Harry looked at the tiny house in front of him apprehensively. He had to admit, he was a little nervous. The only people in his family that he had ever known despised the very air he breathed for granting him life. Harry reached a hand out and knocked softly on the old tattered door. He heard shuffling from inside and excited whispers. The door swung open to reveal two very short, very old individuals, each with an enormous grin on their face. Before he could get a good look at them, he was buried in the woman's bony shoulder. For a little old woman, she sure had a firm grasp. The old man pounded him soundly on the back. His great-grandparents commented to each other as they welcomed him.
"Ooooo! He's here, he's here!"
"I think he's got your ears Valerie! Maybe more than just the ears but that is all I can see right now."
"Oh! He's here, he's actually here! He's so BIG, Max! Did you expect him to be so big?"
"Yes, big. And look, he's brought his big friends. This calls for some chocolate and some MLTs."
"We have a great-grandson! And he's HERE!"
"You keep saying that. Now let the boy breathe and lets get inside."
His great-grandmother released her iron grip. Harry was pulled inside, as were his friends, and they all stood in the tiny front room of the old cottage. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Malfoy's disgusted face as he looked around. Harry wanted very badly to punch him. True, it was tiny, and true, the furniture was obviously as old as his great-grandfather, and true, it smelled like moldy socks and stale chocolate but Malfoy had no right to scoff.
"Harry, we're so excited to see you after all these years! You can call me Valerie. None of this great-grand stuff. I don't need reminding about how wonderful I am."
"Yes, and call me Max. I just don't like being reminded of how old I am."
Harry nodded, beaming. He loved them instantly. Valerie had frizzy white hair that seemed to go in every direction possible. Max had no hair and stood bent over a worn cane. Each had a face that looked like a dried apple and both were dressed in extremely old robes.
Hermione finally spoke up. "Thank you so much for having us."
"We're just glad you could all come. Sorry about the tight space. We'll fix that soon enough." Harry didn't know they were planning to fix the tight space issue. The tiny cabin wasn't big enough for two, let alone eight.
"Oh, let me introduce my..." Harry looked hesitantly at Malfoy, and then shrugged"...my friends. This is Ron, Hermione... um... Draco... and....erm..." he didn't know Crabbe and Goyle's first names. "And Crabbe and Goyle. I know them from school."
"Wonderful, wonderful. Enough talking Harry, I'm feeling claustrophobic. Valerie, can we please get a move on?" Max was backed up against a wall, squeezed in behind Crabbe and Goyle. Valerie nodded and began to move.
His great-Grandparents were struggling through the small crowd to reach another door on the far end of the room. Both were panting once they reached it. They were one-hundred-and-something after all and a ten foot walk like that would wind any one-hundred-and-something-year-old. Valerie fumbled with a large key ring once she reached it, trying to fit various keys into the big lock. Max, who was a few steps behind her (he was a year older meaning he was also a year's worth slower) removed a beaten looking wand from his robes.
"Bah, Valerie, let me do it." The door flew open and everyone was stunned at what they saw.
Harry gaped over the top of Hermione's head. The door opened up into what seemed to be a picture. No, it couldn't be a picture. Max had just stepped inside. Valerie beckoned for them all to follow and she also disappeared into this seemingly attached room. But not one of the new guests entered. They all stood gathered around the doorway in shock.
The door led into a room so large and so beautiful that Harry would feel safe in saying that it was the most brilliant room he had every seen. Right in front of them was a landing that had attached to it two ornate winding staircases with banisters that looked as if they were made of gold. The staircases led down to an enormous room with a towering ceiling. The floor was covered with a rich red carpet, the walls were draped with gold tapestries, and the windows were covered with gold curtains. A huge crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling and light from it danced across the room.
Beautiful music was coming from the corner of the room. Harry went up on tip-toe to see two violins, a viola, and a cello that had been bewitched to play themselves. Life-sized portraits of a very young Max and an even younger (one year to be precise)Valerie hung on the walls on the right and the left. Max's portrait was dressed in lime green robes and stood waving a clipboard enthusiastically. Harry remembered that Max had been a healer at one time. Valerie's was twirling her curly dark hair around her fingers and had her face pressed against the pane, crying "He's here! He's here!"
The real Valerie and Max shushed their portraits and shed their old tattered robes with a relieved sigh. "I hate those things," Max complained, scowling at the old material in his hands. Underneath, each wore beautiful silk plum colored robes. "Well, come in Harry and friends. The food is nearly ready." Harry took a step onto the landing and the other five followed suit. Max took out a bubble pipe and shoved it in his mouth and Valerie took their old robes and handed them to a nearby house elf.
