A/N: I'm sorry, I seemed to have disappeared from the face of the earth for a month or two, but I'm back and safe and I've got, let's see...two more chapters on the way as soon as I can get them typed up. Truly sorry...bear with me!

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Harry Potter world. All I own is the plotline, which is probably something that was unconsciously taken (Romeo and Juliet, anyone?). If you sue, all you'll get is a notebook full of my writings and a computer chair (that's not very comfy). Don't do it.

Illicit Love

Chapter Twelve

Secrets and Despair

Lily felt the tears well in her eyes now. Daddy's gone? she thought, almost not believing.

"He's – He's dead?"

McGonagall simply nodded, the tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm sorry dear, so sorry." She moved to pat Lily on the shoulder.

"What – what happened?"

"You might have known that your father worked for Tribal Benefit Corporation which is owned by Charles Damian Potter. He has been having trouble with the Dark Side because he is powerful, yet employs Muggles. The Dark Lord came in with his minions and killed all the Muggles they could. That's as much as we know, and for all we know about Mr. Potter, it may not be true."

"So, he's – he's gone?"

McGonagall nodded again.

Just like that, he was gone. In a flash of light.

"Would you like me to call upon your friends? Young Mr. Potter perhaps?"

Lily shook her head. "I'm sure he'll know about it soon. I've got to owl my mum. She hasn't contacted me, has she?"

"No, dear. Professor Dumbledore received the owl from the company to tell you."

"Does my mum know?"

"I assume she does. I'll leave you. If you need me, you know where my office is."

Lily nodded and stared at the fire as the professor left. After a few minutes a knock came at the door. Still staring at the fire, she called, "Come in."

"Lily," James said softly. "My dad just sent me an owl." Lily didn't look at James, but stared at the fire. James sat down in the opposite chair. "Are you okay?" She shrugged, then as if confused, she shook her head and started sobbing.

"I don't know how to feel," she said. "Sad, I'd suppose, but I'm not. I mean, I am, but – "

"Shock; yes, I know. I'm really sorry."

"It's not your fault, James," Lily said. She had stopped crying but her breathing was ragged. "I –" She started sobbing again. James opened his arms and Lily moved herself into them.

"If anything it's my father's fault. Just adds to the list of ways he's pissed me off. This..." he shook his head. There was malice in his voice. "This has gone too far."

"You think this is purposeful? You think he did it on purpose?"

"Sure of it. I've never heard of him being attacked. There have been threats, yes, but nothing he couldn't pay his way out of. Definitely planned." Lily looked at him. "Stooping so low as to take out my girlfriend's family members. Really low, that is." Lily buried her face in his neck.

"I don't know," he said. "Sometimes I wonder why he's my father. May be I'm meant to turn out like him – killing innocent civilians because I'm hacked off. I –"

He stopped, confused remotely about the soft suction on his neck. He wasn't confused so much about the brush of Lily's lips against his neck, but more as to why she was doing it.

He placed his hands on her hips and leaned his into the kisses. Lily pulled away and looked at her boyfriend, her cheeks flushed with heat and the previous tears.

"You will never end up like your father," she said. "I know you, you never will." She leaned down and kissed James passionately. He kissed her back, his hands moving upon her body.

"Wait," James said breathlessly, pulling from the mind-numbing suction. Lily's lips were redder and fuller than usual and it was all that he could do to not kiss her again. "I want you to know that whatever happens between our families and our friends and the outside world, I love you."

"I love you too." She leaned forward again and pressed her lips against his. His lips moved to her neck and his hand moved to her thigh.

* * *

James opened his eyes slowly and squeezed the warm weight of Lily lying in his arms. She shifted slightly and exhaled loudly. He smiled. She mumbled something incoherent, then turned over, flipping her auburn hair onto his chest, tickling his neck. He brushed it off himself, then pushed the silky strands away from her face. Her skin was perfectly pale once more.

He knew that what they had done was not any way to solve problems and it would probably come back and bite then in the arse (hopefully not literally, James thought in horror). It had been a temporary emotional release, but James knew it wasn't any good.

Wait, it was good – great. But the emotional release wouldn't make any difference.

He leaned forward and kissed Lily's forehead. A small smile played at her lips, but it seemed she was oblivious to his action.

He thought about what Lily said earlier, how he'd never end up like his father. He really pondered. Already he was the spitting image of Charles Damian minus the salt-and-pepper hair and the wrinkles. His temper was short, just like his father's. That was a start, wasn't it? He knew thinking about what made him like his father wasn't the way to be thinking, but about how they were different. He wondered it maybe his father was right, he wasn't necessarily better than Lily, but there were some things that Charles Damian had a point about.

