Severed Ties

Chapter 25

Unwanted

June 4th, 2002

"Angel Investigations," a raspy voice said. A very familiar voice.

"Wesley," Angel growled, his hand tightening around the phone. He eased his grip when the sharp crack of plastic filled the air. "What the hell are you doing there?"

There was no answer from the other line but the vampire heard the former watcher's jagged breathing and Angel opened his mouth to speak when Wesley broke the silence.

"Gunn and Fred needed me."

"What? Is there another baby that needs to be kidnapped? You wanna break up another family, Wes?" Angel spat.

"I understand why you are upset, Angel," the other man replied, clearly forcing himself to be calm, "but understand that I was only doing what I thought was right. And…"

"You thought that taking my son from me was right? What's next, you're gonna put a stake through my heart to help alleviate my sour moods. Wesley, you took my son. My son! A son that was the greatest miracle in my life and you try to placate me with 'I was only doing what I thought was right'. How dare you?!"

"I dare, Angel," Wesley replied, the conciliation gone from his voice, "because there are greater things at work than my erroneous judgment."

The urge to kill Wesley was so great that the bloodlust in Angel's veins clogged his throat like bile. He was vaguely aware of shifting into game face but shook it away. Gritting his teeth, Angel reigned in the blind rage that seeped from his pores and cleared his throat. "Why are you there?" he asked, aware of the fragmentary control of his voice.

"As I said, Fred and Gunn called me in. It's Lorne…"

The vampire frowned, taken aback by the news. "Is he okay?"

"Physically, he's fine, but emotionally…I don't know what it was he saw, Angel, but it disturbed him greatly."

"Did--did he say anything about what he saw?"

A tired sigh answered him. "All he could say was that something's coming, something bad."

"How bad?"

"Bad enough for him to close down Caritas for the past two days."

Angel shook his head in disbelief. That Lorne would shut down the bar for any amount of time--aside from remodeling--was disconcerting. And instincts told Angel that whatever Lorne had sensed had to do with Cordy's vision as well as the impending doom that was slowly working its way into his veins.

"Angel, are you still there?"

"I'm here, Wes," the vampire replied. "So Lorne has no idea what's going on, just that something bad is coming."

"That is correct. Except…"

Angel sat up straight, "Wes, what is it?"

He could almost hear the other man's brain spinning but said nothing, allowing Wesley time to answer. "Truly it does not make much sense, but Lorne said that he felt as if it had something to do with you--"

"What doesn't nowadays?"

"And Connor."

The mention of his son's name twisted the invisible stake further into his chest and as he sometimes did, Angel wished the grief would incinerate him. It may have been selfish but the loss of his son was worse than any deed he'd ever perpetrated as Angelus and their were time that the Powers' Champion was overwhelmed by his loss.

"Angel," Wesley's voice broke in, the hesitancy clear in his tone, "about Connor…"

"Don't, Wes."

"You have to realize that…"

"Wes," he growled and the former watcher was silent. "Don't. I don't know what's going on there but I'm glad you're there."

"That means a lot to me," he replied after a moment of silence.

"Don't get it confused, Wes. I will never forgive you for what you did and, if you value your life, after all this is over, I'd suggest you disappear for a long time. Because next time I see you, there may be no one to pull me off of you." Without waiting for a reply, Angel clicked the phone off.

Tossing the phone onto the bed, Angel walked to the window. He watched as the sun was overtaken by the ominous thunderheads; they roared their triumph at the day's premature defeat as blackness began its descent over Sunnydale.

"What is it?" Angel turned towards the voice and his morose thoughts were forgotten as he watched his goddess exit the bathroom, clad in a towel. His eyes drifted to her exposed thigh where the towel's coverage concluded.

"Angel," Cordelia said, snapping a finger in front of his face. Only by force of will was he able to tamper the lust that flowed through his veins. Still, the overwhelming desire to touch her would not be satiated so easily. Giving in to the need, Angel pulled Cordelia to his chest, ignoring her protests. Said protests were quickly extinguished with a thorough exploration of her exposed neck as his hands roamed underneath her scant coverings. It was only a matter of time before his kisses migrated to her lips and the two lost themselves in the passionate struggle for supremacy.

Moments before her surrender, Cordelia pulled away and fed her depleted lungs. "Okay," she panted, placing her hands on his chest. "Not one to complain but--where in the hell did that come from?"

