Sandy wasn't sure what he expected when he walked into the recovery room.
It looked remarkably similar to the waiting area outside the operating
room, so he half expected to see Ryan sitting up in the bed, just like he
was before the surgery. If he had thought about it, he would have known
better, and he would have been better prepared for what he did see.
The nurse led him over to a bed containing a very still, very young looking child, and it took Sandy a second to comprehend it was Ryan. He was lying so still and was so pale that Sandy couldn't help but notice, he looked like he was dead. Had it not been for all the machines and monitors attached to Ryan that were continuously beeping, Sandy thought he could very well pass for dead, and the very thought made Sandy shutter.
The nurse moved a chair over next to Ryan's bed and told Sandy, "It's okay. You can talk to him. He's still pretty out of it, but he can hear you."
"How long will he be like this?" Sandy asked, with such a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.
The nurse smiled as she explained to Sandy, "As the effects of the anesthesia wear off, he'll wake up more and more. He'll still be pretty groggy for the rest of the day, but he will be able to stay awake longer after about an hour. Don't worry, Mr. Cohen, your son is fine. See, watch this. Ryan?" The nurse said as she gently touched his left shoulder, "Come on, Ryan. Talk to me."
"Mmm. Please. Just get them." Ryan whispered.
"Get who, kiddo?" Sandy asked.
At the sound of Sandy's voice, Ryan finally opened his eyes a little bit and then smiled just a little before saying, "you."
"Yeah, well. You got me." Sandy told him, "How you doing?"
"Made it." Ryan whispered as he closed his eyes again. Sandy just said, "Yeah. You made it," as he brushed the hair off Ryan's face, and then he notice Ryan grimace.
"What's wrong?" Sandy asked. It was a stupid question, but Ryan didn't seem to notice.
"Can't move my arm." Ryan moaned.
Sandy let out a small chuckle as he told Ryan, "That's because it's in a sling and a cast. They don't really want you moving it."
"That sucks." Ryan told him. And with that, Sandy laughed.
"Not funny." Ryan whispered. "It hurts. And I can't move it."
"I know." Sandy told him, "And I'm sorry. They'll probably be able to give you something for the pain in a little while, after you wake up some more."
"Stop being sorry." Ryan groaned, "It was an accident. You can't keep saying sorry."
Sandy didn't have an answer for Ryan; he almost said "sorry" again. Sandy knew the effects of the anesthesia made it damn near impossible for Ryan to know what he was saying, to be able to stop himself from being honest, without his 'no one can hurt me tough guy' exterior. He knew Ryan telling him to stop being sorry was honestly how Ryan felt. So instead of telling him sorry again, Sandy decided it would be best to just change the subject. He'd still continue to be sorry for Ryan's arm, but Ryan didn't need to hear it.
"So, what do you want for dinner?" Sandy asked.
"Don't really care. Haven't really had much of a chance to think about it." Ryan whispered.
"Well, Seth has had most of the afternoon to think about it, so you better decide fast before he orders Chinese so he can make fun of your chop stick ability." Sandy joked.
"At least I now have an excuse not to be able to use those stupid things." Ryan told him.
Sandy laughed and then said, "How about some seafood? That's pretty easy to eat."
"Can't use the shrimp fork." Ryan shot back.
"I think this time Kirsten will let that go. We'll get some shrimp, some crab and a few lobsters. That way we can all eat with our hands, like animals. How's that sound?" Sandy asked, but when he didn't get an immediate answer from Ryan, he looked down at him. Ryan was breathing a little heavy and starting to sweat a little.
"Ryan? Ryan, are you okay?" he asked, quickly starting to panic.
"Just." Ryan sighed, "Stop talking about food. Not feeling too good. No more food talk."
"Sure, kid," Sandy told him, "why don't you try to go back to sleep? I've probably kept you awake longer then I should have."
Ryan didn't answer. He only nodded his head slightly. Sandy waited for a little bit, until he thought Ryan had fallen back asleep before he stood up and kissed the top of his head lightly as he turned to leave.
"Where you going?" Ryan asked, and Sandy couldn't help but notice the sound of panic in his voice.
"My time's up." Sandy told him, "I've got to go so Kirsten can come in."
Ryan opened his eyes and looked at him, clearly confused, "Kirsten's here?"
"Where else would she be?" Sandy asked.
Ryan closed his eyes again before he told Sandy, "I don't know. Home. Work. Just didn't think she was still here."
