Chapter 4

"You idiot! All you want to do is fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! You're no better than an animal! Well, at least an animal has the guts to indulge in its instincts," Asuka shouted at Shinji. Shinji couldn't see where the voice was coming from. He was lost and confused.

"Asuka, where a-are you?" he called out.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! You really think she wants to sleep with you? I bet you do, don't you? I bet you think about it all the time! Yet you know you are nothing more than a boy. That's all you think about, you moron!" her voice taunted.

"No! I don't just think about that! There is more to me, there is, I swear it!" Shinji shouted.

"Yeah, you're right. I've completely forgotten about your desire to kill. You miss it, don't you, Shinji? Remember the 14th, Shinji? How alive you felt when you were destroying it? Eating it?"

"Stop it! That wasn't me!"

Asuka's laughter could be heard echoing in the darkness.

"All you want to do is to fuck, eat, sleep and kill! You're nothing more than a suppressed animal! An animal in a Zoo! That Zoo is civilization. Don't worry, the Zoo is collapsing and all the animals are going on a rampage. A shame you're such a wimp! You're going to be on the lower end of the food chain. You're certainly no alpha male, that's for sure."

"Shut up!" Shinji snarled. He looked about for Asuka. She sounded so near, yet she was nowhere to be seen. Where could she be hiding? All Shinji could see was the endless dark. Right now, he wanted to strangle the life out of her.

"Unless..."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the Evangelion Unit 01 appeared. Shinji began to run towards the giant biomechanical beast.

"Yes, that's right! Unless you can find your mummy again! Go back into her womb! Did you feel safe inside her? Doesn't matter how much blood you have spilt with that thing, you will still never be able to escape it!" Asuka's voice was getting more distant now.

Shinji was still running towards the Unit 01, yet it wasn't getting any closer. He ran, and ran, and ran, yet he still couldn't cover the distance. The giant purple machine was only 100 yards away-it was so close yet still so far.

"Thought you didn't want to pilot it anymore, Shinji? You sure changed your mind fast!" Asuka snorted.

The Eva came to life and wrapped its large mechanical hands around Shinji, slowly starting to squeeze the life out of his adolescent body. Shinji choked and began to cough up blood, his spine stressing to the point of breaking. He was going to die just like Kaworu. It was a fitting end.

Asuka could barely be heard now. "I think Eva 01 is sick of you, Shinji. Time to die!"

Shinji woke up, screaming. Sweat was pouring down his face. "Argh!!!" he screamed.

Maya came rushing in from her bedroom. "Are you ok?" she asked with a concerned look. She then smiled at Ikari to reassure him. "I think it was just a bad dream, right? You will be ok, won't you?" she asked. Shinji had to catch his breath before replying. "Yes. Sorry for waking you up."

Maya shook her head softly. "Don't worry about it. It's the middle of the day, you slept in late. I was awake anyway." She placed a hand on his arm to comfort him.

Shinji didn't dare look at her face, pulling his arm away from her soothing touch. He wanted to be comforted so badly-he wanted to be held, yet he couldn't bring himself to accept comfort from her. Also, Shinji quickly realized he had morning wood. He hid his lower body under his covers, hoping she wouldn't notice.

Maya sighed. "Shinji, why do you pull back from me? What are you afraid of?"

"Why do you want to touch me? Do you pity me or something?" Shinji replied, avoiding the question with two questions of his own.

"Because I need to hold you. I have needs, too," Maya replied, blushing.

Shinji blushed even redder than Maya, so he got up to leave. He turned away from Maya so she wouldn't see the tent in his underwear. "I think I am going out for a walk." This was too awkward for him to deal with. He just needed to get out, to have time to think. His mind was a mess. Maya had warned him to be careful, and it's not like he wasn't at risk battling the angels; the city couldn't be that dangerous after all.

Shinji was walking the streets aimlessly. He noticed people paying extra attention to him-more attention than normal. He also noticed that the streets were getting busier. In fact, the city was returning to life, yet there was something disturbing about this, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Shinji decided to head to his old school, to see what state it was in. He didn't really expect to see anyone there. 'Perhaps the evacuated children will return someday,' Shinji thought to himself, ignoring the funny looks. Some of them were hostile, but most of them where just out of curiosity. Funny looks from funny people.

