Title: Mihi Dic Chapter 5 / Love and the
Sea
Set during: Desolation Island (spoilers)
Rated: PG
Notes:
I also took some liberties on a scene between Stephen and Sophie
because it became boring only explaining what was going on without
any action.
Stephen reminded Jack that he was not truly in control of his own life, with government business weighing him down. Jack fell silent but Stephen assured him that he would have a good surgeon aboard.
Jack inquired as to who it would be. "Mr. Deering?" he asked.
Stephen turned pale. He had told Jack about a loss during an operation earlier in the day but he had not mentioned who it was. Stephen's blue spirits became clear when he answered Jack.
"No. John Deering was the man I spoke of this
afternoon. He died under my knife."
When Stephen returned to Hampshire after making calls, the Aubrey's house was in an uproar. He felt obligated as Jack's dearest companion to inquire about the ruckus but as soon as the reasons where clear he excused himself to his room, apologizing for his tiredness and stating that he would be refreshed with some sleep.
'My spirits have sunken even deeper, I am afraid.' Stephen began in his journal after closing the creaking door behind him. 'Dianna has disappeared once again, I believe for good, at least that is what her farewell note would have me think.' He stopped and looked out the window at the darkening sky. In the distance lay the forest and near the edge he could see the first emerging deer. He sighed and looked back down.
'I was quite ready to accept Jack's invitation to sail when I returned. I was terribly distraught to find that he plans to refuse the voyage himself! Refuse! After all his joy and excitement over escaping to his beloved sea, he refuses the offer only because he is ordered to transport prisoners. I admit the Admiralty can be unjust and tricky towards him and many other officers but what a mess. The whole household is in a tizzy.' Stephen stopped and glanced outside again. The darkness had completely fallen and he could smell the beginnings of dinner and he could hear Jack, bellowing on about his orders in the kitchen.
'Poor Sophie.' He began again. 'She must hold so much inside at times. Tears, anger and even laughter at a time like this, when Jack becomes the boy that he was always accused of being.'
Stephen then heard a soft knock at his door, he called for whoever it was to enter and was surprised to feel a tugging at his shirt.
"Dinner is weady." Charlotte, one of the two twins, said sweetly.
"Thank you dear, I will attend directly." He answered her and turned back for a few more lines.
'I was so terribly disappointed to hear Jack so upset and against the journey. After my day today and Dianna's strange disappearance, I would sorely like to go along. But Jack can never know, it simply would not do. It would guilt him terribly to know.'
With a last stroke of his quill, Stephen signed his name to his entry and closed the book. He then turned and walked out of his door to the dining room.
Stephen resigned himself to a quiet contemplation of what to do next. He thought about it long into dinner, weighing his options to the sound of screaming children and Jack's booming voice at the table. If he strayed far and abroad, his first choice, he might not receive word in time of the Ajax completion and while his solitary nature longed for that road, he was also feeling the first pangs of loneliness.
After dinner while Jack was busy with his fatherly duties wit the children, Sophie lured Stephen away and when they were alone, she flew into a passion about Jack's decision. –Could he change Jack's mind? Did he not know Jack had insulted a man in town over a game of cards and that a duel was impending? This had only just happened today!
Stephen was indeed distressed to hear it but made no promises about changing his friends mind. He was nearly brought to comforting poor Sophie who could hardly hold back her tears.
"Sophie, I have never seen such a sight! You cry because your husband will NOT leave you!" Stephen tried with levity.
"Of course I do! If he does not he will certainly be worse off. He spends so much time with those gambling men and such. He will not come through it without pains." Sophie answered strongly.
He had assured her that Jack was likely not to change his mind but he would think on it. That had been less than an hour ago and he felt exhausted. Being within the sole confidences of a married couple, each trusting him to say nothing to the other, was beginning to wear on Stephen but he finally found sleep, deciding that he could make no certain decisions in his frame of mind.
The next morning, however, Jack woke Stephen joyfully.
"Stephen, Stephen,
wake up!" He whispered loudly to his friend who had thrown a
considerable amount of the blankets on the floor. He woke as soon as
he heard Jack enter but did not respond to Jack's prodding until
his mind was awake and clear.
"What on earth has changed
since I heard your dismay last evening?" Stephen said groggily,
opening his eyes and shielding the sunlight quickly, having expected
Jack's bulk to be standing in front of the offending
light.
"I have decided
to accept her." He exclaimed and Stephen noted that Jack was
standing on the opposite side, hearing his voice behind him.
"Accept
who?" Stephen asked and pulled at a blanket, replacing it over his
face.
