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Warning! The next chapter might be borderline R rated. I don't think it's actually R…but it's close. Onto chapter 25!
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We entered my house and we crashed on the couch. I then explained to her for the next several hours what happened at the battle after she passed out, up until she woke up yesterday. I did everything as detailed as I could, because I knew that she would want to know everything.
By the time we finished she had her head on my shoulders and was barely keeping awake. I wish I could have stayed like that forever. My arm around her, her head nestled under mine, the soft smell of lilac in her hair and on her skin, the way our heart beats seemed to match each others with every pulse and beat.
But I also knew that it would be best if we went to bed. "Tifa…it's midnight. Let me take you to your bed." "Can't we stay here like this?" she said, bringing her head and body even closer to mine. "Well…a little longer…" I said, kissing her forehead.
I never dreamt that loving someone so deeply could feel like this. It was bliss redefined. I was relaxed around her, but my heart always seemed to be rushing, especially when I held her close like this—a nervous excitement. I knew then that there would be no one else for me.
Which means…that I know what it is I have to do. But now is not the time. I need to make it special for her. The little blue box that I bought a few months ago on a whim and was hidden in my room, would stay there until the perfect opportunity.
I sat there for what seemed like only a moment (but was really a half hour according to the clock) before I awoke her from her gentle sleep. "Tifa…you're falling asleep already. Come on. I'll take you to your bed." "Mmm…but…" "No buts. Come on…" I swept her off the couch and again carried her into her room. I laid her down carefully on her bed, which already had a sack of her clean clothes lying on the end of it. I pointed them out to her and she said thank you. It was interesting to look at her eyes in this semi-darkness. Suddenly memories flooded back of a moment a little over a year ago when we were almost in the exact same situation. I was captivated by her hair and her face and her eyes and her body at the time. Now, I was captivated more then ever. I leaned over and kissed her good night.
Before I left I somehow got the impression that she wanted me to stay. It may have been the kiss, it may have been how her eyes looked longingly at me as I closed the door behind me, but I chose not to heed her wordless plea. "That kind of thing is reserved for marriage…" I said to myself quietly as I climbed the steps to my own room.
But Tifa was always persistent…persistent in a shy way.
Later that night I awoke to feel the presence of another person climbing into my bed. My back was turned, but I knew who it was by her lilac smell. Tifa was climbing into bed next to me.
I froze in alarm. I didn't dare move. I think she sensed my alarm and she said, "Cloud…" in such away that immediately my tension melted away. She touched my back and my heart began to pound. She then drew close to me and she kissed the back of my neck.
Instantly an argument exploded in my mind. My heart and my mind were suddenly combating each other in a way that had never happened before.
Mind: You can't let this happen, Cloud. This kind of thing is reserved for marriage.
Heart: Hey listen, you love her. She loves you. Is it wrong to share what feelings you have for each other?
Mind: What if she gets pregnant. What will everyone think of you then? What will Barrett do? He'll just as soon blow your head off!
Heart: But even he knows that you love her. Besides, just say that she was the one who started it. You wouldn't be telling a lie either.
Mind: What about the sanctimony of marriage?
Heart: What about the sanctimony of love?
Mind: What…what about….
Heart: What about Tifa?
I turned towards her.
Heart: She's waiting for you.
I kissed her and began to caress her neck. Her touch was sweet and gentle, like the dew coming from an early morning breeze, or the smooth sweet taste of pure honey caressing the tongue.
Mind: How much more will this mean to the both of you if you marry her first?
I stopped.
Mind: Don't you want to give her what's in the blue box? How much more will it mean if you go through with marrying her and doing everything right first?
"Cloud?" she said.
Heart: Dude…what the heck is wrong with you?
Mind: Nothing is wrong. Only that…
"Tifa, I love you, but I can't do this. I love you too much to hurt you." "You won't hurt me Cloud…" she said, putting her arms around my neck and trying to pull me closer to her. "That's not what I meant," I said pulling away.
She looked at me as though I had just crushed her heart. "But Cloud…we…we love each other. And no one is around…no one will know…" "I will know," I said as I swung my legs around and got out of the bed.
I didn't bother to look at her. I had never thought that Tifa would be like this. I never thought that she would be this easy about her body. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind as I stood there my back turned, alone in the middle of the room.
"Tifa, you asked me today if I have ever been with a girl before. I told you that the answer is no, and I wasn't lying. I have never been with a girl before. But now I have two questions for you. One, why did you ask me that?" She didn't say anything at first. "Because…I just wanted to know." This didn't seem like an adequate answer but I didn't really care so I didn't pursue it. The next question was the important one. "Okay, then I have a second question for you. Have you ever been with a guy? Have you ever slept with any one else before?"
