"Whoa."

"You said it, Ranma."

Ranma swam over to where Yasha was floating. He absently noted that all the color had drained out of the world again.

"This is gross."

Yasha managed to shrug while swimming. "Good thing it isn't real. Look, it's a vampiric frog."

Ranma blink-blinked, and then watched the six-foot frog sit atop nothing at all. The gargantuan amphibian grinned at him, baring teeth that gave the impression it had stolen the dentures of a very large shark. Slitted yellow-green eyes stared at him a moment, and then the frog spoke.

"Quack."

"Why is there a kangaroo behind it?"

Yasha shrugged, turning away from the bizarre spectacle. Same old same old. Tilting her head slightly, she placed her left hand on Ranma's shoulder, and pointed in the other direction from the two animals, which were now engaged in a conversation on the merits of sardine tins.

"Probably the same reason why that's there."

Ranma blinked again. Then he rubbed his eyes, followed by cleaning his face. Then he took another look.

"Is that REALLY a pink hovercraft shaped very much like a grinning light-bulb?"

"I suppose."

Ranma looked down, then back at Yasha.

"I could take all the rest of this, but do we really hafta be swimming in creamed corn?"

"You would prefer drowning?"

"You have the WIERDEST dreams...."

Passenger

Chapter 3: Thunder and rain! When it rains, it.... oars?

A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by S. Starblade

Dedicated to those others who have gone before, doing obvious SI.... and not following stereotypes.

Warning: I borrow lots of stuff from other fanfictions. I hope my interperetations are satisfactory- I don't intend to totally duplicate anything. I have the greatest respect for those from whose fanfictions I am borrowing, as they are among the best of the best. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: A disclaimer will be 2000 yen, please. Thank you. They aren't mine, except the ones who are. And none of those are you. Have a nice day.

Key:

= English

" "= Japanese

[ ] = Jusenkyou Cursed Signs

{ } = Chinese ( I know, I know. There isn't any yet. But there will be eventually.)

= Internal conversation between Ranma and Yasha

± ± = Don't these things look cool?

School? Yasha echoed Ranma, in their head. Ranma awaited an explanation from his father, kneeling silently, eyes expectant.

"Well, " said Genma, arms folded in his usual 'I know better than you' position. "We ARE going to be staying here a while..." He trailed off here, unwilling to mention that he also wanted to get some good gaming (read: cheating) time in with his friend Souun, and couldn't do that with Ranma around to see him.

"It's the same school as Akane and I go to. I'll see you at lunch!" Came the middle Tendoo's voice, almost as an aside.

"Wait!" shouted Akane, trailing behind Nabiki, who had just walked by the living room. "I'll go with you!" Her bookbag was clutched in one hand, as she attempted to catch up without running. Her expression was a little puzzled. Nabiki had always walked with her to school before, what was different now? Besides, they had a guest, and if he was going to come along as well, they might as well all go together, right?

"Sorry, Akane, I have some business I can't wait for. And you have to show Ranma to his classroom anyways." Nabiki smiled apologetically, and held up a sheet of paper that Akane recognized as one of her sister's betting sheets. "You should go with him." Concluded Nabiki, bowing her apology as she backed out the door.

Akane huffed. Her sister WOULD go early to set up betting on the new student. Well, at least he hadn't decided to choose her, he was probably a pervert like all the other boys. Or maybe he would decide to choose her. She fully expected it, too. They always did. Why did SHE have to get chosen for this stupid engagement? Daddy no baka. He would try to push her into it. It was so unfair. Akane grumbled something incomprehensible, giving Ranma a glare. The clueless look in return shook up her train of thought, and she realized that she hadn't been chosen. She grinned sheepishly at Ranma, and decided not to have ramen for her midnight snack anymore. Lousy dreams always messed her up in the mornings.

Ranma just blinked, sighed, and got up to go get his stuff. Yasha had told him that school was going to be necessary at some point if he ever wanted to survive in a city, and she was usually right about this sort of thing... besides, he still had his old bookbag. Hmm. Shirt might also be a good idea. Never know when it's going to get cold, and then a tanktop just won't cut it alone.

