Waning Moon

By: Riannya

Rating: PG-13Disclaimer: I own no rights to these characters or the world they live in. I promise I will put them back where I found them when I'm done.

Summery: Harry is struggling over his feelings for Remus as a project he is working on gets closer to being finished when he finds an old Pensieve . . . Happy Ending! RL/HP

Category: (Hurt-Comfort / Romance)

Notes: This fic is part of the 'Mortal Moon' Harry/Remus Fuh-Q-Fest ). Challenge: #39: Harry finds Sirius's Pensieve and finds out something he never knew about Remus or Remus's feelings for him. ( superswipergirl)

Archiving: The Mortal Moon Fest, and any other sites or archives this will be posted at after the wave ends.

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"Remus!"

"Harry! What a pleasant surprise!" Remus Lupin smiled, gesturing for him to come inside.

They moved in to kitchen, chatting comfortably. "Would you like some tea, Harry?"

"Yes please."

Remus measured some milk into a cup and dropped a lump of sugar to it before casting a quick stirring charm at the cup. He handed it to a grinning Harry as he poured a cup for himself.

"Thanks Remus." Harry said, his grin threatening to split his face in two.

Remus laughed as he sat down. "Well, what is it Harry? You look like your ready to burst!"

Harry laughed; Remus felt his skin prickle slightly at the wonderful sound. Even now, almost 11 years after the war ended, Harry didn't laugh enough.

He looked at his friend expectantly, smiling at how . . . happy he looked. He wondered . . . a slight frown finding its way to his eyes, if he had found somebody at last.

His friends, Ron and Hermione, and Luna and Neville had all married, and had children by now.

Harry still grinned, not noticing the apprehensive look Remus was giving him. "I quit my job!" he finally blurted out happily.

Remus chocked, tea sputtering a bit. "You quit Hogwarts!? Harr-"

Harry just laughed "No Remus! I quit my REAL job."

He set his tea down on the able, and looked at Harry with complete confusion. "Your real job?" he asked.

Harry suddenly stopped laughing, stopped smiling, and looked at the table. "Remus . . ." he whispered quietly. "You know I trust you, but I have to say it anyway, I could go to Azkaban for life . . . for telling you this."

Remus's eyes widened, "Harry, then maybe you shouldn't . . ."

"No Remus. I have to tell you, I want to tell you. But you can never . . . and I mean never repeat what I am about to say."

He nodded quickly in agreement, "Of course." He said simply.

He took a deep breath. "I am – or was rather, an employee for the Ministry. I have been for the last 9 years. I was a Shadow Unspeakable Remus."

Remus tried to steady his hand. "A 'Shadow' Unspeakable?" he blinked.

He nodded, "Yes, most Unspeakables . . . you know who they are, or at least, a lot of people do. You just don't know what they do . . . Shadows . . . well, almost no one knows about them. They work on the most sensitive projects. Usually only the team and the Minister of Magic know their identities, or anything at all about their projects."

"In my case . . . Only 3 other people, besides you now, know this: The Minister, Dumbledore, and Snape, my partner."

Remus chocked again, having a hard time catching his breath. "Snape? You worked with Snape for 9 years!? So that's why you changed your mind about the position at Hogwarts . . . but Harry? What on earth were you working on that you were willing to put up with Snape for so long to accomplish?"

A strange look crossed over Harry's eyes, startling Remus. "I would have worked with Voldemort himself if I had to too make this work."

Remus opened his mouth to speak . . . but no words came out. He felt his chest tighten. Finally, he managed . . . "Harry . . . Sirius . . .?"

At the panicked look on his friends face, Harry again smiled. "No Remus. Sirius is gone. I accepted that a long time ago."

Remus felt his breath return to him, the thought of Harry spending hours a day, working on the unattainable, had scared him to no end. Harry deserved a break. He had spent his whole life working for others, he was happy that Harry seemed to be enjoying himself in his life, he had discovered an amazing joy in teaching, the enthusiasm was contagious, and Hogwarts was doing as well as it ever has in the past.

Then a thought hit him, "Well Harry? What were you working on then that was so important to you?"

Harry smiled, and stood up. He knelt beside Remus, taking his hand, smiling at him, his eyes glittering.

"I've worked on a special project. One we called the Wolf Project."

Remus felt the blood drain from his face, as the room started to spin he teetered slightly in his chair.

Harry immediately had his arms around him, whispering softly. "Steady Remus . . . steady. Everything is fine. . . ."