She said nothing. She began to cry.
I leaned up against the dresser in my room. I felt sick. I felt hurt in a way I never knew possible. Sephiroth never could have cut me as deeply as the way Tifa just did. I felt my innards curl and my heart sunk into a colorless void. I was sinking…falling…
"It's not what you think Cloud," she said between sobs. "Oh really?" I yelled. "Who was it? Were you as easy about your body to him as you just were to me? Never mind. I don't want to know." I grabbed a shirt and headed for the door.
"Cloud, don't go yet."
As much as I wanted to, I couldn't deny her. I stood there like a statue in front of the door, my back still turned.
"Don't take me the wrong way, Cloud," she continued. "You never gave me much of an opportunity to answer. And the reason why I didn't answer right away is because I don't know the answer to that question." "Yah right. I think you would know if you slept with a guy before," I said, the hurt cutting ever deeper. "No, hear me out," she said. "I know that guys find me attractive. I'm a lucky girl. There was a time that I could have had any guy I ever wanted during High School. But I wouldn't do it. I wanted to wait until I was really in love.
"A few weeks after I graduated, I moved out of Nibelheim and into Midgar, trying to seek a new life for myself away from my parents. One day I was walking down the street heading back to my apartment, and then this guy appeared from out behind an alley way. I don't know who he was. He had dark hair and a strong build. He was really strong. Stronger then me by a long shot. He…he…followed me a little ways. I started to panic and I ran. He kept up with me, in fact he started to gain on me. Soon I started running up and down streets with no idea where I was going. That was a mistake, because I eventually found myself in a dark alley with a brick wall in front of me preventing any escape…
"…I fought him Cloud. I fought him for as long as I could, but he hit me hard on the head with something. When I woke up, I heard gun shots and the screams of the dying. I opened my eyes, and saw that I was lying on the streets with my pants off. The next thing I knew a large guy with short hair and huge arms appeared. He asked me if I was alright…but I passed out again. When I woke up next I was in a small bed with a single light next to me. I looked up and there was that same guy with the short hair and huge arms who had rescued me. It was Barrett. That's how we met Cloud. He saved me from that thug. He had also killed him…I think. Barrett never told me if he did or not but I'm convinced he did. From that day forward, Barrett took it upon himself to protect me. And my way of returning the favor was to join his new radical environmentalist group, which later we called AVALANCHE.
"In honesty, Cloud, I have never slept with anyone before intentionally. But I don't know if I am still a virgin. I never found out how far he got. I never got pregnant, so that would suggest that Barrett came across that %&$# before he was done, but neither of us know." She stared at me, hurt, crying, and with eyes that screamed of loneliness.
I didn't say anything at first. I finally said, my voice hoarse, "Then why did you come in here?" "I…I…" she put her head in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably. "I love you Cloud…" she finally managed to get out.
What are you supposed to say after a conversation like that? What are you supposed to do? Are you supposed to leave her to her misery? My mind wanted to but my heart didn't. Are you supposed to just forgive and forget? My heart did but my mind didn't. I didn't know what the right thing to do was, so I let my feelings guide me.
I walked over next to her, and put my arm around her.
Again she put her arms around me and balled just like she had over a year ago. Again we said nothing for over an hour just like over a year ago. Again I tried to comfort her but was at a loss for words just like over a year ago.
But this time, things couldn't be more different.
After about an hour, give or take, she finally stopped crying and she let her arms fall from her grip around me. She looked up at me sorrowfully. After a moment of complete silence between us, I said, "I forgive you. Can you forgive me for misunderstanding?" "Of course," she said.
Suddenly a new argument exploded in my mind again.
Heart: You should give her the box. It will mend the canyon you just made between you two tonight.
Mind: No, you should wait for the perfect opportunity.
Heart: Ideally, you should. But I get the feeling that there won't be a perfect opportunity anymore. You need to do it now.
Mind: …I guess your right. There probably won't be a perfect moment anymore. Now is as good as any.
I stood up and walked towards the dresser. I heard Tifa start to get out of the bed. I could tell that she was going to go back to her own bed downstairs. "Stop, Tifa." She froze in her sitting position, feet touching the floor. "I…uh…there's a gift that I've been waiting a long time to give to you." "A gift? What is it?" she asked. I smiled in the darkness of the room, grateful for the mask it was giving me because I couldn't hide my anticipation. I waited to answer until I was able to control my voice. "Well, it's nothing much. I bought it a few months ago on a whim. I'm not really sure why I bought it in the first place. I bought it when I was in complete despair. It was probably the only time that I ever thought that you wouldn't wake up from the Life stream poisoning. That's probably why I bought it, now that I think about it…because the thought of being able to one day give it to you made me believe that one day you would wake up. It gave me hope when I didn't have any."
