A/N: All right everyone. My deepest apologies for the incredibly long wait. This chapter was so incredibly difficult to write. So for awhile I gave up on it completely. Yes, it was extremely frustrating, and it's finally finished and I am so unbelievably happy. I just hope that you all will deem it acceptable as I am still not all that fond of it. Although I might just hate it because it caused me so much trouble, lol. So yes, hopefully it won't be terrible and you guys will like it a little…
Thank you all so much for your reviews! I got so many for my last chapter and I couldn't be happier. Thank you so much. And because I'm so happy this chapter is going up at last, everyone gets their name listed in the Author's Note today! :) Huge thanks to The Phantom Parisienne, Jenny, florence, Badly Drawn Girl, Phantomgurl33, Freya, musicallover6, Jstarz927, Erin, Katherine Silverhair, draegon-fire, Fantome, Diva Mama, Miranda7911, and Midasgirl (who I was very happy to see review at last :)) And special thanks to Riene for listening to me complain about this chapter for so very long. :P You all are wonderful.
And now it's story time at long last. :)
Promptly at four o'clock, Erik left the house to help Madame Giry across the lake. Christine was left alone, her mind racing. She went over again in her head what she was going to say. She had been up most of the night trying to decide what it was she wanted to convey.
Christine's thoughts stopped abruptly as the sound of the front door opening met her ears. She stood quickly and watched Madame Giry and Erik enter the house. Erik offered her a seat with a wave of his hand and disappeared into his study without speaking. Christine watched him sadly for a few moments before turning her attention to Madame Giry who still stood just behind her.
Madame Giry smiled kindly, "How are you Christine?"
Christine seemed to consider this question for a moment, before answering, "I am well enough. Please, sit down."
Madame Giry sat down, as did Christine. She remained silent, waiting for Christine to speak, knowing she had been brought here for a reason.
"Madame I…" Christine began,
but faltered. "I…hope it wasn't an inconvenience for you to come here today."
"No, it was no trouble… Is everything all right Christine?"
"You know it isn't."
Madame Giry raised her eyebrows at this blunt remark.
Christine lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry Madame, but…"
"It's all right to be frightened, Christine."
Christine looked up as Madame Giry took her hand and smiled kindly.
"I try not to be," she whispered. "I wish I could be as strong as Erik, but I'm not and never will be." She paused for a moment. "It's so hard, Madame. Sometimes I can't bear to be in this house. Is that shameful of me?" she asked fearfully.
"No, Christine. This is a difficult time for you…"
Christine nodded slowly. "I feel like I'm constantly hurting him. Just looking at me must be painful for him."
"He loves you Christine," Madame Giry said. "He hates to see you unhappy."
"And that's all I've been. But he can't honestly expect me to be happy," Christine sighed.
"He's upset because he can't do anything to help you," Madame Giry explained, softly.
Christine looked up at Madame Giry incredulously, then sighed. "He doesn't understand, he just can't understand how much he helps me…he doesn't know what he means to me."
"What does he mean to you?" Madame Giry asked suddenly.
"Please Madame, don't make me discuss that now," Christine said, flushing slightly.
Madame Giry lifted Christine's chin and looked directly into her eyes. "What are you afraid of Christine?"
Christine felt her eyes filling with tears as Madame Giry continued to stare at her questioningly. Christine could feel her throat closing as she choked, "I loved my fiancé very much, Madame."
Madame Giry melted at the sight of Christine burying her face in her hands. She pulled the young woman into a comforting hug. "I'm sorry, Christine."
Christine clung to Madame Giry, ashamed of her tears, but unable to quell them. Although for a moment Christine nearly forgot who she was crying for.
After a few minutes Christine rose, uncomfortable that she had broken down. She had tried to prepare herself to stay calm during this interview… "Forgive me, Madame," she muttered, wiping the last of her tears.
"It's all right, Christine. I know his death was terrible for you."
Christine sighed. "Something else to cause Erik pain…"
"He knows you loved him," Madame Giry said calmly. "As much as he doesn't want to think of it. But…" Madame Giry paused, unsure of how Christine might react to her next statement. "Loving Erik does not mean you have betrayed the Vicomte, Christine."
Looking at her hands, she said softly, "But…but surely Raoul would be furious if he knew I was with Erik."
