Okey dokey piggidy pokey! The Masters tournament is switched on, and Ash and co. are about to activate the teleporter. What weird and wonderful Pokémon does the first Master have? Find out, in...

Act Your Age, Not Your Shoe Size

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon. I do own Ad. I don't own disclaimers. I do own my story...obviously. "Tharn" is a Lapine word, meaning, "paralysed with fear, glazed over". It comes from the language of Watership Down, and was the best word I could think of to describe it. I don't own it.

"Pass Badge?"
"Check."
"Slot?"
"Double check."
"Teleporter?"
"Quadruple check."
"Checklist?"
"I'm not sure...ah, here it is. Octuple check."
Ad glared at Misty. "Shut it."
"Snob," said Misty, stuffing the checklist back into her IPS.
"Let's go!" said Ash, slotting the Pass Badge into the teleporter. There was a flash of bright light, causing Ash to drop the Pass Badge. It landed half on the teleporter, half off. The gang stood, tharn, and then dashed into the teleporter. Another flash, and the gang disappeared. The Pass Badge warped, the rectangular shape curving and twisting, collapsing in and expanding out at the same time. The Badge oozed in on itself, then there was a small explosion, like a party popper. Then there was nothing.

"I dropped the Pass Badge!" said Ash, scrabbling about on the bare, rocky floor. He stumbled upon the Badge, but there was an ugly crack running through it. This was one half of the Badge.
"I shouldn't worry too much. I don't imagine we'll need it again," said Brock. There was a cave in front of them.
"Geographically, where are we?" asked Misty. Ad took out the map. The group spread it over the floor. Ad clambered onto it, and stepped over the ever-widening sea on the map.
"Here," said Ad, pointing. His wing was on a small island, faintly shaded blue, in the middle of Route 20.
"Why is it blue?" asked Brock. Ad motioned his wingtip upwards. Everyone looked up. There was a glass dome above them, and above that was water. And more water. Among that was a few fish. And some water.
"We're underwater?" screamed Ash. Misty, however, looked blissful and flew happily around. Ash, Brock and Ad sweatdropped. Misty continued flying, but bumped into a large rock. She shook her fist at it.
"Hey, you three, this is a cave!" cried Brock. Ad took out a match, struck it against nowhere, and ignited Misdreavus. The ghost flew into the cave, ablaze. May thought to herself, "I hope they don't expect me to do that," as she followed.

Misdreavus soared through the cave, leaving a trail of fire behind it. Ad kept dodging the jet, but was a bit slow, and got his wing fried. He dropped to the ground. The rest of the gang carried on. They came to a large rock. Ash hesitated, and prepared to knock. Before he could do so, however, there was a rumble, and the rock rolled aside. There was a small, scruffy boy standing in front of them. Behind him, lots of Pokémon were rushing around.
"Hello! I'm Maxwell! Maxwell Townhill! Who are you?" shouted Maxwell over the din.
"I'm Ash, this is Misty, Brock, and Ad's outside - SHUT UP!"
Maxwell turned. "YOU LOT CAN BE QUIET! WE HAVE A VISITOR!" The Pokémon stopped, and looked guiltily at their toes. They started rushing around again. Brock sweatdropped and said, "Somehow, this seems awfully familiar..."

"A battle? Oh yes, I remember signing up to that league. I was disturbed a few years back, I believe. Looked sort of like your Ad, if you've described the latter correctly."
"How odd," said Ash, "but I never came here to chat. I came here to fight!"
"You have my word, we shall fight," said Maxwell. "However, can I have a little time to round up my Pokémon first?" Maxwell dashed around the room, chasing the other Pokémon. Ash looked at his invisible watch, and sighed.

"This will be a three-on-three battle between Maxwell Townhill..."
("Not another resident of Many Hills City!" said Ash, teeth grinding)
"...the first Alternative Master, and Ash Catchup of Pallet Town. No time limit. Begin!"
"I choose you, Bulbasaur!"
"Then I'll have Magby!"
Magby leapt out, and landed in front of Bulbasaur. The green Pokémon growled. Magby's attack dropped, but it was a pitiful amount.
"You gonna play with me," burbled the baby Pokémon, "you gonna play with me properly. Ember!" A barrage of flaming rocks flew towards Bulbasaur, and it grimaced. The seeds inside the bulb ignited, and Bulbasaur felt hot. It opened its bulb, and a beam of light from the flames spurted out. Inspired by this, Bulbasaur used a Solarbeam, and fired it at Magby. Magby was slammed backwards into the wall, and fainted. Maxwell returned it, and let out an Igglybuff.

"Huhwiebuhwa!" gurgled Igglybuff as it wobbled towards Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur kicked it sneeringly, and it flew backwards into the wall. And bounced. The surprised Bulbasaur was thwacked in the head by Igglybuff as it came off the wall. A disappointed Ash returned it, and called out Squirtle. The turtle Pokémon shot a jet at Igglybuff, still bouncing, and missed. Squirtle continued firing, and missing, until Igglybuff stopped.
"Now's your chance, Squirtle!" cried Ash. Squirtle prepared to fire a stream of water, and a few sputters came out.
"He's run out of water," sweatdropped Misty. Squirtle curled up into its shell as Igglybuff used Pound. The attack bounced off of Squirtle's shell, and Igglybuff's arm got bruised.
"Huhwawawa!" sniffled Igglybuff, and stepped backwards. Squirtle came out, and used Tackle. It caught Igglybuff off-guard, and the creampuff Pokémon rolled over backwards and fainted.
"I choose you!" said Maxwell, and threw a ball. An electric spark flew out, and zapped Squirtle, which fainted. Ash stared on in disbelief.
"Pichu!"

