Severed Ties

Chapter 33

Stitches in Time

June 15th, 2002

Early Morning

His eyes plundered the half-naked form of his prey. Her body was a canvas of scars, all received at his hands. She killed dozens of the demonic forces sent after her and it hadn't been until he arrived that she knew fear. He'd taken some blows from her (his face still held the jagged slash her stake had made) but the outcome was never in doubt. Despite her power, she was mortal, not like him. She could die, he couldn't.

But her death was the furthest thing from his mind…

The darkness, so complete in its form, began to melt away. He was no longer devoid of his senses and the pain that bloomed through his flesh and bone attested to that. Still, he couldn't quite swim up from the depths and focused as best he could on the outside world.

"--okay."

"--we don't know…"

"…bloody kill him!"

"Spike, please, he didn't…"

"…should but dead but…"

"…heal so fast?"

Their voices were familiar but were unidentifiable in his state. No one's except for the young woman next to him.

"…gonna be fine, CJ…" He wanted to respond, to wipe the sadness from her voice but he couldn't. She squeezed his hand and, gathering his remaining strength, CJ returned the squeeze and fell into oblivion's awaiting arms.

~~~

She didn't know how to calm him. His eyes were no longer that beautiful blue but were tinged the dirty amber as he fought to reign his demon in. He'd arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes after they had, with Dawn and Willow in tow. When she told him what happened, he'd barreled through the halls, knocking bystanders away, ignoring the pain from the chip. She'd caught up to him before he did anything to CJ but Dawn's pleading eyes were what had diffused his wrath.

So, for the last twenty minutes, Buffy watched Spike pace back and forth on the roof, never acknowledging her presence.

"Bloody fuckin son of a whore," he growled and she couldn't help but roll her eyes. Aside from he violent body language, the litany of curses that had fallen for his lips the entire time they had been on the roof had started to grate on Buffy's nerves. She was all for the protective vibe he was emitting for Jay but, goodness, give it a rest already.

She bit back a scream when those demon eyes glared at her from a few inches away. Damn vampire speed.

"Did you just say 'give it a rest'?" Had she really said that aloud? Buffy started to protest but decided against it. Puffing her chest out, she hopped off the bench and pushed him--not too hard--away.

"If I remember correctly, my exact words were 'Give it a rest already'." She folded her arms over her chest and, were she not giving her stare of death, she would have missed the fraction of a second when his eyes caressed her breasts. He still wants me, she thought giddily but stamped out her burgeoning hope when Casual Indifference Spike--god he could be so aggravating--made an appearance.

"Whatever you say, Slayer," he mumbled and pulled a crumpled pack of Marlboros from his duster pocket.

Buffy closed her eyes, set on counting to ten but when she heard the rustle of leather heading away from her, she growled in frustration and hustled in front of him, blocking his path.

"Where do you think you're going?" She punctuated each word with a poke to his chest and jutted her lip out just like so.

"Gonna go for a walk, there a rule against that?"

"No," she said blandly, "except for the security guards that are waiting for you to cause a scene so they can thwap you with their big wooden sticks…and probably tasers, too."

Spike's jaw twitched and Buffy braced herself for the meltdown she knew was about to come. So she was taken unawares when he whirled on his heels and stomped over to the edge of the roof, tossing a "fine" over his shoulder.

Buffy blinked at his stiff figure before she walked over to him, each step cautious. As much as she loved plowing through the landmine that was Spike's personality, tonight called for a more introspective approach. Nerves were on end right about now and as much as she was worried about Jay--who was now with Tara--she knew her daughter would be okay. Spike on the other hand, she truly didn't know.

"So," she said. She stood next to him, not touching but so close that the cool beat of his flesh caromed off her windbreaker although not before seeping underneath the crevices. "What's going on?" She apologized with a sheepish smile when he glared at her as if she asked him to sunbathe with her at noon. Okay, that didn't come out right. "Spike…"

"Save it, Slayer," he said and waved his hand in front of him. "All the niceties in the world ain't gonna change what I'm feelin about now so don't waste your time."

"And what are you thinking?"

"Are you that daft naturally," he snarled, "or is it the dye bleedin into your brain? What the bloody 'ell do you think I'm thinkin? Our lil Bitlet gets attacked by Dawn's boyfriend who just so happens to be the reincarnation of the bastard who…'urt 'er."

"We don't know that…"

"Don't we? Don't know about you, pet, but Jay's word's good enough for me. Sides, you saw what he tried to do."

