Classified... Maybe Not
In the med.-lab Kryten ran the medi-comp scanner over a very dejected Katy Jo while Lister hovered over her with the bazookoid pointed at her.
"Her blood-alcohol level is point-one-six," he announced. "I'm also finding traces of meth-amphetamines."
The android looked at the red-haired boy.
"That's a normal night-out for her," C.J. replied matter-of-factly.
"Go-to-hell!" Katy shot at him.
"After you, Dear Sis," he said as though she had just invited him to a party.
Lister shook his head and sniggered while keeping his weapon aimed at the girl.
"You get-on rather well for siblings" Rimmer said to no-one in particular.
C.J. caught wind of the hologram's observation and shook his head, remembering better times. "On good days she throws knives." he said in a slightly amused tone. Then he watched as Rimmer nodded, thinking that he understood.
C.J.—not forgetting that this was the bloke that had intimidated him earlier—gave the hologram a second look, only for a second, and then he looked away, so as to avoid blowing his straight cover. When he ain't trying to scare people, he's kinda hot! he thought to himself.
"All finished, Sirs," Kryten announced as he put the scanner away.
Lister looked at the one he had his weapon trained on. "If I stop pointing this at you, will you behave?" he asked while waving the bazookoid.
"Go-to-hell!" she snapped.
"You might want to play along," C.J. goaded.
"Screw-you!"
"Hey! I'm not into incest," he scolded. "Now knock-it-off 'cause if you don't; when you sober-up you'll be as embarrassed as I am if not more. In case you haven't noticed, I don't have a weapon in my face and I've been cooperating with them!"
"Bitch!" his sis shot at him.
C.J. shook his head dismally as he calmly retorted, "Yeah. You're the right gender. All you gotta do is bark."
If looks could kill, Katy Jo's face would be an 'A'-bomb at that moment. She got up to lay into him.
"Kryten, a bit of help, if you please," Lister requested while keeping the bazookoid pointed at her.
The mechanoid wrapped his servo-operated hands around the girl's wrists like well-fitted bracelets and then pinned her to the examining table. She didn't experience any pain, but—struggle as she did—there was no breaking-free.
Miss Katy Jo, I do not wish to have to sedate you. Please try to calm down, Ma'am," Kryten protested.
"Piss-off, Plastic-Man!" she said before trying to kick his oddly-shaped head and coming-up short a few centimetres. "Get your girly-ass hands off me before I do something you'll regret!" she added while slurring her words.
"Kryten, I suggest you drug her," Rimmer voiced. "There's no telling how long she'll put up a fight like this."
"You're wrong, Brillo-Pad-Head," the Cat declared. "My money's on Plastic-Percy. He'll wear her down in the next ten minutes."
Rimmer shot him a dirty look and was about to respond when C.J. but-in.
"He's right," he said in the Cat's defence. "Katy Jo is slowing down."
The hologram shook his head in disbelief. The bratty teenager had been going on her rampage the entire time she was in custody without showing any sign of stopping. "How do you know?" he challenged.
The boy scoffed. "She's my sister," he stated as though it were the most obvious answer.
Rimmer shook his head once more. Having never once in his life (or death) been close to any of his relatives he could not fathom the idea that others could actually be more fortunate than he. C.J. did know his sister, however. She was slurring her speech more noticeably. That was a good sign that within the next few minutes her adrenaline-based energy would decline.
When Katy Jo finally calmed down Lister made eye contact with her. "Can we let you go then or will you cause us more trouble?" he asked her.
She so desperately wanted to kick him in the ribs, but this sudden energy crisis she was feeling made that an impossible achievement. The only thing she could manage was a rather weak sounding, "Go piss up a rope!"
The unwashed one then looked at Kryten. "Let 'er go," he calmly ordered.
"Kryten, belay that order," Rimmer interjected before the mechanoid had a chance to carry it out.
"Oh, get-off, you smeghead!" returned Dave. "Clearly she's not a threat anymore. To what purpose would it serve to keep her here like this, man?"