"The Leopard, Stephen, I'm accepting the
orders to sail her." Jack said loudly.
"Even with
prisoners aboard? That was the point you were upset over wasn't
it?" Stephen asked.
"Why yes, it didn't quite agree with
me yesterday but as you can see I have changed my mind entirely."
Jack finished and Stephen felt his own boots land on the mattress,
near to his head.
"You must accompany me to exercise
the horses, I'll not get much time after today. And I wish to speak
with you."
The
forest surrounding the Aubrey's residence belonged to them and Jack
was quite proud of its singular magnificence. The tops of the trees
were fully engorged with green and shielded the majority of the
piercing sun. The shadowy ground, covered with undergrowth, swished
softly beneath the two horses hooves.
"Have you not already
seen every bird in England?" Jack asked as Stephen reached for his
glass and trained it on a bird, quite out of Jack's sight in the
trees above. Jack marveled at Stephen's hand with the horse. When
he let go of the reigns and grasped his glass he only made a small
noise to the creature and it stopped immediately. Stephen's skill
had grown and Jack noticed it.
"I'll likely never know if
I have seen them all." Stephen answered, lowering the glass.
For
a moment all that could be heard was the birds, for both horses had
been halted near a spring to get a drink. Stephen kept silent until
he felt as if Jack would never speak again.
"Why did you
change your mind?" He started. "Last night I was sure you would
have unloaded your guns on the Admiralty."
Jack laughed at
Stephen's singular wit and answered him.
"Well, you see,
Sophie came to me last night quite vexed over you." He explained
and Stephen's eyes widened.
"Oh, I hope I have not upset
her with the dead vulture." He said aloud but dismissed it when he
saw Jack was unaware of anything of the like.
"Please
continue." Stephen said quickly.
Jack stuttered a bit after
Stephen had broken his thought. It seemed as if he was completely
thrown off.
"Might it have to do with a conversation you had
with Sophie?" Stephen asked after a while, amused.
"Yes,
yes! That's it exactly." Jack was now back on track and Stephen
listened intently.
"You see, I hate to meddle Stephen and I
know it is your business, but Sophie is convinced that Diana has
wounded you, yet again, and a voyage with me would do you nothing but
good." Jack stopped, having finally gotten it out and
waited.
"Well, I was planning on trying to convince you to
accept the Leopard this morning, but since it seems that both
of us are of the same mind about going, it is settled."
"You
were going to convince me." Jack asked confused and
dismounted to rest in the soft grass.
"Jack, I'm afraid
Sophie also came to me last night, for your own good." Stephen
laughed and dismounted as well, plopping near his friend on the
grass.
"My own good!" Jack said, frustrated.
"You are the one who is miserable with Diana."
"And you
are the one who might have an impending duel if you return to town
any time soon." Stephen's tone had changed and he was
serious.
"This is important Jack, I can wallow in my misery
to no end, but you will meet yours if you are not careful."
Jack
cut his friend a wounded glance.
"You do not trust that I am
a good shot?" He asked and Stephen sighed.
"If you will
remember, I am a good shot as well! Accidents happen and you have a
family to leave behind, my dear."
Jack contemplated for a
moment and placed his head into his hand.
"You are right,
Stephen. That was a wrong move, I should not have called his
dishonest, though it is true." He said sadly.
Stephen looked
reassuringly up at him. "You can trust your life to the sea but do
not trust it to your own whims Jack."
Jack suddenly found a
loophole in Stephen's words and called him out.
"And what
of you? Diana wounds you every time you so much as look at her and
you return, return, return. Explain that Stephen."
Stephen
felt caught for a moment. He leaned against the tree they had stopped
by and tried to find an answer, when he realized he had none. After a
moment he felt that Jack was about to dismiss his questioning and
apologize so he spoke without thinking.
"What of the sea?"
He asked and it came to him. "It throws you about, rips you apart,
it takes friends away from you but you return. Why?"
Jack
did not think. He did not have to. It came as easy as evening
prayers.
"I love the sea, Stephen."
"That is it!"
Stephen cried.
"What is it?" Jack grumbled unable to see
his friend's point.
"Love. I love Diana."
It was
common was it not? For a courting couple to love one another, but
Jack had never heard Stephen speak of it until that moment and he
gained a new respect for his friend.
"I'm sorry Stephen.
It is not my business." He said and stood. Stephen sighed again and
pulled himself up. "Do not say that joy, my life is your business.
I only wish you could understand it more. Have I explained well
enough?"