Angel ducked his head and shrugged. "Can't it just be my need to ravish my girl when she enters the room covered in a towel?"

"You could," she said and nipped at his ear, "but we both know that's not the reason."

All humor lost, Angel scowled. "And what is the reason?"

Cordelia graced his lips with a chaste kiss before taking a seat on the bed. She sat cross-legged and stared at him with patient eyes. "Well, brood boy, that's what I want you to tell me."

Sighing, Angel ran his fingers through his hair and stole a glance outside. The sun was now completely overshadowed by the unforgiving storm that was approaching yet the tiniest of rays fought through the blanket of darkness. Even when the sun was a distant memory and night ruled the hours, Angel knew that the light would never disappear; it would always be waiting, just over the horizon to banish the shadows and give its brilliant light to the world again.

"And it always will," he said, "it always will."

His gaze fell on Cordelia and he saw the confusion written in her eyes. Taking a seat next to her, the vampire clasped one of her delicate hands between his palms and stared into her shimmering pupils.

"I called LA."

"So how are they doing? Can't get anything straight without us there, can they? I knew we should've…"

"Cordy."

"Oops, sorry."

Angel smiled. "That's okay. But as far as the gang, things aren't sunshine and daisies." He sighed. "I talked to Wes."

"Wes?" Cordelia's eyebrows scrunched together. "But how? They know what happened with…"

"Yeah, they do," he interrupted tersely. "Sorry, it's just that…well, it's just that Gunn and Fred called him in."

Cordelia closed the distance between them and he saw her worry bubble to the surface. "But why?"

"That's the thing; it seems that things are getting more complicated than we thought…"

~~~

Summers Residence

"Hey, luv."

"Shhhh."

"What? Tryin to hide from someone? 'S not like…"

"For your information I'm observing Xander and Faith."

"And you're channeling your inner secret agent because…"

A pointed sigh. "Don't tell me, Mister 'I-know-what-everyone's-thinking-at-all-hours-of-the-day' that you haven't noticed the tension between them since last week."

"Well, yeah, but I'm still a bit thrown by the need to snoop on them."

"Body language."

"Mmmm." She gasped when he ground his erection against her butt. "Can you tell what I'm thinkin' by my body's language."

"You're always thinking that," she replied, desperately attempting to control her breathing.

"So you won't mind one bit if I toss you over my shoulder, take you back up to your room and proceed to shag you senseless and crippled?"

She slapped him on the thigh. "Talk a little louder, why don't ya."

"Fine then," he answered, his annoyance clear. "So, what's this about body lingo you're lookin' for, 'Penny'." Studies her intently. "Hey, where're those lovely pig tails?"

"Ha, bloody, ha. Probably the same place you put your collar, Brain.

Leering smirk. "Always knew you were a dominatrix at heart."

Very annoyed sigh. "Will you shut up."

"Fine, shutting up." A beat. "So why the body language?"

"I wanna see why they've been actin' so weird around each other."

"Ever think of, oh, I don't know, asking 'em."

Very unladylike snort. "As if they'll be honest."

"How do you know they won't?"

"Spike, it's Xander and Faith…"

Pause. "Say no more."

"Anyway," she said, peering around the corner, "I'm trying to see if they give away the big whoop on why they're so awkward now."

"Oh." Silence descends for several minutes. "Uh, luv…"

"What?"

"You know you could've just asked me, ya know."

"Like you know."

"I do. Remember, 'can tell what everyone's thinkin' and all that rot."

"You'd just say there's unresolved sexual tension and they need to shag it out."

"True," he admitted, "if that wasn't already the problem."

Pregnant pause.

"Did you just say…?"

"Oh, yeah," he said, grinning ear to ear, "the whelp and Shade shagged big time that night we were in the hotel. Surprised you couldn't smell it. Even non-vampires should've picked up the sex in the air. Hell, it was like bloody cookies were being, well, cooked." A heavy silence followed.

Buffy leaned against the wall and regarded her boyfriend. She smacked him in the chest, hard.

"Oy! What was that for?"

"You just scarred me for life," she said and walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, you asked." When there was no reply, he sighed and trudged towards the kitchen, muttering about the inconsistencies of 'bloody women' the entire way.

