Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Honestly. So don't get yer panties in a twist thinking you can sue me for anything here. All you'll get is my Rasta yarn anklet. Which is cool anyway.ü
Author's Notes: I was listening to Pink and this just came to mind. Sorry for this sorry excuse for a fic, but please read and review anyway.ü I have no idea what Lawrence's last name is, so I made it up. Does anyone know? (looks around helplessly) If you do, please tell me! Thanks!ü
This is dedicated to Operate and all other Zack/Katie shippers out there. Hope y'all like it. (wink) And for the record, I don't know why I used this song. (shrugs)
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NAME: Katherine Angelica Brown
NICKNAME: Katie
AGE: 16 (years, duh)
GENDER: Female
STATUS: Single
OCCUPATION: SoR bassist
LOCATION: Chicago, Illinois
HOMETOWN: Mars. Wait, no! I'm from Venus!
INTERESTS: Music, Tennis, Soccer (basically any sport), my bass guitar, skateboarding, in-line skating, writing (stories, doi!), clothes from Havoc, Pacsun and Hot Topic (even if it's so totally overrated), other stuff.
SCHOOL/S: Jameson High School
FAVORITE MUSIC: MY music... hahaha!
FAVORITE BOOKS: Dante's Inferno, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Anne Rice novels, Shattered Mirror, The Portrait of Dorian Gray, Edgar Allan Poe and Emily Dickinson poetry, Jinx, Tithe, etc.
FAVORITE TV SHOWS: TV is overrated. Especially MTV.
FAVORITE MOVIES: Too many to mention.
ABOUT ME:
I am a princess in this rock star age where everyone seems to be rather fond of judging people, acting like someone they're not (posers!!), and trying to achieve greatness so as not to be forgotten. Death and non-existence is inevitable. But still, we carry on because this is the only chance we get. Princesses have to seem perfect because royalty calls for such, but I am far from perfection. Royalty denies so many things. We strive to remember the normalcy of life, to no avail. There are a series of definitions to try to explain me, and yet I believe none of them. The things I do or say do not and cannot define who I am. I am everything. I am nothing. I am the girl you see staring back at you in the mirror every morning, except I'm not afraid of the consequences society deals to those who dare to be who they are. I am a Supergirl. Your worst nightmare. But I know you love me for being such a fool. And I love everyone for being a part of my foolishness.
Don't you wish life was like in the fairy tales? Climb onto the back of a white horse, hang on to Prince Charming for dear life and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Is there really a 'happily ever after'?
I wish I were Cinderella. But, alas, no...
I'm just me.
I am someone who sings requiems for fallen angels and keeps vigils over their forgotten graves, someone who's tears fall jagged and crystal sharp like forgotten poetry, someone who's been cut from glass in the sunlight and stands like a portrait reminding everyone of the past, someone who rises from the ash against their will, and someone who is so bored she's filling this stupid profile up. Damn you, boredom.
WHO I WANT TO MEET: Someone who's thick enough to think I'm beautiful.
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Katie leaned back against the computer chair so that it tipped back on two legs. She swung her feet up so that they rested beside her keyboard as she clicked SAVE and her profile popped up on this new site she found. She forgot what it was called so why bother, right? She just signed up because it was a boring Tuesday night and she had finished all her homework.
I can remember the very first time I cried
How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize
Her Kazaa program was playing "Lonely Girl" by Pink. Funny, she didn't remember downloading anything by Pink. Maybe it was a glitch, but she was too lazy to stop or pause the song. When was the first time she cried? Katie tilted her head back so that her long black hair fell around her face like shreds of silk. A particular strand in front of her eye was reflecting dull red in the fluorescent light. When was the last time she had her red highlights re-done? Did it matter?
Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Coz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
Coz it's takin' over my head, all over again
No, not really. When she thought about it, nothing truly mattered. Nothing except the band. How long has it been? 5 years? 6 years? It was hard to remember when everything was going by so fast. She remembered walking into class that one fateful Tuesday morning, hair straight, uniform neat and pressed, her socks pulled up to her knees so that her feet looked small in their shiny leather Mary Janes and her bag devoid of any personality whatsoever. She was a clone. Well, everyone was when you're in 5th grade, but she was the Queen Clone.
Do you even know who you are?
I guess I'm tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
She never dreamed of becoming a rockstar. She was happy just having friends, even if they were grade-grubs like Summer Hathaway, or shy, quiet ones like Lawrence Chang. Life comprised of family, school and grades, her cello, and friends. Oh, and that tiny detail about having a crush on Zackary Mooneyham. That was the only thing that was hard about being in the band. Zack was everywhere. Maybe that's why she stayed with the band even through all the problems. Because Zack needed her, and she needed him.