"Waiting outside. I'd say patiently waiting, but I somehow doubt it." Sandy told him. It was sad that after all this time, Ryan would still wonder if Kirsten was there for him
Damn, Sandy thought, was Dawn ever there for him? But he just told Ryan, "Only one parent at a time. And I won the coin toss. But unless I want to end up a patient in the bed right next to you, I better go let her come in."
"You'll be back though?" Ryan asked. Again it hurt that Ryan would even think he had to ask.
"Yeah. Just as soon as she lets me. Go back to sleep." Sandy told him.
Sandy walked quickly out of Recovery. He wanted to get to Kirsten so she could get in there just as fast, and Ryan wouldn't be alone for too long.
"Hey, how is he?" Kirsten pounced just as soon as she saw Sandy.
"He's..." Sandy had to think for a second, trying to figure out how Ryan was, "I don't know how to put it. I guess you'll see for yourself, but hurry up. He doesn't want to be alone."
"Ryan?" Seth joked, "Ryan doesn't want to be alone? Are you sure it was Ryan you were talking to?"
"Seth, knock it off." Sandy warned him, "He just woke up from surgery. His arm is sore, and he's not feeling well. He doesn't need your jokes."
"Dad," Seth pointed out, "Ryan's not even here."
"Then I don't need your jokes." Sandy snapped.
"Sandy." Kirsten said quietly, and that was enough as Sandy just let out a sigh and said, "I'm sorry. I guess this has all been a little harder then I thought, especially seeing him so out of it and in pain. This really isn't the way I thought we'd be spending this Saturday."
"No problem, Dad," Seth told him, "I promise no more jokes about Ryan's arm."
"So I can go be with Ryan without worrying about the two of you out here alone?" Kirsten asked.
"Go," Sandy told her as he nodded his head towards Recovery, "You need to get in there. You're leaving him alone for too long."
As Kirsten turned to head towards Recovery, she heard Seth ask, "So really, Dad, how is he?"
"He's...." Sandy again tried to explain, "I don't know. It's hard to explain. Out of it, I guess. Not himself."
Kirsten could hear the sarcasm in his voice as Seth joked, "Yeah, thanks, Dad. That helps a lot. I get such a clear picture of him in my head. You must really Wow them in court with such tremendous speaking skills."
"I thought you said no more joking." Sandy answered, and Kirsten could hear Seth laugh as he told his father, "No more joking at Ryan's expense, but you're still an easy target!"
"Aw, thanks, son." Sandy joked back, "Hey, how about letting me see those car keys of yours?"
"Oh, snap, Dad." Seth snorted, "You've wounded me."
Kirsten could only chuckle as she walked further away from their bantering until she couldn't hear them any more. As she entered Recovery, she couldn't help but notice how quiet it was compared to Sandy and Seth in the waiting room. There was no sound except for the beeping of machines and quiet whispers of the nurses. She nodded politely at the nurses as she walked over to the only occupied bed in Recovery and sat down in the chair.
"Hey, sweetie." Kirsten whispered as softly touched Ryan's cheek. When Ryan didn't respond, she immediately looked up at the monitor screen next to his bed. She knew from her mother's illness that the hospital always monitored an unconscious patient, watching the heart rate, pulse, blood pressure, so Kirsten knew to look at the screen. It was the same screen she watched as her mother slowly slipped away, as her heart rate slowed until it finally stopped. Kirsten's gaze quickly became fixed on that screen, staring at Ryan's heartbeat so intently that she didn't notice the nurse walk up behind her.
She jumped when a sweet voice behind her said, "He just fell back asleep, but he's doing just fine. I think your husband may have worn him out a little. But don't worry, Ryan should wake up on his own in a little bit. If not, you can wake him up."
"No," Kirsten told her, "Let him sleep. I can always talk to him later."
Although Kirsten really wanted Ryan to be awake, she thought she was being polite by letting him sleep. But the nurse told her, "Mrs. Cohen, the more awake and alert Ryan becomes, the sooner he can be moved out of Recovery and into his own room. Only let him sleep for a little while, then gently wake him up. I can do it if you'd like, but I think he would like it better coming from his mother."
His mother, Kirsten thought as she looked down at Ryan's face, remembering Dawn's words from last August, "At least this way he gets a real mom."
Kirsten smiled at the young nurse as she told her, "Thanks, I will."
As Kirsten continued to stare at Ryan while he slept, she couldn't help but wonder why anyone would intentionally want to hurt him. She knew what happened was killing Sandy even though it was just a stupid accident, and she had to admit to herself that she was feeling a little guilty, too. She knew Ryan hadn't wanted to go surfing, and if she had just put her foot down and told Sandy to drop the subject, then they wouldn't be here. So she just couldn't understand why a person, especially a mother, would choose to hurt him.