"You're not marrying ME!" snarled Akane, not even looking up at Ranma, who was walking on the top of the water canal fence. She had finally managed to finish waking up, but she knew that her father would get some silly idea about martial artists going together or something, and she wanted to head that idea off at the pass.

"Okay." Came his immediate, calm reply. Ranma continued along the fence casually, not really paying much heed. He supposed all three of the Tendoo girls were nice enough, and he'd already decided to give them the final choice in this. So much the better if Akane had already made hers, right?

There was a pause while Akane tried to deal with such an unexpected response. She wasn't quite sure what to think about it. On one hand, it was completely weird and she felt kind of strange to have a boy around who wasn't chasing her. On the other hand, he was agreeing with her, which was certainly a good thing. On the whole, she decided to be less upset about that.

The curse, and the rough, crude way he talked were something else, though.

She turned her head to glare at him somewhat less fiercely. "So don't hang around me in school!"

Ranma blinked, then frowned. So it was like that, was it? "Don't WORRY!" Ranma replied, still not looking at Akane. All this harping on it was really getting to him. "I can't STAND ma-"Ranma left off, mid-word.

What was that, Yasha? he asked, leaving off with his mouth in order to speak with his mind. Or the other half of his mind. Or the mind next to him. Or something like that. He never had been much good with metaphysics. All that momentum and stuff really confused him.

I said, calm down. Yasha replied, sternly. She never had wanted anyone upset at her if she could avoid it, and due to their unique position, this had extended to Ranma. I think she likes this even less than we do, and even if we don't wind up stuck marrying her, she's going to at least be our sister-in-law, most likely. We don't want to be on her bad side.

You're awfully accepting of this, Yasha... Ranma said, sounding uncertain. He trusted her, but things were going all funky lately, and stuff was happening much faster than he was really comfortable with.

Not really. Yasha equivocated. I'm just giving it its chance. We agreed to the one-year thing, and I, for one, plan to stick to it. Besides, it's on at least your honor, if not mine.

I suppose you have a point-

"I said, WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!?!"

Ranma nearly fell off the fence at the force of Akane's yell, and came to a stop. "Huh?" He asked, with an expression that wouldn't have looked out of place on a deer staring into headlights.

"What was that you said?!" Akane growled, glaring up at Ranma. It was making her edgy, the way he was staying up there on the fence like that. Like he thought he was better than everyone else or something.

Ranma thought quickly. "I said, uh, that... that if ya can't stand me, then I won't bug ya any."

Nice save, Ranma!

Thanks, Yasha.

Akane looked mollified. "Well, I mean, it's not you, it's this whole engagement thing. They didn't give me much of a choice about it. Just don't act too familiar, okay?"

"Sure" came the nonchalant reply. "I hope you don't mind me saying it.... but, well, I think you're kinda a tomboy."

"What," Akane began, belligerently, "are you saying I'm unfeminine??" She shifted her bookbag into her right hand, ready to throw it.

"No, I jus-"

THWAKK!!

"Ite!" Ranma exclaimed, clutching his cranium. "Oyaji, what're you-"

"You're in no position to be choosy about women! You're lucky the wimpy girl is even considering y-"

THUD-SPLOOSH went Genma, finding himself in the canal with Akane's bookbag in his lap. And a bit of a bruise, too.

Ranma and Yasha just laughed. The panda, seeing this, jumped up to the fence.

Good one, Akane!

"Nice shot, Akane!" Ranma proclaimed, flashing the youngest Tendou a thumbs-up. "So, Oyaji, you were sayin' something?"

The panda almost seemed to grin, before going down on all fours on the fence, carefully balancing his bulk.

"What're you-" Ranma was cut off as the panda shook itself violently, flinging water everywhere. Akane managed to step back out of range. Ranma wasn't so lucky. Neither was Yasha.