Buffy's heart dropped at his reference and she forced the bitterness down before it ripped into him. Taking several deep breaths she asked, "So, seeing is believing then?" The immediate wilt of his features told Buffy that he knew where she was going with it and before she could discern the emotional disturbances that took residence in his eyes, he turned away.

"Guess so," he murmured.

"So what does that tell me about you?" She tried to maintain an even tone but the hurt and resentment bleed into her words. When Spike flinched, the anger that she'd been holding in check exploded. The next thing Buffy knew, Spike was sprawled on the ground, staring up at her in shock.

"What the bloody 'ell was that for?" He wasn't holding his face so she hadn't hit him, a part of her realized but that didn't abate the days of pent-up frustration.

"Where in the hell do you get off playing the victim?" She yelled.

"Victim?" He stood on shaky legs and brushed his jeans off. "If bein bullied by the slayer ain't bein' the victim, luv, then I don't know what is." The teasing hid behind his words infuriated her even more and she had to consciously hold her fists down.

"You think this is funny?"

Spike sighed and glanced over her shoulder, to his left, at her lips but he couldn't go long without staring into her eyes, which she knew weren't the friendliest right about now. "No, luv, I…"

"I ain't your 'luv'. How can I be when you're out gallivanting with some other slut, practically fucking her in the club?"

"I didn't…we didn't--we didn't shag."

"That's not the point!" She yelled and even she was startled by the intensity of her voice. "The point is, Spike, that you were with another woman when you were supposed to be in love with me. Even if you didn't go further than kissing her…" She knew that look well--Angel had it when he left, so did Riley. Spike hung his head in shame and it felt as if her world was falling faster into oblivion.

"You did--" she could barely squeeze the words out of her tightening chest. "You did do more than kiss, didn't you?" When he raised his head, the shine in his eyes was answer enough. Grabbing his biceps, Buffy squeezed, never taking her eyes off of his. I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know. But she had to, she needed to hear the words. "What else?"

"She…she went down on me." Something in her cracked and Buffy's legs nearly gave out. She closed her eyes, wishing away the images that came unbidden at his confession. His hands in another woman's hair as she took him into her mouth, directing her ministrations as a name other than Buffy's fell from his lips. But fighting it did nothing and Buffy watched in horror as her mind pictured Spike roar and filling the other woman's mouth with his spent seed. She didn't know why but this hurt more than if he would've admitted to having sex with the skank. Knowing that he found pleasure by some other woman's lips tore at something in the slayer. Besides the one time effort with Riley, she'd never had another man's cock near her lips and she definitely hadn't tasted all of someone like she had with him. As precious as sex was, going down on Spike, tasting his seed was so much more intimate to her. And to know that he…

"Buffy, I'm sorry." Her laughter was hollow even to her ears and when she realized that she was in his arms she pulled away.

"Sorry? You let some ho suck your…suck you off and all you have to say is sorry? Hell, while you're at it, you might as well let her bite you. Oh my god," she whispered when his lips tightened. "You did, didn't you? She was a vamp and you let her bite you?"

"I didn't let her do anything," he said.

"Oh, please, Spike. You're not going with the 'I was out of my head' excuse, are you? Cause, if you are, that's just sad." Yeah, sarcasm. Bright, blinding sarcasm. That was the only way to stave the tears rising within her.

"I didn't…I didn't want her to."

"So, what?--she forced you?" She caught his nearly imperceptible nod and shook her head. "So, she raped you, is that what you're saying?"

She saw that jaw tick again but it wasn't in anger. Was that humiliation? Hell no, what did he have to be humiliated about?

Buffy shrugged and turned away. "Kinda hard to rape the willing, wouldn't you say…" Her chest slammed against the wall before she knew it and Spike's hard body pressed her into the brick.

"What, pet," he growled in her ear and Buffy shivered at the dangerous tone. "You don't think a man can get forced to do things he don't want to?"

"Get. Off."

"Answer the question."

She tried pushing off against the wall but the angle he held her at allowed no movement; she was at his mercy. And she couldn't help the raw pulse of desire that flared in her womb.

"Smells like someone's excited," he whispered and ground his jean clad erection against her ass.

"Hardly." She tried to sound angry but it came out more as a needful sigh.

"So what would you do, pet, if I decided to have a go at you like this; you up against the wall, helpless. All you could do was take it and hope to like it, you know."

Buffy's heart thumped against her ribcage and the first tinge of fear slithered between the columns of her spine. Still, she couldn't reign in the signals her traitorous body emitted.

"You wouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Cause…" she had trouble breathing. The combined flare of arousal with her mounting fear was overpowering and Buffy's tongue refused to obey her commands.