Lying awake, watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing as I count the rings around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world I know aside
I don't even feel the pain, I don't even want to try
Now she remembered. They were in 9th grade, and had just gotten their biggest gig yet. It was at this new place by the mall called Risque, and some record producer was going to be there. Dewey was ecstatic about it, thinking that this would be their big break, and the rest of the band caught the excitement. Even Freddy, who normally just stayed in the background, pretending not to care. That night at Risque, Dewey finally talked Katie into doing a solo for the song he made especially for that gig. She agreed, feeling proud that Dewey chose her. Right in the middle, her pick broke and the notes hung shrill and useless in the air, making her amp smoke and the crowd cover their ears in pain. Heat pushed against her eyes. She didn't care if she was embarrassed, but she messed up and the rest of the band would be disappointed in her.
I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem
How had things gotten so screwed up!? She swung her bass off and bolted, wanting to run as if by doing so she could leave it all behind. She finally slowed down when she came face to face with the mall's automatic doors. She walked in, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. A childish gesture that didn't help and just made her mascara smudge. The Christmas lights made the water in the fountain shift colors. She wanted to climb in and lie there as if the water would wash everything away. And when she woke up, it would all still be the same. Nothing would be wrong and the world would be just fine, just like she kept wanting it to be.
Do you even know who you are?
I'm still tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No
Zack suddenly came through the doors and stopped right in front of her. Katie sniffed and looked up at him, angry that he had to see her like this. He didn't smile or say anything, and she wasn't sure if she had wanted him to. Instead he handed her a handkerchief and sat down beside her, a comforting arm around her shoulders. This made her cry even harder. Why, she didn't know.
Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Coz I'm wondering how you really feel
I'm a lonely girl, I'll tell a tale for you
Coz I'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come true
She quieted down a bit after a fierce internal struggle. She didn't want Zack to think she was a total loon. Katie looked up into his warm brown eyes, comforting and at the same time steady, as if he was promising her that he would never leave her side and would listen to anything she had to say, be it stupid or genius. She broke down again and told him everything.
Do you even know who you are?
Oh, yeah, yeah
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, I wanted to be a star
She told him about the morning she woke up and her grandmother didn't. She told him about her father and how he wanted her to quit the band and move her to some boarding school against her will. About how he wanted her to be just like her older sister. But she couldn't be perfect because she wasn't. She didn't want to be. She just wanted to be Katie and to be loved for it. She told him about how her grades were dropping and how her father would beat her for it. She told him about how he wanted to be beautiful like Summer or talented like Tomika so that she could prove that she deserved everything she had.
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell, I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, oh I guess not
Do you even know who you are?
Oh, I'm tryin' to find
Zack pushed her head slightly so that she was crying into his jacket. He stroked her hair, his eyes reflecting her sadness and pain. "Shh, it's gonna be OK, Posh. I promise it's all gonna be OK," he kept whispering into her ear. She finally pulled away after a while and he wiped the tears and smudged make-up away with his thumb, looking into her eyes like he was seeing them for the first time. Katie wasn't sure if she wanted him to look at her like that. What was that in his eyes? Pity? Concern? Or...dare she think it? Love?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Oh, I have all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No, no
Do you even know what you are?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Is life good to you or is it bad?
Katie landed with a thud onto the carpeted floor after she jumped, hearing her phone ring. She shook her head free of the memory and walked back to her desk, pulling the chair upright at the same time. She smiled as she recognized the number on caller ID. She picked up her transparent plastic phone with her old stamp collection super-glued on.
"Hey, Zack," she greeted, smiling despite herself.
"Hey, gorgeous." Zack's voice replied on the other line. She could hear School of Rock's demo tape blaring in the background. "We still up for that movie tomorrow night?"
Katie's eyes fell onto a picture of the band at Dewey's apartment after the gig at Risque. They were celebrating after just getting signed. Dewey had taken the picture so he wasn't there, but Freddy had his arms over Marta, Alicia, Eleni and Michelle's shoulders, all of them grinning ear to ear. Tomika had her eyes open wide in surprise as Leonard tripped and spilled grape juice over her. Frankie had Billy in a headlock and Gordon was caught in mid-snort, juice spilling out of his nose. Summer was standing on the coffee table, her mouth open in a scream. Katie could still hear her high-pitched voice echoing into the building "WE GOT SIGNED!" But the reason why this was her favorite picture was because Zack's lips were pressed against her cheek as she blushed because he'd just told her he liked her.
She grinned. "Sure, Zack. And hey?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you," she whispered. She'd said it to him a million times, but she still couldn't get rid of the butterflies in her stomach and to be honest, she didn't want to get rid of them.
She could imagine him smile on the other line because he turned down the volume of the music. "I love you, too, Posh. I love you, too."