"Child, look around you," Madame Giry said. "Here you are cared for, safe, and much happier than you would be alone. Wouldn't the Vicomte want that for you?"
"Yes…" Christine answered timidly, but sure of her answer.
"You have every right to try to be happy again, to continue your life…with Erik, if you choose."
Christine paused and ran a hand over her face briefly. "Erik… He means the world to me, Madame. He has become… Sometimes it's like he's my best friend. But then, we have these times…when it seems we can't speak to each other."
Christine placed her hand on her stomach and looked into Madame Giry's eyes. "I don't want to mention it. I don't want him to have to think about it any more than he has to… But soon, we're going to have to stop ignoring it and face the truth. I'm going to have a child…" Her voice broke and tears threatened her again. "I know…that I'm going to have to leave this house. He knows it as well." Christine looked away, blinking back the water, now pooling in her eyes. "I don't want to leave him, Madame. But what choice do I have?"
"Oh Christine," Madame Giry began. She couldn't stand the injustice of Christine's suffering. She was just a child… "You have been through so much in this past year. More than anyone so young should have to struggle through. You must be strong, Christine."
The young woman nodded, swallowing hard. "But what will I do, Madame? I can't just leave Erik…"
"You care for him," Madame Giry ventured.
"Of course I do," Christine said immediately.
"And you wish to live with him?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Christine flushed and looked away.
"Christine, listen to me," Madame Giry said. "You cannot be with him in this manner forever."
"Why can't I?" Christine demanded, raising her voice.
"Because you're tormenting him!" Madame Giry nearly shouted, getting to her feet.
"Would it not be more painful if I just left him?" Christine asked loudly, rising off the divan as well.
"At least then he would know where he stands," Madame Giry countered.
Christine glared at the older woman for a moment, before clapping her hand over her mouth and turning away quickly.
"Oh…God, forgive me, Madame. Please…I'm sorry. Forgive me…" she pleaded, burying her face in her hands.
Madame Giry paused briefly, before stepping forward and placing her hands gently on Christine's shoulders. "I have known Erik for a long time, Christine. His life has not been easy."
"I'm aware of that," Christine said bitterly, although her tone was not directed entirely toward Madame Giry
"Do you wish to do that to him, Christine? Do you want to tell him that you wish to live with him, but want nothing between you? Do you realize what that would do to him? What it's already doing to him?"
"Tell me what to do…" Christine said softly. She sounded so young, so lost.
Madame Giry turned her gently to face her again. "You have a child to consider," she said quietly. "You will have to stay with us when the time comes. You'll have to obtain a flat of your own when your child is a little older… Oh my dear," Madame Giry, "you realize what this means."
Christine gave up trying to hold back her tears. She tried to imagine herself…with a child. She was going to be a mother. She was going to be tied to this child for the rest of her life. She was going to be separated from Erik… Christine heard a soft whimper escape from her, before she collapsed heavily on the divan.
"Erik…" she whispered.
Madame Giry bit her lip, holding back tears of her own. Christine's distress was so great, it seemed to radiate throughout the room.
"Do you want to talk to him, Christine?"
Christine couldn't speak. She opened and closed her mouth several times, gasping for air. At last she nodded. She had understood the question… But her mind seemed utterly numb. She couldn't think straight. Her thoughts weren't connected.
Madame Giry cast a lingering look at Christine, before walking to the door of Erik's study and knocking softly. The door opened almost immediately. Erik registered the look on Madame Giry's face and moved his eyes over her head toward Christine, seated on the divan. She stared straight ahead, a look of mingled sadness and horror pasted on her face.
Erik felt his heart quicken and he turned his attention back to Madame Giry. "What is it?" he asked urgently.
"Erik," Madame Giry said calmly. "You need to talk with her. You need to keep yourself controlled. She is very upset right now and you need to help her."
Madame Giry paused. Erik searched her expression frantically. He was beginning to panic. If something happened to Christine…
"She's frightened, Erik. Christine is going to be a mother," she said, quietly. "She doesn't want to lose you."
Erik stared at her for a moment, not sure of what to say to her.
"I'm going now, Erik," she continued. "Please, be calm, she needs that of you right now."