Half-a-dozen little house elves dressed in tiny blue suits and tiny blue dresses scurried in and out of another door, bringing silver dish after silver dish into the room and placing them on the enormous table in the center of the room. Harry squinted a bit to make sure his eyes were not fooling him. On the table was the largest assortment of chocolate he had ever seen. His mouth began to water.
He tore his eyes away from the chocolate and looked at those around him. Ron and Hermione looked utterly stunned. Crabbe and Goyle had also spotted the chocolate and were eyeing it hungrily. Malfoy could do nothing to hide the amazement on his face.
"What is this place?" Harry asked in awe after a long period of gawking.
Valerie looked surprised. "Well this is our home dear! Surely you didn't think we lived in that tiny room! That was simply for the muggle benefit. They come calling from time to time trying to sell insurance or vacuums and we can't have them knowing how we really live, now can we?"
"But how does it... why do you... how come it... it looks so small from outside!" Ron finally stammered.
Max didn't even look up. He was flipping through the pages of the Daily Prophet, mildly interested. "Of course it does. I'm a wizard, boy. It's quite a simply spell once you get the hang of it.."
Valerie looked worried. "Do you not like chocolate?" she asked the group still at the top of the stairs. "I suppose I should have asked before I prepared the menu tonight. It is just that Max and I love chocolate so much and we thought that children did as well. I'll just have this taken away and we'll have something else. Maybe things have changed Max..."
Six people were now thundering down the stairs and racing towards the midnight blue armchairs stationed around the dining table. (Actually, four were thundering. Goyle had tripped on his suddenly untied shoelace and was rolling down the stairs, knocking Malfoy over on the way down, but everyone ignored them anyway.) As Hermione lowered herself in the armchair between Harry and Ron, she looked as if these people and this place was too good to be true. She couldn't help but comment.
"I noticed you have house elves." Harry and Ron tried to shush her with their eyes but as usual, they failed.
"Yes dear, we do. Very good ones at that. But if you're looking to buy one of them off us, I'm sorry but we won't sell. The little dears are like family. We gave them clothes ages ago but they wanted to stay and help out. We give them wages and they each have a bedroom in the north wing of the house."
Hermione was sold. She beamed and thanked a house elf for the mug of hot chocolate she was given. Ron was flabbergasted. "You've got wings in this place?"
Draco's eyes were narrowed and darting from gold tapestry to gold tapestry. "How do they afford a place like this?" he muttered to Crabbe, who clearly was too focused on the food in front of him to hear. However, Max heard him just fine.
"I did a favor for a man. Brought him back from mostly dead so he could go ruin Humperdink's life by stealing his girlfriend or something. He decided to retire from his career in piracy so he kept what he needed of his gold and gave us the rest. In fact Westley should be here soon."
"Yes. He's got a surprise for you and all your friends."
Draco sniffed. "Oh goody." The author didn't like his attitude so Draco developed a sudden very severe allergy to chocolate and broke out in hives. He had to sit on the far end of the table and was given only saltines, sprite, and tomato soup. Valerie told him it would make him feel better. "Some miracle man," Malfoy grumbled as he watched everyone eat. "Can't do a thing, this guy."
Harry couldn't be happier. He had heard rumors that grandparents and great-grandparents tended to spoil their grandchildren or great-grandchildren but he had no idea that a meal made entirely from chocolate was part of the deal. Apparently Vienne Rocher and her daughter Anouk had run a Chocolatarie in Florin for a time and Valerie had learned all she could from the strange woman until the west wind blew them away. There was little talking at the table, other than Draco who was still complaining. Everyone stuffed their faces with chocolate bars, chocolate mouse, chocolate cake, chocolate ice cream, chocolate truffles, chocolate chips, chocolate kisses, chocolate drinks, chocolate cookies, chocolate pudding, and chocolate sauce. For dessert, they were served mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches. Everyone sat back after the meal, extremely full and satisfied.
"So, tell us about your friends Harry."
Harry shrugged. "Ron and Hermione are my two best friends. They both go to Hogwarts with me. Those three over there aren't my friends at all. The author made me invite them. They are actually quite awful to me."
