Rough Path
Chapter 5: Dealing
"What happened to Carter?" Abby asked, not sure if she really wanted to know.
So many thoughts were going through her mind. Was he hurt? Or did her worst fear come true?
"He's missing," Luka said.
"Missing?" Abby replied, confused.
She knew that he shouldn't have gone back to Africa, it was too dangerous.
Abby paused for a moment. "When did Carter go missing?"
"Two days ago."
"Luka, why didn't you phone me before?" Abby asked angrily.
"We weren't sure if he was missing."
"How could you not know?" Abby wanted to know, getting furious with Luka.
Luka suddenly went silent.
"I know everything that happened in Africa last time, please tell me what happened, I need to know."
"When Carter got to Africa, he was helping me with some patients when there was an attack from the Mai Mai and we had to move fast. When the attack was over, Carter was gone."
Abby couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Maybe you aren't looking hard enough for him; I should come to Africa, and help you look for him."
"Abby, you aren't coming to Africa, it is best that you stay in Chicago. We are going to find him," Luka said.
Abby heard voices in the background telling Luka that he needed to go.
"I should go, but don't worry, we will find him."
But she could tell by the tone of his voice that he was just saying that to make her feel better.
"Bye," she said, as she hung up the phone.
Abby didn't know how to deal with the news. Why did he have to go there?
She was still in shock over Luka's news. This can't be true, she thought to herself as she walked into the lounge. She opened her locker, and got her jacket on. She had to get out of here.
As she was walking out of the lounge, Kerry came up to her.
"Abby, I need you in Exam 2."
"Kerry, I can't do this, not right now."
"Abby … you are on, you can't just leave."
Abby turned around before she shouted to the whole ER staff, "I can't work right now, not while Carter is missing," and then left the ER.
She started walking around the block, she didn't know where she was going. She just didn't want to think about it anymore.
She sat down on the bench.
How was she supposed to get on with her life here, not knowing if they are ever going to find Carter in Africa? Was he hurt? Or worse, was he dead?
"I promise to be back safe as soon as possible."
She started to remember what he promised her at the airport. But he didn't keep his promise, did he? No, just like all the other times.
Tears started to fall down her cheeks.
She couldn't lose him, he was everything to her. When he came back from Africa, she was angry at him for leaving her, but she understood why he did it, and they were just getting their relationship back on track – when Luka called.
Why did you have to go John? I need you here with me, she thought to herself.
"Abby," a voice suddenly said.
Abby looked up and saw Susan standing in front of her. She wiped the tears from her cheek. "Susan, what are you doing here?"
Susan sat down on the bench. "I know what happened."
Abby looked at Susan. "Nothing happened, I'm fine," Abby lied.
"I was there when you told Kerry about Carter," Susan replied, looking as upset as Abby did. "How are you coping?"
Abby sighed. "I don't know. How is someone supposed to cope when the one that they love is in another country missing?"
Susan nodded. "So how did you find this out?"
Abby stood up. "Luka phoned me just a little while ago to give me the news."
The news that she was afraid of. What she was scared of the most, what she feared was going to happen if Carter went to Africa, did happen.
"Can we stop talking about this?" Abby asked, trying to get herself to forget. She thought if she forgot about it, it isn't really happening.
Susan could see in how much pain Abby was, and there was nothing she could do for her friend. "Kerry told me to tell you to have a few days off work."
"A few days? To do what? To think of Carter all day and all night?"
Susan hugged her friend. "If you don't want to have a couple days off then at least go home and rest."
Abby nodded. "Okay, I will, bye."
"Abby, wait," Susan said.
Abby turned around.
"If you need someone to talk to tonight, give me a call … it doesn't matter what time it is, okay?"
"Thanks, Susan," Abby said, as she walked away from her.
***
Later that night
Abby was sitting in her living room when she started to remember Carter and when he returned from Africa, safe and sound. Why did I let him go?
She then started to remember everything about Carter. The first time that they met, the time that Carter asked her to be her sponsor.
The time that he went to Oklahoma to help her with her mother, or the time that he invited her to the charity ball.
Or when they first kissed in that trauma room
I can't think about this anymore, she
thought to herself as she got up from the couch. She needed to get out of here,
there were too many memories. She needed to stop thinking about him. She got
her keys and jacket and walked out of the apartment.
An hour later
She knocked at the door.
"Abby!" Susan said, surprised to see her standing in front of the door.
"I know you said to call, but I just needed to get out of there. If this is a bad time, I can go," Abby said quietly.
"No, Abby, please come in," Susan said gently, seeing how upset Abby was. She didn't know how Abby was going to handle it if they didn't find Carter soon.
Abby walked into Susan's apartment. "I'm sorry about just showing up, but everything about my apartment reminded me of Carter."
Susan hugged Abby. "I know it does, do you want something to drink?"
"No, I'm fine, "Abby said, sadly as she sat down on the couch.
Susan sat down next to Abby. She wasn't sure what to say to her friend as there wasn't much that she could say that would make Abby feel better. There was only one thing that could do that; and that was Carter.
Abby looked at Susan. "Did you know that I never told John that I love him, that he is the best thing in my life? And I might never get to tell him that."
