Love Beyond All Fear

by Nefertili

A glimpse on Haldir's past, and what he has been hiding from the world in his face of indifference. Finally, it is finished!

4. I Know I'd Give My Life for You

Title: "I Know I'd Give My Life For You."

Author: Nefertili

Fandom: Lord of the Rings

Pairing(s): none

Rating: PG13

Genre(s): Angst, AU

Warning(s): No slash this time.it is replaced by bits and pieces of violence and insults in the other chapters.

Summary: A glimpse on Haldir's past, and what he has long hidden from the world in his face of indifference.

Author's Notes: This part's going to be real angsty and didactic, so be prepared! My tribute to Haldir's Heart and Soul, my devoted reviewer! Thanks for all of your well-rounded reviews!

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The eyes of the contemporary Haldir focused with a bolt from the blue. At first he couldn't find a concrete sense on where he is or what he had been doing. Time seemed to reach out to him and bridged the gap of the present and the past of his lifetime.time seemed to dissolve away, along with the unreserved importance, more precious than all the gold in Middle-Earth, it carried with it. 

"Malenardhon? Naneth?"

The Marchwarden of Lórien felt the level and glossy bark of the mallorns of his homeland, and they seemed to extend their leafy appendages to him and brought him back to the existing Lothlórien and his body redeemed its cognizant self.

Haldir saw something fine and glistening had fallen right in front of his weary gray eyes, and when his hands felt for them, the galadhrim found out that they were no more than his own shimmering hair which had fallen on his face as they danced along with the unheard cadence of the wind. As Haldir brushed his hair from his face; the wind, very much like a guardian itself, once more made its rounds about him. Haldir shivered slightly as the chilly air touched his perfectly tinted flesh.

As Haldir reached for his cloak the color of shadow grey that allows him to move the length of and amongst the mallorns concealed during his sentry in Lothlórien, the Marchwarden reflected on what he had just recovered from all the neglect and depths of time.

I must have had forty winks as I sought to commit to memory what I ought not to remember and I dreamt.of what happened to us during Rumil's birth.    

"You are not that Haldir you once thought you were, such an overly expressive and easily affronted Elf; you ought to stop exhuming for such drifting memories and acting sentimental, galadhrim of Lórien," Haldir rebuked himself as he laid down and tried to get back to the unvoiced earth of slumber.

"Consider what Naneth once cautioned you-" Haldir abruptly brought a halt to himself as he flung his clement cloak over him and endeavored to extinguish out of mind his thoughts about Arthendion, his acclaimed mother.

However, it seemed his eyes were opened by his delusion of seeing Arthendion, Malehardhon and Anar-galad that they refused to give in to the whispers of sleep, no matter how hard the galadhrim struggled to constrain them to do so.  His sharp sense of hearing, too, seemed to reiterate for like a time without end all the words that were brought upon him during those difficult times.

Finally, Haldir sat up once again and circumspectly glimpsed about him for any admonition of movement or for any sign of a scrutinizing eye. Having found none, he surreptitiously climbed down the tall mallorn by the silvery hithlain ropes and sought to go to a solitary place in which he would be alone to contemplate and consider things that would not permit his body and soul to rest that night.

The night was cold, that as Haldir let out a somnolent sigh, his breath came out like a wisp of rising pure white smoke. The warden wrapped his cloak more tightly about him to prevent the wintry air from touching his fatigued flesh, but his face was without relent being stung by cold gasps of the wind; the mist that settled in Lothlórien during her early hours of waking masked his vision as well, no matter how clear the eyes of Elves were.

Haldir silently treaded the familiar paths of Lórien, guided by the crystal-clear brightness of the stars that peeked every now and then from the gaps of the mighty golden trees and their slender intricate leaves appended to willowy and slivery boughs, the face of the sliver moon which hung full that night, so cloudless and divine, and the lights of Lothlórien in their delicately patterned lamps that were hung amongst the trees to guide and give light and straightforwardness to disillusioned a passer-by.

On and on the galadhrim strode. As the distinct Elf carried on his walk, he passed both the telain of his two younger brothers, Rumil and Orophin.  Haldir paused his silent, barely discernible strides as he gazed for like an eternity the dwellings of his brothers. He knew it may seem rather injudicious in the perceptiveness of his other kindred, but Haldir didn't mind.

