We're Not in Utah Anymore

"Intruder alert," Holy announced nonchalantly to Red Dwarf's crew. "We 'ave intruders aboard… They're still aboard." With no immediate response she yelled, "OI! IS ANYBODY LISTENING? I SAID WE 'AVE INTRUDERS ONBOARD 'ERE!"

"Yes, Hol," Dave Lister yelled as he came barrelling down the scaffolding just outside the officers' club. (He was only half-way through his pint and rather annoyed with Holy's poor excuse for a warning.) "Where are they, Hol?"

"They came in through the stasis-leak."

----

C.J. looked around what appeared to be a men's shower room in awe as he heard the warning klaxon blare. "Where the hell are we?' he asked no-one in particular. Then he was pelted by his sister's hand-bag.

"You followed me, you stupid fag!" she yelled at him in annoyance.

He shot her a dirty look as he shook his head and said, "We've just been zapped to Lord-knows-where and you're on me about following you?! You're the one who ran-off. Excuse me for caring enough to want to keep you from trouble."

It was Katy Jo's turn to give a dirty look. "Bitch!" they quickly threw at each other in unison. After shaking their heads in disgust at each other, C.J. tried to put his head back on.

"Look!" he said as calmly as he possibly could with an alarm sounding in the background. "We need to figure-out what-on-Earth happened to us and find-out if we have the slightest possibility of getting back home."

Still upset about being tailed by her gay brother, Katy Jo rolled her eyes back into her head and moved her lips without uttering a sound as he talked.

"Hey!" he said as soon as he started to walk-off. "Quit mocking me and start helping me find a way out of here. We can start by finding-out where we are."