It was when she reached down and started brushing his hair off his face that Kirsten noticed Ryan was sweating. Then he suddenly began to breath a little heavy and swallow a lot.
"Ryan?" she asked, "Ryan, honey, wake up. What's wrong?" She knew she sounded panicked, because she was.
"Don't feel good." Ryan moaned.
Kirsten turned and called, "Nurse!" before looking back at Ryan, "What doesn't feel good, Ryan? Your arm? Is it your arm?"
"No. Stomach." Ryan again moaned.
"He says there's something wrong with his stomach," Kirsten frantically told the nurse. "What's wrong with his stomach?"
The nurse just smiled at Kirsten as she pushed passed her and asked, "do you feel nauseous Ryan?"
Ryan could only groan, "yes."
"Ok, let's sit you up," the nurse told him as she began to raise up the bed. "Mrs. Cohen, could you please get that pink bowl over there?"
"What's wrong?" Kirsten demanded as she quickly returned with the bowl.
"It's just a reaction to the anesthesia, Mrs. Cohen. It's nothing serious, I promise." The nurse told her.
"Gonna be sick." Ryan moaned.
Kirsten moved quickly to place the bowl by Ryan's chest as he leaned over and began to vomit. She held the bowl in one hand as she gently rubbed his back with her other as Ryan continued to vomit up yellow bile with such force that Kirsten was worried he was going to hurt himself. Kirsten hadn't even noticed that the nurse had left, until she reappeared by Ryan's other side with a needle. She quickly pulled back the covers and swabbed Ryan's upper thigh with an alcohol wipe.
"This is Compazine, Ryan," she explained as injected the needle into his thigh, "It will help you feel better soon."
Ryan could only let out a moan as he continued to dry heave. Finally, after a very long minute or two, Ryan stopped and fell back on the bed, panting heavily as he tried to catch his breath.
Suddenly he opened his eyes and looked over at Kirsten. Then he looked down at the bowl she still held in front of him. When he noticed that not only had he just thrown up in front of her but on her as well, he quickly tried to grab the bowl from her. Unfortunately, he instinctively tried to grab it with his right hand, and yelped at the pain that shot up his arm.
"Hey, are you okay?" Kirsten asked as she put the bowl down and accepted the wet cloth the nurse had handed her. Kirsten quickly wiped off Ryan's forehead and then his cheeks before wiping off his mouth. Finally, she wiped off her hand as she placed the rag down next to the bowl.
"I'm sorry. So sorry." Ryan tried to tell her in a raspy voice and then moaned, "Oh, God," as he quickly sat up again. He tried to grab the bowl that Kirsten had placed back under him, but wasn't able to as he quickly began to heave again.
"Get. Sandy." Ryan breathed out in between the heaving, and when Kirsten didn't immediately say or do anything, he again said, "Get Sandy!" as the dry heaves slowly began to subside again.
"Shhh. Okay, don't worry." Kirsten quietly told him before turning to the nursing and saying, "Can you go get my husband?"
"Um, the doctor said only one parent in at a time," the young nurse tried to explain.
"Only while he was still out of it, Ryan's not out of it anymore. He's sick, and he wants his father, so please go get my husband!" Kirsten barked at the nurse.
Ryan only lifted his eyes to look at Kirsten since he was still a little afraid to lift his head up away from that bowl. He could tell by the look in her face and the tone of her voice that she was also upset at the fact he had just thrown up on her. He quickly figured that was why she would lie about his relationship to Sandy. He closed his eyes and continued to keep his head down as he heard another nurse say, "I'll go get him."
The room got quiet again as Ryan concentrated on breathing, praying the sick feeling in his stomach would pass without the need to throw up again, and as Kirsten continued to rub his back in small circles slowly with one hand and hold his throw up bowl with her other. And the young nurse was no longer anxious to talk to Kirsten for fear she would bite her head off again for simply trying to do her job. So no one said anything until Sandy came running into Recovery.
"What's wrong? What's going on?" he demanded as he stopped short next to Ryan's bed.
Ryan took a number of deep breaths before laying back in bed. Before he could get a chance to say anything, he heard Kirsten say, "Ryan got a little sick. I think it may have scared him. The nurse gave him a shot of Compazine so I think he's okay now."
"Kirsten needs to go." Ryan whispered, looking only at Sandy and not Kirsten. When he saw Sandy look up at Kirsten and then back at him, he continued, "She needs to go. Wash her hands. I threw up on her. She needs to go wash her hands."