Ash whipped out his Pokédex from his IPS, and pointed it at the yellow rodent.
"Pichu. Pichu is the baby form of Pikachu. It has a lot to learn about electricity, and shocks itself when it tries to use it," offered Dexter with an audio cheesy grin. Ash looked at Pichu. Dexter was telling the truth, as Pichu was lying with spirals in its eyes.
"Pikachu, go!" cried Ash. Pikachu was hiding behind Ash's leg, and pulled out a roll of parchment from its IPS. The scroll said: "Sub-Clause 4.1. No Pokémon shall be sent to battle with its younger form unless it expresses a clear desire to do so."
"Aw...Charmander, you'll have to do it," said Ash, hopelessly tossing a Ball into the fray. Pichu tried to ram Charmander, and missed. Pichu span around, and attacked again.
"How come it isn't getting hurt?" cried Ash as Pichu caught a glancing blow on Charmander.
"You idiot! Pichu only hurts itself when it uses electric attacks!" cried Misty from the wings.
"Oh yeah," said Ash. "Charmander, make Pichu try to electrocute you!" Charmander jumped backwards, and Pichu crashed into the floor. It stumbled to its feet, cheeks sparking. It fired a quick jolt at Charmander, who was caught. It fired another, but this time Charmander flipped aside in time. Pichu fired more and more bolts, enduring the pain, until it got really mad and let loose a Thunder. The attack ripped through the air, and boomed towards Charmander. It leapt away, but its tail got fried, and it collapsed. Pichu was almost fainted at the other end. Charmander staggered to its feet, eyes burning. It rushed at Pichu, and slammed into it.
"Rage," blurted Dexter unnecessarily. Ash folded up the Pokédex, and dunked it in his pocket. Pichu flew backwards, and slid down the wall, spiral-eyed.
"Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town is the winner!" said Brock. Maxwell stepped forward.
"Well done. Just put the Pass Badge in there, and it'll be transformed into the next." Ash giggled.
"What is it?"
"Oh, nothing," said Ash, "I just thought you said Pass Badge."
"I did." Ash's grin contorted itself as his eyes widened. His eyebrows lowered, and his top lip started to quaver. He fainted.
"What? Is I something I said?" asked Maxwell sheepishly.

"So you lost the Pass Badge? You'd better have a look around my cave for it."
"I'll look outside," said Ash, "Misty can look around this hall, and Brock can look in the corridors."
"Right," said Misty, and Brock and Ash set off out of the hall. Brock went down a spiralling path, and Ash headed down the path they had taken in. About halfway down, he stumbled across Ad.

"Nothing in here," said Misty as Brock slouched in, shaking his head. They all sighed.
"I hope Ash has found it," said Maxwell, as Igglybuff, insisting it would help, conducted an aerial search bouncing off of the walls. At that moment, Ash burst in, and was almost blaffed in the face by Igglybuff.
"The good news," he said, panting, "is that I've found Ad and the Pass Badge. The bad news is, I found something else."
There was an orange flicker from the passage behind Ash.
"A FIRE!"

"How ironic," said Misty, as chaos ensued around her. "There's a fire underwater."
"Stop with the witticisms and help us outta here!" screamed Ash as he shook Ad.
"Stop-shaking-me! All-I-did-was-faint-when-my-wing-was-on-fire!" stammered Ad.
"You idiot! Don't you know you should never fall asleep while smoking?"
"Shut up over there! There's an escape hatch here," said Maxwell, holding the hatch open. The group crawled through, until they were outside again.
"Right! This is where Igglybuff becomes useful!" Maxwell took put an ice pick, and bashed a hole in the glass dome. The water flooded in. Maxwell quickly erected a wall around the break, and soon the water stopped flowing into the reservoir. Maxwell perched Igglybuff on top of the dam.
"Igglybuff! Suck it all up!" Igglybuff sucked all the water into its mouth, and swallowed. Suddenly, Meta-Knight appeared out of nowhere. "Igglybuff has transformed into Water Igglybuff!"
Ash sweatdropped. "Back on non-Kirbish territory, I choose Squirtle..."

'Water Igglybuff' and Squirtle used Water Gun to douse the fire. Maxwell stepped into the drenched cave.
"I think this place is going to need redecorating. At least now I have a reservoir/swimming pool (delete as appropriate)."
Ash sweatdropped, and took out a mobile phone. "Doctor? I'm very worried about my friend."
"Anyway, put the two parts of the Pass Badge in the box, and voila!" Maxwell pulled out a flower-shaped object. "He he. Ol' Elderflower's always good for a laugh."
"Who's Elderflower?" asked Ash, puzzled.
"Dunno. Maybe we'll find out in the next chapter, if it's ever written."
"OK. Forward and out!"

Well then, I hope you enjoyed that. But just who is Elderflower? What is Elderflower? Find out in the next episode of Guardians of Pokémon! [smacks self] Ow...sorry. I hope you enjoyed the first Master battle. I have three masters, but any self-respecting Pokéfan knows that there are four - actually I may do five. But first, give me an idea. Who will the third Alternative Master be? Tell me, in a thing that begins with 'r' and ends in 'eview'. And so, in the immortal words of Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent...

"It's times like these I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she say?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen!"

GOODNIGHT!