read all of the warnings first... jk
Chapter Three: I couldn't...
How could I kill her? How could I? I couldn't, that night when I was with her in the park where she asked me to join her; just the two of us. I was fifteen years old and we were just walking around the park talking about our families. I didn't know what to tell her, but I know I did something very stupid; I kissed her. Fifteen and I was still a foolish boy in love. She didn't say no, she gave back and that made me wonder what she was thinking.
She came home with me that night; we just met that night and she followed me home. I didn't know how to tell her I liked her or even that I was full of evil, but she was just really beautiful. Her lithe, athletic body was so graceful I couldn't resist and she just went along with whatever I wanted. I was just so in love with her I didn't realize that there were going to be consequences with my actions. We made love, but there was something that was coming to my mind every time I closed my eyes; I saw her going into a clinic, to be specific and an abortion clinic. The horror in my eyes when I realized that she was carrying my child; I just woke her up after an hour and then told her to call me the next day.
She never called me or the next day or the next week or even the next month. She didn't show up for school three weeks later. Some of her friends said that she was a little sick. The horror struck me again just like that night when I took her innocence away. Everyone was starting to wonder why I was so upset that she wasn't in school. She never came to school for the next nine months; I was worried something happened to her, but her best friend called me up one night to come to the hospital because Sakura was there. I was so scared that something was wrong. Was I wrong, the baby was going to be born and I was the father and Sakura needed me there. I got there as fast as I could and there she was holding a baby in her arms. I almost hugged her, but refrained from doing so, because her whole family was there watching my every move.
She was in tears, looking at me so sorry and looking at her father and older brother mouthing that it was alright. Her older brother Touya approached me and just patted me on the shoulder. Her father just nodded at me wondering why I was there. Tomoyo, her best friend, just came up to me and said, "Go and meet your son Syaoran." Sakura nearly broke down when she asked everyone but me to get out of the room. I didn't want to see her cry like that and I took the baby from her. I decided that the best thing for him was to put him up for adoption, because it was the best thing to do; I didn't want to send him off to Hong Kong to my family, because my mother would corrupt him.
The day that I said goodbye to my son was a month after he was born, since Sakura and I wanted to spend time with him before he was given to a family that was in town. That was the saddest day in my life, losing my son. That was when more of the evil started to stir in my soul again. I was almost sixteen and I had my first child, was I a stupid kid; Sakura was just in my arms and in tears when she had to say goodbye to him. Before giving him to his other family, I gave them a picture of all three of us and I was even shedding my tears of sorrow. This was something that my mother would consider my punishment. Sakura and I never talked since then, I tried to, but she ignored me.
A year later I received a letter that was so heart shattering I think that Sakura got one too. Our son died on his first birthday along with his adopted parents. The letter told of how he died: he was just playing in the park with the people that adopted him and... And someone just started shooting randomly. There were five shots to his head... and he died on the spot. The parents died from shots at the chest. I was receiving phone calls all night from Sakura and I didn't bother to answer one, but finally I did and I went over as fast as I could to comfort her. Getting to her house I was so sad, I almost crashed into a tree and the fire hydrant thinking about my son. Her brother answered the door teary eyed and Sakura came out to greet me. Tomoyo wasn't there and I was glad, since she was going be taping every single minute of everything. I was crying my heart out since that little boy was my son and I basically swore revenge on whoever killed him.
Sakura never knew why I was so angry all of the time, so I told her that night when she asked me to stay the night. There was some chemistry I have to say, but this time she was the one asking me for it and I just decided it was okay so we made love for the last time. Three weeks later she was found to be pregnant, I didn't know why the damned condom broke, but this time she threatened to go to the clinic. I wouldn't let her and for the next nine months I was with her, but I decided this time, I would give my child to my family over in Hong Kong, this was the hardest thing from placing my first child for adoption; I hated my family remember and I was abandoned by them, but they would ensure his or her safety.
Sakura wouldn't allow it and she did one of the most horrific things that I would never imagine her doing: a week before our daughter was born she drank so much alcohol and smoked everything imaginable and threw herself off the stairs. The next morning she was in the hospital wondering where she was and when I came in there all bruised from her flying punches and kicks she asked me what happened to her. I looked at her coldly and told her what she did to make our child be put in neonatal with all of the doctors trying their best to save her. I made her feel so down that I think sense came to her that day. I named her Chance, since she was my chance to prove that I was a good person and she was my chance to rid myself of the evil inside. She was such a pretty child and I didn't want her to close those eyes of hers she was my only way to rid myself of evil and I told her even if she was a baby that I would do anything to keep her alive and I would; but Sakura didn't' want her alive at all, I hated her for it.
Chance was a little blessing to me when she got out of neonatal weeks later; Sakura wasn't too blessed to see her at all and I was holding her as if she were my only treasure. The Kinomoto family was happy to see her, she was so tiny, yet everyone loved her. I told Sakura that she was the hope I had to be a better person, but she wanted out of everything even her family. I was surprised someone like her would do something like that. I felt as if my evil was gone, but I was wrong. One night when Chance was sleeping, I heard someone go into her nursery. I was so scared that I brought my sword and found someone holding her. I stepped closer to see that it was Sakura crying and holding the baby. I didn't know why, but I told her to put Chance down before anything happened.
She wouldn't listen to me. I went over to where Sakura was standing and saw that she was holding the lifeless body of my daughter. She was already dead while sleeping. More evil surged within me and I grabbed Sakura by her hair and asked her what she did with Chance. Sakura trembled in my grip, but told me the truth. She didn't' kill her, Chance just died in her sleep. I broke down and started murmuring that life was so unfair and that I was never going to be rid of evil in my life. Sakura was just wondering why I was saying that. She didn't understand that I was abandoned when I was five and I wanted to love someone in return for their love, not that I wanted to lose people that I loved. I was in so much pain that I almost took her life and mine when I lost Chance. The people who knew Chance came and tried to tell me everything was going to be alright. Sakura was so upset that I was mourning her after three months. I hated her so much since she was the one who tried to kill her before she was born and didn't want her at all. Her family was trying to tell her that it was wrong for her to hurt me like that, but I just told her father and brother to leave her alone and think over what she wished for her daughter and happened.
Tomoyo even felt bad for me and so did everyone else, but I didn't take any of their pity I wanted to show Sakura that... that I lived to make her happy, but she didn't understand me. For the rest of high school I succeeded and made Sakura regret what she wished for. I loved her still for some reason, but I wanted to kill her so badly. I don't know why I couldn't kill her. I just couldn't...
Oookay this is freaky, but I needed something dramatic and this is dramatic... I am soooo sorry if ne one thinks that this is a little ya know um... bad... I am such a bad writer when it comes to these kinds of things... some of my friends have had these problems and I wanted to put this in there I am so sorry... if you don't want to me to write this ne more just r&r and I will terminate this... if you want me to...