~~~

They sat in silence, she reading a magazine as he flipped through the channels. Every now and then he would say something insignificant and she would only shrug her shoulders. Xander would sigh and return to watching whatever passed for entertainment and she would continue reading. That was how it was supposed to be, right? Bang a guy for a night (or two, as the case was) and give him the brush off. Even if said guy was terrific in every way, even if he understood you as well as anyone could, even if you were in serious jeopardy of falling for him--scratch that. Especially if you were in serious jeopardy of falling for him. Yeah, Faith had the procedures for kicking a guy to the curb down. She'd done it dozens of times and this was no different.

Except for the fact that she was miserable.

Damn it, she thought, it's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to feel bad about it. But she did. She felt worse about this than almost squeezing the life out of Xander all those years ago. At least then she could blame it on being royally fucked up. But now…how many times in the last year had she told herself that she'd changed? Her stint in Sunny D had proven that fact; she had opened up about things that she never would have given a second thought to before. She put off her trademark defensiveness, not taking things personally like she used to. And yeah, she still needed a whole helluva lotta work in certain departments, but that didn't mean that she wasn't on her way to being the best that she could be (without a desire to join the Army). But this whole thing with Xander…

A chuckle from the other side of the couch interrupted Faith's thoughts and she turned towards the bearded man beside her. Though he tried to hide it, Faith saw the weariness and dejected edge around his eyes. It was like the air had been forced from his lungs and, despite his efforts, he couldn't refill them. It was the look of major disappointment, the feeling of being used and unwanted.

It was something that Faith had become intimately familiar with.

What is your problem, bitch? She scolded herself. Faith's emotions were at war like they had never been; parts of her clung desperately to her ice bitch routine she had first exhibited when she was fourteen. Other parts wanted nothing more than to act the role of the girly girl, to be swept off her feet…but in order to do that, she had to open up, be honest with Xander and herself. But how could she do that if she was…

"…scared." Faith was startled by the sound of her own voice and she turned to Xander.

"What did you say?" he asked, the hope and longing clear in his eyes despite his efforts to hide them.

For a moment, Faith moved towards blowing him off again, to erect that impenetrable wall of cool indifference. She didn't know what stopped her.

"I said I'm scared." She dropped her gaze from him and her eyes concentrated on her jittery hands in her lap. She heard the TV shut off and glimpsed Xander turn his body towards her. The couch groaned as he shifted his weight closer towards the center.

"Faith," his voice was steady, encouraging, "what are you scared of?"

That was a loaded question. What was she scared of? Nothing? Everything? The little ball of nervousness that made itself known when he was near?

She decided to go with answer number two.

"What do you mean?" His tone was a mix of disbelief and relief and that kindled her anger.

"What the hell do you think I mean?" she hissed and stood. "Generally when someone says they're scared, that means they're scared. God, what the fuck do you think I meant."

Xander stood with the fluid grace of a dancer and approached her with caution. "Faith, I didn't mean anything by it," he soothed her, "I was just surprised that you…"

"That I what? That I can get scared? What do you think I am, some cold heartless bitch that doesn't fear nothin'?"

"No, of course not. Faith, I know you're scared. Remember our last chat before you…you were scared then and you're scared now." He was barely a foot from her now. "But tell me, what are you so afraid off?"

"Everything," she shouted and stepped away from him. She hugged herself tight, trying to stomp down the chills that wracked her body.

"Remember last week, when we talked?" Xander nodded. "I told you how I was terrified of caring again, terrified that, if I did care, it would be taken away from me."

"Faith, what do you think will happen?"

"I don't know! That's the point. I don't know if what's coming's gonna get the best of us all. I don't know if I start caring for you that you won't get tired of me. I don't know how long B'll wanna put up with me. I don't know a goddamn thing, Xander."

She turned her back and studied the fireplace. Although she heard him move, she was surprised when his arms circled her tiny waist. She leaned into him automatically, allowing herself this one comfort because, if she didn't, she was going to fall apart.

"Do we ever really know if something's gonna last? Do we really know if the time we see our loved ones walk out the door will be the last? That some ridiculous accident won't take them from us? No, we don't. All we know is that tomorrow will bring a new day and we have to live each to the fullest."

"But what if it's too much to ask of yourself?"