His old school was in a government-controlled section of the city. He was sure it would be safe to go there.

Shinji didn't expect anyone to be there, which made it all the more shocking to see that there were children playing there. Shinji didn't like the way they were staring at him. "Just like the adults," Shinji muttered. Kids of all ages, from toddlers to teenagers could be seen. Shinji didn't really feel like going in right now. Something about this place made him uneasy.

As Shinji turned to walk off, he was stopped by an adult voice: "Halt, child." Shinji turned round to see who it was. It was a middle-aged man. He had grey balding hair and a grey beard on a thin-aged face. He was wearing a black suit, a lot like a Made man from a Mafia movie would wear, or one of NERV's intelligence agents. He didn't look the part certainly; he looked more like someone who should be running a grocery store. Shinji guessed he was one of the teachers here.

"Are you lost, stranger? Are you lost and seeking help?" the man asked. Before Shinji could reply, the elder man offered, "We can educate you in the ways of the wise sensei. He is always willing to show those who are lost the light to the truth."

"Urm... er..." was all that the confused Shinji could say in reply.

"Where do you live? Where are your parents? Do you have parents? Have you ever pondered the meaning of life? Our sensei Arekkusu, in his endless benevolence offers his wisdom to all life in the universe. You shouldn't miss out on your education just because the government is too incompetent to get the schools running. Anyway, you don't want to go to any government-run school, they would simply try to brainwash you with their propaganda."

The elder man was endless in his rants, speaking in a rapid never-ending mania. Shinji wasn't able to digest what he was telling him, he was talking so fast. "Urm... I have to go now. Sorry," Shinji said meekly.

"No, no, no. I would be failing Arekkusu if I were to let you go now. You're staying with us now. You're in safe hands, child."

Upon hearing that, Shinji started to run. The man may have been middle-aged, but he was still faster than Shinji. He soon tackled the skinny boy down to the ground. "I'm afraid your judgment must be impaired if this is your reaction to our offer of sanctuary. You must spend time here to heal your mind."

Shinji was too stunned to protest. Perhaps this was his punishment for refusing to comfort Maya, and now he would never see her again. Maybe that was for the best. Upon reaching that conclusion, Shinji didn't bother struggling, letting the older man take him.

"Let the boy go," a stern, authoritative voice commanded the middle-aged man. The middle-aged quickly did what he was told and fell down to his knees, cowering. "Please forgive me if I have made an error in my zeal to do your bidding. Your wisdom is truly beyond my or anyone else's interpretation. Your world is truly-"

"Yes, yes, that is quite enough," the other interrupted impatiently. "Run along now, you have classes to teach." The stern figure looked down at Shinji.

He had long, dark-red hair that went down to his lower back in a ponytail. His thick eyebrows above piercing brown eyes gave him a look of wisdom. There was something about his gaze-Shinji found that he couldn't look him in the eyes for long. He was a young man in his prime mid-20s at the latest, yet he carried himself with such authority. He wore a simple dark-red kimono, a shade darker than his hair. Shinji couldn't help but glance at him every few seconds; there was something magnetic about this person. "What is your name, child?" he asked.

"Sh-Shinji?" he replied so nervously that it almost seemed as if he wasn't sure.

"Come, Shinji. Stand up," the red-haired man told Shinji as he offered his hand to him. It was as if Shinji couldn't do anything else but obey, so Shinji took his hand. "Call me Arekkusu. You may also call me Sensei if you so wish it. Don't worry about my followers, they truly don't seem to understand the concept of free will. I have no need to force others to follow my teachings for my brilliance will dazzle all, converting them to the path of happiness." He gave Shinji a look, showing that he took himself dead seriously.

Shinji couldn't help but take him seriously as well, even though he would have laughed was it anyone else saying those words. The things he was saying seemed ridiculous, but those eyes-those eyes couldn't lie. He was so sure of himself, so confident. Shinji couldn't bring himself to say a thing; he was in awe of his presence. He had a charisma he had never seen in anyone before. He still couldn't bring himself to make eye contact. The man's very posture seemed to have strength flowing through it.