"I'm sure Carter knows how you feel about him, anybody could tell how much you love him."
Abby paused for a moment. She didn't want to think about Carter in Africa anymore, she just wanted it all to go away ... like it never happened.
Susan looked at Abby, and could see how much pain Abby was in, and knew she needed to do something to get it off her mind.
"How about we watch a movie, I can make some popcorn, and it can be like a girls night in," Susan said.
Abby smiled. "I know what you are trying to do."
"I'm not trying to do anything, I just want to watch a movie. And I'm thinking an action movie, how about you?"
"Okay, "Abby smiled. She knew that Susan was
trying to get her to forgot about Carter in Africa,
but it would take more than a movie to do that, but she would do anything to
get him off her mind.
Later that night
They were just finishing watching the movie. "I should be going home now."
"Why don't you stay the night?" suggested Susan, knowing that Abby didn't really want to go home.
Abby shook her head, "I don't know."
"Abby, I'm sure you don't want to be alone tonight."
"Well, okay."
***
Susan looked and saw that Abby had fallen asleep half way through the movie. She quietly got off the couch, and headed to her bedroom. She looked back at Abby, and she didn't know how Abby could deal with everything so well.
I just hope that this turns out good, as I
don't know what Abby would do if Carter never came back, Susan thought to
herself as she went into the bedroom.
The next morning
Susan got up, and saw that Abby was making breakfast as she walked into the kitchen.
"Abby, what are you doing?"
Abby turned around. "I thought I would make some breakfast, thanks again for letting me stay here last night. You were right, I couldn't go back to my apartment, there are so many memories of Carter and me."
"You can stay here as long as you want."
"Do you want eggs and bacon or do you want some pancakes?"
"Stop it, Abby."
"Stop what?" Abby asked as she put the food on the plate, and sat down.
"I know what you're trying to do … you are trying to forget about Carter by keeping yourself busy."
"I am just making breakfast, nothing more," Abby said, as she got up and started to walk away. Susan followed her. "I'm sorry; I just thought that was what you were doing," Susan said, as she patted Abby on the back.
As Abby turned around Susan could see that she was crying.
Abby wiped tears away from her cheeks; she never cried in front of anybody. In front of Carter a few times, but not much.
"What happens if they never find him? I don't know if I can live without Carter."
Susan nodded. "I know, but we have to keep faith that they are going to find him. Have you checked your messages yet?"
"Yeah, there aren't any on my cell phone or at my house."
Susan and Abby sat down. "Luka did say that he would phone you if he heard any news, right?" Susan asked.
"Yes, I don't know if no news is good news."
"Abby, why don't you stay with me for a few more days, I would love to have a roommate," Susan suggested.
"No, I will be fine. Actually, I am going to go to work today, and I start in an hour"
"Are you sure that it is a good idea?"
"Yes," Abby said as she grabbed her jacket. "Thank you for letting me stay here last night."
"It was nothing; I will see you at work later on."
***
An hour later
Abby walked into the ER, and walked into the lounge. She opened her locker, and got her stuff out, and looked at Carter's locker. She then flashed back to the time when Carter was leaving for his scuba trip.
"I took a split shift so I could see you off."
"My flight is not for hours," Carter said
"I know…"
Abby then heard someone shutting their locker door. She looked up and saw Jing Mei.
"I've heard about Carter, I'm so sorry. How are you dealing?"
"I am fine, I just needed to get back to work, "Abby said. As soon as she walked out of the lounge, everybody went quiet.
"So what can I do? Anybody need any help?" Abby asked as she walked up the admitting desk.
"Abby, I don't think you should be helping with traumas today, you have too much on your mind," Kerry said.
"I am fine; I just need to do my job."
Susan came up to her. "Why don't you help me with the trauma that is coming in?" she said, as they walked outside, waiting for the ambulance to arrive.
"Is this how it's going to be … maybe I should have stayed home?" Abby laughed.
"They are just worried about you ... everybody knows how much Carter means to you."
"I know, but I came to work to forget about what is happening with Carter, I don't want to have to think about it every second," Abby said, as they wheeled the patient to the ER.
***
Later that day
Abby walked into the exam room. "Hi, I am your nurse."
"When is the doctor going to see me?" the patient asked.
"A doctor will see you very soon," Abby said.
"Is Doctor Carter going to see me today?"
Abby hadn't thought about Carter for the last half an hour, but as soon as the patient said Carter's name it brought everything back.
Is this really happening, is Carter missing or I am just dreaming this?, she thought to herself.
Abby turned around. "Doctor Carter isn't here today; another doctor will see you."
"Oh, I was here before, he was my doctor, and he was really kind to me."
"Yes he is," Abby said, as she walked out of the exam room, bumping into Susan.
"Abby, are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
***
Later that night, Abby walked into her apartment, and checked her messages, but there was nothing. She sat down on the couch, and saw that there was Carter's sweater. She picked it up, and held it.
"I love you; you have to come home soon."
She wanted to forget about it all, but there was nothing that was going to help, there was only one thing that would and that is having Carter home safe and sound.
She walked into the bedroom, got into bed, and started to fall asleep with Carter's sweater still in her arms. It was like he was there with her.
To be continued