No, that train of thought wasn't right. He was certainly not any better than Lily. Having fame and fortune wasn't a basis for anything.

James's thought plagued his mind, both good and bad, until he couldn't stand the confusion anymore. He looked around the room then slowly untangled himself from the sleeping redhead. She still lied there, dreaming peacefully. He pulled on his clothing and slipped quietly out of the Head Girl's room.

It was now an hour past lunchtime and he was starving, not having eaten breakfast rather. So he went to the kitchens to get some food. The house-elves were more than happy to serve him and he ate quite a few sandwiches along with a good-sized bowl of chocolate-and-vanilla-swirled pudding. After a cup of refreshing mint tea, he got a plate full of food to take back to Lily. He then traveled back up the Lily's rooms and knocked. There was no answer so he let himself in. The sound of running water reached his ears and told him that she was showering. He knocked on the door to the bathing room and opened the door, calling to Lily that he there. She let him know to make himself comfortable.

As he was closing the door, he caught a glimpse of Lily in the mirror that ran along the wall of the bathing room. He smiled, thinking she looked really adorable with a lather of shampoo in her hair. Secretly he hoped that one day he'd be the one lathering it through her soft auburn hair.

After a few minutes, Lily came out wearing a pair of black trousers and a red turtleneck sweater, her hair was twisted into a bun at the nape of her neck and looked nearly black because it was wet. She smiled nervously at him. He tried to smile back. "I brought you some breakfast – er – lunch."

"You regret it." It wasn't a question. "That's why you left." James knitted his eyebrows.

"No!" he said hurriedly. "Not at all!"

"You don't have to lie to me, James. I'm a big girl – I can handle it. Maybe it was a mistake. I don't know. I – "

"Lily, I don't regret it," he said, looking into her eyes. They were shining with tears. She was going through an extremely emotional period right now. Adding rejection into her problems was not a good idea. And from having an older sister, he knew that physical/sexual rejection was the worst kind. "The only thing I think was wrong was the circumstances."

Lily looked slightly relieved. "What circumstances?" she asked carefully.

"You were on an emotional roller coaster. That wasn't how I would have had the first time."

Lily nodded. "Understandable."

"I mean, I wish more than anything that it was planned and more romantic."

"That's right, you like things organized and premeditated."

"You make it sound like murder," James said. Lily giggled, her nerves cast aside. She grabbed the plate of eggs off of the tray James brought up.

"Thanks," she said.

"No problem. I heard your stomach growl while you were sleeping, so I got up and went to the kitchens," he half-lied.

James watched as Lily ate her breakfast. He couldn't help but stare at her.

"What?" she asked, feeling a bit defensive again.

"Have I ever told you how stunningly beautiful you are?"

"Well, no, I don't believe so. Stop being so sappy or I'll lose my breakfast." She grinned and he grinned back, getting up and leaning over to kiss Lily.

"Mm..." she moaned. "Maybe I'll just leave the heaving out of this as long as you keep this up."

After a few minutes of snogging, James moved his lips to Lily's neck and mumbled in between, "Is this premeditated enough?" She smacked his shoulder and he chuckled, hugging her tightly. "Just kidding...don't get so testy." He paused and arched an eyebrow playfully. "You have to admit it was fun though."

Lily smiled. "Of course it was. We'll have to do it again sometime." She winked. James growled in agreement.

"So, how are you feeling today?" James asked, sitting back in his chair.

"Grieve-stricken. I still need to owl my mum. She's probably panicked because she can't reach me." She paused. "I just don't know."

"Lils, you do what you need to do and I'll be here to support you, as will Sirius, Remus, and Peter."

Lily nodded. "I'm okay. I shouldn't be, but I am."

"Sock, right?"

"No, I don't think so. It's just that he doesn't feel dead, you know?"

"Of course he doesn't, that's natural."

"No really, I mean, my sixth sense tells me he's not gone. It's screaming that there's more to the story. What id the Muggles were mistaken because they don't know any better? I mean, he could have had his body replaced."

"Lily, you've seriously gone mad. I don't think –"

"James, you're one for adventure – isn't it the least bit possible?"

"Well, yeah, I guess," he said slowly.

"And what if your father's in on it –"

"Don't doubt it," James interjected.

"And it's this whole deal to rip my family apart so that I'll leave school to be with my family and then I'll never be a fully trained witch and then –"

"Whoa! It's time for you to go back to bed. You've tired yourself out."

"No I haven't!" Lily protested.

"Uh-huh," he said sarcastically. "Lily-bear, we're going to bed right now and we're going to sleep."

"Are you referring to me in the plural or are you talking about both of us? And it's still light outside. Only four-thirty!"

"You need it."

"Please..."