Shinji felt Arekkusu's fingers tickle his hand ever so softly. Was he moving them on purpose? Was he stroking his hand? Shinji blushed, realizing how long he had been holding his hand. He suddenly pulled his hand away. "I... I got to go now, sorry."

Arekkusu smiled and nodded understandingly. "You will be back, won't you? I would very much like to see you again," he admitted.

Shinji was taken by surprise at his words. "So... so you can show me the light and truth?" Shinji joked, trying to brush off his offer with humour.

"Ah.... so you don't believe," Arekkusu said in a saddened tone of voice.

"Urm... Sorry," Shinji replied, bowing in an apology. "I'm just not a very religious person, that's all." He didn't want to upset this man. Glancing at Arekkusu one last time, Shinji walked off.

Arekkusu watched as Shinji walked off. He said to himself with total confidence, "You will be back."

Shinji headed home as quickly as he could without running. Maybe he wouldn't explore the city so much in the future. "Home. Where is home? Maya's place or Misato's old apartment?" He rushed straight back home, heading straight for Maya's apartment. He didn't want to give her any cause for worry. He didn't feel like exploring the city any longer. Maya's apartment was luckily in one of the areas of Tokyo 3 that had barely been affected by the battles with the angels.

It seemed like your average urban area if you ignored the clear signs of destruction in the distance. It was a shame it didn't have average people to match. Everyone seemed to be going crazy, or was crazy already. Shinji sighed, letting himself in. Maya was sitting at the dinner table, drinking some tea.

"Welcome back. Where have you been?" Maya asked.

"Out," Shinji replied shortly.

Maya looked at Shinji with a concerned look on her face. She noticed the fact that Shinji was covered in dirt. "What happened?" she asked, wondering if Shinji had gotten into a fight.

Shinji had been so overwhelmed and distracted by Arekkusu, he hadn't even noticed the state he was in. He had totally forgotten what happened just before he met the Sensei. He didn't particularly feel like sharing what happened with Maya right now, so he decided to take a bath.

Bath time was always the time when he thought too much, and this time he found himself thinking about Arekkusu. Shinji was sure he was imagining things. There was no way someone who was so amazing would rub his hand.

Finding he didn't particularly want to continue that train of thought, Shinji quickly washed himself, got out of the bath, and dried off. Maya was back on her computer to find out more information. Shinji was fine with that, he felt like being alone just then anyway. He had more tapes of Beethoven to listen to. Just as he started to listen to Beethoven's 5th piano concerto, Maya interrupted him. "Shinji, do you want to sit next to me while I use the computer?" she offered.

Shinji sighed. "No, thank you. I don't think that would be appropriate."

Maya replied, "Why not?" before pausing to think. A smirk came over her face. She had studied Shinji's file back when she worked for NERV. She knew a fair bit about him-she knew exactly what to say. "Ok, I won't ask you. I am telling you to."

Shinji blinked slightly, taken back by this. He then nodded and got up to go to Maya's bedroom. He was her guest after all. He sat down on the floor, next to Maya's futon. "I thought I told you to sit down next to me? Not on the other side of the room."

Shinji blushed a bit before obeying. Maya put her arm around Shinji, slowly, so he wouldn't pull away suddenly. She gently pulled him closer to her. However, Shinji didn't embrace her in return. He was totally passive. Maya sighed, letting go of him. "Don't worry, Shinji. You can go and listen to your tapes if you want."

Shinji nodded in reply, muttering, "Sorry."

Maya smiled gently at him as she spoke. "Don't worry about it. If you ever want a cuddle, you know whom to come to."

Shinji nodded and got up to leave. "See you later." He was relieved, excited, confused and nervous all at the same time.

'At least you're making progress!' Maya thought to herself, feeling slightly worried for Shinji. It wasn't healthy for him to be cooped up with her all the time. She wondered if, perhaps, it would be for the best if they found some way to leave this city. "Maybe I could work for the government. They must need someone with my talents."