"Cause what?" He repositioned himself and before she could take advantage of it, she was ground into the wall further and his hand snaked up her shirt. He squeezed her breast roughly and she cried out.

"Spike, stop it." She was shaking now, her nerves dancing on the edge of need; need to be touched, need to be let go. Buffy didn't know if she wanted this to continue or to ball up in a corner and cry.

"Why, pet?" His hand slid down her stomach and caressed the span just below her waistline. "Cause you say no? But what about what your body's saying? It's begging me to slide into you, to take control and give you what you want, even if you're saying no. You want that, don't you? Want me to fuck you like this. Want me to hold you down…"

All of the sudden, her arousal was overshadowed by the stifling feel of helplessness and her slayer strength seemed to abandon her. "Please, Spike," she said, tears of shame prickling at the corners of her eyes.

The weight against her back disappeared instantly and Buffy sank to the ground. She tried to hide her cries by covering her mouth but there were no vibrations against her palm. Instead, it was as if they were next to her, close to her. Buffy turned towards the voice and saw Spike huddled into himself not five feet away. His face was buried in those beautiful hands and he rocked back and forth. "Oh, god, Buffy," he moaned. "I'm so sorry, so sorry. I'm so sorry." Despite the frightening moment prior, the magnetic connection between them overpowered her trepidation and she crawled over to him, ignoring the concrete biting into her palms.

"Spike?" She reached out to touch him and he shrank away. "Spike, come on, stop that." He didn't pull away this time and Buffy's hand stroked his arms and when she thought he was ready, she pulled his hands away from his face. The stricken glaze of his eyes made her gasp and she tentatively reached out to caress his face.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy," he said, never taking his eyes off her. "So sorry, luv. I was tryin to show you but I went to far."

Goosebumps prickled at her flesh at the memory of helplessness. She fought through it and set her eyes on his. "You did. You went too far, Spike. But," she said before he could interrupt. "I know why you did it. It may not have been the best thing to do but…but I understand now."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do. Just because your body reacts to the stimulation doesn't mean that you want it."

The strained look on Spike's face dissipated but there was still an unease cut into his features. When he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, Buffy knew he was about to speak and though she needed to hear what he had to say, something inside her decided now wasn't the best time for a heart to heart. So she kissed him.

There was nothing overly sexual about it. Her lips brushed against his for several beats before his mouth parted and he ran his experimentally ran his tongue against her lower lip. Even when she allowed him accessed and he massaged her tongue with his, they maintained control over the lust that usually erupted through a single touch. Only when she needed to breathe did Buffy withdraw and she took in the man who had stolen her heart.

"I love you, you know." He started to say something but she placed two fingers over his lips. "No, don't say anything. Not now. Spike, you really hurt me with what you did but…I handled it badly. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt on it. I should've trusted your love for me. I didn't and for that, I'm sorry."

"Don't, luv," Spike murmured and cupped her face between his hands. "No one in their right mind would've thought otherwise to what they saw. 'Sides, I didn't fight to much to get your attention."

"It doesn't matter now," she said and pulled him to stand up with her. "All that matters is that you know that I forgive you and I'm here for you." She smiled at the childlike wonder in his eyes and embraced him in her arms. The cool leather and the chill of his flesh calmed the antsy part of her that was still stinging from the unintentional infidelity but she could deal.

"I promise you, pet," he said as they walked towards the exit, hand in hand, "you won't have to worry bout it again. Never 'urt my slayer. Never again…"

The noises had escalated into a cacophonous frenzy that took the slayer's breath away. The sweet musk of sex drifted through the partial opening and Buffy coughed involuntarily. She raised a shaking hand towards the door and brushed her fingertips against the splintered wood...

"You all right, luv?"

Buffy shook her head, clearing the residual aches brought on by the vision, and smiled. "I'm fine. Just wanna get back to Jay." Spike gave her a curt nod and, kissing her on the forehead, led the slayer through the door.

As good as her hand felt in his as they descended the steps, Buffy couldn't help but cringe at the possibility that the pain she'd felt from seeing him just kissing someone was only the beginning. That had only been a pinprick; the gash still hadn't occurred. But when it did, the wounds would not just be carved into her. They all were going to bleed and she didn't know if they would be able to staunch the flow before it was too late.