Madame Giry hesitated a moment, then touched his arm briefly before turning on her heel and leaving the house on the lake entirely. Erik and Christine were left alone.
Erik walked cautiously towards where Christine was seated. She noticed his presence and turned her head to look up at him. Her expression showed such sadness…Erik felt as though a sword had been thrust into his stomach.
He realized then that he didn't know what to say to her. "Christine…" he began, struggling for words.
She rose slowly to her feet, then without warning, ran the last few feet between them and threw her arms around his neck. Erik closed his eyes and held onto her tightly as she began to sob into his shoulder.
"Please Erik," she choked. "I don't want to lose you. Please don't leave me."
"Never," Erik responded, knowing that Madame Giry was right, he had to remain calm.
"Promise me, Erik!" Christine was hysterical. She didn't think about what she said or what she was doing. All she knew was that she wanted to be in Erik's arms and never, ever let go.
"I promise," Erik said, keeping his voice calm and soothing. But it was no use, Christine would not be calmed.
"Erik I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I have to leave you!" She tightened her grip on him. "I don't want this child, Erik! I want to be with you, always! I'm sorry," she continued. Her words almost lost amongst her sobs, but not to Erik who heard every word quite clearly.
"We will not be separated, Christine," he said, a hint of fierceness in his voice.
He winced slightly, feeling Christine's fingernails digging into his back. He was growing anxious. She was so desperate, so hysterical. She could be hurting herself…
"Christine," he said softly. Slowly he eased himself out of her fierce embrace.
"No!" she cried, trying to wrap herself around him again.
"Christine, listen," he said calmly. He held tightly to her hands as she continued to sob. "Calm down, child. It will be all right."
"How will it be all right?" she shrieked.
Erik knew he had to calm her before she really did do herself harm. Slowly, he brought his arms around her. He held her as if she were made of the most delicate glass and began to rock her gently. After a moment he began to sing, very quietly. It was a lullaby. A soothing melody that poured forth from Erik's mouth effortlessly. Eventually Christine began to relax. She slumped against him. She could shed no more tears and was left hiccupping in his embrace. Erik felt her go limp in his arms. With a sweeping motion he carefully lifted her up and carried her to her bedroom, continuing the song as he went. Her eyes were closed, but she wrapped her arms around his neck. Erik carried her into the Louis-Phillipe room and placed her carefully on the bed.
Christine opened her eyes a little as he did so. "Don't leave me, Erik," she muttered.
Erik paused for a moment, indecisively. "I'm here, Christine," he said, sinking into her bedside chair.
Christine felt him sit down and held out her hand to him. He took it and covered it with his other hand. She fell asleep almost immediately after that, having utterly exhausted herself. Erik remained with her for a long time, softly humming the same lullaby.
He woke the next morning to find them both, relatively in the same position, with one exception. Christine's eyes were wide open, and she was staring straight at Erik. He quickly sat up in the chair, withdrawing his hand from hers. It was odd that she would wake before him.
For several moments, they simply looked at each other. Erik waiting for Christine to make the first move. At last, she propped herself up on her elbow. Avoiding Erik's eyes she said, "I apologize for my behavior last night."
She looked back at Erik, "Please don't look at me like that, and please don't say, it's all right. It isn't all right. I behaved shamefully last night and I'm sorry."
Erik marveled at the incredible maturity Christine was putting forth. Seeing her now, it was unbelievable that she had been screaming and sobbing the night before. She sat up then, exhaustion in her every move.
"I have a responsibility, Erik. I forgot that, I was being selfish and childish. And…I hope you will forgive me," she finished.
He searched her face for a moment, in some state of disbelief. He could hardly believe how old she looked then. Forgive her? It had already been done. "Of course, Christine," Erik said at last.
She sighed softly in obvious relief.
"Are you hungry?" he asked her, desperate to make the conversation light before the situation became awkward.
"Very," she answered, smiling gratefully.
Erik stood stiffly and offered her his hand. He helped her off of the bed and waited as she went to the wardrobe to retrieve a pair of slippers. After struggling with them for a moment she sighed. "I need new ones. My feet are swollen…" she murmured, mostly to herself. She abandoned them, and left the room barefoot. Erik followed closely behind her.
They went into the kitchen together. Christine sat down, watching Erik's every move. He pretended that he didn't notice that she was staring at him, but he began to grow very agitated under her gaze.