I have grown to love and be affectionate to them as those thousand years crept to its end, Haldir told himself as he reflected. I felt Rumil in Naneth as when she was still making him into being and breathing life to him. I oversaw Orophin as he grew from an infantile elfling to the lithe warden that he is now.   

Haldir continued his stroll in so unhurriedly an hour until the mellifluous rushing of the river Celebrant could be heard as it ran along the stones that littered along its immaculate banks. The galadhrim's eyes caught a glimmer of dazzling moonbeam as he swiftly, abruptly switched his feet and walked to a particularly ancient mallorn whose roots had gone deep into the bank as it spent its sustained years of life in Lady Galadriel's Wood.

The Marchwarden grasped the sides of the mallorn steadfastly but gently and hoisted himself up in its leafy arms. As he climbed up the Golden Tree and his sunlight-gold hair was prominent among the hundreds of boughs the colour of hoarfrost and thousands of perfectly formed leaves as it glistened silver whenever it reflected the light of the moon.

Once they were in Naneth's arms, Haldir thought as he placed his leg on a robust limb, took hold of another above him and pushed himself up. He took another step, another thrust, another.and another. But now, they are grown. Sympathy they didn't have at least a fond memory of Adar like me for the reason that he left them at such a juvenile age.

Haldir did not stop his ascending the mallorn until he reached his most favorable spot, just beneath the very pinnacle of the tree. Upon reaching the mighty bough, he sat himself down and brushed stray glossy hair off his face to get a better gaze at the complete landscape extending about him like an intricate, realistic map. From the imperialistic mallorn's view, one can see the vast beauty and glory of nature as a bird soaring high in the heavens. 

The Marchwarden took his time admiring all the sceneries placed before him, as though he had never seen its magnificence clearer than always before. He eyed the vast flatland covered by the golden heads of the mallorns. Gradually, he began to be acquainted with it and probed the atlas of Lothlórien as effortlessly as a mapmaker.

"The egress of the iniquitous Mines of Moria," Haldir muttered to himself, eyeing the grey, indifferent mountains that lay in his west. He shifted his gaze to his right; and saw more benign scenery: the borders of Greenwood the Great made dark by its evergreen trees that were never seen, or will ever be, in Lórien; amidst the growing peril that hung in the branches and shafts of the trees in the evil Dol Goldur, where the shadow of the feared Dark Lord took form. "Mirkwood."

Slightly, Haldir tilted his head and rested it against the downy but steady trunk of the Golden Tree. He saw the heavens, displaying the enigmas and secrets it kept in its infinite vastness and its sparkling stars, especially the Eärendil, the Morning Star, shining its best over the Land of the Lady of Light.

In the eastern corner of the sky was a rosy luminosity bathed in gold that was hardly visible and recognizable amidst the silhouettes of the oaks and fir that adorned Mirkwood.

"It is not so late, then," Haldir thought. "I did not only sleep for a few hours or minutes that I can count on my fingers.soon a new day, with new tests, will begin.

Everything I now see.our beloved Morning Star.Mirkwood.Moria.even this mallorn," Haldir whispered to himself, running his hands over silvery bark the generous tree that carried him, "is a part of me, my life and my brothers, though they never knew, and may never realize or understand."

Haldir closed his slivery eyes and he permitted himself to be borne back to the time when he, himself, sat on the same bough, saw the same landscape, though only thousands of years ago.back to his mother, Arthendion, and the life he used to be recognizable with and be included in, so much to his throbbing heart to surpass a testing ordeal.

**********

The young form of Haldir was hardly visible through the thick foliage of the mallorn he was situated upon. All nature was glorifying the eternities of the beings that created them by bringing forth their beauty at their best, but the warden saw nothing of this.

His heart was unhurriedly being devoured by the darkness out of his antagonism of his father and desolation and shame for his current state of being: being confused and confounded in the dark forest of labyrinth that is called reality without knowing which way to turn.

Should I tell Naneth about what I just discovered about Adar? Haldir asked himself remorsefully upon his deeming of the obscuring situation that was solely in his responsibility for the hundredth time. All natures of emotions began to bubble and to take form from inside him; Haldir felt as though he was being cloaked and strangled in a miasma of sentiments all muddled up together.

Haldir, nevertheless, was disheartened by the idea, as he knew Arthendion was already suffering her share of pain, far greater than his, silently and a lot more enhanced than his own yearning and fretting that was affecting him like the sea waves beating against a rock. The guardian, if truth be told, shall never allow himself to adjoin to her burden.