"Ryan, I'm fine." Kirsten told him, "I don't need to go anywhere."
Ryan closed his eyes before saying, "No. She has to go. I threw up on her. She needs to go wash her hands." He couldn't believe how disgusted he was so he knew Kirsten had to be as well. Damn, not only couldn't he throw up without her help, but he couldn't even do it without getting it all over her.
"Ryan, it was only a little bit on my hand...." Kirsten started to explain, but when Sandy noticed that Ryan refused to open his eyes, he interrupted her, "Kirsten, why don't you go? Let Seth know that everything is okay. I think I may have scared him by running in here. Then go wash up."
"Fine." Kirsten answered, "If that's what you want, Ryan. I'll go talk to Seth then go to the ladies room, but then I'm coming right back."
Ryan didn't answer, and was grateful that for once, Sandy didn't immediately begin to talk again. The room remained quiet until the nurse came and asked, "Are you feeling better now, Ryan?"
He only opened one eye and looked at her. He was tired and nauseous, his arm hurt like hell and he just threw up on Kirsten, how did she think he felt? So he sarcastically told her, "Yeah. Just wonderful."
He let out a loud sigh after Sandy warned, "Ryan!"
The nurse either didn't notice or choose not to comment, but did explain to Sandy, "We're going to keep your son for another twenty or thirty minutes, to make sure the vomiting has subsided, and then he'll be moved upstairs. The doctor has left a standing order for the Compazine if Ryan gets sick again. If he doesn't vomit again before he goes up, there is also an order for Morphine that we'll give him to help take the edge off his pain."
Since Ryan had his eyes shut, he didn't notice that Kirsten had come back into the room until he heard them both say, "Thank you." And then Kirsten added, "And I'm sorry. About before."
When Ryan just let out another sigh and the nurse gave Kirsten half a smile, Sandy asked, "What happened before?"
Kirsten smiled a little and said, "It was nothing, really," hoping to drop the subject, but Ryan told him, "Kirsten yelled at the nurse."
"I didn't yell at her," Kirsten explained, "Ryan was sick, and he wanted you. She didn't want to get you so I just......"
"Yelled at her." Ryan finished.
"I didn't yell." Kirsten again said, "I just asked again a little louder. But if I knew you wanted Sandy so you could throw me out, I wouldn't have been so insisted."
"You needed to go, wash off the... wash your hands." Ryan told her, with obvious disgust in his voice.
"Ryan..." Kirsten started to say softly, but Sandy caught her eye and slightly shook his head, "Just try to get some rest for a while."
But Ryan just ignored her and began to explain, "It's just. I tried to grab the bowl, but I forgot about my arm, and then there wasn't enough time to use my left arm. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen."
"Ryan." Kirsten said to him, but when he wouldn't look at her, she again said, "Ryan!" a little louder, since she really disliked it when he refused to look at her.
"You don't have to explain anything to me." She told him when he finally opened his eyes, "You didn't do anything wrong, so you need to stop this right now, and get some rest. You had a reaction to the anesthesia, nothing more, certainly nothing to be sorry for and definitely nothing to be ashamed of. Is that understood?"
When Ryan didn't answer and only made a face, Sandy said, "Is that understood?"
"Yeah, fine. Understood." Ryan mumbled as he closed his eyes. He was really tired and didn't want to continue the conversation since they weren't going to understand anyway.
Sandy and Kirsten continued to watch Ryan quietly for a while. They knew when he first closed his eyes, it was to shut them out, but since he was still under the effects of the anesthesia, coupled with the pain of his arm and the stress and strain of the vomiting, it didn't take long before Ryan fell back asleep.
"I think we're really going to be in for it." Sandy told Kirsten once he was sure Ryan was asleep.
"In for what?" Kirsten whispered.
Sandy pointed down to Ryan's right arm and told her, "Once he realizes exactly how limited he'll be and how difficult its going to be to do things for himself, he's not going to be a very happy camper."
"He may not be happy," Kirsten answered, "but there really isn't anything he can do about it, so he's just going to have to accept our help."
"That's what I'm afraid of." Sandy said, "He's not very good at accepting our help, now is he?"
"Then I guess it's time for him to learn." Kirsten told him.
"Yeah, well." Sandy said, "That's what I mean. We're really going to be in for it while he's learning."
"You may be right," Kirsten answered as she leaned over and began to brush back Ryan's hair, "Its definitely going to be interesting once we get him home. Definitely interesting."
