Rough Path
Chapter 3: Where do we go from here?
Carter looked at Abby, not saying anything to her, as he was shocked that she would ever think that.
She looked at him and knew that she got her answer. Then she started to walk away.
"No, Abby, don't leave, we need to talk," Carter said as he grabbed a hold of her hand.
She turned around. "I understand that we broke up, I guess I will see you at work."
"Abby, we didn't break up, I'm so sorry that you even thought that."
She looked up at him. "I did, you just leave for Africa without even saying goodbye, and I guess I thought that we were over."
He looked at her. "I'm sorry; I didn't know you'd think that. You were all that I could think about in Africa, I just needed some time alone."
"Time alone to get away from me," Abby replied, not realizing what she said.
Carter put his arms around her. "No, not to get away from you. But everything that happened was too much, Gamma's death and all. I was confused. I needed some time to think about everything."
She didn't know what to say, she was still confused about the relationship. If we didn't break up, then what happens now?
She rested her head on his chest. He stroked Abby's hair.
"What happens now?" she asked.
"I don't know," he said as he held her tightly.
"Abby, Kerry told me to tell you that your break is over."
Abby looked up and saw Susan standing in front of them.
"Okay, I'm coming."
"Carter, I'm glad to see that you are back," Susan said.
"Yeah, thanks," Carter said, as he looked at Abby. "I'll see you later," he added as he walked away.
***
"So, I guess you and John worked everything out?" Susan asked as they walked back into the ER.
"Yeah, I guess. There is still a lot of stuff we need to sort out, though."
"Well it is good that you listened to me and talked to him."
"I was going to talk to him anyway," Abby laughed.
"Yeah," Susan laughed, too, as Chuny came up to them. "Susan, we need you in Trauma 2."
"I'll talk to you later, Abby," Susan said as she walked away.
***
Later that night
Abby walked into her apartment and saw John sitting on her couch.
"John," she said, as she closed the door.
He turned around and smiled.
"I didn't think I would see you tonight," she said as she sat down next to him.
He looked up at her. "I think we need to talk about some things."
Abby looked at him and put her arms around him. She was so relieved that they didn't break up.
"Abby, I know that we can't go back to where we were before, and we need to sort things out," Carter said quietly, not really sure about what to say.
"But how did we get like this?"
"I don't know, I guess I haven't been myself since Gamma's death," he said softly. "She was like a mother to me more than my real mother. "
Abby took a hold of his hand. "I know."
She knew that Gamma meant a lot to Carter, but she never knew exactly how much she meant to him.
"I wasn't even there for you when you needed me," she said as she stood up.
"You had to be with Eric, I understand that now, but at the time, I didn't." Carter said as he got up from the couch and went up to her and hugged her.
Abby turned around to face him.
"Yeah, I should still have been there for you, though," Abby said with sadness in her voice. She never wanted to disappoint Carter, but she did when she wasn't there for him.
"You shouldn't have gone through that on your own, you have been there for me through everything with my family, and I couldn't be there for you once," she said as tears started to roll down her cheek and she held him tightly. "And then there is what my brother did at your grandmother's funeral."
"Abby, that wasn't your fault; I never blamed you for that. But I guess when it happened I didn't really care about what you had to say. I was confused about everything in my life before I left for Africa, left my job and you."
She looked at him. "So what changed?"
He took a deep breath before he spoke. "Before I left for Africa, I wasn't sure where our relationship was going."
Abby could see that this was really hard for him to say. "Why don't we sit down?" Abby suggested, as she led him over to the couch.
"When I got to Africa, I couldn't believe what it was like; there were so many sick kids, and there wasn't much I could do, there were no machines like we have here. One night, the Mayi Mayi came, and held a gun to my head, that was when I realized that you were the one that I wanted. I didn't know if I was going to die right there, but all I knew was that you didn't know how I felt about you. You were all I could think about, and then when the guy shot the soldier I thought that it could have been me," Carter said as tears started to fall down his cheeks.
Abby couldn't believe what she just heard; she didn't just hear that the man that she loves almost died. She looked up at him and could see that this was really hard for him. She hugged him. "But it wasn't you."
Carter wiped away the tears, stood up and started to walk away.
"John," she said as she got up to follow him. "Is there something else?"
He turned around, and could see how worried she was about him.
"It's nothing."
She took a hold of his hand. "Come on, I know you well enough to know."
"It is really nothing; it is just that I can't get the image out of my mind. I try to sleep and all I can see is that soldier dying in front of me. I'm a doctor, but I couldn't do anything."
"You had a nightmare, the night that you first came home, didn't you? Why didn't you tell me?" Abby asked, as she held him tightly.
"Abby, there isn't anything you can do for me, I can deal with nightmares, I have before."
Abby looked into his eyes and knew that he wasn't talking about Africa anymore.
"I'm here for you," she said softly. "You aren't alone."
Carter looked at her and smiled. "I know, but I should be going, it is getting late."
He didn't want to leave; he wanted to stay with her all night. But just a few hours ago she thought they broke up … he didn't want to rush things with her. He wasn't sure if she was ready for this after he just left her to go to Africa. He wanted to give her some time to make her trust him again.
"Stay here with me," she said and took his hand.
***
The next day
Carter and Abby were sitting in the kitchen.
"So, are you working today?" Carter asked.
"No," she answered. "When do you go back to work?"
"In a couple of days,"
Abby smiled at him. She was so happy that he was home safe and sound.
"So is Luka home, too or is he still in Africa?" Abby asked.
"He is still in Africa, and I don't know when or if he is coming back." Carter said.
Suddenly the phone rang, Abby picked it up.
"Hello," she said. "Yeah he is right here."
Abby went up to Carter. "It's Luka; he wants to talk to you."
"Okay, "Carter said, as he picked up the phone.
Abby looked at him as he was talking on the phone.
Why was Luka phoning Carter? It's not like they are friends or anything, she thought to herself.
Then suddenly she thought of something. What if Luka wants Carter to go back to Africa? There were so many questions she wanted to have answers for.
She turned around and saw that Carter was off the phone.
"So, what did Luka want?"
Carter looked up at Abby. "He needs my help; he wants me to go back to Africa for a few days."
Abby looked shocked at Carter's news.
"But you aren't going to, are you?"
To be continued!!!
Author's Note: Did you really think the angst was over? I don't think so!!!! I would like to thank my beta reader, Annette, she is the best!!!