On his brighter side, however, he knew Arthendion hath the very right to know the whereabouts of her spouse; Haldir wouldn't want her to seem like an oblivious an Elf regarding the situation when others were already whispering about it behind her back.

To conclude, after a great deal of thinking and debating with himself, Haldir chose the latter to tell Arthendion. He comprehended from that time on that his absolute knowledge about something so heart-stabbing about his father was encumbering him greatly, and he will not be freed from unease unless he lets it go from his conscience. 

Haldir felt as though he was in a dream as he slowly descended the mallorn; feeling remnants of dew which clung to the level bark. It was very early in the morning, when the fog of Lothlórien was just lifted from the ground.

The galadhrim had been inattentive in his watches lately, and would usually leave his sentry ahead of time or not go to them at all; but he would do nothing all day long. Malenardhon had to make up all sorts of explanations to the other wardens who are to take their place during the day when they find him dong his duties alone.

Malenardhon would frequently use the statements saying Haldir had so urgent a call or that he needs to attend something that could not wait that he left early. But of course, it didn't make the difference he hoped it would have made. The gossip about Haldir's mother and father broadened faster than the wildfire that once spread in the fields near Lórien.

Other galadhrim would often tell Malenardhon to bring to Haldir their words of comfort or concern.but there were those who offered it out of pity or contempt or in the intent of humbling him that Malenardhon could not bring himself to tell it all to Haldir. He, for sure, was not fully recovered from his tribulation to take them all to himself.

The son of Anar-galad reached Arthendion's talan and he called up to her in a voice that can rival the graceful melodies of the wind and the sea. It was rather long a while before she, with Rumil in her arms, responded to him. She looked surprised to see her eldest one early in the morning, especially when he has a border to protect. Hence, she still allowed him in the talan.     

Haldir's primary and foremost reaction upon seeing his mother again was to be unsure on how Arthendion made to care for her two younger sons and get their basic needs at the same time. But at the same time he was astonished on how calmly she handled Rumil and Orophin that they, by a hair's breadth cried. And when they do, the young mother took only a few moments to appease them down again.

"Naneth, how can you do all these things all by yourself.all alone?" Haldir demanded more than asked, as his fury couldn't be concealed as straightforwardly as before, now that his emotions were yearning to burst forth from their inside caverns.

Arthendion answered him leniently, "I am not entirely handling them alone, Haldir. Beinaras takes care of my and your brothers' daily needs when I can't provide them. Many other Elves visit me and offer help or words of encouragement. Your Adar, himself, sent something to me-"

"How can you act so normally, Naneth?" Haldir interrupted. Rumil awoke with a start and Orophin, who was busy playing with a mallorn leaf, looked up from his play in surprise. "You can't hide or deny it; Naneth. I see your growing sufferings, day by day. You have to endure all hardships because of Adar, because of his forsaking of us. Yet how can you act as though Adar still cares for us the way he had before?"

The Elvish mother replied with a smile, as though she was talking about a more positive theme, "It is because Anar-galad still cares for us, my Eldest."

This time, Haldir let go of all his pent-up feelings. "How and why can you say so? Naneth, can't you understand? Malenardhon actually sent his brother to Adar to ask him to come back to us, but Adar refused! He even said something not as pleasurable to Sadomiel! How is it, Naneth? I cannot comprehend how you manage to go through all these afflictions." The galadhrim's incensed voice broke off.

Haldir, because of his rage, had frightened the young Rumil and he began to cry. Haldir, himself, stared at his clenched hands on his lap as glistening drops of tears as clear as pure stream water from the Nimrodel began to trickle from his grey eyes and shower on them as the young warrior began to weep without his becoming aware of.

However, Haldir felt his mother's hands, as tender and motherly as they had always been, wipe his tears from his face and gently nudged his head to rest on her shoulder. Haldir did not resist, and he closed his eyes as he reached for Arthendion's hands.

"Listen to me, Haldir," she whispered in his ear comfortingly as she gave his hand an affectionate clasp. "And allow me to touch your heart and pacify your distressed soul, my beloved."

Arthendion then took hold of the crying Rumil and san a song to him.

"You who I cradled in my arms,

You asking as little as you can,

Little snip of a little one,

I know I'd give my life for you.

