Disclaimer: We do not own either Harry Potter (Darn it!) and associated characters or Britney Spears' songs (Thank goodness).
Chapter Seven: Oops, I Did It Again
The voices in the sky were arguing. Again.
"Morag, I want to do something with Rolling Stones. Seriously, there is no band alive cooler than the Rolling Stones. How about "Sympathy for the Devil"! That's an awesome song!"
"Liz, no. For one thing, Mick Jagger looks like an iguana, which totally ruins the whole newt theme we're working with. Besides, what kind of a name for a song is that?"
"But it's got the best guitar rift!"
"No, Liz."
"Fine then. But Neville does the next song."
Morag groaned. "All right then. So long as we avoid Mick Jagger for the entire duration of this production, I'll be happy."
Meanwhile, Neville was quaking in abject terror. Although he was roped down to his front row seat in the audience, he began struggling with renewed vigor brought on by an emergency adrenaline rush. He was shocked when, with a final wrench, the ropes snapped. He leaped up and over his chair, spurred on by the encouraging cheers of his chained classmates, and began to race up the isle toward the large wooden doors. Morag's furious voice thundered overhead, "Oh no you don't!" Neville then found himself hoisted up to the air by a pair of enormous tweezers. Morag continued to lecture him in a voice disturbingly reminiscent of Professor McGonagall, "When we decide to do something, even if it's one of Liz's half-baked, crazed ideas, we damn well carry it through to the bitter end! So you're going to sing, and you're going to do it with a smile!" Neville was firmly deposited onto the stage, only to find that his feet seemed to be glued into place.
Liz sighed contentedly. "Ah, the wonders of magic. Neville, that was a very bad thing to do, and now we're going to have to make you pay."
Neville's face turned white. "W-w-what…" He stuttered like Professor Quirrel. "What will you do to me?"
Liz paused for a moment, and then let out a monstrous cackle. "Neville Longbottom, have you ever heard of Britney Spears?"
And before he knew it, Neville opened his mouth and began to sing.
"Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah."
Neville's eyes rolled around frantically, searching desperately for an escape route, even as he continued.
"I think I did it again,
I made Snape hate me, I'm going insane.
Oh baby.
I'm going to fail his class,
'Cause since things explode, there's no way I'll pass.
And I need a new cauldron,
And it's just so typically me.
Oh baby, baby.
Oops!... I did it again.
Forgot the password, got locked out of my room,
Oh baby, baby
Oops!... You think I'm a twit.
And you'll never admit,
I'm not all that stupid.
You see my problem is this
Though I'm Gryffindor
I try but it seems, I still always remiss
Herbology, I adore
But that isn't enough as there's nine classes more.
And to lose all my house points
That is just so typically me,
Baby, oh
Oops!... I did it again.
Forgot the password, got locked out of my room,
Oh baby, baby
Oops!... You think I'm a twit.
And you'll never admit,
I'm not all that stupid.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Neville paused for a moment. He had a bad feeling the song wasn't over yet, as the music was still playing, and he hadn't had the movement return to his feet yet, but still there was a long and awkward pause. Finally Liz hissed from wherever it was the two maniacs were hiding out, "Say something, dolt!"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, anything! In the regular song, they talk, but it's really stupid, and we've cut it. So you'll just have to think of anything."
"Right… Well then…" Neville surveyed the crowd. The entire population of Hogwarts blinked up at him, waiting for some pearls of wisdom. Neville felt the blood rise to his face. "Err, I'm Neville Longbottom, and… Umm… I have a toad. His name is Trevor, only he always gets lost, and…"
When he began to sing again, Neville almost found it a relief.
"Oops I, did it again and messed up!
Made a new mistake, oh baby
Oops you'll, never admit it again,
I'm not all that stupid."
Neville couldn't help but feel slightly proud as the entire audience erupted into enthusiastic whistling, yelling, and applause. A group of girls near the front who were screaming hysterically lofted a sign proclaiming, "MARRY ME NEVILLE!" As Neville grinned anxiously, he waved at the crowd and took a step backwards, only to trip and fall backwards into the stage's artistic feature. However, he was in fact shocked to discover that he didn't fall very far. As a matter of fact, as he felt himself sitting on someone's torso, his head stuck out of the hole. He decided it was best not to think about who he had landed on. As he clambered out of the new-shaped crevice, Liz and Morag were deep in discussion.
"I think that it's time that we fix that hole."