Chapter 1: A New Beginning…

Here's one of the first Conker Fics I ever wrote. I hope you really enjoy it! This story takes place after "Bad Fur Day". It's Rated R for violence, verbal language, and sexually suggestive Humor. So in this Fic, Conker meets unexpected heroes along the way. Yea, you know the Thermopile, Demolisher, Grunt, etc…

So sit on tight, stick your eyes on the screen with excitement, and enjoy the world of the little foul-mouthed squirrel…

Chapter 1: A New Beginning…

Dark as coil; the night of shattering glittering stars wondered across the dark night sky. Not to far away from Windy, was a castle owned by a King, "The King of all the land" he said to himself. In that castle, was a ruler named Conker, who sat in his throne thinking back those memories back in the "Bad Fur Days".

" Oh Berry, why did you have to go…" Conker paused then continued. "I just can't seem to get my mind off that tragic incident that happened to you…Then sighed in despair.

A guard form Conker's castle walked up to him and decided to help him out in Speech "You know sire, I think the Cock and The Plucker would get those non-optimistic memories out of you noggin…"

Conker sighed once more thinking what the tall weasel had said, and then slowly spoke and tilted his head. "Well, I suppose that would be an idea that will work…"

"Go on Conker" The other short weasel, said, " The bloody beer needs you." Conker shifted his crown and smirked. " Well, I guess your right, I'm off to The Cock and The Plucker!"

"Any reinforcements sire?" the tall one said.

"No, I'll be on my own for now, I don't need bad farts to follow me around" Conker suggested.

"But Sire!" He continued. The round weasel turned with angry shifted eyes and shouted. "YOU BLOODY TWAT! ENOUGH WITH THE RUN- AROUNDS! HE SAID WHAT HE SAID, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

"But"

"ENOUGH!"

Conker turned towards the two bickering guards, and then spoke. " Would you guys-" He was interrupted with all the nonsense from the two.

"All you think about is being the BOSS around here which of course you're not!"

" Bloody Hell NOT!" Snapped the round one.

"Oh yes you do!"

"Oh, no I DON'T!"

"Yes"

"NOT!"

Conker couldn't take anymore of the arguments. Slowly and steadily he took breezed air and shouted… " WOULD YOU TWO SHUT YOUR FUCKING CUNTS?!" Both guards stopped with awkward silence and right away they faced Conker with Eager-Eyes. Conker knew they wanted more to argue about, but they have to stop for now…

"Now then…" Conker continued. "Once I leave, keep your guard on…"

"You mean condoms?" Said the tall one. " You…IDIOT!" Yelled the other.

"He said guard ON!"

"He meant avenging this PLACE!"

" Then we should cover this place with a huge condom…" He continued.

The Fat weasel cocked his head in confusion.

Conker smacked his forehead. "What in the world is this coming to…"

"Well, more like idiot zone!" Said the fat one.

The other guard had enough and spoke out. "Well, at least I don't ORGASM on Conkers military weapons!" Conker froze, and noticed the round one was cringing in embarrassment.

" Uh, OrGaSm?" Conker responded. " Of Course!" The tall one continued. " And how would you know that?" Conker said in a trembling slow voice. " Well, One, you can see him cringing in embarrassment, Two, When ever your out, he goes to your military weapon base in the basement and drills himself for life"

" YOU BLOODY LIAR!" the other guard shouted in rage.

" I"AM NOT!" Yelled the other. " I'm certain you do, cuz every morning when Conker commands me to check to his weapon base, there always covered in jelly…"

" Okay, guys that's enough I don't think I don't need to hear any of that anymore…" Conker said.

" I WAS JUST POLISHING THEM…sire…" The fat one continued.

" ReALLy… More like pretty DEEP POLISHING!" The other responded

Conker covered his ears and yelled once more. " SHUT YOUR BLOODY MOUTHS!" Silence came over the room and he relaxed his voice and said: " Well, ill be off now, be back soon…" Conker opened the huge leathered caped door. Slowly and he knew before he stepped an inch outside, the weasels continued there argument.

"Why do you have to be a sagging TWAT, you bloody Shit!"

Conker rolled his eyes and shook his head. " Well, At least I'm out for beer…" he said to himself. Slowly the door closed behind him. Conker paced away towards The Cock and The Plucker in a dark clear night…

Yes, I know its kinda like a short chapter, but it'll get longer per chapter and the juicy stuff will be coming soon. So please send you reviews it will help me a lot!

Stay tuned for Chapter 2: New and Known Fraternities! .