Haldir slightly raised his head from his mother's shoulder, as though the first words of the song got through him as lightning, striking up a fire so deep-seated in his heart at its wake. 

You didn't ask me to be born, you.

Why should you learn of war or pain?

To make sure you're not hurt again,

I swear I'd give my life for you.

I've tasted love beyond all fear.

And you should know it is love that brought you here.

And in one perfect night,

When the stars burned like new,

I knew what I must do.

I'd give you a million things I'd never own,

I'd give you a world to conquer when you're grown,

You will be who you want to be,

You can choose whatever heaven grants.

As long as you can have your chance,

I swear I'll give my life for you.

The galadhrim, as he tenderly watched his mother bring out the beautiful and inspiring words in such a powerful approach, noticed, then as Arthendion sang the following verse of the song's lyrics, her eyes began to brim with crystalline tears. It did not take Haldir long to know the reason why, and he understood it more than he thought he can in his own prospective.

Sometimes I wake up

Reaching for him,

I feel his shadow brush my hand,

But there's just moonlight on my bed.

Was he a ghost?

Was he a lie?

That made my body laugh and cry.

Then by my side, the proof I see,

His little one, gods of the sun,

Bring him to me.

Arthendion's voice began to falter, and be obstructed by her tears.  Haldir gently placed his hand on her faint cheek, but his mother compassionately shook her head and closed his mouth with her perfectly formed fingers as she continued.

You will be who you want to be,

You can choose whatever heaven grants,

As long as you can have your chance,

I swear I'll give my life for you.

No one can stop what I must do.

I swear I'll give my life for you."

 

When the song finally reached its end, Haldir was dawned by realizations. He knew he had heard Arthendion hum this tune more than he can count with his fingers before. He knew she uses the poignant melody as a lullaby to conciliate Rumil and Orophin whenever they needed reconciliation, but he never knew the words could ever bring forth a strong influence on his spirit.  So strong it was that it seemed moreover superior for a simple lullaby.

While Arthendion tenderly placed the now sleeping Rumil on a soft mantle, Haldir was so enthralled in his own private reflections that it took him long to feel a gentle, playful poking on his arm. When he looked beside him he saw his other younger brother, Orophin smiling at him and pressing a golden mallorn leaf on is palm.

"'Aldeer," little Orophin chuckled softly, as his own miniature tongue couldn't pronounce is older brother's name clearly and in a good way yet.

Haldir was forced to smile back and accept the simple gift from his brother. He lightly and gaily tickled the elfling's pointed ears as he said with thanks, "This is very beautiful, Orophin, thank you."

Orophin smiled as though he understood the warden's words. He tried repeating the word 'beautiful' but could not help but stumble over and be confused with the syllables. 

On his other side, Haldir could hear Arthendion laughing quietly as she reached out and gently pinched Orophin's cheek, saying with praise, "That was very good, Orophin."

Orophin's little eyes brightened up and he, as was his habit, began to pull at Haldir's unblemished silvery hair. Haldir, in turn, slightly let out a word of surprise as Arthendion assisted him in loosening his grasp. Orophin then playfully encircled his stubby arms around Haldir's waist and in no time at all, he was soundly slumbering on Haldir's lap.   

Arthendion was about to stand up as though getting ready to place her other son on a supple blanket, but Haldir held up his hand. He uneasily but soothingly lifted up Orophin in his arms and placed him beside Rumil all by himself, for the first time.

When he sat beside Arthendion again, he kept his head down as he said in an embarrassed tone, "Please accept my forgiveness, Naneth. I misunderstood where you found your delight yet I chose to remain distrustful and pessimistic about things."

Haldir then heard Arthendion's voice with its motherly eminence ring in his ears. "I do understand why you feel this way, Haldir. I cannot blame you for nursing such anger for your Adar, for I felt the same way at first, when Anar-galad chose his duties over us, the family he and I built."

"Then.how-"

"How did I overcome it?" Arthendion finished Haldir's question for him. She gradually raised her son's head towards her as she said it. Haldir saw her eyes, and they were shining with gladness as they looked back at his own. "You were my inspiration, Haldir. I will never forget the way you tried to draw me from my misery. Forgive me if ever I did not seem responsive to your efforts, but you in point of fact provided me my strength to carry on, my son." 