Xander's arms tightened around her and Faith sighed. His heart beat against her back and his breath tickled her ear. She didn't understand the contentment that washed over her as he held her and she didn't want to question it. Still, she couldn't help the doubts that surfaced every time she thought of them together.

Warm lips on her neck broke Faith's thoughts and she moaned, craning her head to the side, offering herself to him.

"Faith," Xander whispered in her ear, "I know you. True, there's a lot I don't know, but the important stuff; your strength, your courage, your ability to care even when you don't want to…I see that as clear as I see the beautiful woman in my arms. You're right, it's scary. Emotions always are. We never know when we're gonna get burned but even in that, we generally truck on. Why? Because, although it may be too much to ask sometimes, to take those chances, the potential rewards for taking those chances always makes up for the doubt and heartache.

"I wanna take that chance with you, Faith. I know it's only been a few weeks, but there is something about you that I've always wanted to be a part of. Even back then when we first got down, I wanted to explore a relationship; and no, it had nothing to do with you being my first."

Faith whirled in his arms. "I…I was your first?" Although she was stunned, she couldn't banish her amusement, especially when Xander's cheeks tinged a burnt red.

"Yeah, well, the Xand-man didn't get around much. Third base coach never waved me around."

"So you were a virgin. Will wonders never cease."

"You saw me then. I wasn't what one would call the Don."

Faith chuckled. "Oh I know that. You were a geek through and through."

"Thanks a lot," he said but before he turned away, Faith grabbed his hand.

"Of course, you were the sexiest geek there was."

Something thawed within her when he granted her that silly, lopsided grin and Faith squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck.

" 'There was'," he repeated, "as in, 'no longer'?"

"Of course not," she said and kissed him on the cheek. She pulled away and their brown eyes connected on a level of understanding that even their night in bed hadn't allowed. "You're not a geek anymore."

"So what am I?"

Without thinking, Faith's lips dove in, claiming Xander's. Her actions startled him and she slid her tongue into his mouth before he could respond. After a few moments, he melted into the kiss and pulled her against him.

Faith pulled away suddenly and grinned at his confusion. "C'mon," she said and pulled him to the door.

"Where are we going?" he asked as they stepped into the darkening day.

"I'm gonna show you what you are."

"And what is that?"

She regarded him with hooded eyes, trying to keep her throbbing core under control. There was so much inside of her that yearned for release, so much they had yet to discuss but it didn't matter. Her admission from the last few minutes had echoed their previous conversation a week and a half before; she was scared. The other intricacies of her flight or fight responses were irrelevant now. Yeah, she still had some painful baggage that she wanted to share with him but that could wait. Right now, she wanted to enjoy him, enjoy the possibilities of what being with Xander could bring.

"Mine," she said, and winked at him. She took off into the night and heard Xander's footfalls not far behind.

As the first drops of rain fell against her white tank top, Faith smiled like she hadn't done in…in forever. There was so much she still didn't know about herself and what she could be but she would risk the pain to find out. She would take that leap of faith. And should she fall? She knew Xander would be there to pick her back up.