"Lily, I'm not joking."

"I'm not laughing."

"This is all crazy and you're going loony."

"I haven't," she said forcefully. "I'm going to owl my mum."

She got up and exited the room. James sat dumbly, staring at the fire. He shook his head then decided to shower before going to his afternoon Quidditch meeting with the team, then his dinner meeting with Mr. Berry and Vincent Parker, the team captain. So far, everything had been going well at practices, save when Kayleigh Branford started having contractions on a broomstick.

Deciding not to bother to walk all the way back to his room, he helped himself to the fluffy red towels in the cupboard in Lily's bathing room and showered in there. It seemed strange, but he figured she wouldn't mind.

When he came out of the bathroom, feeling clean and refreshed, Lily was sitting on her bad, staring sourly at the blank wall. She turned her gaze on him and instantly he cowered. He thought of that saying "If looks could kill..." and knew that he'd be dead thrice-over.

"What, do you live here now?" Lily asked.

"I – uh – didn't think you would mind."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so grouchy. I sent an owl to my mum. It's just nerves, that's all."

"I understand. Especially when's I'm the root of all this." Lily sighed heavily.

"It's not your fault," she said. "I don't know, maybe things just aren't meant to be going my way. Maybe my dad is dead."

"I was thinking about what you said and I was wondering if you had a point."

"James I didn't –"

"No, what if you do have a point?" I mean, you would know better than me if he was alive or not."

"Really, James, it's okay. You're not making much sense, but I know you're trying to help."

"I know I'm not making any sense. I'm just tired from running around all night."

"Running around all night?" Lily repeated. "What were you doing out all night? I thought you were in your room with Sirius and Peter."

James was caught completely off guard.

How the hell was he going to explain this one?

* * *

A/N: Lordy, I am truly very sorry for those who had to wait! I've been SO busy! But, don't worry, as soon as I can get chapter thirteen typed up, I'll have that out. And I've got a lot of chapter fourteen too. And the holidays are coming up! I'm so excited! The I get three weeks off to write, write, write.

Recently, I've been caught up in school work (damn stupid near-ending semester!) and writing a play (romantic comedy, wonderful, isn't it?), and writing my own original story that was supposed to be a short story but has twenty pages (front and back) so far. Definitely not short. Speaking of pages, this story has 86 pages now!

Well, I just felt like being informative. Sorry to bore you with the details of my very exciting life.

Well, on to thank-yous. I want everyone to know that I am so thankful that you have waited either patiently or impatiently – at least you waited! THANKS!

* * *

BoOkZwOrM..

Martini Addict – Of course I remember you! I'm glad you remember me. I missed you. I hope you enjoy your tour of Hogwarts. : )

Disturbing the Peace – I will try to update more frequently. After the holidays, I'll be a bit busier with finals, but then It'll be slow again so I will be able to keep everyone happy. You've read Falling into Grace? I'm glad. I hope you liked it. I have been working on a few other stories lately, so if you want to know about them, let me know. You can email me or I'll email you. Thanks for taking interest!

Agent Idiot – You'd like a Pierre and Hannah cookie? They wouldn't hitchhike, but they would be Flooing. But hitchhiking sounds interesting...

Marzoog – I want to be in England too... *frowns* It's not fair.

Jess the Great

Uknowwhoslittleprincess – Great joke, but my favorite one is the fish one! Dam.

Quinn

Zetta – Hi there, my luv! See, I'm back. The eagle that took me back from off the edge of the earth flew a little slow, but here I am!

Kristatwen

Selenay

Demonstar

The Lady Lillian – You reviewed last time and your name wasn't on the list? My deepest apologies! I must have not written it down when I skimmed through. I'm so sorry! Forgive me! *sobs*

Punkkittin01

Pilikika – That's a good idea for Falling into Grace, but Lily was already kidnapped in the first part, Free Falling. I know what's going to happen. *shudders with excitement* but I just don't know what to do to get there right now. Grr...

UnforgivenChild –  Thanks for saying I'm an awesome author. I hope that someday (when I grow up *grin*) I can be a great author.

PracticalPrincess

Iluvoliverwood – Hey Girl! I know I need to get over to FAP. I've been there twice in like, forever. What is a POLA/SHALLOW? Obviously me, but I don't know... Maybe I' should go check it out.

Britz – Where are you? I've missed you!!!! Come back!!!

* * *

THANK YOU!!!

* * *

Okay, let's see. This time all reviewers will receive a lovely wand made out of your choice of wood. That way you can zap James to oblivion for being such a prat to Lily. That's what I'd do. Hmm...Maybe Lily should do that.

Not that great of a souvenir, but hey, I do what I can.

Happy reading!

~ Luvs from Lavender