Haldir saw Arthendion smile at him as he replied, "When Orophin offered me this in so gentle an approach," he opened his palm to reveal the mallorn leaf and his eyes softened to some extent, "I felt as though he slapped me in the face. As though he was telling me, 'You must be feeling shame about yourself, brother'. I suddenly felt embarrassed and unworthy.for not having found pleasure in what others find the ordinary, and to live a life in the light."

Arthenion then answered of her son, "I have been reflecting on how I shall make you realize that, Haldir. Sometimes, more often than not, we think these little ones know nothing about the world, but, if truth be told, they know what ought to be known: its side that is filled with luminosity. Wherein we, those who have lived longer and learned of more serious things, have clouded minds regarding such thought and could only see darkness and the pains of both loving and living."

She paused for a while to allow Haldir to bring into himself what she said before carrying on. "As for Anar-galad, you must know of our story for you to understand how I feel and how I think. Do you wish that this account, of your Naneth and Adar, be told unto you, Haldir?"

When Haldir nodded obediently and tucked his some of the stray silvery hair behind his pointed ears, she began her tale of triumph.

"Have you ever thought of Mirkwood, Haldir?" Arthendion asked.

"Naneth." Haldir answered with uncertainty plain in his voice. "I never really did pay awareness to that dark green land near our east and its connection with us galadhrim."

Arthendion smiled a serene smile of thoughtfulness. "I understand you, beloved; as we are very distant from our kindred of the north. But did it ever suggest itself to you that I came from Greenwood the Great?"

She then took the galadhrim bow Haldir had with him and fitted an arrow from his quiver on its bowstring. Then, after asking Haldir to throw a severed mallorn branch, thick and strong, up in the air, she shot the arrow and in a flash, the mallorn bough was split in two with a loud crack at midair. 

Haldir stared with awe at the skill he never knew Arthendion was so adroit at. At once, one unanswered question Haldir never in actuality intended to ask received its answer. Why his mother looked so different in corporeal from Lady Galadriel's own people: she never was a dweller of Lothlórien from the start.

"Then, Naneth.how in the name of the Valar did you come to these Lands?"

Arthendion sighed despondently as she put down the bow and fingered her dark locks lovingly. "I learned such skills of the bow and arrow in Mirkwood. I remember having a dignified family, but not a very affectionate and contented one. My Adar, my Naneth.I was their only child, and a female Elf at that. They always wanted sons to carry on the family name, but they had me, a daughter instead."

Haldir clung on to his mother's every word.

"I remember running away from them. They delighted in thwarting my modest desires: freedom.and to be loved the way I should be loved as an adoring parent would to its child. One time, they decided I was to be given in marriage to someone I never, in truth, met in my entire immortality.

I tried to talk them out of the marriage. I do not want to be given just like an ordinary, unimportant entity at that. But they ordered me to follow their wishes: something I cannot do after all my silent sufferings of their insults upon me. I decided I couldn't stay in Mirkwood for a while longer." She silenced herself for a while to let Haldir reflect. "Do thou have a notion on where I went, my Eldest?"     

Haldir knew the answer even right before Arthendion asked the question. "You ran away to Lothlórien, didn't you, Naneth?"

"Yes, that was when and where I met your Adar, Anar-galad. He was a warden, and he did what any warden should do to a suspicious passer-by in his land: he questioned me on my presence in his Lady's Wood.

I was overcome with a feeling of distrust, fear and anger that he had to threaten me to being sent before the Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel before I narrated to him my reasons. But." Haldir caught a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

"But what, Naneth?" Haldir asked impatiently.

Arthendion had to laugh over her son's keenness. She continued, "He used my reasons to trap me into staying in Lothórien, and in his own talan at that!" Eyeing Haldir's eyes, he saw a confused question in them, she explained what she meant.

"I had left my place in Mirkwood, and I have nowhere to go. Anar-galad made use of that to make me stay so I can have a place to live in, be loved, and be accepted unlike the past I left behind. A good reason, yes, but a rather impish one, as well. I learned to laugh over it as the years passed and see its blessing in disguise.

I never talked to him full conversations during my first month in his dwelling, but he was patient for such stubborn a creature as I am. He then told his story to me. And if there is really such a thing as fate or coincidence, our stories were strikingly comparable.

He told me all about his parents who also tried to persuade him to marry another Elf he didn't love that he fled under the protection of the Lady Galadriel. She accepted him and prevented any marriage from happening. To show her his gratitude, he served as one of her galadhrim and his parents left for the West, to the Lands that Never Die."