"Hate to break this to you, sweetie," Sandy told her, "but I'm guessing the fun's going to start just as soon as he wakes up again."
The nurse led him over to a bed containing a very still, very young looking child, and it took Sandy a second to comprehend it was Ryan. He was lying so still and was so pale that Sandy couldn't help but notice, he looked like he was dead. Had it not been for all the machines and monitors attached to Ryan that were continuously beeping, Sandy thought he could very well pass for dead, and the very thought made Sandy shutter.
The nurse moved a chair over next to Ryan's bed and told Sandy, "It's okay. You can talk to him. He's still pretty out of it, but he can hear you."
"How long will he be like this?" Sandy asked, with such a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.
The nurse smiled as she explained to Sandy, "As the effects of the anesthesia wear off, he'll wake up more and more. He'll still be pretty groggy for the rest of the day, but he will be able to stay awake longer after about an hour. Don't worry, Mr. Cohen, your son is fine. See, watch this. Ryan?" The nurse said as she gently touched his left shoulder, "Come on, Ryan. Talk to me."
"Mmm. Please. Just get them." Ryan whispered.
"Get who, kiddo?" Sandy asked.
At the sound of Sandy's voice, Ryan finally opened his eyes a little bit and then smiled just a little before saying, "you."
"Yeah, well. You got me." Sandy told him, "How you doing?"
"Made it." Ryan whispered as he closed his eyes again. Sandy just said, "Yeah. You made it," as he brushed the hair off Ryan's face, and then he notice Ryan grimace.
"What's wrong?" Sandy asked. It was a stupid question, but Ryan didn't seem to notice.
"Can't move my arm." Ryan moaned.
Sandy let out a small chuckle as he told Ryan, "That's because it's in a sling and a cast. They don't really want you moving it."
"That sucks." Ryan told him. And with that, Sandy laughed.
"Not funny." Ryan whispered. "It hurts. And I can't move it."
"I know." Sandy told him, "And I'm sorry. They'll probably be able to give you something for the pain in a little while, after you wake up some more."
"Stop being sorry." Ryan groaned, "It was an accident. You can't keep saying sorry."
Sandy didn't have an answer for Ryan; he almost said "sorry" again. Sandy knew the effects of the anesthesia made it damn near impossible for Ryan to know what he was saying, to be able to stop himself from being honest, without his 'no one can hurt me tough guy' exterior. He knew Ryan telling him to stop being sorry was honestly how Ryan felt. So instead of telling him sorry again, Sandy decided it would be best to just change the subject. He'd still continue to be sorry for Ryan's arm, but Ryan didn't need to hear it.
"So, what do you want for dinner?" Sandy asked.
"Don't really care. Haven't really had much of a chance to think about it." Ryan whispered.
"Well, Seth has had most of the afternoon to think about it, so you better decide fast before he orders Chinese so he can make fun of your chop stick ability." Sandy joked.
"At least I now have an excuse not to be able to use those stupid things." Ryan told him.
Sandy laughed and then said, "How about some seafood? That's pretty easy to eat."
"Can't use the shrimp fork." Ryan shot back.
"I think this time Kirsten will let that go. We'll get some shrimp, some crab and a few lobsters. That way we can all eat with our hands, like animals. How's that sound?" Sandy asked, but when he didn't get an immediate answer from Ryan, he looked down at him. Ryan was breathing a little heavy and starting to sweat a little.
"Ryan? Ryan, are you okay?" he asked, quickly starting to panic.
"Just." Ryan sighed, "Stop talking about food. Not feeling too good. No more food talk."
"Sure, kid," Sandy told him, "why don't you try to go back to sleep? I've probably kept you awake longer then I should have."
Ryan didn't answer. He only nodded his head slightly. Sandy waited for a little bit, until he thought Ryan had fallen back asleep before he stood up and kissed the top of his head lightly as he turned to leave.
"Where you going?" Ryan asked, and Sandy couldn't help but notice the sound of panic in his voice.
"My time's up." Sandy told him, "I've got to go so Kirsten can come in."
Ryan opened his eyes and looked at him, clearly confused, "Kirsten's here?"
"Where else would she be?" Sandy asked.
Ryan closed his eyes again before he told Sandy, "I don't know. Home. Work. Just didn't think she was still here."
"Waiting outside. I'd say patiently waiting, but I somehow doubt it." Sandy told him. It was sad that after all this time, Ryan would still wonder if Kirsten was there for him
Damn, Sandy thought, was Dawn ever there for him? But he just told Ryan, "Only one parent at a time. And I won the coin toss. But unless I want to end up a patient in the bed right next to you, I better go let her come in."
