just remember I don't own ne thing and this is a bit weird for the younger kids reading or even writing here.

I hate the system sometimes... oh well, this is the third to last chapter here and haha... I am not going to be posting the other too any time soon since I have more important things to attend to and besides there is nothing I can do about that... I am going to be doing a little research before writing any more... haha... there is a little kicker in the making... mwhaha... and I am going to be making another fan fiction... called "world so cold" look out for it... ja ne (0 - laughing in the process of writing everything else) oh yeah ne questions you can blog me at

Enjoy the second to last chapter... tehehe...

Chapter 4: Can I Forgive Her?
Here are what I have so far: I hate my family back in Hong Kong for abandoning me when I was five, didn't kill Sakura when I had the chance to, had two kids at a young age and lost both of them, and now I am deciding whether or not I should forgive Sakura. I am the total mess that people don't want to be. I was miserable all my life up to now still, and I hate it. I swore the next time I heard Sakura and babies in the same sentence I would give the person who mentioned them a chance to give me three reasons in five seconds why I shouldn't kill them with my favorite sword.
Enough about killing more people, I have had enough nightmares about the people I killed in college. I remember the pain I heard in their voices and the pleads they gave me, but there was nothing that could stop me I was in a rage. The rage that was growing made the evil stir within me. Now I just control it by staying up all night making my famous "Midnight blues personal quotes" until I fell asleep. It usually consisted with things like: "Darkness my friend, relieve me of my sorrows and lead me to comfort, or ... awaken me to my new home among the darkness far from pain." I was a pretty troubled person and still am. There is nothing I can do, I have just three hours until I see Sakura and tell her I was the one who killed all of her friends. What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm not even sure I want to see her face at all!! I don't even know what to do anymore!! This is beginning to be a little crazy, but I can't do anything about that; I am a maniac and she wouldn't take me back.
Just last week she left a message on my answering machine to meet her in the park in three hours and now I am getting nervous! I'm not supposed to be like this!! I swear this is nothing compared to fencing competitions. It's been ten years since I last saw her in person; during those ten years I have been just watching her from a distance and then she just disappeared three years ago. She has the nerve to call after ten years of my agony, making me think about the things she has caused me to think about. What am I going to do! I can just remember her ten years ago.

Flashback

Ten years before...
"Sakura what is wrong?"
"Tomoyo-chan I have no idea, there is something missing that I can't put my finger on." Tears started welling in her eyes.
"There there, it's okay, Syaoran is going to make sure everything is going to be alright."
"Look at me, I am having another baby in one week and he is just trying to kill me." Looks at her bulging belly.
"That isn't true Syaoran would never do something like that, he loves you as much as everyone else does, now cheer up!" wipes the tears off her face with a towel.
"Tomoyo I hope you are right."
"Of course I am you know I am."
Meanwhile Syaoran was at the door with a tray to give to Sakura and over heard the conversation. He just dropped the tray and ran off somewhere.
In the garden behind the house...
"Sakura you don't understand, you don't know anything about me. I love you so much I could kill you at the same time. I can't do that!" he was beginning to cry and didn't realize that Sakura and Tomoyo could hear what he was saying and doing.
"Sakura, is that Syaoran in your garden over there?"
"Well, speak of the devil, he looks troubled. What do you think troubles him?"
"Something troubles him all of the time Sakura don't you see it in his eyes? I think that I am going down there to see what is going on."
"Tomoyo you shouldn't do that, it's Syaoran after all."
"You are something Sakura I don't know why you hate him so much."
"Tomoyo, please!"
"Calm down Sakura! You really need to stop worrying all of the time."
"You're right I think."
"I'm going down there to talk to him okay. Just wait here." She kissed Sakura's forehead before leaving.