Arthendion looked up to the skies that were deep blue, as the morning was very early. "I became close to him after that, as close as the closest of acquaintances. He even trusted me so much that one time, when he was assigned to watch at night, he took me with him. We weren't really paying attention to our duty, but instead watched the stars and I was astonished of not having seen such beautiful a sight in my entire immortal life.as though life renewed itself.

But trouble began to brew, as Marchwarden Arthrabeth-he was still the captain that time, Haldir-found out that Anar-galad abandoned his duties for me, and finding out that I came from Mirkwood, demanded that he release me."

Haldir was stunned that the previous Marchwarden dared to do such a thing to his mother and father.

"Anar-galad was forced to give in, as it was really his own will, not mine that I stay, but I refused to go. Not only was my reason that I never would want to go back to the life I struggled to escape from, but also I had fallen in love with your Adar. He had loved me, too, he admitted, from the time he first saw me as the person in exile from Mirkwood."

Arthendion smiled as she recalled those blissful times that she knew were lost to her forever. "We were married with Lady Galadriel's permission, provided that Anar-galad will not overlook his duties. It was then did he prove his true love for me with a present he gave me." She then reached underneath her dark hair and pulled out a silvery strand with a sparkling scarlet translucent gem the form of a five-petal flower surrounded by a cluster of smooth green crystals in the form of leaves as its pendant. It was much like the Evenstar of the Lady itself.

After handing Haldir the gem for him to examine, she said, "He made it himself. It carries no particular power whatsoever, only a symbolism. The sparkle of the gem represents the stars which we saw on the night when we first came together with intimate closeness; the flower form he sees me as such, a beauty, he says-"

"And you really are, Naneth." Haldir told her as he lovingly locked the necklace around his mother's slender neck once more.

Arthendion smiled shyly as she touched the gem with one hand and Haldir's cheek with the other, saying, "Thank you, my Eldest. And of course, its scarlet colour represents, in Anar-galad's view, bravery and valor, which he knows I am. I still love him, perceive. And I still hath not the desire to stop wearing our keepsake.

When I had you, my Haldir, and your brothers, I was determined that I will never let you experience all the unconcern I underwent.I was resolute that you have loving parents       continuously by your side.But your Adar's occupation, to my sadness, won't allocate that."

"You probably had chances from whence you could have escaped from Adar's clutches," Haldir said. "Why didn't you take advantage of them?"

Arthendion sighed. "I wonder, myself. But I felt as though it's Fate's decision that I stay in Lothlórien.and as though Anar-galad had worked his way into my heart."

When his mother's story reached its end, Haldir savored his time on gazing at Arthendion, then to Rumil and Orophin both in the halls of sleep nearby.

"Us.we."

"Yes," Arthendion finished, apparently knowing his thoughts. "From my running away from Mirkwood, you all were created. Do you, young Elf, understand what this desired to tell thee?"

Haldir shrugged and looked about his beautiful surroundings made unsullied by the golden mallorns, apparently thinking deeply. "That event thus says that what we do affects our future?"

Arthendion replied, "Aye, and that everything, may be it positive or negative, has its use in this world, in its circle of existence that hath remained unbroken amidst all evil. Do you, Haldir think I would have met your Adar and had you, Rumil and Orophin if my parents weren't the beings I hath fled from to escape further discrimination?"

"Never, Naneth."

 "Then please apprehend that we ought to have balance, Haldir. Hardships are made to balance that sphere that marks and makes life. We cannot learn to endure and be what we should become without the corresponding challenges, the way there can't be trials without endurance and fortitude. We can never change the reality that life will remain to be that way, but we can change ourselves for the better.  If my memory does not deceive me, I remember you asked of me once whether we should be ourselves to become what we should be."

"Yes I did...so long ago that I can hardly remember."

Arthendion answered of Haldir, "I, once, wondered as well how it feels to be in the same point of view of the world as Rumil and Orophin, such a carefree but positive sight. The advantage of being childlike-not childish or irresponsible-is that you have incorruptibility and innocence, you find no fault in the world, you just accept without further protests or complaints, and in a way, dependent to the Ones Who created us and live life for Them alone.