"You have left me speechless. Surely Diana sees
this as well." Jack asked.
"Or is she had blockheaded as
me?" He laughed and Stephen joined him.
"She can be." He
said and Jack stopped laughing.
"Stephen! To say such a
thing!" He mocked.
"You said it, dear." Stephen said,
mounting his horse and watching Jack heave into his saddle.
"But
you agreed." Jack answered fast, enjoying the squabble, using it
for all it was worth for he would have to show more decorum when they
boarded the Leopard.
I will try my hardest for one more chapter with a sum up, but I'm losing my inspiration on this one. And while I'm here, can anyone direct me to a beta for a Gladiator fic? I'm afraid I have picked a dead fandom. Anyone interested? If not I'll have to get a friend of mine to read over it, but don't expect perfection because I really want to post it anyway.
Megan
Unrevised VersionWhen Jack Aubrey was offered command of the Leopard he leapt at the chance, immediately making elaborate plans. He listed who he could secure for her crew, he gained his wife's approval, he even went so far as to have Moses Jenkins, from the Dockyard, supply him with an accurate model of the Leopard. But there was a small hitch that he had not planned for. Stephen Maturin, his dear friend and ship's surgeon declined the voyage. It struck Jack rather suddenly, after he had explained the entire voyage to his friend. Promising Stephen cassowaries, wombats, kangaroos, all sorts of beetles and any other creature found in the East Indies, for that was where the Leopard was headed.
Stephen reminded Jack that he was not truly in control of his own life, with government business weighing him down. Jack fell silent but Stephen assured him that he would have a good surgeon aboard. Jack inquired as to who it would be.
"Mr. Deering?" Jack asked.
Stephen then began to look pale. He had told Jack about a recent loss during an operation earlier in the day. But he did not mention who it was. Stephen's blue spirits became clear when he answered Jack.
"No. John Deering was the man I spoke of this afternoon. He died under my knife."
The next day Stephen's spirits had sunken even deeper. He had called on Dianna, or tried, and found that she was gone. Gone for good, by her farewell note, and he was not sure if her excuses where entirely accurate. He made his way back to Hampshire sadly, ready to accept Jack's invitation and forgo any other obligations. When he arrived, however, Jack was not in as splendid a mood as before. Jack was angry, furious at the Admiralty, for they had sent his orders and he did not mean to accept them. Transporting prisoners was not his idea of a good cruise and he was obliged to wait on the Ajax, the only other ship available to him, but she was not finished.A sadness filled Stephen but he would not tell Jack he had changed his mind, it would make him feel guilt and Stephen resigned himself to a quiet contemplation of what to do next. He thought about it long into dinner, weighing his options to the sound of screaming children and Jack's booming voice at the table. If he strayed far and abroad, his first choice, he might not receive word in time of the Ajax completion and while his solitary nature longed for that road, he was also feeling the first pangs of loneliness.
He thought until bedtime as he laid his head down for the night in the Aubrey's quest room. He had listened to Jack ramble on and on about the evils of the Navy and at one time speak of peace as if it were an impending danger to his occupation. This of course angered Stephen but he restrained himself, for any outburst would be wrong. There would be much, much more driving any argument, on Stephen's part, if it had been started. On top of all his worries he was now burdened with Jack's threat of a duel with a certain dishonest man in town. Sophia had secretly explained to him the circumstances Jack had found himself in just that day and begged Stephen to convince Jack to go to sea.
He had assured her that Jack was likely not to change his mind but he would think on it. That had been less than an hour ago and he felt exhausted. Being within the sole confidences of a married couple, each trusting him to say nothing to the other, was beginning to wear on Stephen but he finally found sleep, deciding that he could make no certain decisions in his frame of mind.
The next morning, however, Jack woke Stephen joyfully.
"Stephen, Stephen, wake up!" He whispered loudly to his friend who had thrown a considerable amount of the blankets on the floor. He woke as soon as he heard Jack enter but did not respond to Jack's prodding until his mind was awake and clear.
"What on earth has changed since I heard your dismay last evening?" Stephen said groggily, opening his eyes and shielding the sunlight quickly, having expected Jack's bulk to be standing in front of the offending light.
"I have decided to accept her." He exclaimed and Stephen noted that Jack was standing on the opposite side, hearing his voice behind him.
"Accept who?" Stephen asked and pulled at a blanket, replacing it over his face.
"The Leopard, Stephen, I'm accepting the orders to sail her." Jack said loudly.
"Even with prisoners aboard? That was the point you were upset over wasn't it?" Stephen asked.
