Caffeine High
By XChaosEmeraldsX
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione are bored and decide to get high on caffeine. Insanity follows. No one is in character. Oneshot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the Potter Puppet Pals, or "Puffpuff fairies". But I wish I did.
A/N: I would like to thank Keeper of the Flame because her hyperness, near-insanity, and messed up mental images inspired this. A few of her hyper quotes and a few references to the Potter Puppet Pals (watch it, it's pure genius) will be in this fic. And now on with the insanity.
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In the Gryffindor common room three seventh years sit by the fire.
Harry: I'm bored.
Ron: Me too.
Hermione: You could always study.
Ron: No way!
Harry: I have an idea! Let's get on a caffeine high!
Hermione: But I want to study! And I'm going to make you study with me!! I AM THE HOMEWORK OVERLORD! ...
Hermione starts to laugh like crazy.
Ron: ...You're already high, aren't you?
Hermione: Smashing DUCKS!
Harry: Yup.
Ron: C'mon. I have a load of candy and pop in my trunk upstairs.
An hour later...
Ron: Let's go bother Snape!
Harry: Okay. Do Hermione, overland o' House elves, want to comith with us?
Hermione: Puffpuff fairies!
Ron looks wildly around.
Ron: Where?!
Harry: I think they flew into the forest...
Harry rushes to the window, opens it, and leans far out the window.
Harry: Yup. The wind kangaroos pushed the Puffpuff fairies into the forest. Let's go get them back!
Ron and Hermione: Okay!
They leave the common room, and make their way down the Grand Staircase. They enter the entrance hall. Dumbledore runs pass the giant hourglasses that keep track of House points...naked.
Dumbledore: Naked time!
He runs up the staircase and out of sight. The trio skip onto the grounds and go toward the forest. They pass Hagrid's hut. Hagrid comes out, hiccupping.
Hagrid: Hey – hic - you three! Where were – hic – yeh two – hic – teddy bears ago?
Hermione steps up.
Hermione: In the tuna can.
Hagrid: Eh, – hic – good 'nuff.
Hagrid passes out.
Harry: Let's go into the forest! I bet there are a ton of mattress-raping tonsils in there holding Puffpuff fairies hostage!
The trio climb over the unconscious giant, and skip into the forest while singing wonderful songs about pogo-sticks and zebras.
Ron: I think I hear something in the bushes over there. I hope it's not a cloud monkey...
Harry pokes the bush with his wand and out jumps...A Knarl. A crazy one.
Knarl: AHHHH!
It jumps on Hermione.
Hermione: AH! HOW DARE YOU KILL ME SEVEN TIMES?!?!
Hermione picks it up and throws it on the ground.
Hermione: HA!
She stomps on it.
Hermione: You foolish quatrains thought that you could ambush me with a wheelbarrow full of dramatic irony, did you!?! TAKE THIS!!!
She stomps on it again and again.
Knarl: EEEeeeeeeP! X.x
Hermione: YES! I HAVE DEFEATED THE DWARVEN QUATRAINS WITH A KILT OF MILEMOPS AND A PINCH OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT!!!!
Hermione does a victory dance.
Ron: I think she's finally lost her nerquits...
Harry: I think the Puffpuff fairies went back to the castle while House-Elf Master was being attacked...
Ron: Let's go bother Snape, the Puffpuff fairy!
Harry: Right-o! You coming, Homework Overlord?
Hermione: Broomballs...AWAY!
Hermione starts running out of the forest with her arms outstretched and making "vroom vroom" sounds.
Harry: Eekcharges! Trumpty! Kittopiles!
Harry starts jumping away while saying random, and obviously made-up words.
Ron: Hey! Wait up for the dancing teapots!
Ron runs after them while making occasional whistling sounds.
They run down to the dungeons.
Ron (in a singsong voice): Snape, Snape, Snape! Bother, bother, bother! Bother Snape, bother Snape, bother, bother Snape!
They knock on Snape's office door then barge in. A seventh-year Slytherin girl is quickly getting dressed.
Ron: And you'd think Snape'd be a little happier...
Harry: Uh...What's going on here?
Snape: Um...R-Remedial Potions.
Ron: Riiiiight...
The Slytherin girl hurries out the door.
Snape: See you next week!
Ron steps up to Snape and pokes him.
Ron: Bother.
Hermione is looking at the weird glass jars (which are filled with weird crap).
Hermione: How did you get all this stuff? Can you tell us?
Snape: That depends on whether or not you know how to dance to polka music while watering your cheeseburger garden.
Harry: So you'll tell us?!
Ron: Yeah, I dance to polka while watering my cheeseburger garden all the time! So tell us!
Snape: But if I tell you, the weeble house of velcro will never learn to fly!!!!!!
Hermione steps up to Snape.
Hermione: ...You've been keeping the Puffpuff fairies hostage, haven't you?
Snape: ......Uh....FIFTY-KAGILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR and RAVENCLAW!!!!
Harry: Hey! Why not Hufflepuff?!
Snape: BECAUSE!!!
He starts laughing crazily. Hermione joins in for no apparent reason.
Snape: HAHAHAHAHAHA! ...... Now get out of my office!!
They leave his office.
Ron: I know why he didn't take points from Hufflepuff...
A sixth-year Hufflepuff girl walks down the dungeon steps.
Ron: ...Snape's had a little too much Hufflepuff...
Feeling the caffeine high wearing off, the trio walk back to the Gryffindor Common Room.
Hermione: Want to study?
Ron and Harry: NO.
Hermione: Fine. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
Harry: 'Night, Hermy.
Hermione goes up to the girl's dormitories.
Ron sniggers.
Ron: Heh...'Hermy'...You sound just like Grawp.
Harry: Are you calling me stupid?
Ron: No.
Harry: Riiight...I'm going to bed.
Ron: Okay.
Harry goes up to the boy's dormitories.
Ron: And now I have it all to myself...
Ron gets up and digs a bunch of candy and pop out from under an armchair.
Ron: It's mine...ALL MINE!
Author: No, it's MINE!
She bashes Ron in the back of the head with a baseball bat then takes the caffeine for herself.
THE END.
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A/N: Yes, this is what I've been working on for almost a month. Sad, isn't it? Reviews would be welcome!