Unable to bear it any longer, he turned to face her. "Do you find something about me fascinating, my dear?"
Christine removed her eyes from him quickly. "I'm sorry, Erik. I didn't mean to stare."
Erik raised an eyebrow, but turned back around and said nothing.
"What will we do, Erik?" Christine asked suddenly.
Erik paused for a moment, but did not turn to look at her. "I don't know what you mean, my dear."
Christine sighed, realizing that Erik was going to be difficult. "In less then three months I'm going to have a child, Erik," she said frankly.
Erik dropped the knife in his hand and gripped the top of the counter before him.
"I have to leave at that time," she continued carefully.
"Yes, you'll have to, I suppose," Erik answered stiffly.
"What are we going to do?"
Erik sighed wearily. "Forgive me, my dear, but I fail to see where I come into all of this."
"I don't want to leave you," she said quietly.
"We both know you cannot remain here. Once you leave, I have no proper reason to see you again."
Christine opened her mouth in shock. She realized what a terrible thing it would be. To never see Erik again…
"You don't mean that, Erik," Christine said softly.
Erik inhaled sharply and turned to face her at last. "Exactly what are you referring to, Christine? You cannot stay here and I cannot leave. It's rather simple."
Christine glared at him for a moment before standing abruptly and storming out of the room.
Erik watched her go. He took a deep shuddering breath and proceeded to go after her. It would do no good for them to stop speaking to each other now. Walking into the sitting room he saw her, collapsed on the divan, her arm hanging over the armrest and her face hidden.
Without saying a word he sat down in his chair and looked at her calmly. Christine knew he was there and didn't raise her head. "Are you going to talk to me now?" she asked, her voice slightly muffled.
"Well, it would be an easier conversation if I knew what sort of solution you were looking for," Erik said evenly.
Christine clenched her teeth briefly before raising her head to look directly at Erik. "I want us to be together."
"Ah yes, I understand that, my dear. What I don't understand," he said, leaning forward slightly, "…is why."
Christine sighed and looked away from him, "Why must you act like this?" she muttered.
Erik chose not to comment. He continued to stare at her, waiting for an answer.
She lay still on the divan for a few minutes, still draped over the armrest. At last, she looked directly at Erik and said, "You couldn't live without me."
Erik felt his stomach lurch, but kept his eyes expressionless. He couldn't believe that Christine was attempting to turn the conversation towards him.
Erik rose to her challenge gracefully. "I hardly think that my wants should play into this matter."
Christine sat up when he said this. "Why shouldn't they?" she questioned honestly.
Erik laughed outright at this, but stopped when he saw the look of incredible sadness that had settled on Christine's face.
"Please don't laugh, Erik. Why shouldn't your feelings matter?" She slid off the divan at this and settled herself at his feet. Taking his hand she said, "You are my closest friend and I care for you. I want us both to be happy."
He stared into her eyes, not even attempting to hide his shock. No one had ever cared about what he wanted…what he felt. He didn't matter, he never had. But suddenly, someone cared. And it was Christine. His angel, the one person he would do anything for. The woman he loved, wanted him to be happy. She cared for him…
Christine stared at him, suddenly feeling an overwhelming desire to take him into her arms, to show him how much she did truly care for him. She bit her lip then, wondering how far she dared to carry this conversation. Taking a deep breath, she decided that she couldn't hold back any longer… She had to…
"You love me, Erik?"
He looked at her, searching her eyes before answering with the least amount of emotion he could manage, "Of course."
"Do you…" Christine paused, knowing this question would most likely upset him. "Do you think I love you?"
A very uncomfortable silence followed this question. Erik's gaze shifted off of her and he had tensed a great deal. But despite this, Christine wanted to wait for an answer.
At last, after what felt like hours to Christine, Erik spoke. "Sometimes I want to believe that…" he said softly, feeling painfully vulnerable as he shared some of his feelings with Christine. "…even though I know it can't be true."
Erik's gaze had moved to the armrest of the chair he sat in. Christine stared at him intensely until he had no choice but to look back at her. "Why can't it be true?" she whispered.
"Why are you doing this, Christine?" he asked, begging her to stop.