Before the hologram could give a snappy comeback C.J. added, "If you don't let her go now when she sobers up she'll be super-pissed and twice as nasty."
The hologram gave them both a sour look and then turned to the android. "Let her go," he resigned.
A relieved look enshrouded C.J.'s face as Kryten released his sister without incident. He knew that had she the energy she would have kicked the crap out of the android, but she was so worn from fighting him that she couldn't move. Instead she just stared at the ceiling indignantly.
Lister didn't believe that Katy Jo was still a threat, but he wasn't dumb enough to drop his weapon just yet. Certainly not after the hell she had raised. He kept his weapon aimed at her whilst he talked to her brother.
"So tell us again how you got here, then," he requested. "While fighting with your sister I didn't quite catch it."
The lad nodded his head and then he recanted his story from the time he left his home to tail his sister. "Did you by chance catch a glimpse of the machine that brought you here?" the mechanoid asked when the boy was finished. "Describe it if you would, please, Sir?"
C.J. pulled his rust-blonde locks out of his face and then shrugged. "It kinda looked like an old copy machine," he stated uncertainly. "At least I think that's the best I can come up with."
The mechanoid turned to a console and started typing. "I'll cross-reference McClellan Proving-Grounds with Top-Secret and U.S. government research," he declared and then hit enter.
After a few moments, Holy's blonde image appeared on the monitor. "What's 'appenin', Mates?" she said cheerfully.
"Go-away, Hol!" Lister said with annoyance.
"I 'ave somethin' very important to tell you," she protested.
Lister rolled back his eyes.
"What is it, then?" the hologram asked, trying to look like he was in charge.
"'Ang on a mo'."
"Well?" Rimmer pressed after a minute had passed.
"I've forgotten."
"Oh... bloody... Bug-off then, you jumped-up file-a-fax," the hologram erupted.
With that the blonde nuisance disappeared from the screen. Then the McClellan proving-grounds info played across the screen. Kryten scrolled through it until he came across what might be the thing that C.J. had described.
"Is this the object in Question, Sir?" he asked the boy as he pointed to the screen.
The title of the report read:
Quantum Jump
Project # 653G-44DC-7ZD589
June 11, 1984
C.J. walked over to the android from his perch by the door and then looked at the schematics that were on the display. "Yeah," he confirmed in a bemused tone. "How did you...? I thought that this was classified."
"In your time, perhaps, but through time classified information tends to become common knowledge."
The lad nodded his understanding. Then he asked, "Does it say how to get home?"
The mechanoid quickly scanned through the document. "Do you wish to hear the good news or the bad news first, Sir?" he asked.
C.J. considered for a moment and then shook his head. "Just spill it," he said decisively. "Minus sugar-coating, please."
Kryten looked at him and said, "According to the head of the Quantum Jump project, the principle behind it is that it embeds a specific code of tachyon energy into cells upon ignition and keeps track of where and when you are. Using that tachyon code it returns you to your appropriate time after fourteen days in the time it sends you to."
The lad nodded. "And the downside is?" he pressed.
"It returns you to the proper timeframe, but there's no telling as to where you might turn up. One poor soul found himself in the Ukraine in returning to the year 1987. Trunople suffered quite some ill-effects from it, I'm afraid."
"What happened?" David asked out of morbid curiosity
"A bit of a nuclear mishap, Mister Lister, Sir," the mechanoid said casually. "Funding for the project's research was dropped shortly thereafter. I suppose there's no need in guessing as to why."
C.J. shook his head disdainfully at the prospect of re-appearing in Saddam Hussein's swimming pool or something of the like did not sound like his idea of fun. "Do you have a way to finely-tune it?" he asked in a scared tone.
The crew exchanged dumbfound expressions.
"He means 'Make certain we get home,' you dumb-ass freaks," Katy Jo said, taking everyone by surprise.
C.J. gave his sibling a dirty look, but didn't get after her for her rudeness. Instead, he just nodded and voiced, "Yeah, what she said," in agreement.
Under Construction: Please post reviews while I try to find a way to continue this poor excuse for a Red Dwarf fanfic.