At it Again

One of few pleasures on Red Dwarf is going to the cinema. The only time that Dave Lister can pretend that he has a normal life is when in the theatre. He can kick back and escape the grim reality of being the only known human to exist here. The only hindrance is that he is never entirely alone and that renders any hope of getting away to near uselessness.

"God, Lister, you're a disgrace to humanity," the holographic simulation of his dead bunkmate groaned. "Popcorn should go inside your mouth last I checked."

Lister's only response was to ignore Arnold Rimmer's remark as he stuffed a large handful of popcorn in his mouth, allowing for half of it to fall right through his bunkmate's lap.

The mechanoid, Kryten, dawned a dustpan and foxtail broom out of seemingly nowhere and started to sweep up the mess as Rimmer stood up in disgust and sat down in the seat next to him.

"You did that deliberately you gimboid!" the hologram complained.

"Did what?" Lister said through a mouthful, completely unaware that he had done anything.

"You dropped popcorn on me."

"Rimmer it was an accident, I swear to you, man."

"I can imagine if it was one piece being an accident, but nearly all of it landed on me. I don't think a single kernel was even eaten."

Dave—having had enough of Rimmer... just being... Rimmer!—took an immense handful from his bucket of popcorn and threw it through his dead bunkmate's image. Rimmer gained an expression that suggested that something very putrid-smelling was right underneath his nose as he jumped straight back up.

"THAT'S IT, SQUIRE! THAT'S THE FINAL STRAW THAT BROKE THE DORMITORY, THAT IS!" Rimmer yelled. "IF I HAD A BODY I WOULD WRING YOUR SLOBBY LITTLE NECK!"

The Cat took that moment to yell through his megaphone, "BE QUIET! I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE FILM!"

Rimmer shot him a you'll-get-yours-too look, totally exasperated, seemingly for the sole sake of being exasperated.

"Rimmer, you smeghead!" Lister said, as disgusted as one could possibly be with any individual, one would surmise. "We came here to have a good time and you're ruinin' it for everyone. Just sit down and watch the film already, for crying-out-loud.

As emotionally sore as one can be, Arnold shook his head cheerlessly as he reclaimed his non-popcorn-covered seat.