There was a ripping sound as another pair of Ranma's boxers gained the addition of a tailhole. Ranma-Yasha winced at the slight pain from this, then fell off the fence as she lost her balance. She landed, fortunately, in the canal, and tread water, while glaring up at the panda, which seemed to be laughing. It was difficult staying afloat without using her hands, but unless she tightened the sash on the kung-fu pants, she would sink a lot and very, very quickly.

"Laugh all like, Oyaji." Ranma-Yasha grumbled, her eyebrows knotted in concentration. "Where I go school, when like this? Am registered human, ne?"

The panda blinked, swore to itself incomprehensibly, and turned to run back to the Dojo. The bulky black-and-white figure receded rapidly along the fence.

Yasha just clambered out of the canal and over the fence. It wasn't easy when swimming in clothes at least five sizes too large, but she managed nonetheless, having become an old pro at this.

Akane grimaced at the dripping demon. "C'mon, I know where to get hot water and it shouldn't take too long." At least, she hoped it wouldn't. She really couldn't afford to be late anymore...

Ranma-Yasha couldn't help but notice that Akane now totally refused to look at her, and seemed a bit nervous, too. Sigh. A demon's lot is not a popular one.

Ranma-Yasha waited outside by the clinic sign, while Akane went in to get the water. Hopefully, noone would see her and try to "send the demon back to hell". She'd gotten plenty of that while traveling alone with her (sort-of) father.

"Che. What way start day. This not very-" She cut off when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she found herself face-to-face with a skeleton. She was SO not in the mood for this. Her tail began to lash as she gave the skeleton her best vicious glare, and her quills stood up even further. "Grrrrrrrrrrr...."

Touhuu went white. It was a full-blown demon! And not an extraterrestrial-type demon, a genuine pits-of-hell, burning brimstone demon with the vilest aura of..... humanity?? What the heck was going on here? He stood frozen until Yasha reached out and grabbed his Betty-chan by the skull.

The damned skeleton would regret this. And whoever was playing with it would.... oh. Let's see. Man holding skeleton. Man is... twenty-something, has glasses on.... looks puzzled. Wearing greenish-brownish gi, with... black belt. Okay, maybe he wouldn't.

"Please not do again." Yasha ground out between clenched teeth. It was getting harder and harder to retain a calm frame of mind as time passed. She really needed to find something to pound on for a while.

"Aheh..." Touhuu grinned nervously, noting the demon-girl's accent. Sorry. That's just my way of greeting new patients to Nerima. I hope Betty-chan didn't scare you?

Yasha almost laughed. Skeletons haven't ever scared me. Although, if your intent isn't to scare people, maybe you should lose the stiff when greeting 'em.

Touhuu blinked. Gee, I.... never thought of it that way. I guess you're right.

Yasha blinked, and barely managed to refrain from shaking her head ruefully. This guy is strange.

Skilled, but strange.

Hm.

TONGGGG! Went the kettle as Akane put it down on Ranma-Yasha's head.

"Ite." Said Ranma-Yasha flatly, more out of reflex than anything else, then looked back and forth between Akane and Touhuu. Akane, rising from her bow, was looking down at the ground, and slightly twisting her left toe on the concrete of the sidewalk. Every minute or so, she would look up at the doctor, and then rapidly look back down.

"You haven't been by lately, " began Touhuu. "No new injuries?"

What's up here? Akane's looking at him like... thought Yasha. Is she blushing??

"No, sir." Akane replied, looking down slightly and blushing a bit more. "I mean, I haven't been doing anything that would..." she trailed off.

Yasha chuckled to herself as she poured the hot water on herself just out of sight.

"Interesting." said Ranma. Then he looked at the giant clock on the wall of the far-off school. "Kuso! We're gonna be late!"

"Who was that guy?" Queried Ranma, as he and Akane ran towards the school.

"You mean Touhuu-sensei? He's the local chiropractor, acupuncturist, general doctor... he does EVERYTHING around here." Akane smiled.

"Martial arts master too, right?"

"Yeah, that's right! How could you tell?"