For long moments, they just sat like that, before, suddenly, after looking at Harry's face for just a moment to long, he pushed him back gently.

"Harry?" He managed.

Harry was grinning brilliantly now, tears in his eyes. "We did it Remus! We found a cure."

The remaining blood drained out of Remus's face, as his wide eyes contacted with Harry's for just a brief moment before he passed out completely.

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3 weeks later:

Remus Lupin sat on a small log by the lake at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His eyes were looking to the sky, at a dark cloud that covered half the expanse, moving quickly toward the east.

Several moments passed in silence, his eyes never wavering form a fixed location the sky. Finally, suddenly, unbelievably, the moon's bright light broke though the cloud.

He shook uncontrollably, and then at long last, when the last of the silvery moon had broken through the clouds, the light shimmered down on him hitting his face. He stared, just stared, at the first full moon that he had seen with his human eyes that he could remember. Then, very quietly, the tears began to fall, slowly working there way up to the heart wrenching sobs that almost stopped the young man in his tracks that had been walking toward him.

He ran swiftly toward his friend, catching him in an almost bone breaking hug. "Remus . . . its okay . . . its over, I promise . . . you will never have to go through that again. Remus! Remus, please look at me! Damn it Remus! Please!" He too, was crying uncontrollably, confused and shaken by how upset his friend was.

Remus looked up, to see tear willed eyes looking at him helplessly. "Harry . . ."

"I'm sorry Remus . . . I didn't think . . . . I thought that . . . I'm sorry . . ."

That stopped him in tracks, he looked up sharply, grabbed his friends face him his hands and looked intently into his eyes.

"Harry. Harry . . . how could you ever . . .? No Harry! You will never apologize to me for anything! I don't care if you turn my hair pink, or blow my eyes up to the size of soccer balls . . . or . . . for ANYTHING Harry, ever again."

He gathered the younger man into his arms and held him closely, rocking slightly. Then he whispered "Thank you Harry. I can't even begin to express . . ." He sobbed, "Thank you."

Harry rested his head on Remus's shoulder. "What was wrong Remus . . . why were you sobbing out like your heart was breaking?"

After several long moments, Remus took a breath. "I'm sorry . . . I can't tell you that . . . anything but that."

Harry lifted his head, looking at his friend; their noses only inches apart.

Harry smiled slightly as Remus's pupils' dilated, and stuttered out quickly "H-Harry?"

Harry only smiled, and then leaned back. "I want to show you something."

Remus started at Harry in complete confusion, as if he hadn't heard a word Harry had just said. Then he shook his head slightly, "Yes of course Harry. What is it?"

Harry grabbed his hand, pulling him up from the small wooden seat. He then proceeded to tug on his hand all the way through the castle until they reached Harry's rooms.

Only after they had walked inside, and stood silently in Harry's living area, did Remus realize that Harry had never let go of his hand.

He pulled him over to the couch and sat him down before silently untangling his fingers from Remus's. "I'll be right back"

Remus watched him walk into the bedroom and tilted his head . . . Harry was acting . . . strange . . . nervous, which was a ridicules idea. Harry was never nervous. Hell the last time the young man had even shown that he knew what nerves were was right before he stepped into the final battle with Voldemort, 10 years before.

Harry walked back into the room, an apprehensive look on his face, and a medium sized stone basin in his hands.

Remus started, "A pensive? But . . . that looks like . . ."

Harry nodded quickly, "yes, this was Sirius's."

"I found it about 2 years ago . . . I'm sorry I didn't show it to you until now . . . He asked me not to."

"He asked you?"

Harry smiled "You know . . . they always said that he was one of the most brilliant students Hogwarts had ever seen . . . until Mione of course. I really understood why after I saw this for the first time."

"He said that it was Dumbledore that gave him the idea really. The portraits of the headmasters . . . they still talked . . . they retained the personality and some of the memories of the original person. Well . . ." Harry chuckles "Sirius, being the serious fellow that he was, thought it would be usefully . . . and absolutely hysterical, if people could argue with themselves with they had a problem . . .you know . . . a lot of people talk themselves though their problems on their own . . . but you know Sirius, he always wanted to –"

He cut off "I'm sorry Remus, I'm babbling."

Remus, a little wide-eyed smiled and nodded at Harry "Its okay."