~~~

The hand stroking her back and Tara's soft words were the only thing that kept Jay grounded. She rocked in Tara's arms, silent tears trickling down her red cheeks. She felt nothing save for the tremendous knot of confusion that bubbled and expanded in her gut.

Seth was alive.

True, the body that she'd pummeled wasn't his but those eyes…those eyes, she'd never forget the malice that always greeted her screams and pleas for mercy. She had no doubt that CJ housed the bastard's soul, especially after his teeth had torn into her neck. She'd come so close to killing him, ending the nightmarish thoughts of him returning to claim her. Before her mother had interrupted, Jay's vindication was nigh. Killing the thing that had used her for his--its--pleasure would have put to rest the self-loathing that still rested inside of her. She had been so close, so close.

So why was she relieved that he was still alive?

"Jay?" A hoarse voice not belonging to Tara whispered. Jay looked up to see Dawn's pained face staring back at her and instantly felt guilty. So consumed in her desire to see Seth obliterated, regardless of the body he inhabited, Jay had forgotten that the man that now lay in the hospital recuperating had a family that loved him--his aunt was by his side now--as Dawn had been earlier. Oh, the teen may not have said it but Jay knew the far off gaze, the rising heartbeat of a woman in love.

"Hey," she said and slid from Tara's hold. She stood in front of Dawn, and studied her shoes, trying to overcome the awkwardness of the moment. What could she say--that Dawn's boyfriend used her as his personal…? Or I could say that I'm torn between wanting to carve him up and the need to be next to him. God, I'm sick.

"He's gonna be okay."

"That's good," Tara said and put her hand on Jay's shoulder.

"Yeah," the teen agreed. "I mean, the stake wound has healed pretty well…"

"The doctors haven't asked any questions?" Jay asked and kept her tone emotionless.

Dawn shrugged. "Well, they were giving him these odd looks but this is Sunnydale, the world's capital of freaky shit that goes by the wayside."

"Dawn," Tara admonished and Jay saw the hints of smile slice through the melancholic mood of the younger girl.

"Well, it's true. Besides," she added, "his aunt is some sort of administrative liaison to University Hospital in LA."

"Wow," Tara said and Jay's eyes bounced from the witch to the Key.

"What's that mean."

"Well," Tara started but Dawn interrupted her.

"Beats me. All I know is she carries a lot of power. She makes her own hours, you know. Oh and Tara, before I forget, Willow's looking for you."

"OK, thanks Dawnie." Tara made her way down the hall but before she disappeared around the corner, turned back and asked, "Are you two gonna be okay?"

Jay rolled her eyes and Dawn snorted and replied, "Come on, Tara. You're talking to one kick ass Slayer from the future and an ageless entity of good and evil combined into One. I think we can handle everything." The young Wicca smiled shyly and continued towards her destination.

"I love Tara, Jay, but she can get more fussy than Buffy," the teen said and plopped onto the bench the two blondes had just vacated.

Jay laughed and sat down next to Dawn. "Yeah, but she does it in such a sweet way, you really can't complain."

"Hello, youngest brat here. There's absolutely nothing that I can't complain about."

The slayer shook her head. "Sorry, D, but you're older than all of us."

Dawn scowled and crossed her legs. "All that counts is that I'm in the body of a sixteen year old and if you wanna get technical, I'm really only about a year old."

"So, if you're that young," Jay supplied, "then I guess you don't need to be lip locking with that boyfriend of yours." As soon as the words left her mouth, Jay felt the mirth of the past few minutes sucked out the hall. Dawn's eyes glazed over and the slayer felt the familiar stirrings of fear begin anew.

