Okay, this chapter isn't going to get any better, no matter how much I tinker with it. Read. Enjoy. Review.
Josh and the people at Fox – it's only mine when I forget to take my medication.
Kirsten sent Ryan straight to his room so that he could sleep off his cold, telling him she would be in with some cold medicine and tea in just a few minutes. On his way to his room, he waved to Rosa who was vacuuming the family room and peeked into the nursery and watched Ms. Rothman change Christina's diaper. He scurried into his room when he heard Sandy and Kirsten's voices coming up the stairs.
"Sandy," Kirsten was saying, "Just leave him be for a little while longer. He doesn't trust us right now. Besides, he needs his rest."
"Why? What's wrong?" Sandy asked, worry creeping into his voice.
"He sat in the rain for hours and caught a cold. I want him to sleep it off and later on, we'll talk to him. For now, you have to give him his space."
"I gave him all night," Sandy said.
He must have been starting for the bedroom door, because Kirsten raised her voice and said, "Sandy, no! With every ounce of wifely authority that I have, I'm telling you not to go into that room."
Ryan didn't hear anything more. He undressed; folding the clothes Summer had lent him and setting it on his computer chair. He would ask Rosa to wash it later so that he could return it to Summer. He put on an undershirt and his sweats and climbed into bed. If he totaled all the time to he slept the night before it would come to less than three hours. It was no wonder he now had a cold.
There was a light knock on his door and Kirsten opened the door a crack and asked, "Are you decent. Can I come in?"
Ryan shrugged and Kirsten took it as a signal to enter. She held a tray with a box of tissues, cold medicine, lozenges, bottled water, and a steaming cup of tea.
"I thought you could use this."
"Thanks," he said, offering a weak smile.
Lying in bed, with his red nose and red-rimmed eyes, Kirsten thought he looked boyish, much younger than his seventeen years.
"I heard you ask Sandy not to come in. Thank you."
"I won't be able to keep him away for long. Eventually, you're going to have to face him and talk this out."
"Will you stay with me?"
"If that's what you want, yes I will."
Ryan turned his head, so he faced the wall.
"You need your rest," Kirsten said, brushing his disheveled hair to the side so she could see his eyes. "I'll let you do that. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask."
"Thanks Kirsten."
She smiled again, but even Ryan could see that there was a tinge of sadness in it. "Your welcome," she said, wishing in her heart that Ryan would call her Mom again. She waved and left him alone.
He drifted off into a deep sleep and only woke when he heard someone moving around in his room. Ryan opened his eyes and turned over and watched Seth make himself comfortable in a chair. He was reading a tattered copy of Batman: The Dark Knight Returns. Once Ryan read a book that was enough for him, and he wondered how Seth could keep rereading the same book over and over again.
"Hope I didn't wake you," Seth said.
Ryan shrugged.
"So we both got to play hooky today."
Ryan nodded.
"I wasn't given the luxury of staying in bed all day. I went to an NA meeting again," Seth offered, his voice dropping. "And I had a session with Dr. Acobas. He's okay. A little bit of a dork, but I can identify."
Ryan pushed himself into a sitting position, but didn't say anything. He wasn't in the mood to make it easy for his brother. Maybe it wasn't fair, but he had tried to help Seth over and over again, and instead Seth had been a jackass to him. While he knew it was the drugs, Ryan wondered how much of it was buried feelings.
"Yeah, so I get it, you don't want to talk. You're still mad at me." Seth wanted Ryan to deny it and was disappointed when Ryan gave him the silent treatment. "Anyway, Mom told me to tell you that lunch will be ready soon. That you should come down."
"I'm not hungry," Ryan mumbled.
"So he can talk!" Seth withered from Ryan's glare. "Okay, you're in no mood to joke. But Mom's not going to buy the 'I'm not hungry' excuse. Dad's at work, if that's what you're worried about." Though Seth still wasn't sure what had happened the other night. His dad had been pretty sketchy with the details.
"I don't want to eat, Seth. Just leave me alone."
"Hey, you don't want Mom to come up here. She's in full parental mode today. Haven't seen her like this in months." Seth waited a beat for Ryan's response. "Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you." Seth stood and walked to the door. He paused, hoping Ryan would call him back, say something, but his brother just sat in bed, staring at the wall.
Five minutes later, Kirsten is at Ryan's door. "Ryan, lunch is waiting."
"I told Seth I wasn't hungry," he mumbled again.
"You haven't eaten all day."
"Please Kirsten," he begged.
