I hope everyone had a good Christmas and Santa was good to you all!

Special thanks to Ebstarr!

Chapter Eight – The Past Always Catches Up With You

It was a hot summer's day in Chicago and the air conditioning had broken in the hospital, leaving everyone feeling irritable. Coupled with her pregnancy, Elizabeth was in a very bad mood, as Mark was discovering.

"Well, how long is she going to be staying with us?" Elizabeth was asking Mark, sounding irritated.

"I don't know. She's not getting on well with Jen at the moment, they both need a break from each other," Mark replied. "Maybe until Christmas."

"Christmas? Mark, we've got a new baby on the way," Elizabeth moaned.

"Elizabeth, Rachel's my daughter as well," Mark replied, annoyed that Elizabeth was acting so resentful. "She's welcome to stay with me any time."

"Well, if you've already decided, why did you bother asking me?" Elizabeth snapped.

"Oh dear, are you two having a lover's spat?" Romano asked as he was walking past.

"Oh, shut up Robert," Elizabeth snapped at him too, before walking away.

Mark and Elizabeth had been stood next to a large fan at the admit desk in the ER, trying to cool down. It was the coolest spot in the ER and everyone was making an excuse to walk past and stop in front of it.

"Mark, are you still going to the conference in Phoenix tonight?" Kerry asked as she passed by the fan.

"Yes, I am but Elizabeth can't come. She's been suffering from high blood pressure from the pregnancy so she's going to take it easy at home," Mark replied.

"Well, there's a spare plane ticket if you can find someone else to go with you," Kerry said. "There's no point in wasting a space, it's going to be an interesting conference."

Mark rolled his eyes. His idea of interesting and Kerry's idea of interesting were very different. "So why aren't you going?"

Kerry ignored him.

"Extra ticket? What's the conference about?" Carter asked.

"Modern Management in an Emergency Room – How to Get the Most Out of Your Staff" Mark replied, a complete lack of emotion in his face.

Carter laughed. "Keep it!"

Just then, Susan came into the ER, her hair damp from sweat. She laughed when she saw Mark stood in front of the fan.

"If you think this is hot, wait until you're in Phoenix," she said. "It's this hot in the shade and twice as hot when you're out in the sun!"

Mark groaned.

"Hey, Mark's got a spare ticket, why don't you go with him?" Carter said.

Mark's face lit up. "Yeah, why don't you?"

"What about Elizabeth?" Susan asked.

"She's not coming anymore," Mark replied. "Go on, you can catch up with Chloe and Little Susie while you're there."

"No thanks, I think I'll pass," Susan said. She'd run away from Phoenix and she wasn't ready to go back.

"Please? I could do with the company," Mark pleaded. "I don't know how you got out of going in the first place, you must have got into Kerry's good books."

"I'll think about it," Susan promised, not intending to keep it.

The hot weather had caused an influx of patients into the ER. The waiting area was full but it was too hot for anyone to work very fast. Even the patients were vying for the attention of the fan. Susan also was taking breaks in front of the fan. Five years in Arizona and she still wasn't used to the heat.

"Help! Help me!" suddenly came a scream.

Susan looked up to see a young woman carrying a small baby. She rushed across and took the bundle from the woman's arms.

"Conni, I need you," Susan shouted.

Conni followed as Susan took the baby into a trauma room.

"What happened?" Susan asked the mother, as she intubated the baby.

"I don't know," the mother said. There were tears streaming down her face. "I thought he was asleep."

"How long has he been like this?"

"I don't know," the mother answered, distraught. "Please, please help him."

Conni hooked the baby up to the monitor, which showed a flatline.

"Ma'am, I need you to wait outside," Susan said. She started to press down on the baby's chest with her fingers, hoping that there would be some sign of life on the monitor.

"No! I want to stay with him, please," the mother begged.

Susan continued the compressions with one hand and used the other to wipe away the beads of sweat that were on her forehead.

"Come on," she pleaded under her breath. "Come on."

Susan and Conni continued working on the baby for fifteen minutes, the monitor never changing from the flatline.

"Susan," Conni said quietly. "Susan, it's been fifteen minutes."

Susan looked up and Conni was taken aback by the painful expression on her face. There were traces of tears in her eyes. She didn't stop pressing on the baby's chest until Conni put her hand on hers. She stopped.

"What are you doing?" the woman screamed. "Help him!"

"I'm sorry, I can't," Susan said. "He's dead."

"No!" the woman screamed. She began to shake and Susan quickly moved towards her when she saw that the woman's legs were about to buckle under her.

"I'm sorry," Susan repeated, catching the woman before she fell. Tears were forming in Susan's eyes but she blinked them back, trying to focus on this woman's pain rather than her own.

When the woman eventually stopped crying, Susan led her towards the gurney where the baby lay.

"Can I hold him?" the woman asked.

"Of course," Susan said. She lifted the lifeless body, placing it in the woman's arms and then took a step back. As she watched this scene, Susan began to feel choked up. Before she could think, she could feel her legs taking her out of the trauma room and into the ladies toilets. She locked herself in one of the cubicles and let the tears take over.

When her eyes were dry and she had washed her face with cold water, she emerged from the toilets and went to find Mark. She found him in the hall looking at some x-rays. He looked up when he saw her coming. He could see that her eyes were red from crying.

