that Ron chose to appear on stage in a puff of green smoke. He promptly pointed at Hermione, laughing and announcing, "Spew! Honestly Hermione, you're going to put the house elves off the cooking!"
Hermione shot him a look of pure venom, before placing her hand dramatically upon her forehead, then crying out in Shakespearian desperation, "Ron, will you ever learn? It's S.P.E.W!" She then swooned and fainted, collapsing in an artistically arranged heap on the floor.
Ron stared awkwardly and the pile of bushy brown hair that was Hermione Granger. "Right… Err… Well then… I'll just nip off and make a pot of tea, shall I? Err… Yeah, well…" He looked around rather desperately, then charged away as quickly as he could. Unfortunately, Hermione would never get that pot of tea, as Ron forgot about the stage's new artistic feature and fell through the gaping black hole. Fortunately, his fall was broken by Oliver and Hagrid.