"You're not that sick, Ryan. Come on. Up and out of bed." She entered the room and tugged at his covers. "Enough wallowing in your own self-pity."
"I'm not wallowing."
"Seth said you said less than ten words to him."
Ryan turns his head.
"Are you mad at him too?"
"God, most of this is his fault," Ryan cried out suddenly.
"So, you're just going to ignore him, instead of trying to work it out. That's just great Ryan," Kirsten said, not trying to hide the sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Why don't you make his recovery that much easier by ignoring him." Kirsten resisted the urge to shake the stubbornness out of Ryan. It made her glad she missed his toddler years. They had probably been a nightmare for Dawn. "Right now, what we all need is to pull together as a family. We need to support each other. Think about that for a little while. In the meanwhile, lunch is waiting," she says coldly. "I'll be expecting you in the kitchen in five minutes."
So Ryan got out of bed. He decided not to get dress and simply stepped into his slippers. He peaked into the nursery and saw the baby was up. Christina was getting big. She was nearly six months old and a definite personality was emerging. She smiled a lot and gurgled and already stretched out her arms asking to be held. She could tell the difference between Ryan, Seth, Sandy and Kirsten and had her preferences. It always pleased Ryan when she was in someone else's arms and stretched out for him to hold her.
"Can I?" he asked Ms. Rothman, holding out his own hand.
"Your mother told me you had a cold."
"I'm getting better."
"Babies are very susceptible to germs. You wouldn't want to get her sick."
"No. No. I wouldn't."
Ms. Rothman saw the crestfallen expression on his face and said, "You know, I actually have something for such an occasion. You may feel silly, but if you're willing…."
"What?" Ryan asked eagerly. He had an overwhelming urge to hold the baby in his arms, as if she could make everything better.
Ms. Rothman handed him a bottle of hand sanitizer and told him to rub it in his hands. Then she walked over to the baby's dresser and pulls out something green.
"It's a surgical mask. If you wear it, I think it would be okay to hold the baby."
Ryan cocked his head and raised his brows, but the look was lost on the nanny. Reluctantly, Ryan took the mask, because he really wanted to hold his sister. As he tied it around the back of his head, he thought how nice it had been without a nanny to micromanage everything. But he knew Kirsten needed the break. He took the baby in the crook of his arms and tried to make her laugh, until he realized the mask covered half of his face. So instead he danced around humming one of Seth's favorite Bright Eyes songs.
He heard Kirsten calling his name from the bottom of the stairs. Seth was right; she was in full parental mode. He should have realized that from his morning's encounter, but his nap had dulled the memory.
"I better go," Ryan said. He halfheartedly handed the baby over to Ms. Rothman and untied the mask, leaving it on the changing table. He waved good-bye to Christina and trudged down the steps.
Seth was already seated at the kitchen table, poking the food around his plate.
"Did Kirsten cook?" Ryan asked, sitting across from Seth, pointing at the uneaten food with his chin. It obviously wasn't takeout.
Seth's lips stretched into a smile.
"So you'll talk to him to make fun of me? Thank you very much. You know, I'm going to surprise you one day and take cooking lessons and I will make you eat my food."
"And one day pigs will fly, Mom," answered Seth.
She threw a napkin at him, and sat down in her usual seat. "Rosa cooked," she said for Ryan's benefits. "Eat up."
Ryan reached for the breadbasket and suddenly noticed a fourth place set at the table. "Is Rosa eating with us today? Or Ms. Rothman?"
Seth furrowed his brows at Ryan, wondering why he would ask such a strange question.
Kirsten ignored the question. Instead she asked, "What took you so long to come down? You didn't even change."
"I went to hold the baby. Ms. Rothman made me wear a mask," he added hurriedly, thinking Kirsten might be upset if she thought he'd jeopardized the baby's health.
Seth was sipping his soda as Ryan spoke. The image of Ryan wearing a surgical mask to hold the baby made him laugh so hard, he sprayed soda from his nose.
"It's not that funny, man."
"Sorry," Seth said, wiping up his mess. "But that's pretty out there."
"Ryan has a cold. You wouldn't want him to get Christina sick. A baby's immune system is fragile."
Kirsten's declaration made Seth laugh harder. And while Ryan didn't like that he was laughing at his expense, he realized that it had been a long time since Seth had laughed.
"What's so funny?" Sandy walked into the kitchen and put his briefcase on the counter. He took a long step to Kirsten and planted a kiss on the top of her head.