"You'll be back though?" Ryan asked. Again it hurt that Ryan would even think he had to ask.
"Yeah. Just as soon as she lets me. Go back to sleep." Sandy told him.
Sandy walked quickly out of Recovery. He wanted to get to Kirsten so she could get in there just as fast, and Ryan wouldn't be alone for too long.
"Hey, how is he?" Kirsten pounced just as soon as she saw Sandy.
"He's..." Sandy had to think for a second, trying to figure out how Ryan was, "I don't know how to put it. I guess you'll see for yourself, but hurry up. He doesn't want to be alone."
"Ryan?" Seth joked, "Ryan doesn't want to be alone? Are you sure it was Ryan you were talking to?"
"Seth, knock it off." Sandy warned him, "He just woke up from surgery. His arm is sore, and he's not feeling well. He doesn't need your jokes."
"Dad," Seth pointed out, "Ryan's not even here."
"Then I don't need your jokes." Sandy snapped.
"Sandy." Kirsten said quietly, and that was enough as Sandy just let out a sigh and said, "I'm sorry. I guess this has all been a little harder then I thought, especially seeing him so out of it and in pain. This really isn't the way I thought we'd be spending this Saturday."
"No problem, Dad," Seth told him, "I promise no more jokes about Ryan's arm."
"So I can go be with Ryan without worrying about the two of you out here alone?" Kirsten asked.
"Go," Sandy told her as he nodded his head towards Recovery, "You need to get in there. You're leaving him alone for too long."
As Kirsten turned to head towards Recovery, she heard Seth ask, "So really, Dad, how is he?"
"He's...." Sandy again tried to explain, "I don't know. It's hard to explain. Out of it, I guess. Not himself."
Kirsten could hear the sarcasm in his voice as Seth joked, "Yeah, thanks, Dad. That helps a lot. I get such a clear picture of him in my head. You must really Wow them in court with such tremendous speaking skills."
"I thought you said no more joking." Sandy answered, and Kirsten could hear Seth laugh as he told his father, "No more joking at Ryan's expense, but you're still an easy target!"
"Aw, thanks, son." Sandy joked back, "Hey, how about letting me see those car keys of yours?"
"Oh, snap, Dad." Seth snorted, "You've wounded me."
Kirsten could only chuckle as she walked further away from their bantering until she couldn't hear them any more. As she entered Recovery, she couldn't help but notice how quiet it was compared to Sandy and Seth in the waiting room. There was no sound except for the beeping of machines and quiet whispers of the nurses. She nodded politely at the nurses as she walked over to the only occupied bed in Recovery and sat down in the chair.
"Hey, sweetie." Kirsten whispered as softly touched Ryan's cheek. When Ryan didn't respond, she immediately looked up at the monitor screen next to his bed. She knew from her mother's illness that the hospital always monitored an unconscious patient, watching the heart rate, pulse, blood pressure, so Kirsten knew to look at the screen. It was the same screen she watched as her mother slowly slipped away, as her heart rate slowed until it finally stopped. Kirsten's gaze quickly became fixed on that screen, staring at Ryan's heartbeat so intently that she didn't notice the nurse walk up behind her.
She jumped when a sweet voice behind her said, "He just fell back asleep, but he's doing just fine. I think your husband may have worn him out a little. But don't worry, Ryan should wake up on his own in a little bit. If not, you can wake him up."
"No," Kirsten told her, "Let him sleep. I can always talk to him later."
Although Kirsten really wanted Ryan to be awake, she thought she was being polite by letting him sleep. But the nurse told her, "Mrs. Cohen, the more awake and alert Ryan becomes, the sooner he can be moved out of Recovery and into his own room. Only let him sleep for a little while, then gently wake him up. I can do it if you'd like, but I think he would like it better coming from his mother."
His mother, Kirsten thought as she looked down at Ryan's face, remembering Dawn's words from last August, "At least this way he gets a real mom."
Kirsten smiled at the young nurse as she told her, "Thanks, I will."
As Kirsten continued to stare at Ryan while he slept, she couldn't help but wonder why anyone would intentionally want to hurt him. She knew what happened was killing Sandy even though it was just a stupid accident, and she had to admit to herself that she was feeling a little guilty, too. She knew Ryan hadn't wanted to go surfing, and if she had just put her foot down and told Sandy to drop the subject, then they wouldn't be here. So she just couldn't understand why a person, especially a mother, would choose to hurt him.
