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Hmm…so what about Tifa? Good question! Maybe we'll find out in the next chapter…maybe we won't. Let's find out!
Chapter 14…
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We ran into several more enemies, but we easily deposed of them. We each took turns taking point. After about an hour of walking, it was both Barrett and Cid's turn. "Oh boy…this is gonna get ugly…" I thought. They smirked at each other and I knew that it was on. They were going to see who could kill more. I don't know the details of what exactly happened between those two while they were at point, but I do know that I saw Cid looking rather dejected when Tifa and I came to relieve them. I also noticed that Barrett was holding a large bundle of something green in his hand. He was smiling from ear to ear.
Tifa and I had been chosen by the group lagging behind to relieve Cid and Barrett and we did so gladly. We had not spoken to each other since the morning before, and though I still refused to start a conversation with her, I longed to hear her voice again. As soon as Cid and Barrett were out of ear-shot I looked at her. This time I was the one that was expecting her to say something. She looked up at me, paused a moment, and then said, "Let's go Cloud."
She ran ahead and I was left standing there fuming. After being decked in the face, pouring out my soul to her, and then waiting for almost two days to hear from her, she still had not forgiven me. It's not my fault that I care for Aerieth! She's almost like a sister to me! She was the closest thing to family I ever had! "What the %$# is with her…" I said to myself, much too loudly.
Apparently she heard me. She turned, stared me in the eye, and said, "No Cloud, what the %$#% is with you?" Now I was really mad. "Excuse me?" I said. "Yah Cloud. You heard exactly what I said," she replied. I could tell she was ticked off, but unlike me she controlling her anger well. "Tifa," I said, "I don't understand you. I don't understand how I am not allowed to care for Aerieth and you at the same time. Is that a sin? Do I deserve to be ostracized by you for…" (I paused thinking a little) "…for not really knowing if I love you?"
She slapped me. "Do you think I was leaving you out Cloud? Funny, you sound like a little whiny kid, Cloud. I would never have expected that from you."
"That has NOTHING to do with what we're talking about!" I yelled. Now she was in my face. "It has EVERYTHING to do with it Cloud! I always admired you for how considerate you were to everyone. I always admired how you almost never thought of yourself. You were always thinking of the other person, especially their feelings. That's what originally attracted me to you, Cloud. But now I'm seeing somebody totally different. When you came and gave your little confession to me at my door…that was bittersweet. But then you didn't talk to me afterwards like I knew you would. I just knew that you would, Cloud, because you were a considerate person, and you always thought of the other person's feelings. But no! Instead you did nothing because of your stupid pride!"
I tried to think of something really hurtful to say, but I couldn't think of anything in time. She continued. "But what really hurt Cloud, was thinking that you loved me and then finding out you didn't. Love is too strong a word for you, isn't it Cloud?"
I stared at her, hearing her quote my own words. "You know, it was bad when I found out Aerieth was coming back," she said. "Not because I don't like her, but because I thought she was going to steal you from me again. But I also knew that there was no way that was going to happen, not after what we had done that night…not after what we had talked about. Not about what we had risked. Especially not after what we had shared." My mind trailed back to when she had kissed me… "But then I find out that the entire time you were just playing me along like a puppet. For what Cloud? WHY!?" She was crying now.
"I was not playing you along, Tifa," I said as calmly as I could. "THEN WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING!!!!" she screamed. Her voice echoed through the halls of the Final Dungeon. I tried to think of how to answer. "I…I…." I thought some more, straining. And then I knew. "I was trying to find myself, to discover if I was more then just another person, if I was more to someone then just a name. I was also trying to…well…find out if you loved me, and more importantly if I loved you. That's it Tifa. I was trying to find out about myself through you."
Suddenly her whole expression changed. She lowered her head, and then looking up she said, "And did you discover yourself?" "Yah I did, and it wasn't what I thought." "So, you're not the master of your fate?" "I don't know, you tell me," I said resentfully.
She didn't answer, and I walked away disappointed and resentful.
The good news was that we had finally talked.
The bad news was, I wasn't sure if we were ever going to talk again.
