A/N: All right, I sincerely apologize for the long day. I don't really have an excuse, but I am sorry.
Shadow Myst and florence: Thank you for your comments. They were most appreciated. :)
Midasgirl: omg…I just had my Erik complimented by the person who writes Erik so magnificently I can hardly believe it… *huge grin*
Thank you everyone for all of your comments, they were just lovely and made me so happy!! :)
All right, I don't know how this chapter will go over. Erik and Christine completely ran amok and created half of this all by themselves, so don't blame me, lol.
Later that night, Christine retreated to her room, leaving Erik seated in front of the fire. She took a last look at him and right before the door closed she saw his head drop into his hands. She shut the door quickly, a horrible ache in her heart as she did so. She knew what she wanted then. She wanted to go back out there, to be with him. But something held her back, kept her from leaving the room.
She undressed quickly, donning her nightgown, before plopping unceremoniously onto the bed. Christine realized that what she had said must have crushed him. But… She sighed, rolling over on her back. She stared up at the ceiling, thinking…about Raoul.
Sometimes it was so easy to pretend down here, away from the rest of the world. To pretend that Raoul was fine, and in a few days she would go visit him, see him smile, hear his voice… Christine felt tears slide down her cheeks as she thought of this.
I'll never see him again…
Of course, Christine believed in the promise of an afterlife, a chance to see her beloved Raoul again someday. But right then, so far underground, so far away from others, the idea of that seemed so distant. She sat up suddenly, overcome by an incredible urge to see him, to hear him call her name. She looked around frantically; as if she thought that if she looked hard enough he would appear.
The truth struck her hard at that moment. The realization that he wasn't coming back…
She was aware that she was sobbing, she was also aware that Erik would probably hear her, but she didn't care. Her chest felt about to explode from the terrible anguish that coursed through her body. At some point she fell asleep, having exhausted herself
Erik sat up abruptly when he heard a sound issuing from Christine's room. He rose slowly, indecisively making his way to the door. He pressed his ear up to the wood and listened. She was crying. Her cries were filled with such anguish, such raw emotion… His fist rose, as if to knock, but something stopped him. He stayed very still, listening to her sobs. After a few moments he became aware that he too was crying. He sank down to the ground, his head resting against the door. He cried with her, he felt what she was feeling. He knew what pain felt like. The pain of losing someone you love. They cried. They cried together, but at the same time, they cried worlds apart.
Christine awoke tangled in the blankets on her bed. She had fallen asleep in a rather odd position and was now quite tangled up. She looked sleepily at the clock while struggling to remove herself from the sheets. It was two in the morning. Christine sat up in bed, finally free of her bonds. She remembered why she had fallen asleep so oddly, why she had been tossing and turning all night. Suddenly quite wide-awake she crept to the door of her room. Pressing her ear against the wood, she listened for any sound. Although, she realized, even if Erik was out there, she most likely wouldn't be able to hear him. She went to the bed, retrieving a blanket, which she wrapped around herself, more as an object of comfort than from protection from the cold.
She opened the door a crack and peered into the sitting room. It was empty. She pushed the door open soundlessly and crept into the room. Somehow she doubted that Erik was asleep and she didn't feel ready for another confrontation just yet.
She seated herself in an armchair by the fire, nearly burnt out, but some embers were still burning a bright red. She curled her legs under herself and simply stared into the grate, letting her mind go numb. It was better that way, she didn't need to think.
Christine sunk into a deep stupor, bordering on complete unconsciousness. At one point she became vaguely aware of a presence in the room. She drifted off to sleep, but was still semi-aware of her surroundings and she could have sworn that she had heard something, as if someone were weeping softly. This barely had time to register before her body succumbed to blissful sleep.
Christine awoke in her bed the next morning. As she washed and dressed, she wondered vaguely whether she had only dreamed leaving her room.
When she had deemed herself presentable, she went to the door. She let her hand hover above the knob for a moment. Erik was out there. She had to face him now… She withdrew her hand quickly. What could she possibly say to him? For a moment she wished to be almost anywhere else on earth. All she had done was cause him pain. Her presence here couldn't be appreciated. Especially after what she had done to him last night. There was no one else to blame for that; it was her fault, and hers alone.
She stared at the door, knowing she had to go out there, but at the same time contemplating how long she could wait to do so. At last she felt…almost ready. Before she could change her mind, she seized the doorknob and swung open the door.
The sitting room was empty. She went into the kitchen where Erik could usually be found in the mornings. But today he was not there. Christine went to the counter upon which was a fresh cup of tea and a note. It was short, devoid of any emotion.