"Why yes, it didn't quite agree with me yesterday but as you can see I have changed my mind entirely." Jack finished and Stephen felt his own boots land on the mattress, near to his head.
"You must accompany me to exercise the horses, I'll not get much time after today. And I wish to speak with you."
The forest surrounding the Aubrey's residence belonged to them and Jack was quite proud of its singular magnificence. The tops of the trees were fully engorged with green and shielded the majority of the piercing sun. The shadowy ground, covered with undergrowth, swished softly beneath the two horses hooves.
"Have you not already seen every bird in England?" Jack asked as Stephen reached for his glass and trained it on a bird, quite out of Jack's sight in the trees above. Jack marveled at Stephen's hand with the horse. When he let go of the reigns and grasped his glass he only made a small noise to the creature and it stopped immediately. Stephen's skill had grown and Jack noticed it.
"I'll likely never know if I have seen them all." Stephen answered, lowering the glass.
For a moment all that could be heard was the birds, for both horses had been halted near a spring to get a drink. Stephen kept silent until he felt as if Jack would never speak again.
"Why did you change your mind?" He started. "Last night I was sure you would have unloaded your guns on the Admiralty."
Jack laughed at Stephen's singular wit and answered him.
"Well, you see, Sophie came to me last night quite vexed over you." He explained and Stephen's eyes widened.
"Oh, I hope I have not upset her with the dead vulture." He said aloud but dismissed it when he saw Jack was unaware of anything of the like.
"Please continue." Stephen said quickly.
Jack stuttered a bit after Stephen had broken his thought. It seemed as if he was completely thrown off.
"Might it have to do with a conversation you had with Sophie?" Stephen asked after a while, amused.
"Yes, yes! That's it exactly." Jack was now back on track and Stephen listened intently.
"You see, I hate to meddle Stephen and I know it is your business, but Sophie is convinced that Diana has wounded you, yet again, and a voyage with me would do you nothing but good." Jack stopped, having finally gotten it out and waited.
"Well, I was planning on trying to convince you to accept the Leopard this morning, but since it seems that both of us are of the same mind about going, it is settled."
"You were going to convince me." Jack asked confused and dismounted to rest in the soft grass.
"Jack, I'm afraid Sophie also came to me last night, for your own good." Stephen laughed and dismounted as well, plopping near his friend on the grass.
"My own good!" Jack said, frustrated. "You are the one who is miserable with Diana."
"And you are the one who might have an impending duel if you return to town any time soon." Stephen's tone had changed and he was serious.
"This is important Jack, I can wallow in my misery to no end, but you will meet yours if you are not careful."
Jack cut his friend a wounded glance.
"You do not trust that I am a good shot?" He asked and Stephen sighed.
"If you will remember, I am a good shot as well! Accidents happen and you have a family to leave behind, my dear."
Jack contemplated for a moment and placed his head into his hand.
"You are right, Stephen. That was a wrong move, I should not have called his dishonest, though it is true." He said sadly.
Stephen looked reassuringly up at him. "You can trust your life to the sea but do not trust it to your own whims Jack."
Jack suddenly found a loophole in Stephen's words and called him out.
"And what of you? Diana wounds you every time you so much as look at her and you return, return, return. Explain that Stephen."
Stephen felt caught for a moment. He leaned against the tree they had stopped by and tried to find an answer, when he realized he had none. After a moment he felt that Jack was about to dismiss his questioning and apologize so he spoke without thinking.
"What of the sea?" He asked and it came to him. "It throws you about, rips you apart, it takes friends away from you but you return. Why?"
Jack did not think. He did not have to. It came as easy as evening prayers.
"I love the sea, Stephen."
"That is it!" Stephen cried.
"What is it?" Jack grumbled unable to see his friend's point.
"Love. I love Diana."
It was common was it not? For a courting couple to love one another, but Jack had never heard Stephen speak of it until that moment and he gained a new respect for his friend.
"I'm sorry Stephen. It is not my business." He said and stood. Stephen sighed again and pulled himself up. "Do not say that joy, my life is your business. I only wish you could understand it more. Have I explained well enough?"
"You have left me speechless. Surely Diana sees this as well." Jack asked.
"Or is she had blockheaded as me?" He laughed and Stephen joined him.
"She can be." He said and Jack stopped laughing.
"Stephen! To say such a thing!" He mocked.
"You said it, dear." Stephen said, mounting his horse and watching Jack heave into his saddle.
"But you agreed." Jack answered fast, enjoying the squabble, using it for all it was worth for he would have to show more decorum when they boarded the Leopard.