It was when she reached down and started brushing his hair off his face that Kirsten noticed Ryan was sweating. Then he suddenly began to breath a little heavy and swallow a lot.
"Ryan?" she asked, "Ryan, honey, wake up. What's wrong?" She knew she sounded panicked, because she was.
"Don't feel good." Ryan moaned.
Kirsten turned and called, "Nurse!" before looking back at Ryan, "What doesn't feel good, Ryan? Your arm? Is it your arm?"
"No. Stomach." Ryan again moaned.
"He says there's something wrong with his stomach," Kirsten frantically told the nurse. "What's wrong with his stomach?"
The nurse just smiled at Kirsten as she pushed passed her and asked, "do you feel nauseous Ryan?"
Ryan could only groan, "yes."
"Ok, let's sit you up," the nurse told him as she began to raise up the bed. "Mrs. Cohen, could you please get that pink bowl over there?"
"What's wrong?" Kirsten demanded as she quickly returned with the bowl.
"It's just a reaction to the anesthesia, Mrs. Cohen. It's nothing serious, I promise." The nurse told her.
"Gonna be sick." Ryan moaned.
Kirsten moved quickly to place the bowl by Ryan's chest as he leaned over and began to vomit. She held the bowl in one hand as she gently rubbed his back with her other as Ryan continued to vomit up yellow bile with such force that Kirsten was worried he was going to hurt himself. Kirsten hadn't even noticed that the nurse had left, until she reappeared by Ryan's other side with a needle. She quickly pulled back the covers and swabbed Ryan's upper thigh with an alcohol wipe.
"This is Compazine, Ryan," she explained as injected the needle into his thigh, "It will help you feel better soon."
Ryan could only let out a moan as he continued to dry heave. Finally, after a very long minute or two, Ryan stopped and fell back on the bed, panting heavily as he tried to catch his breath.
Suddenly he opened his eyes and looked over at Kirsten. Then he looked down at the bowl she still held in front of him. When he noticed that not only had he just thrown up in front of her but on her as well, he quickly tried to grab the bowl from her. Unfortunately, he instinctively tried to grab it with his right hand, and yelped at the pain that shot up his arm.
"Hey, are you okay?" Kirsten asked as she put the bowl down and accepted the wet cloth the nurse had handed her. Kirsten quickly wiped off Ryan's forehead and then his cheeks before wiping off his mouth. Finally, she wiped off her hand as she placed the rag down next to the bowl.
"I'm sorry. So sorry." Ryan tried to tell her in a raspy voice and then moaned, "Oh, God," as he quickly sat up again. He tried to grab the bowl that Kirsten had placed back under him, but wasn't able to as he quickly began to heave again.
"Get. Sandy." Ryan breathed out in between the heaving, and when Kirsten didn't immediately say or do anything, he again said, "Get Sandy!" as the dry heaves slowly began to subside again.
"Shhh. Okay, don't worry." Kirsten quietly told him before turning to the nursing and saying, "Can you go get my husband?"
"Um, the doctor said only one parent in at a time," the young nurse tried to explain.
"Only while he was still out of it, Ryan's not out of it anymore. He's sick, and he wants his father, so please go get my husband!" Kirsten barked at the nurse.
Ryan only lifted his eyes to look at Kirsten since he was still a little afraid to lift his head up away from that bowl. He could tell by the look in her face and the tone of her voice that she was also upset at the fact he had just thrown up on her. He quickly figured that was why she would lie about his relationship to Sandy. He closed his eyes and continued to keep his head down as he heard another nurse say, "I'll go get him."
The room got quiet again as Ryan concentrated on breathing, praying the sick feeling in his stomach would pass without the need to throw up again, and as Kirsten continued to rub his back in small circles slowly with one hand and hold his throw up bowl with her other. And the young nurse was no longer anxious to talk to Kirsten for fear she would bite her head off again for simply trying to do her job. So no one said anything until Sandy came running into Recovery.
"What's wrong? What's going on?" he demanded as he stopped short next to Ryan's bed.
Ryan took a number of deep breaths before laying back in bed. Before he could get a chance to say anything, he heard Kirsten say, "Ryan got a little sick. I think it may have scared him. The nurse gave him a shot of Compazine so I think he's okay now."
"Kirsten needs to go." Ryan whispered, looking only at Sandy and not Kirsten. When he saw Sandy look up at Kirsten and then back at him, he continued, "She needs to go. Wash her hands. I threw up on her. She needs to go wash her hands."