"Dawn, I…"

But the One held her hand up. "Don't, Jay, please don't. I…I don't know what is going on. My boyfriend leaves me in the cemetery, he gets attacked by someone or something, shows up to your doorstep with eyes of a vamp who's…dead. Then after taking a beating, he takes a bite out of you and you shove a stake into his chest. What next? Angelus coming back to town? Spike and Dru gonna go after Buffy?"

"Dawn, what happened in the Bronze?"

The younger woman's eyebrows scrunched in confusion and something that looked suspiciously like... "What do you mean?"

"When Seth disappeared. What happened to him?" There was no mistaking it now; the guilt rode up on Dawn's flesh and any sympathy Jay had disappeared, replaced by a carnivorous anger she barely contained. "You didn't kill him, did you?"

Dawn turned watery eyes towards her niece and she tried to speak. Jay stood, the rage palpable, and glared at the brunette. "I can't believe you did that. How could you not kill the bastard?"
"Because I loved him," she whispered and Jay shook her head.

"In love with a monster."

"CJ's not a monster," Dawn yelled and a nurse admonished the outburst, warning them to keep quiet. "He's not a monster," she repeated and Jay saw the fire dancing in those dark eyes. "He doesn't even know."

"But you do, don't you."

"Not until today," she admitted and slunk back onto the bench. "I've never been pulled towards someone like him and I didn't know why." She laughed hoarsely. "But when we were in his room earlier, I had this vision…I don't remember what it was about but it…I knew then who he was but didn't want to admit it.

"Jay, I'm so sorry," Dawn said and held Jay's hand in hers. "I know what he did…to you, but you have to see that Seth isn't CJ."

The slayer shook her head and removed the bandage from her neck. Although the wound had started healing, the angry teeth imprints from where he had dug into her flesh were still visible.

"Look at this, Dawn," Jay said, her tone resigned. "Take a good look. This is nothing," she said and waved towards the injury. "There were times when my entire body looked like this; Seth's teeth punctured every sensitive spot on my body, Dawn. The things he did to me…were more than despicable. And you know what? He did it so often, said so many horrible things to me that even while I begged him to stop, a part of me wanted his touch, wanted his attention. But no more, Dawn. No more.

"You say that CJ's not Seth but wonder why you were drawn to him. You can't have it both ways; either he is or he isn't."

"It's not that simple."

Jay kneeled in front of the young woman and said, "Well, I'll make it simple for you; until this shit with Gabriel is over, he's safe from me. We're gonna need his help to get through this. But after…if you care for him Dawn, you'll keep him away from me. Cause, fair or not, when all this is done, his ass is mine.

"I'm through playing the victim. I'm the slayer for fucks sake, and it's time I start acting like one."

"But you can't…he's…"

"What? Human? I'm not my mother, Dawn. An evil human is worse to me than a vamp and just because I've never killed one before doesn't mean that I won't start." With that said, she stood and started to walk away. Similar to Tara's exit earlier, Jay stopped just before turning the corner and said over her shoulder, "Besides, who said I was going to kill him? It hurts so much more when you have to live through the humiliation. Trust me, I know."

She didn't stay for Dawn's reply but fled into the night, eager for a kill. Only when the wind picked up and blew across her face did she realize she was crying.

~~~

His eyes were closed but his senses were tapped into everything around him. The trance had lasted from the time the others had been enveloped by the portal. How long ago that was he didn't know. Soon it wouldn't matter because he would join them and orchestrate the collapse of the Old World.

And the part of him that remembered the slayer's love salivated at finally having her again. He'd kept his secret closed even to Emerald but there would be no more longing, no more of the angelic whining inside of him. His time was almost at hand and his reign would be legend.

And by his side would be the woman who would always hold his heart.

"Buffy," Gabriel whispered and like a prayer to the heavens, his plea was answered by an influx of power. All I need is a little more time, he thought and laughed. Time didn't matter now. As an immortal, he had all the time in the world and that would come in handy; there would be no rush subverting the slayer's will. She would be his and, in the end, that's all that mattered.

TBC in…Rocket's Red Glare…