"......lucky guess." said Ranma, keeping his thoughts to himself entirely.

"True, he's very good." Akane said. Somehow, she seemed proud of it. "Doesn't look it, does he? Ever since I was little, he's taken care of my injuries."

"Soo..." began Ranma, hopping off the fence to run alongside Akane.

Don't ask it, Ranma. Yasha cut in.

Whaaat? What did I do?

Nothing, but you were going to do something. Don't make assumptions, Ranma. Because, as a teacher of mine liked to say, when you assume, you make an ass out of U and me. And noone likes being a donkey.

Okay, okay. I'll be more careful next time.

Thank you.

"So, you like him, huh?" asked Ranma.

This was one of those times when Yasha would have really liked to be able to hit Ranma over the head. Or facefault. She wasn't sure which.

"It's none of your business, pervert!"

Ranma blinked.

Where did THAT one come from? Yasha asked, incredulously.

"Why am I a pervert?" Ranma asked, avoiding the other question, namely, 'What's a pervert?' After all, if he made it look like he didn't know, maybe she'd think he was stupid, and that might get him in bad with possible future family.

Yasha declined to investigate that particular thread of thought.

"Because!" huffed Akane, accelerating to Warp Factor Three, " All boys are perverts!"

They were nearing the school gates.

"I...." She ground out between breaths.

Suddenly, a huge mass of male students appeared in the front yard of the school.

"HATE....." Akane's voice grew gradually in volume.

"I love you Akane!" "Don't let them beat you, you're mine!" "You must succumb to my Tango of Doom!" "I, Tuxedo Puck, the defender of Hockey, cannot let you be beaten by any other than myself!" " I shall push open the doors of your heart!"

"MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ranma jumped up and perched on the wall to one side of the gate as Akane dove into the crowd, sending hormone-crazed teenagers every which way. He looked on puzzledly, as people tried to defeat her with weapons, improvised weapons, and things which should never be used as improvised weapons. Twice, he had to duck airborne boomboxes. He was also treated to the unique view of a bowler getting mown down by his own ball, returned as though it were a soccer ball.

Mayhem, thy name is Akane Tendo.

Nabiki, looking out the window from her classroom, spotted Ranma. "RANMA! Get in this school! NOW!!"

Ranma looked up, pointing in Akane's general direction, totally ignoring the gathering rainclouds. "But--"

"Don't worry about Akane!"

Sure enough, the sounds of destruction had stopped, and Ranma looked at the carnage before him.

Ewww. Said Yasha, in their mind. I didn't think you could DO that with a shinai.... And the poor guy with the yoyo.... I hope they don't break the stomach pump.

"Every." huffed Akane, seeming to only get more worked up. "Single. Freaking. MORNING!"

An object flew straight for Akane, who smashed the poor, innocent rose into the ground with her bookbag.

"Such a boorish lot." Stated the tall, dark boy in the kendo hakama. "All intending to ask you out." He posed dramatically, bokken down and out to the side, head canted slightly downwards. In other words, he looked thoroughly out of place in a schoolyard.

Akane growled. She was getting very, very tired of this.

"Might you fight with me, Akane Tendo?"

"Wow." Said Ranma, landing next to Akane. "You're popular, aint'cha?"

"YOU!" shouted the kendoist, aiming his bokken at Ranma. "You are being very familiar with Akane. I would like to know..... WHY?"

Ranma regarded the boy for a moment. About Ranma's age, and somewhat on the tall side for a Japanese, he stood firm. A slightly mussy mop of black hair shaded his blue eyes in the front, and he wore his navy hakama and white gi top with the ease of familiarity. He also, oddly enough, wasn't wearing any footwear at all. This boy was also visibly older than him, though, how much, Ranma couldn't say for sure. Hopefully not too much older- there was something very wrong with the idea of a college student hanging around a high school, trying to date a first-year student, at that.

Ranma immediately classified him in the file labeled 'not a serious threat'. Along with an increasingly (and astonishingly) large number of other miscellaneous things and people.

