"Eleanor, sit up straight!" her mother hissed at her. 

Ellie didn't look up, she just did as her mother told her.  They were sitting in the funeral home.  In front of her, her dad was laid out in his casket.  Ellie knew that at any moment friends and family would start arriving.  Soon, she would be surrounded by people asking how she was doing, but not really knowing how to approach her or what to say to her.  She wasn't sure if she could stand it.

Her mother stood up, heading towards the restroom to "freshen up."  Ellie knew that was just her mother's way of saying she needed a drink.

Alone in the room, Ellie approached her father's casket.  She kneeled down in front of him, wanting to look at his face one last time, but the casket was closed.  She couldn't see his face.  She was stuck in front of a box, trying to hold back her emotions.  This is what her father's life had become – a box in a room.  She was so angry!  And she felt guilty for being angry.  Why had he left her?  He had promised that he was coming back!  It took all Ellie had not to scream out, not to cry.  She had to hold herself together.

She squeezed her left arm, where she had cut herself earlier that morning.  She needed the pain to get herself through this.  As the cuts began to sting, she felt herself relax.  The physical pain began to block out her emotional pain. 

Ellie stood, as she heard voices behind her.  People were starting to arrive to pay their last respects.  She needed to take her place at her mother's side, and play the role of the good daughter.

'I can do this,' she thought.  'I can do this.'

Ashley, Marco, and Paige were some of the first people to show up.  They must have all come together. Marco and Paige looked unsure of themselves as they approached Ellie.  Ashley was good in situations like these.  She was always mature beyond her years.

Without a word, Ashley leaned in and hugged Ellie.  "How are you?" she asked.  Ellie blinked back tears and wondered how many times she would hear that phrase today.

Ellie nodded.  "I'm doing okay."  She hoped her voice sounded convincing.

"Do you need anything, hun?" Paige asked, following Ashley's lead and hugging Ellie.

'Yah, I need to have my dad back,' she thought.  "No, I'm okay.  Thanks though."

Marco was the last to hug her.  "I'm so sorry Ellie."

She nodded again.  "It's okay."

The group stood there, awkward silence falling between them. 

"How's your mom holding up?" Ashley asked, breaking the silence.

Ellie painted on a fake semi-smile.  "She's doing okay, considering."

"At least you have each other to get through this," Marco pointed out.

Ellie couldn't even respond.  Her heart felt like it was going to explode.  No one understood.  How could they?  "Would you excuse me for a minute?   My grandma just walked in, I need to go say hi."

The group nodded their consent, and headed towards Mrs. Nash to pay their respects.  Ellie took the opportunity to duck outside.  She needed to get away from everyone for awhile.

She started walking.  She didn't know where she was going, and she was wishing she would have brought her jacket along.  She walked along until she reached the park, and sat down on one of the benches.  She was half-heartedly watching a guy in the distance shoot hoops, when he lost control of the ball, and it came rolling in her direction.

It stopped just short of her feet, and she picked it up.  The lone figure was jogging up to her, and as he approached, she recognized him as Sean Cameron.

"Hey, sorry about that," he said, reaching for the ball.

Ellie had been crying, and couldn't manage to get any words out in response, so she just nodded, something that she had been doing a lot today.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

She reached up and wiped away her tears.  "Yah," she lied, plastering on her fake smile, "I'm fine."

"If that's fine I'd hate to see what bad looks like."  He studied her for a minute.  "Ellie, right?  Ellie Nash?"

"That's me."  She shivered.  She really should have brought her coat.

"What are you doing out here all dressed up?"

"My dad died.  I'm supposed to be at the funeral home, but I just had to get out of there. I just couldn't -"  She stopped, as the tears threatened to fall again.

Sean peeled of his sweatshirt and handed it to her.  "Here, put this on, you must be freezing."  She did as he told her and almost instantly the shivering stopped.  "Sorry to hear about your dad."

"It's okay."

He shook his head.  "No it's not.  But I can't say anything to bring him back or make you feel better, so I'm sorry."

Ellie stared up at him.  Maybe someone did understand after all.  That was the first honest thing she had heard anyone say to her since her dad died.  "I should be getting back."  She started to remove his sweatshirt, but he reached out and stopped her.

"No, keep it.  Give it back to me some other time."

"Thanks, Sean."

He nodded.  "See you around, Ellie," he called out as he headed back to the courts.

Ellie stood and stared after him for a minute, then hurried back to the funeral home.

***

            Ashley was waiting for her when she walked in the doors of the funeral home.  "Where have you been?  Your mom's looking for you."

            Ellie quickly peeled off Sean's sweatshirt.  "I just had to get out for awhile."

            Ashley's face immediately melted into concern.  "I know this must be hard for you."

            Ellie didn't respond.  She just followed Ashley back into the crowd of people, and began her act all over again.  It was easier this time.  She kept thinking of Sean.  How he had understood.  Maybe she was wrong about him, maybe he was a nice guy after all.