She could see tears forming in his eyes, but anyway she chose to tell him, this conversation would be painful and difficult. And she wanted to know…
"Erik, won't you answer me?" she said, determination attempting to mask the apology in her eyes.
"I want to believe you do, Christine. I want to believe it's true. That someone could love me…" Erik stopped himself, he had said too much. Why was he saying all of this? Why was he telling this to Christine? He despised himself at that moment. He was weak and his incredible weakness was bared for Christine to see.
But before he could say anything to try to redeem himself, Christine had stood and wrapped his arms around him. He threw his arms around her, pulling her down to him, clinging to her desperately, pleading with her to stop this torment. After a moment he realized that she was crying. Another moment had passed before he realized that he was crying as well.
Christine turned her head, and Erik could feel her warm breath on his ear.
"I do love you so, Erik."
And this was too much for him. His tears came in earnest now, he could not bear this. He was being toyed with. She had strung him up and was now taking her swing at him.
"Christine…" Erik choked, trying to form something to say through his tears
At last, Erik felt he had somewhat regained control of his senses. He noted his masked face buried in Christine's hair, he noticed Christine on his lap… The indecency of it all struck him then and he gently withdrew from her embrace. Carefully he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her up. She sank back down to the ground at his feet, while Erik covered his eyes with his hand, his elbow on the armrest.
Christine bit her lip, on the verge of tears at Erik's distress. She struggled to remain silent, to give him a moment to think, but she could not stop herself for long.
"Erik?" she asked timidly, placing her hand on his knee.
He remained silent and she swallowed hard.
"I'm sorry, Erik. I know that I've…" she paused, trying to find the right word and failing," …shocked you. But how could you think that I wouldn't care about you?"
He let out his breath sharply, in almost a laugh. "You could never understand, Christine."
She lowered her eyes, "I'm sorry, Erik. I try to understand." Christine looked up at him again. "But I don't understand is why you can't see what's right in front of you."
When he didn't respond, she was forced to continue. "I do love you so, Erik. I know every part of you is telling your mind not to believe it. Not to trust me… But it is the truth, Erik."
Erik could not stand sitting still any longer as emotion surged through him. He stood up abruptly, as did Christine to allow him to move about the room. He settled himself at a comfortable distant from her and spoke at last.
"I would not lie to you," Christine pressed.
"You have before, my dear," he sighed.
"And so have you, Angel," she shot back, immediately.
He chuckled softly and turned his back to her. "Touché."
"Please, Erik…" she began, but he cut her off.
"And tell me, my dear, what of your devotion to the Vicomte?" he said smoothly.
The question struck Christine and she felt a spark of anger. Glaring at Erik's back she said fiercely, "I loved him very much and I always will. Do not presume that I will deny that for you, Erik."
She knew that she should stop there, but she couldn't. Erik had made her angry. He had no right to question her about Raoul.
"Look at me," she demanded.
Erik turned around, crossing his arms and staring at her icily.
"You told us to go," Christine said, her voice shaking slightly. "You told us to go so I could be happy, didn't you?"
Erik made no response, but Christine continued as if he had. "Do you still want me to be happy?"
He paused, not in hesitation, but in fear of revealing too much emotion while she was trying to wear him down. "More than anything," he said evenly.
"Then do something for me," she said, walking to him and taking his hands.
"And what is it you want me to do?" he asked, knowing that she had him. Knowing he would not refuse any request she made.
"I would like to say, believe me…but I know that you can't seem to do that yet. So…just be with me…always…
And she crossed to him and gently wrapped her arms around his neck. He closed his eyes and brought his arms around her. He held her gently, but Christine clung to him, wishing she never had to leave his embrace.
Erik let out a shuddering breath. Despite the overall situation, despite the tumultuous thoughts in his head, he suddenly felt so very…content. Christine warm and alive in his arms, her breath on his neck, her hair brushing against his chin. His desire for her, the intense love he always had for her…the feelings he had buried for her sake, were emerging swiftly and he could hardly bear it. He could never let her go…
"We'll find a way, Christine."
A/N: And there it is. It's finally finished, it's finally up, and you've all finally gotten the chance to read it! Thank you for your patience! Next chapter will not take so long as it is really already finished, so you won't have to wait an entire month again! Again, I'm very sorry for the delay.
As always, Please Review! :) Thank you very much!