Remus and Harry fell into the pensive together, a few seconds later; they found themselves sitting in identical armchairs, facing Sirius Black, sitting in a similar one directly across from them.

"Harry?" Remus raised his eyebrow.

"Hello Remus."

Remus turned in shock to the image of Sirius sitting in front of him. "Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"But . . . I thought . . . but you can't . . . but . . . how?" he stuttered.

"I liked to argue with myself when I needed to figure something out; this seemed like the best way not to get committed to St. Mungos." Sirius shrugged, smiling.

"I gave Harry quite the shock too, his first time in here."

Remus just sat, starring at his best friend that he hadn't seen in 12 years.

Harry cleared his throat. "Sirius, I'm gonna go . . . I . . ."

Sirius smiled reassuringly at him, "It'll be okay Harry, I promise."

Harry nodded, swallowing hard before quite suddenly disappearing.

The two friends sat and talked, joking, for a little more than an hour after Harry left.

After a while, Sirius grew quieter. "I have to tell you something Moony, your probably not going to like it though."

Remus again felt his heart drop into his stomach. Somehow, he knew this wasn't going to be good.

"I've shared a lot of my memories with Harry over the last few years Remus. But . . . there was one that I didn't show him, until 2 nights ago."

Remus paled. "Sirius . . ."

"Let's go Moony."

Remus, feeling very dizzy could only nod.

"Moony, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" Sirius screamed as he busted into the room.

Remus dropped the small pistol to the floor with a yelp, and turned to face his best friend.

Sirius stared in complete shock at the werewolf. His hair was wild, his face was puffy, the area around his eyes red. But what really scared him was the wild, panicked, helpless look that was in his eyes.

Remus fell to the floor, Sirius ran to catch him in his arms before he hit the hard stone.

He sat there holding his best friend, anger and fear were prominent on his face.

"Moony, what the hell is going on!/"

"Sirius . . . I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what anymore!?" Sirius raged, "Can't stand by your friends, can't continue the fight against the most evil wizard in the world? Can't do what Moony!?"

Remus pulled away burying his face in his hands, "You don't understand Padfoot . . . you don't know what I almost did."

"I bloody well do know! I bloody well luckily burst in here before you had a chance!"

"No Sirius." Remus sobbed into his hands.

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself, then went to sit next to his friend . . . carefully sliding the pistol across the room to the wall, the pistol that he knew without a doubt has a single silver bullet loaded in it.

It took several moments before the two of them managed to talk.

"I almost kissed him Sirius. I came this close. I don't know what I was thinking . . . yes I do. I fell in love with him."

Sirius starred at his friend in shock. Moony was this upset because he was in love?

"Moony! That's wonderful!" He rested his hand on Remus's shoulder.

Remus pulled away from him sharply. "Hardly!" He barked.

Sirius was now just sitting with a look of hopeless confusion on his face. "Who did you almost . . . you were with Harry all evening, working on some spell . . ." he trailed off.

"Harry!?" Sirius half shouted.

Remus looked up. "Can I have my gun back now?" He said in an almost pouty voice.

Sirius just stared.

"Harry?" He asked again softly after a few moments.

Remus snorted. "Yes Sirius. Sick isn't it? That I wanted to . . . that I want to . . . a fifteen year old boy for Merlin's sake! I don't know what happened. I was thinking about everything that he had been though . . . he doesn't deserve it Sirius. He was talking about Cedric. He leaned into me . . . and I just . . . I almost . . ." Remus broke down again. "Its sick. He a child! For Merlin's sake, a child!"

Sirius stared blankly for a moment, before raising an eyebrow. "A child Moony? You know that isn't true. Harry hasn't been a child since . . . well, Harry hasn't been a child for a long, long time. Young? maybe, Inexperienced? maybe. But no, never a child, he never got a chance."

"It doesn't change the fact that it's sick Sirius."

"Stop it. You know . . . Harry has had a tough life, tougher than most people 3 times his age. He has lived though things that no one should ever have to go through. Every time he comes out stronger. He . . . he is like my son Moony. I am more proud of him that I ever thought possible. I love him."

"It's not the same thing Sirius."

"No." Sirius agreed. "Harry has me for the parent. But who do you think will ever be there for him in another way? He has his friends, yes. But you know as well as I do that nothing with ever come of that. Even you put your bets in on Ron and Hermione, Remus. He isn't his own age. He will never really fit in that group. Nor will Ron and Hermione to think of it. But that's different. They have each other. Harry will never be able to have a relationship with someone his own age, he has moved to far beyond them."