I shall return shortly. Breakfast has been attended to.
Erik
Christine sighed. She had been dreading seeing Erik this morning, but now that it had been postponed she did not feel relieved. She actually felt more anxious than she had been before.
She picked up the tea and went into the dining room where, like Erik had said, breakfast had been laid out for her. She suddenly realized how hungry she was. The last time she had eaten was the morning before. Her mind didn't want to eat, but her body refused to let her skip this meal.
It didn't take her long to finish. She stood, collecting her plate, and made her way to the kitchen. She wiped the china with a cloth and placed it back in the cupboard where it belonged.
Not knowing what to do with her time next, she made the decision to go to the library. Reading would make the time between then and Erik's return seem faster.
She scanned the shelves. Choosing a book out of Erik's collection was at times a phenomenal task, especially if one didn't know what they were in the mood for.
Christine lazily ran her fingers over the spines, deciding that it would be easier to pull out a book at random. She stopped and pulled out the very large book her fingers rested on.
Encyclopedia of Medicine: Diseases and Cures, she read off of the cover.
"Well maybe it isn't easier to choose a book at random," she said to herself, placing the book back on the shelf.
She looked at the various books in front of her and realized they were all informative books such as that one had been. She moved down a shelf or two, finding books more appropriate for reading for pleasure. Again she went for the random method. Stopping suddenly and selecting the book her hand stopped on.
Romeo and Juliet.
Christine stared at the book. She knew it was a very sad and tragic story. But perhaps she was in the mood for tragedy. She sat down in a large armchair with the book, contemplating the logic behind reading a tragedy when your own life could easily pass for one.
In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,And therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light:
But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true
Than those that have more cunning to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware,
My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,
And not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.
Christine stopped to look at the time. Shocked at how long she had been reading, knowing that Erik had most likely returned, she dropped the book and hurried into the sitting room. It was empty. She could see into the foyer from where she stood and she could see Erik's cloak and hat hanging up. He was here. And he was avoiding her.
She sank onto the divan wearily. Perhaps it is just as well he wants nothing to do with me, she thought sadly. Maybe now he can have at least a single day of peace.
Just as she thought this, the door to Erik's study opened and he emerged. He walked into the sitting room and sat down without comment.
Christine knew that if she were to talk to him, she would have to begin the conversation.
They sat for several minutes in uncomfortable silence while Christine struggled for something to say. Surely Erik could see the discomfort this was causing her. Surely he would speak soon, but he didn't.
Finally she spoke, unable to bare the silence any longer.
"Erik, please don't be angry with me."
He turned to face her, obviously surprised at what she had said. He recovered quickly and turned away, "I'm not angry with you Christine, " he said softly.
Christine, relieved that he wasn't harboring any hostile feelings toward her, persisted.
"Then why have you been avoiding me all morning?" she asked carefully.
Erik paused for a moment, "Be…because I…"
Christine stared. She had never known him to stutter over his words. Something was wrong…
Erik was struggling with himself for a decision. He was on the brink of revealing what he was feeling to Christine. He was so close to telling her about the emotions running through him…but he couldn't. He could almost hear himself saying the words, but he couldn't. He had built strong walls around his emotions and he wouldn't allow them to crumble. They were too much a part of him to let go and tell her everything.
He sighed, deciding it would be best for her if he did not go into what he felt. She was more important and always would be.
He sat back in his chair and said, "It's not your fault Christine."
Christine opened her mouth to say something. He had avoided her question, which he often did. But something kept her silent.
Erik continued when she didn't speak. "You must believe that Christine. I would never blame you. I would never be angry with you. I understand why you…said what you did last night."
He stood abruptly, unwilling to go into it any further. "Now, if you'll excuse me."
He strode quickly across the room, feeling Christine's gaze burning into the back of his head as he opened the door of his bedroom.
Without turning, he said softly, "I am sorry about the vicomte."
And with that he went into the room, closing the door rather loudly behind him.
Erik collapsed into a chair in the corner, letting his head drop into his hands. He couldn't do this anymore. Keep up this façade of being at peace. He had thought that maybe, if he just blocked everything out, all of these problems would go away.
But no such thing had happened. These days of being able to ignore the truth were coming to an end fast.
Erik knew he shouldn't have asked Christine about…her intentions…as he did the night before. Neither of them was really ready for it, but he simply hadn't been able to bear the not knowing any longer. But now, he did know and if it was possible, he felt worse than he had before.
But he didn't matter. Christine mattered. Her feelings were what mattered. How could he have been so selfish?