Tomoyo wasn't scared of anything, she knew Syaoran was a good person at heart; just something wasn't right. She just walked into the garden and saw that he was on the ground crying. Tomoyo had never seen this side of Syaoran before and just placed a hand on his shoulder to tell him she was there for him. Syaoran just turned around and saw Tomoyo all calm and hugged her.
"Tomoyo, you're the only other person that understands me. Please tell me why Sakura hates me?" he was trying to fight the tears, but they wouldn't go away.
"She doesn't hate you, she's just curious on why you are always like this."
"Tomoyo she knows all about my childhood and how I was abandoned at five, what more does she have to know about me?"
"Everything Syaoran, this is the only thing that is going to save you from losing Sakura."
"Tomoyo you can't tell Sakura anything that I am going to tell you."

Syaoran tells Tomoyo everything from the day that he was abandoned to when he met Sakura and everything became a whole disaster. Suddenly the both of them heard screams from inside and rush in to see Sakura on the floor smelling like alcohol and marijuana. The sight was so horrific since they saw that she was at the bottom of the steps.
"SAKURA, NO!!!" Syaoran was cradling her body and then realized the baby was still there and rushed her to the hospital, but she was kicking and screaming like a madwoman on the ride there that she didn't want that baby; then she was starting to kick and punch Syaoran who was in the next seat to her while Tomoyo was speeding like crazy to save the baby.
"Tomoyo whatever you do don't stop. We have to save the baby."
"Syaoran, I will try to, but how do you want to kill her while you love her so much?"
"Tomoyo not now will you just concentrate on driving and then we'll talk more."
"Alright, hospital here we come." Tomoyo drove the quickest she could and even broke a couple street signs, but didn't really care.

Next morning, the doctors came out to tell Syaoran and Tomoyo that Sakura and the baby were fine, but the baby was in neonatal! Syaoran stormed off to Sakura's room and saw that she was wide awake.
"Hello, why are you here?"
"I am here to tell you that our daughter is in neonatal thanks to your stupidity Kinomoto!"
"My stupidity, you're the one to talk Li!"
"I wasn't the dumb one that drank everything in the house including the sake! And to top it off you smoked marijuana! You almost killed her!!"
"Well, if she is doing fine, I think that you can send her off to Hong Kong to your mother so she can corrupt her as she failed to do you."
"Don't you ever say things like that against my mother do you hear! The only reason I am here is just because of that little girl, you never cared, all you care about is what you want."
"That isn't true."
"Prove it Kinomoto! Prove it!"
"Fine I will." She was just getting angry and Syaoran stormed out of the room.

Syaoran bumped into Tomoyo and just shook his head violently.
"She will never understand Tomoyo, you can't tell her okay?" he kissed her on the cheek.
"I promise I won't Syaoran, just see how the baby is okay. I want to know how my niece is doing." She smiled at him.

End Flashback

I remember the pain when I saw my daughter in that incubator and all wired up, it made me wonder why Sakura was such a selfish person. Damn! I have thirty minutes before heading to the park and I am going to tell her everything I can. This isn't fair for me since I am the only other person that she shouldn't be seeing right now. I think that I should call Tomoyo and ask her what she thinks.
No, I shouldn't call her; all she would ask from me is another one night stand like the other times she called me and said she was all by herself and scared. No, I won't call her; I'll just do everything on my own without having words put into my mouth. Damn, was I a stupid sonofabitch for falling for everything every other girl said? I hated myself when I saw Tomoyo just laying there in my arms when it should've been Sakura. I was a stupid person back then and I took advantage of her best friend. This is one nightmare that I cannot rid myself of. I swear this is something that you wouldn't want to get yourself into when you fall in love. I have to get out of my door and find Sakura and tell her everything.

To be continued....

Ha, this is something that I don't think anyone else would think of. Okay, maybe not! I am just bored and summer is almost over so I think that I am getting happier every minute I am writing. Don't worry the last chapter is coming soon and I mean soon. Ha, this is going to be the best thing to happen to me before school starts. Hope you liked this one better than the previous chapter. Sorry about making Tomoyo really whorish and stuff, there is nothing I could do to make her innocent. Ciao!! See you later... R&R plz!!! ToT - this is what I am going to look like when I don't get any reviews!!! o - this is going to be me when everyone reviews... and this is me when you copy my quotes- 0 lol....