"Ryan, I'm fine." Kirsten told him, "I don't need to go anywhere."
Ryan closed his eyes before saying, "No. She has to go. I threw up on her. She needs to go wash her hands." He couldn't believe how disgusted he was so he knew Kirsten had to be as well. Damn, not only couldn't he throw up without her help, but he couldn't even do it without getting it all over her.
"Ryan, it was only a little bit on my hand...." Kirsten started to explain, but when Sandy noticed that Ryan refused to open his eyes, he interrupted her, "Kirsten, why don't you go? Let Seth know that everything is okay. I think I may have scared him by running in here. Then go wash up."
"Fine." Kirsten answered, "If that's what you want, Ryan. I'll go talk to Seth then go to the ladies room, but then I'm coming right back."
Ryan didn't answer, and was grateful that for once, Sandy didn't immediately begin to talk again. The room remained quiet until the nurse came and asked, "Are you feeling better now, Ryan?"
He only opened one eye and looked at her. He was tired and nauseous, his arm hurt like hell and he just threw up on Kirsten, how did she think he felt? So he sarcastically told her, "Yeah. Just wonderful."
He let out a loud sigh after Sandy warned, "Ryan!"
The nurse either didn't notice or choose not to comment, but did explain to Sandy, "We're going to keep your son for another twenty or thirty minutes, to make sure the vomiting has subsided, and then he'll be moved upstairs. The doctor has left a standing order for the Compazine if Ryan gets sick again. If he doesn't vomit again before he goes up, there is also an order for Morphine that we'll give him to help take the edge off his pain."
Since Ryan had his eyes shut, he didn't notice that Kirsten had come back into the room until he heard them both say, "Thank you." And then Kirsten added, "And I'm sorry. About before."
When Ryan just let out another sigh and the nurse gave Kirsten half a smile, Sandy asked, "What happened before?"
Kirsten smiled a little and said, "It was nothing, really," hoping to drop the subject, but Ryan told him, "Kirsten yelled at the nurse."
"I didn't yell at her," Kirsten explained, "Ryan was sick, and he wanted you. She didn't want to get you so I just......"
"Yelled at her." Ryan finished.
"I didn't yell." Kirsten again said, "I just asked again a little louder. But if I knew you wanted Sandy so you could throw me out, I wouldn't have been so insisted."
"You needed to go, wash off the... wash your hands." Ryan told her, with obvious disgust in his voice.
"Ryan..." Kirsten started to say softly, but Sandy caught her eye and slightly shook his head, "Just try to get some rest for a while."
But Ryan just ignored her and began to explain, "It's just. I tried to grab the bowl, but I forgot about my arm, and then there wasn't enough time to use my left arm. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen."
"Ryan." Kirsten said to him, but when he wouldn't look at her, she again said, "Ryan!" a little louder, since she really disliked it when he refused to look at her.
"You don't have to explain anything to me." She told him when he finally opened his eyes, "You didn't do anything wrong, so you need to stop this right now, and get some rest. You had a reaction to the anesthesia, nothing more, certainly nothing to be sorry for and definitely nothing to be ashamed of. Is that understood?"
When Ryan didn't answer and only made a face, Sandy said, "Is that understood?"
"Yeah, fine. Understood." Ryan mumbled as he closed his eyes. He was really tired and didn't want to continue the conversation since they weren't going to understand anyway.
Sandy and Kirsten continued to watch Ryan quietly for a while. They knew when he first closed his eyes, it was to shut them out, but since he was still under the effects of the anesthesia, coupled with the pain of his arm and the stress and strain of the vomiting, it didn't take long before Ryan fell back asleep.
"I think we're really going to be in for it." Sandy told Kirsten once he was sure Ryan was asleep.
"In for what?" Kirsten whispered.
Sandy pointed down to Ryan's right arm and told her, "Once he realizes exactly how limited he'll be and how difficult its going to be to do things for himself, he's not going to be a very happy camper."
"He may not be happy," Kirsten answered, "but there really isn't anything he can do about it, so he's just going to have to accept our help."
"That's what I'm afraid of." Sandy said, "He's not very good at accepting our help, now is he?"
"Then I guess it's time for him to learn." Kirsten told him.
"Yeah, well." Sandy said, "That's what I mean. We're really going to be in for it while he's learning."
"You may be right," Kirsten answered as she leaned over and began to brush back Ryan's hair, "Its definitely going to be interesting once we get him home. Definitely interesting."
"Hate to break this to you, sweetie," Sandy told her, "but I'm guessing the fun's going to start just as soon as he wakes up again."