He stood up suddenly, angry with himself again. Angry with himself, and the entire world. Maybe he was even angry with Christine. He was angry that she could be so calm, take all of this in so well. He couldn't show what he was feeling about this. If Christine could be brave then how could he possibly think of resorting to any show of weakness over this?
Erik was not weak. Far from it, and he'd be damned before he upset Christine with his own emotions. Erik paused for a moment. There was a certain level of absurdity in that statement. But nevertheless, he would not show Christine what this had done to him, ever. She could never know.
He knew full well that she still blamed herself; surely this would only cause her more pain.
Erik ceased his pacing in front of the organ. He stared at it for a moment, ran his fingers gently over the hard ivory of the keys. He hadn't played for a long time. He needed it, needed the release that music always seemed to bring him. But he was afraid of scaring Christine. It had happened before…
Erik was beginning to doubt that even music could cure him of this pain. He hadn't known it was possible to feel this way, to feel this much despair. Christine had left him, but then there had been the comfort that she would be cared for, safe,…happy.
Now there was no comfort.
He once again ran his fingers over the keys, feeling a tingle go through them. He lifted his hands over the keys, prepared to hit the first chord, ready for the sheer magnitude of the relief it might bring.
"Erik! Come out of there at once!" Christine said sharply, knocking loudly on the door of his bedroom. She would not allow him to stay in there and wallow in despair as he was surely doing. There had been enough of that going around.
Erik's hands fell away from the keys and he swung around. She was forcing another interview on him… He could hardly bear to open the door and see her again! He had admitted to her that he was sorry that Raoul was dead… Wasn't that enough to buy him sometime to think by himself?
Christine needed him though…and he could not deny her that. Reluctantly, he walked away from the organ and opened the door. Christine stood outside, looking forlorn and so young… It broke his heart.
She spoke first. "Erik, I don't want you to lock yourself up in there right now… I can't bear to be alone like this, and you surely can't be happy all by yourself right now! I know you are not." She paused and sighed. "And…" she said, sounding as though she would cry, and indeed when she looked up at him her eyes shined with tears. "I…want to thank you, for caring so much. I want to thank you for what you just said. It means the world to me."
Suddenly she cast her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. He caught her as she fell against him. Even though there was so much trouble between them, at least one point of happiness could be found at that moment as Erik realized this no longer was a frightening experience. He could hold her and she wouldn't pull away. He wasn't harming her, this was…comforting her. She wanted him to hold her. He held her to him, smoothed her hair, breathed in her perfume. Oh God he loved her…
But there is a saying about things you love. Erik slowly drew himself away from her, but held onto her arm, leading her to the divan where they both sat. Oh what could he say to her now? He searched for the right words, but this was something he didn't exactly have much practice with. He tried to think of it in terms of composing an opera. What would the dashing young tenor say to the woman he loved who was hurting so much?
"Christine…" he began slowly. "I'm sorry… You were hurt so many times, and none of this should have happened. But…just know that…I promised you, you would always be safe here…"
He had noticed her eyes drifting towards the floor as they often did when he tried to speak to her in this manner. It just didn't seem to suit him.
He ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "I'm not any good at this," he muttered, half to himself.
He looked back to Christine when she took his hand. There were tears in her eyes. "Please, go on."
Erik sighed. "I don't know what I can say… I don't know what I can do to stop this… I want you to be happy Christine."
"I'm sorry, Erik," she said. "I can't be happy for you and I'm sorry…" Christine looked at him now, knowing just how much she was hurting him still. Oh why had this happened to them?
"Christine, please stop apologizing," Erik said. "You have done nothing." He let his hand trace the now familiar patch of air beside her cheek as he said this.
"Erik…" Christine said carefully, watching his hand. "You may…" she paused, unsure of what she really wanted to say. "You can touch me Erik," she said quietly.
Erik's hand stopped as he stared at her. She had just given him permission to touch her… He had never expected to hear those words from anyone, ever. His hand had begun to shake and he let it drop. He stood up quickly and began to go back to his room.
"Erik wait," Christine said, grabbing his arm to stop him.
Erik wrenched his arm free of her grasp. "Please…" he said, breathlessly. "I…need a moment."
Within seconds the door had slammed behind him and Christine was alone. But for some reason she felt better… Erik would return and maybe then… Maybe everything would be all right.
A/N: End scene. Yes, there is the chapter, something will actually HAPPEN in the next one, lol. I believe the next chapter will be skipping ahead a month or two just to warn you now.
As always, Please Review! They are such an incredible highlight in my life. I love 'em :)