"Harry struggles every day that people close to him are going to die, just because they are close to him. He knows it, and nothing we can say or do will change that. The most that we can do is to be there for him in every way that we can."

"We are not going to all survive this war Moony. We both know that from experience. Were you really going to willingly take someone else close to him away, because you felt sorry for yourself? That's not a very good way to love him Remey."

"You can't . . . be with him. You know that, there isn't any need for me to give you that lecture. Maybe . . . down the road, maybe he will return those feelings. But right now, you just need to be there for him. I'm his parent, you're his friend. He needs you Remey. You're strong enough to suffer through anything. Later, when this is over, when he is older . . . if the time calls for it, then maybe. But don't leave him now."

Remus looked at his best friend in shock. "Why aren't you punching me though the wall Sirius?"

Sirius sighed. "I won't lie, I'm half tempted. But Remus, he needs to be loved. So do you. Give it time. Stand steady. In the future . . . I want you both to be happy Moony."

Remus found himself sitting back in the chair, sobbing into his hands.

"Sirius-"

"It's the future Moony. The time calls for it."

Remus looked up in shock, his face oddly echoing that of long ago.

"Sirius, you know he doesn't . . ."

"I know nothing of the sort. You think I ever would have shown that to him if he wasn't having the same problems now?"

Sirius stood and held out his hand to hit friend, then embraced him. "He's waiting for you Remus."

Remus reemerged from the pensive, blinking in shock. He looked around the empty room, and then fell to the floor with a sob.

"Everything was fine. It been hard . . . it's always been hard. But I was okay . . . he was my friend . . . that was enough," he lied to himself, mumbling. "I love him . . . I can't lose him . . . not now . . . not when . . .Sirius! Damn it Sirius! Why!?"

He sat on the floor, in shock, a tear rolling through his closed eyes onto his cheek.

He jumped when he felt arms circle around him. "Remus?" A voice whispered softly.

"Harry?" Lupin spun around, to find himself face to face with a worried and nervous Harry Potter.

"Remus? Are you okay?"

Remus started to snort, but all that came out was another half sob. "Harry . . . I'm sorry Harry . . . I didn't want to ever . . . I wasn't ever going to . . . I'm "

He was cut off as gentle lips pressed against his. He sat in shock for a few seconds, before giving in and kissing him back.

"Remus?" Harry pulled away. Remus wouldn't look at him. "Remus, please? Please look at me."

After taking a few moments to build up some of that famous Gryffindor courage, he turned his face to look at him.

"Remus, do you . . . do you still love me Remus?" Harry asked gently.

Remus could see at once the out that the other man was giving him. He opened his mouth to say 'no' to try to get everything back to the way it was before, anything not to lose him. But what came out was a strangled "Yes."

Harry closed his eyes in relief and sagged against Remus, all the anxiety of the evening leaving him.

"I love you too Remus."

Remus opened his eyes, not even realizing at he had closed them.

"You . . . you . . . you what?"

"I love you Remus. I have for years . . . it started when I first met you. It got stronger as the years went on. But . . . you . . . I couldn't tell you, I couldn't risk it. It figured that there was no way in hell you could feel the same way. So I figured I would take you any way I could have you."

"It got harder though, when we started making the breakthroughs on the cure. When we finally got it right . . . when I left to tell you . . . I walked here . . . I figured –"

"That's over 15 miles Harry!"

Harry chuckled "I figured that maybe it would wear me out enough so I didn't jump you when I saw you. It worked . . . barely."

"I talked to Sirius about it a few days ago . . . I didn't know how I was going to keep going like this . . . I was so sure that you would be disgusted with me and walk out. . . ."

"Then Sirius showed me his memory. That was a lot to take in. Then I had to figure out if you still felt the same way . . . and tonight . . . I almost . . . Sirius said I could take you there if I needed . . . I . . ."

He was silenced by lips meeting his again.

Harry closed his eyes, and responded with everything in him, his heart singing.

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A/n: Thanks for staying with me on this, this is the first time I have ever written a slash story . . . and it's a doozy of one isn't it? I should perhaps have set my sights a bit higher . . . I'm sure Dumbledore/Voldemort would have been easier to do . . . but for some reason, I like this pairing. hides head in sand.

Anyway, please leave a review, this is a very different story than I am used to, so I would really appreciate hearing what people think of it. Thanks!