And for the first time in her life, everything was truly five-by-five.

~~~

Buffy stirred the hot chocolate with her finger, watching the white foam of melted marshmallows swirl around her hand like some chocolatey tsunami. The sips from across the table gave her pause and she turned hazel eyes to her lover.

"They stopped yelling," she said, and he nodded. "Think she killed him?"

"Doubt that, pet," Spike replied and caressed her wrist with his fingertips. Even that simple gesture produced a gasp from Buffy's lips and she saw the mirth dancing in his azure eyes.

"What?"

"Nothin' luv, just basking in the effect I 'ave on you."

She rolled her eyes and took a sip from her cup. "And what effect is that?" Buffy shivered when Spike's tongue slithered out his mouth and his caught it between his teeth. Specific parts of her responded immediately to his teasing and Buffy felt, with some disdain, her panties becoming a bit too restrictive. Her pulse had already quickened and it was only a matter of time before Spike…

He sniffed the air and Buffy scowled at his smugness. "That effect, luv," he said and nodded towards her lap.

"Pig," she muttered, and brought the cup in front of her face to hide her blushing cheeks.

"And you love it."

This time she smiled. "I love you, ya know."

Just as she knew Spike would never get tired of hearing it, Buffy would never get tired of saying it.

Slam.

"Guess the love birds 're aimin' for some alone time," Spike said at the sound of the door closing.

"Ya think?"

"Oh, me thinks," he said and stood. His gait was predatory as he circumnavigated the table. He squatted next to her and slipped a hand under her dress. At first he went no further than mid-thigh but when Buffy opened her legs just a fraction, he took it as invite to explore her more intimate parts.

"And now that those two are gone," she gasped when his deft fingers pushed her panties aside, "and the feminine quartet is still at the mall," his thumb swept across her clit, "and the Watcher's MIA," she cried out when two fingers plunged into her, "I have you all to myself."

Anything he said after that was lost on the slayer as she moved her hips to the timing of his thrusts. One of her hands held his firmly in place between her thighs and the other squeezed her throbbing breasts. Her body was on fire and the presence of Spike, the things he was doing, the things he was saying, only intensified that aching burn within her. Even the part of her that had only once felt his cool flesh's penetration begged for invasion. But as soon as those thoughts materialized, they were cast aside as the pleasure reached its inevitable crescendo and Buffy squeezed her legs together and murmured his name.

Her spurts came like rapid bursts of machine gun fire, and her body recoiled with each emission. When she started to come down from the high, she felt the sticky proof of the orgasm against her thighs. Still on the high, she stared down into the liquid fire of Spike's eyes and even when he pulled his fingers away from her and she groaned in disappointment, the blaze in her core had once again started to rise.

It shot through the roof when he licked her essence from his fingertips.

"God, I love you," she whispered and slid shaky fingers through his hair.

"You just love my tight, hot, lil bod."

She chuckled hoarsely and her affectionate perusal of his hair started to lose its innocence. "I love every part of you." She glanced down at the erection that screamed from under his jeans. "And I want that inside me."

"Well, don't mind if I…"

"Everywhere inside me." She almost laughed when his eyes bulged and kissed him on the forehead.

"Even there?" he asked.

"Especially there." They both stood but never broke eye contact. She saw the need to possess every inch of her in his eyes but he was trying to blanket it with the concern…concern and shame.

"Buffy, are you sure? We've only done that once and when I did, I…"

"Hurt me, I know," she said and winced at the memory. It had been during one of their more out of control couplings. Spike had taken her from behind with his usual force, all the while whispering how he wanted to take her second virginity and, caught up in the haze of lust, she had agreed. The lust had been upon him too and he had slammed into her with his entire strength. She had cried for nearly an hour, the pain had been that great. He had never asked again and she knew he still felt guilty for that.

"I trust you, Spike," she whispered. "I trust you to go slow with me."

"God, Buffy, I swear I will. Never wanna hurt you. Never. Rather be burned by holy water than hurt you again." He wrapped his arms around her and Buffy melted into his embrace. Being this close to him, this lost in his strength gave her a comfort she had only felt when she was a little girl, sitting on her Daddy's lap as he read her a bedtime story. Buffy never thought she'd feel that safe again, but again Spike had proved her assumptions wrong.

The knock on the door caught the lovers' attention and Buffy stepped out of Spike's embrace.

"Think they forgot something?" She asked and absently straightened her dress.

"Don't know," he said and kissed her on the cheek. "Why don't you go see and I'll clean up this mess."

Buffy grinned at him. "Wow, am I so lucky. Not only do I have the greatest lover in the world, but he's also domestic, too."

"I bloody well am not," he roared and swatted her on the butt as she walked away.

She stopped in the hall and checked the mirror, thankful that she didn't have the 'fresh from getting finger shagged' written across her face. Fluffing her hair once, then twice, Buffy walked to the door and swung it open, a large smile tainting her lips.

That smile faltered when she saw the man standing before her.

He hadn't changed much since the last time she saw him. He still had the ruggedly handsome features so similar to Giles. His hair was tinged with a dark gray that matched the well-tailored suit that fit him to perfection. His hazel eyes sparkled with happiness and his lips were turned in a boyish grin. The same grin her mother had always fallen for.

"Hey, Pumpkin," he said, "I missed you so much."

Buffy stared at the sight before her in shock. She was vaguely aware of her crushing grip on the door handle and knew it was only a matter of seconds before it broke. But the foggy haze was too much to penetrate and she could only mutter incoherently at the figure before her.

"Daddy?"

TBC in…House of Cards