"Hey, are you ok?" he asked, concerned. "I heard about the baby. Conni was worried about you."

"Do you still have that spare ticket to Phoenix?" Susan asked, straight to the point.

"Er, yes."

"Can I have it?"

"Sure." Mark was concerned. Susan was acting strangely and he could see that she was upset.

"Thanks," Susan said. With that, she turned around and walked away.

The day stayed busy and Mark didn't have time to check up on Susan again, although he was still worried about her. He found her waiting at the front desk at the end of his shift.

'She looks so sad,' he thought. His instinct told him to wrap her up in his arms, but something stopped him. This was probably Elizabeth. Her bad mood got ten times worse when she heard that Susan was going to Phoenix with him, even though he had tried to explain to her that she was jumping to conclusions. It hadn't helped that he no idea of what was going on himself, making it hard to explain.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Mark asked as they left the hospital.

Susan looked at him. She ached to tell him, but she just couldn't find the words, it hurt too much so she just shook her head.

"I can't," she said, starting to choke up again. "I'm sorry, not right now."

After stopping at Susan's apartment to collect some things for the trip, Mark and Susan made their way to the airport. Susan was silent, only speaking when she had to. "Yes", "No", "Please", "Thank you". They were the only words she could find.

Susan was dreading flying. On top of everything else she was feeling, flying was the last thing she wanted to do. Mark saw her struggling and in any other circumstances he would have laughed, like he always had, but instead he simply took her hand. Susan was grateful. It was such a simple act, yet it brought a lot of comfort to her.

They arrived in Phoenix late and went straight to the hotel. Susan stayed with the bags while Mark went to check in. He couldn't help but smile when he saw a cowboy behind the desk.

"Hi, my name's Mark Green. I'm here for the medical conference tomorrow," he said.

"Yep, Mr and Mrs Green right?" the cowboy said, looking over Mark's shoulder at Susan. "That's one fine looking wife you've got there."

Mark smiled for a second, nodding in agreement, before reality set in.

"Uh no, actually my wife couldn't make it. We need an extra room please."

"Sorry, we're fully booked for the next couple of nights because of this conference," the cowboy replied.

"Nothing? Can't we even swap it for a twin room instead of a double?" Mark asked.

"Nope, sorry, we've got absolutely nothing free," the cowboy said. "But hey, I can't imagine it'll be too difficult for you to wake up next to that face!"

Mark knew that this statement was more true than he would like to admit, which was perhaps why he was so desperate for some other sleeping arrangement.

"I guess we'll have to take it," Mark sighed.

He walked back over to Susan.

"Everything ok?" she asked.

"Um, they don't have any spare rooms," Mark said, feeling awkward.

Susan looked at Mark. He looked so uncomfortable she had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling.

"Well, you'd better not snore," she said.

Mark raised his eyebrows, surprised and relieved by her reaction. Always the gentleman, Mark picked up Susan's bag as well as his own and she followed him up to their room. They stood in the doorway with the double bed they were to share in front of them. Mark looked at Susan.

"Left or right, dear?" he joked.

Susan, who was exhausted, sighed. "I'm going to take a shower," she said. Dumping her stuff on the left side of the bed she grabbed her towel and disappeared into the bathroom.

Mark watched her move. He still had no idea what was going on but guessed that whatever it was that Susan had run away from, she was back to face it. Mark was tired after working all day. He got into bed and began reading over the booklet Kerry had given him about the conference.

When Susan came out of the bathroom she walked around to her side of the bed and smiled awkwardly at Mark as she climbed into bed with him.

"Interesting read?" she asked.

Mark gave her a look that clearly told her no. Susan laughed.

"So, tell me what we're supposed to learn about tomorrow?"

Mark looked surprised. "You're coming to the conference."

"Isn't that why we're here?" she said.

"That's why I'm here," Mark said. "I haven't figured out why you're here yet."

Susan looked at Mark. She knew he was after an explanation.

"Mark, I'm sorry, I'm just so tired. I don't think I can get into this tonight," Susan sighed. "I know you're worried and I know I'm being unfair by leaving you in the dark…"

"Susan, this isn't about me. It's about you. I just want to know what's going on in your head," Mark said.

Susan looked up at Mark and he saw the same pain in her eyes that Conni had seen that afternoon.

"I envy you, you know that?" Susan said, with a bittersweet smile. "I look at you and I envy you, because you have everything I've always wanted – someone you love and who loves you. Kids."

"You have Chloe and Little Susie, they're family," Mark said. "And as for marriage and children, you'll have them some day."

Susan almost choked as she burst into tears.

"I almost did," she said in between sobs.

Mark was shocked to Susan lose control over her emotions like this, but he reached over and, ignoring her resistance, pulled her into his body. Susan relented, glad of the comfort. Mark could feel Susan's body shaking as she cried.

When her eyes were eventually dry and sore, Susan lay exhausted in Mark's arms. She knew she should move, that it was unfair on Mark and on Elizabeth for her to stay wrapped up in his arms but she didn't want to. Mark didn't want her to either. Although he knew he shouldn't, he liked her in his arms, he liked that she needed him. And so they lay there, curled up together, as they fell asleep.