I fumbled through the dresser, and pulled out the blue box. It shook in my nervous hands. I took a step towards her. I could now see her face. She had an expression of complete confusion and anticipation. Good. She didn't know what I was about to do.
I froze. How do I ask her? The words suddenly seemed gone from my mouth and mind. I searched my mind desperately for the words, but the hard beat of my heart seemed to distract my mind from focusing.
"Cloud…before you give to me, whatever it is you're going to give to me, how long would you have waited for me to wake up?"
I was grateful for this question, because I found my voice and my words again because of them. "Well…I guess I would have waited until you woke up." "No seriously, Cloud, how long would you have waited?" "Tifa, something you should know. You have no idea how happy I am now that you're awake. But during the past year I was happy to be able to just be with you. To be able to joke with you and hold your hand and feed you. To tell you the events of my day and to see you look back at me confused. You were all I needed to keep going, insane as you were. And I would have rather stayed by you like you were then to have left you and lived life. I would have waited forever." She did a little movement of her chest, like a sigh, but a little different. Did she have butterflies in her stomach?
"So what is it, Cloud? Is it a teddy bear or something?" I almost laughed. She couldn't even see the blue box in my hand. Not even with the moon light streaming in brightly through the window, apparently it was still too dark for her eyes to penetrate the darkness around my hand.
"I'll show you, but you have to close your eyes first. It's was supposed to be a surprise. I want to keep it that way."
"Okay…" she said, putting her hands over her eyes. I opened the box as quietly as I could and stared at the ring in front of me. It had a large central diamond, surrounded by two small red rubies. The ring itself was of 16K gold, with small engravings of two dolphins, one on each side, joined by a heart at the "bottom" of the ring. It was specially designed, and had already been sized for Tifa's left finger. One of the benefits of Tifa's insanity was that she never knew I had had her finger measured by the local ring maker. And now, the circle was to be complete.
She still had her eyes closed and her hands over her eyes. I moved next to her and sat down on one knee. I positioned myself so that the moonlight would shine on the ring, showing it off.
I took in a deep breath and said, "You can open your eyes now…"
She opened her eyes in slow motion. She saw me first, and then I think she caught the glint of the ring in the blue box in my hands.
Her face lit up in an instant. She let in a deep breath and started to shake. She looked at me, and then back at the ring, and then back at me. She was smiling wide, and her legs started bouncing and excitedly.
"Tifa…" she looked up to the heavens with an expression of utter joy in her eyes.
"Will you marry me?" I took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger. She gazed at it for a second, and then she said, her lips trembling, "Yes."
"Good, cuz this hardwood floor is killing my knee…" I said, putting both knees on the floor so it wouldn't hurt so much. She laughed and then she leaned down and kissed me passionately. She let herself down off of the bed smoothly, and then sat in my lap, her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. She then kissed me again and I enjoyed her love and the warmth of her body and heart.
After a few moments, we finally unlocked our lips. She gazed at me with a look of love, gratitude, and passion. It had never occurred to me until that very moment, that she was wearing absolutely nothing but a long T-shirt that went to about the middle of her thigh. She put my hand in hers and led it to the bottom of the shirt. "I love you Cloud, and now that you're my fiancé, isn't it right that we share our love?" "Tifa," I said, controlling my hand. "I'm grateful for your offer, but I want this to be done right. I want to marry you first. I want everyone to see how beautiful and perfect a person you are first. I know it sounds old fashioned, but I want to wait." I then took her hand in mine and put her hand on my chest, letting her hand feel my heart beat. "I love you already in here. Let's save the other part of our love until the time is right." She nodded, and then hugged me. "Thank you…" she said. "Hey, thank you." I responded. I smiled and then said sarcastically, "Because I'm tired of cooking. I mean, you saw how bad my pancakes were this morning. I need a wife who can make a decent plate of scrambled eggs…" She laughed hard.
As I had done before, I swept her off her feet and carried her to her room. I laid her down and showered her neck and lips with kisses, finally saying, "Good night, sweetheart," as I left the room.
I walked calmly up to my room and closed the door behind me, and then let out a whispered "YES!" I did a little victory dance, and then realizing how tired I was, I lied down in bed and let my exhaustion consume me, dreaming of Tifa and our wedding to be.