But," the She-Elf's eyes slightly lost their sheen as she continued her statement, "the world cannot allow that. Especially for you, now that you are a warrior. You have to learn to appreciate differences and to make choices, principally the divergence between being who thou are and allowing your heart prevail over your mind. Tell me, Haldir. Tell me why you were neglecting your duties lately.the way your Adar did centuries ago."

Haldir felt as though Arthendion had just thrust him awake from a deep sleep. "Naneth.your son does not deny it, but how in all Middle-Earth did the narrative reach thee?"

"Your friend Malenardhon is concerned about you, my son. He came to me himself to tell you to go on and strive to attain the life you once knew. He could not bear to tell it to you just as he is, as he felt unworthy."

Haldir let out a dismal sigh. He knew very well why his friend felt such 'unworthiness' to do such a thing. He was a plain acquaintance, never different from all the hundreds that dwell in Lothlórien; and going into Haldir's individual thoughts is after all, not congenial.

"But Haldir," Arthendion continued, "do not think appalling thoughts about him, as he only wishes you his best. I, myself, told him he ought to have said it to you himself if he really wants to deserve the title as a good friend."

"And he really is," Haldir replied solemnly.

"Consequently, why do you think you derelict your duties?" 

"Because.because." Haldir found it hard to express his thoughts into words for his mother to understand. "I am concerned for thee, Naneth."

"I knew you would give me that answer. A perfect example of putting your heart first over your mind. You neither must nor let what you feel strangle and get hold of you. You are a warden now; and it hath responsibilities that come with it. You chose to travel a selfless path; your discipline must be strong as your strength of character, in order to be able to say no to yourself without hurting or breaking this," she took his hand and placed it over his chest, over his heart.

"A warrior's life is of service," she kept on, "and it allows no intimate thoughts or emotions to get in its way. You must be the strong side of your self, but you must learn to reinforce your body and your soul as well from the pains of being someone you are not. Most of all, you must learn to acclimatize and get by with whoever you may be asked to face; as the world of Middle-Earth is not entirely sympathetic the way it is not fully evil. Haldir, please promise me that you won't allow me to be a hindrance to your duties."

"I promise you." 

"And your Adar, do not hold hate against him. His path as a Marchwarden calls for devotion, to leave everything behind. But he experienced how it is to love as a father, and it will never be taken from him. Though I may doubt his presence at times when I recall what we once were, I know he still hath that love left for me inside his heart, for I have you, his little ones, loving me just as he had. Especially you, Haldir, as you are the only one among your brothers who resembles him."

She paused before saying, "And I know you, Haldir, still haven't lost your respect for Anar-galad. If you have lost it for all eternity, you wouldn't have the strength to call him 'Adar'. Am I right, Haldir?"

When Haldir nodded in agreement after a moment of thinking over the statement, Arthendion said, "I swear to you I will give all that I can, all my life for you, my sons. I have lived my life, full and bravely, but yours is just starting. All that I have left of my immortality is for me to guide you, and when you are totally gone from my grasp, I will know I can already succumb to peace." 

Haldir took her hand in his and with all sincerity, said, "And I to you, Naneth." He focused his apt eyes on his brothers as he said with equal candor, "And to Rumil and Orophin as well."

Arthendion nodded with a stronger glint in her eyes, and she handed her Eldest his bow and quiver of arrows as she motioned him to the silvery hithlain ladder, saying, "Attend your sentry, Haldir, and renew yourself."

Haldir, however, looked reluctantly at the sun, which had fully arisen from the eastern horizon, "But the time."

However, Arthendion was persistent and she led him down the talan. Then, without letting go of his arm, said, "Show the world that you will meet their expectations, and time cannot stop one's self from correcting one's mistakes for the better."

Haldir gazed at his mother's fair face for a long time, until he smiled, and thrusting his quiver of arrows behind him, said fervently, "I will, Naneth. And I love you."

Arthendion just looked at him with an expression that was difficult to read before she answered simply, "I love you too, Haldir, my son."

As he went to his watch to be welcomed by a relieved Malenardhon to find him the spirited yet steady Elf as he knows him, he looked back to find his beloved Arthendion looking back at him with a smile, the scarlet gem gleaming like stars on her chest. And for the first time, she seemed as though she never hath sufferings in her life before.         

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Okay, my so-called 'philosophies' coming into view.I really need all that Arthendion told Haldir these days. And I'm also close to being heartbroken because of the truth called Reality, if you only knew.