Valerie and Max glared at Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who all looked suddenly very uncomfortable. But before anything else could be said, the door at the top of the stairs swung open. Everyone turned around to see a couple hand in hand walking down the staircase. Every jaw dropped... but for different reasons. Ron, Harry, Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle were all gawking at the woman. She was by far and large the most beautiful creature any of them had ever seen or imagined. Hair the color of autumn, skin like wintry cream, the whole package. Hermione was ogling over the man. He was tall and muscular with straight white teeth and perfect bone structure. Max's jaws had dropped because he had been picking his teeth and was so startled by the door opening that he had accidentally loosened his brand new dentures and they fell into his chocolate pudding. Valerie's jaw dropped because she didn't know Max had dentures (he was very embarrassed and self-conscious and hadn't told her) and it is pretty surprising to see your husband with no teeth. Then Valerie began wondering how long he had had those dentures and how long it would be until her teeth fell out because if he was a year older than she would loose her teeth a year after him but she didn't know when exactly he had lost his teeth and why on earth was she eating so much chocolate when her teeth were about to fall out? Valerie shot Max an "I'll deal with you later" look and pushed away her own pudding, forcing a smile.
"Welcome Westley! Buttercup! So good to see you! Come and meet our great-grandson and his friends."
Westley led Buttercup to the table and flashed his dazzling smile at the group. Hermione accidentally set her elbow down in chocolate pudding. She didn't realize it either. "Nice to meet all of you. I'm Westley and this amazing beauty is my own, my life, my love, my wife, Buttercup." He gazed at her, as did the four boys.
Buttercup gazed back at Westley. They gazed at each other while everyone else gazed at them. It went on like this for nearly a minute until Max snapped everyone out of it.
"Hey kid! SIT DOWN!" Westley and Buttercup smiled sheepishly and sat down at the table.
"I'm sorry we missed dinner.... we got a little preoccupied on our way here," Buttercup admitted.
"How long did you goggle at each other this time?" Valerie asked, amused.
"It was only about four-and-a-half hours this time. We're getting better."
"Yes, you actually made it this time. So this is Harry, our great-grandson." Harry smiled. "These are his friends," Max gestured to Ron and Hermione, "and these are not his friends so don't talk to them," Max glared at Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle again. Westley and Buttercup followed suit. The boys looked crushed when they saw Buttercup frown at them.
"Now tell the children your idea, Westley." Valerie smiled and clapped her hands.
Westley grinned at the group. Hermione made a strange noise. "We were so excited you were coming because we need your help with something. I know that you came to spend time with Max and Valerie but let me bounce this idea off you and you can do with it what you'd like." Westley paused, seeing that Hermione's elbow was still in pudding. He raised an eyebrow and continued. "Now I don't know if Max told you but I used to be a pirate. Actually, I was the Dread Pirate Roberts to be precise."
Hermione gasped. "You weren't!"
"I was. You've heard of me then?" Westley winked. Hermione melted. She had a thing for pirates.
"Of course! The Dread Pirate Roberts... I mean... you..." she giggled suddenly causing Ron to tear his eyes away from Buttercup and look at her oddly, "... you are the most feared pirate in history. He... you (giggle) sail the Florin Channel and attack any ship to try to sail across it. You are not actually the original Roberts. You are just one of his predecessors to take on the name and along with the name, take on the reputation."
Ron was still staring at Hermione, puzzled. "How do you know about that? I can see how you know everything about Hogwarts but you've never even been to Florin!"
"I can read Ron," she answered irritably. She flashed a smile at Westley.
"Yes, you are very right. Once I was married, I wanted to spend every second with my Buttercup and so I turned the ship over to a good friend named Jack Sparrow. He's been in the piracy business for years and really looks the part. Jack, however, tired quickly of being Roberts. The business has really changed and he needed something new in his life. So he went into the cruise line business. It actually will bring in over twice as much as piracy did, doesn't it darling?"
Buttercup nodded intelligently. "Yes, it does."
"You are so smart, my sweet. Anyway, that is where you kids come in. You see, Jack has been readying his Savvy Cruise Line for almost eight months now and he's feels it is almost ready for guests. But he needs some honest people to come and give it a trial run. So what do you say? Free cruise? We'd leave tomorrow at noon..."
"Are you two going?" Harry asked the question nearly everyone was thinking.
"Yes, it is out one year wedding anniversary next Tuesday so we're going to celebrate. Jack has invited our friends Will and Elizabeth along as well for their anniversary."
Buttercup broke in. "We both have anniversaries," she stated confidently. She turned to look at Westley, suddenly unsure. "Right?"
"Brilliant, my cupcake. Brilliant." He looked again to Harry for an answer. Harry looked at Max and Valerie, who nodded vigorously. He smiled and then slowly nodded as well. They were going on a cruise!