~ You're in Trouble Now! ~
The disgruntled evil spirit stepped out of the Zales shop in downtown Tokyo. He couldn't believe how incredibly pissed he was. He was, in fact, moments away from blowing up the whole damn store when some of the store clerks pointed out his "lack of taste in jewelry" as they gawked at the gaudy black collar. He felt his face grow hot, but lucky for them; his brilliant scheming mind had quickly found a way to turn this situation to his favor.
They had informed him that the ring was in fact a useless hunk of shit and he wouldn't be able to get so much as a palm reading for it. About to rip someone's head off, he suddenly realized something.
And that is why now; he is happily walking down the sidewalk back to Ryou's house, about to get Malik into some serious trouble.
* * *
Upon entering the two story brick house Bakura heard a slight moan coming from up stairs.
"Oh that's sick." He said to himself as he tried to get the mental picture of those two out of his mind. Although, jealousy was creeping up in the back of his mind. He wanted to get Malik in trouble so bad, but even he couldn't muster up the courage to walk in on Malik when he was in the middle of getting some. He had made that mistake once...let's just say Malik pulled a yami on his ass; or something to that effect. What ever it was, Bakura had made it a point never to do it again.
He didn't know how long they had been going at it, or how much longer they were going to go, but he decided to pass the time by watching TV, which was a favorite pastime of his.
* * *
Bakura didn't know how long he had been asleep, but when his dark chocolate eyes had finally opened he realized that his head was hanging off the sofa and his feet were propped up on the back. He had a busting headache from all of the blood rushing to his head.
"Owww..." He grumbled sliding off the couch and falling onto the floor. He simply lay there for a moment with his eyes closed, allowing his blood to settle back where it belonged.
Pushing his white bangs out of his face he looked out the window. It was starting to get dark out.
"Aw shit..." He strained his neck to see the microwave clock in the kitchen. It was seven o' clock. Bakura listened for any noises coming from upstairs, and heard nothing but running water and Malik singing in the shower.
"I'm getting so fucking sick of that song..." He complained. But he decided to seize this moment and have a little chatty-chat with his hikari.
Before he started upstairs he reached into his pocket and pulled out the cheep ring. He threw it up in the air and snatched it in his fist as his grin widened. This was going to be so much fun...
Sliding the ring back in his pocket he walked up the stairs and made his way past the bathroom and towards Ryou's room. But as he was passing the bathroom and that god awful song was ringing in his ears; another little idea popped into his already brilliant scheming mind.
Quietly he turned the doorknob and squeezed through the small opening. Malik was still singing and was oblivious to anything.
"It's raining men...praise Ra I'm getting laid..." And so the screeching ensued. It was enough to make Bakura's ears ring. Especially when Malik, out of nowhere would throw in a random high note, along with words that weren't really in the song.
He couldn't help but laugh as he turned the knob on the sink and then flushed the toilet. After that he quickly ran out of the bathroom and shut the door. Just to be extra mean (that's our Bakura!) he propped the small desk that was in the hallway against the door. And sure enough the horrid screeching stopped and was replaced with a sound that Bakura loved to hear.
"Ahhh!!! Holy shit that's hot!!!"
Bakura heard Malik step out of the shower and walked over to the door. Then...
BAM!
The door knob twisted and Malik was still yelling and banging on the door.
"Bakura you ass! Get back here! I know you did this!! Lemme out now!!!"
Bakura just sniggered as he walked across the hall and went into Ryou's room. That should contain the annoying nuisance for a while.
He poked his head around the corner of the doorway. He saw Ryou changing, and he wasn't about to turn away. After he had stopped liking Malik, Bakura had come to the conclusion that Ryou had to have had the sexiest body on earth. And he wasn't about to pass up this perfect opportunity to see his little hikari naked.
But the moment was too good to last because as Ryou pulled his tan polo shirt on over his head, he turned around and saw a rather aroused looking evil spirit standing behind him.
"Bakura!" He shouted. Ryou reached over to his dresser and picked up the little shock remote. "Don't do that again!" And then he pressed the button.
Bakura yelped a little as a small shock went coursing through his body. Oh well, it was a small price to pay in order to see Ryou naked.
"Dammit Ryou would you give that thing a rest?!?" He growled as he walked over and flopped down on the bed.
"Did you come in here for a reason?" Ryou asked, sounding slightly annoyed. "Because if not, then I'll have to ask you to leave so I can get ready." He turned to his bureau and looked at himself in the mirror as he fixed his hair.
"Where the hell do you have to be anyway?" Bakura chuckled. "Ryou, you're such a dork, you never go anywhere." Ryou sprayed something on his body as he narrowed his eyes and glanced at Bakura in the mirror. Soon the pleasant scent reached Bakura's nose.
"God's Ryou that smells good." Bakura whispered, coming up behind the smaller boy.
"Bakura if you came in here to bug me, I'll just shock you until you leave."
"Ok, ok you win...look at this." Bakura reached in his pocket and pulled out its contents.
Ryou looked down and his eyes went wide.
"Oh god! My ring! You found it!" He snatched the ring from Bakura's palm, but then it took a minute for him to realize something. "Wait...you didn't find it...you took it! You asshole!" He glared at Bakura, and the shock collar remote was only inches away. Picking it up he gave Bakura one hell of a shock.
"GAAAH!" Bakura fell back, clutching his chest. "Are you trying to kill me?!??!"
"You died three thousand years ago, and you're still here! I think you can stand to die again!" Ryou yelled. He was about to shock Bakura again, but the fiend had had enough. He took hold of Ryou's arm and pulled the remote free, throwing it to the floor. It snapped in two with a loud crack as the batteries flew out and rolled across the floor.
"That's enough!" Bakura yelled, releasing his grip. "Now..." He said more calmly. "I did in fact come up here to tell you something, and it's about that ring.
Ryou, with his chest still heaving looked down at the ring that he had in his hand.
"What about it?" He asked suspiciously.
"Well..." Bakura started, deciding that he was going to try and go about this the nice way. "It's not worth shit." He tried, but hey, it's Bakura; nice isn't an option.
"Huh wha...?" Ryou looked at the ring closer, he couldn't believe his ears. "You lie!"
"Why...I would never!" Bakura said, in a mock tone of upset.
"But...but..." Ryou slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, looking like he was about to cry.
Bakura could have cried tears of joy...Malik was in some serious shit now...
"That ass..." Ryou mumbled, throwing the ring across the room.
Just then, they heard a loud scream and then a tremendous bang come from across the hallway.
Malik bolted across the hall in nothing but a towel and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Ryou sitting on the bed, nearly crying, and Bakura next to him looking extremely satisfied.
He walked forward about to kick Bakura's ass down the stairs, when a glint of gold shone from the floor.
'Oh shit.'
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Sorry about the lack of update. This is my first humor fic and I'm not real good at them so it takes a while for me to write one chapter. Thanks for being patient though. I don't know if they'll be any lemons in this fic, I dunno, I just don't think humor and sex go well together, but hey, that's just me!