Title: The Only One

Author: ScullyAsTrinity

Rating: PG-13

Category: Angst, Josh POV

Summary: Last night thoughts of Donna... Josh POV... obviously.

You left early tonight... again. This must be the third time this month you left early. As per usual, I tried to come up with a viable excuse to make you stay, to keep you away from him, but you heard none of them.

You fought with me this time, got a glint in your eye that meant you were truly mad at me. I don't think that I have ever offended you as much as I did then. You shouted at me, asked why I didn't want you to meet someone, to have fun, to have at least a fraction of a social life, asked why I always had to bring everyone down.

I shouldn't have shouted back, shouldn't have screamed that I didn't want to give you the chance to meet someone, that I didn't want you thinking about other men when you should be thinking about-... your job. And me, I should have said me.

I thought I saw tears gather in your eyes, but you whirled around then, sending your blonde hair into a frenzy and making my words catch painfully in my throat.

Perhaps I should stop ping-ponging this idea in my head. I want you, then I don't. I love you, then I hate you. One second I'm fairly ready to throw all caution to the wind and the next I love my job more than life.

You deserve more than the flip-flopping, which is why I can't figure out why I said what I said.

I said what I said because I want. I want what I shouldn't want when I shouldn't want it, but that doesn't make me not want.

You're out with him right now, on a Saturday night, drinking and dancing and laughing and touching and I can't help but curse myself for allowing myself to be so fickle and want to have you.

Want, want, want.

Sleep, I need to sleep. To lie down and forget about all of this for the moment, for the night. But wait-

Tell me, is he lying beside you, watching you smile in your sleep?

Is he waiting for you to awake on Sunday morning, to kiss you hello once again, and start a new day?

Does he know that I lie here wishing for the same thing?

Fin