"Tell him, Akane." Ranma commented, casually.

There was a short pause, as Ranma awaited an answer.

"Akane?" He prompted, giving the girl a confused glance.

"Tell him WHAT?" Akane hissed, hoping Ranma would catch the hint.

Naturally, it flew over his head, and, less naturally, over Yasha's as well. There was another, more extended pause. The tall dark kendoist almost began to froth at the mouth as he lost patience.

"Who ARE you, boor?!" Shouted the hakama-clad stick-wielding maniac. "But, wait!!" he continued, interrupting Ranma. " It is customary to give one's OWN name FIRST!! I deduce that that is why you have paused! Very well, MINE I shall GIVE!!"

Loud nutball. Commented Yasha. This guy really, really loved to emphasize his words.

"Here we go again." Muttered Akane. She idly wondered how anyone like Kuno had ever managed to get such a big ego in the first place. Lousy rich kid.

"My name...." stated Kuno, doing a passable Captain Kirk pause-after-every-third-word-for-dramatic-purposes, "Is Upperclassman.... KUNO TATEWAKI!! But you.... you may call me.... Upperclassman! Captain..... of the Kendo Club..... Undefeated rising star.... of the high school fencing world.... I am known as...."

Really big dramatic pause.

" AOIRO IKAZUCHI!" (Blue Thunder)

Ranma nearly fell over. Surely, this boy hadn't just... No, no, he must have misheard. Still, he had to make sure...

"Did you just call yourself..."

Another dramatic pause.

" YAOI RO ITTKATSU CHI???" (Roaring Gay Earth Oar)

Everyone in that side of the school, Akane, Kuno, and a few of the less-unconscious boys lying on the field performed a massive flying group facefault. To Yasha's mild astonishment, this neither resulted in facial injuries, nor did it crumble any of the building.

Ranma looked puzzled, still trying to figure out why Kuno would call himself that, and if he really had.

Yasha was laughing her metaphysical head off. Even if she only understood part of the phrase, it was still hilarious.

"No, you fool! The BLUE THUNDER! BLUE THUNDER!!!!!" Shouted Kuno, red with rage and embarrassment. How dare this impudent whelp mock his chosen title! The commoner would pay!!

Ranma snorted. "Whatever you say, Mr. Shoutin' Gay Dirt Paddle. Anyways, I'm stayin' at the Tendo Dojo..." Ranma began, unheeding of the swordsman's rage.

"What?!" Interrupted Kuno, scowling. "Under the same roof as AKANE?!"

Kuno attacked as fast as he could without breaking basic Kendo form.

In other words, not nearly fast enough, as Ranma backflipped out of the way of the charging swipe. He tried to throw his bag to Akane, but missed because she had fallen over and was rolling on the ground, laughing. The leather satchel skittered dully along the dirt a short ways before coming to a stop.

He continued midair. "I'm heir t' the Musabetsou Kaketou Saotome Ryu..." Then he landed, and finished, taking one of his more obvious ready stances. He kept his left side slightly forwards, and crouched a bit, leaning slightly towards his supposed opponent. "Saotome Ranma! And I accept your challenge!"

Just a note: Other than "yaoi", yes, "Yaoi ro ittkatsu chi" means (literally) "(gay? Not quite sure...) oar roaring earth". I translate it a little bit loosely for this purpose. Don't ask how I thought of that. I'm not too sure myself.

Author's Notes 10/30/03:

And that's the revision of chapter three. As you may have noticed, I'm still learning the right places to put little blurbs, and the right places to use paragraphs. Or is that the 'write' place?

Okay, okay, bad joke.

Really, you can stop throwing vegetables.

Anyways, expect this to keep going, slow but steady. 'Cause I'm not dead yet!

::examines the very large knife stuck through her heart in a way that screams 'fake'::

At least, I think so.

Oh, and happy halloween!

Rob: Would you like to be 'pot' or 'kettle' this Halloween?

Bucky: I shall be 'pot.'

-Get Fuzzy