Ryan's stomach clutched. He didn't want to be near Sandy. He stood up while his adoptive father started asking Seth about his therapy session and hoped he could just surreptitiously sneak out of the kitchen. But Kirsten noticed.
"Ryan, sit down and finish eating."
"I'm full."
"Bull. If you don't want to eat, fine, but don't leave just because Sandy walked in. Eventually the two of you are going to have to work this out. You can't avoid each other forever. You live here."
Everything Kirsten had done and said that day made Ryan believe he wasn't going to be thrown out on his ears. Yet he still had a hard time believing that he could screw up so badly and they'd still want to keep him around.
Sandy looked up from his conversation with Seth, the hurt evident in his eyes. He hadn't planned on going to the office, until Kirsten pushed him out of the house, because he was driving her crazy. But she had called him, saying that Rosa was cooking lunch and that he should come home to make it a family meal. But to see that Ryan wanted to run from him the minute he walked in the door made Sandy realized how much damage he had caused to their relationship in a matter of moments.
"Maybe we should talk now, Ryan."
"It's fine. We don't need to talk. I just want to go rest again."
"Ryan, come on." Sandy approached his son and reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, but Ryan shrank away. "Please, let's talk."
"It's fine, Sandy. You didn't actually hit me. You stopped yourself."
"You did what?" spluttered Seth. His dad had told him that he had messed up when talking to Ryan and had hurt him in a way Sandy never thought he could. But Seth had never imagined that his father would raise a hand to Ryan. He hadn't raised a hand to Seth since he'd been six-years-old and they all knew how irritating he could be. "Dad, how could you do that?"
"Seth, stay out of this."
"No. All this is because of me. I know you're angry with Ryan, because he didn't tell you that I was using, but he was just doing what he thought was best. I didn't make it easy for him, either. You can't blame him."
"We don't blame him, Seth," Kirsten said.
"Then why would you hit Ryan?"
"He didn't hit me, Seth," and Ryan ran out of the room.
Sandy let out an exasperated breath and ran after him. "Don't you dare try and leave this house again, Ryan," Sandy called when he saw Ryan was inches from the front door. "You're going to stay here and work this out. Why is it that you're always running? We're not your first family. We don't do things the same way. When will you learn that we're not Dawn and Roger and Trey? We're an entirely different breed."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryan yelled, suddenly protective of his dead mother and the brother and father who were in jail. "What do you know about my family?"
"It means that we talk. But every time we try to talk, you run."
"Talk?" Ryan snorted. "I don't want to hear you talk. I don't want to hear how disappointed you are in me. How I threw everything you gave me in your face. How I ruined your precious son. We did enough talking yesterday."
Ryan started for the door again, even though he was still wearing pajamas. Maybe he would go and find Marissa or even Summer. He'd go on the beach again as long as he didn't have to talk to Sandy. But Sandy was quick. Ryan should have remembered that from the night before. He'd been able to cut off a pumped up Seth. Sandy blocked the front door. Ryan tried to maneuver around him, but instead Sandy enveloped Ryan in a bear hug.
Ryan struggled. He accepted the bits of affection offered by Kirsten, when she brushed his hair out of his face and kissed the top of his forehead. He didn't even think she would stop if she asked him to, so he didn't bother, besides, he didn't want to her feelings. But he and Sandy just smiled at each other and shook hands. They had never traded gestures of affection. Ryan didn't want his hug and he tried to break free, but Sandy wasn't letting go, so Ryan stopped fighting. But he didn't let himself get taken into the hug. He just froze in place as if a statue.
Finally Sandy let go and there were tears in his eyes and he whispered, "I love you Ryan. I didn't mean to say that or to raise my hand at you. I wish I could take it back, control my anger. All I can promise is that I won't do that again."
"Dawn used to say that all the time," Ryan said coldly and walked away from Sandy. He didn't try to leave the house; Sandy would just block his way again. Instead he just walked upstairs and went back up to his room.
Seth whistled softly. His mother had tried to avoid filling him in on the details, but he had needled her enough so that she finally succumbed and filled in some of Sandy's gaps from the night before. She wouldn't repeat the exact words that Sandy had said to Ryan, but intimated that they had been very hurtful. And she said when Ryan had done the usual and shut down, refusing to answer, Sandy had gotten even more frustrated and raised a hand at him.
"No wonder he's so pissed at me," Seth said. "If it weren't for me, none of this wouldn't have happened."
"Don't make this about yourself, Seth," Kirsten warned.
"That's not what I mean. But he wouldn't talk to me today and this is why. It's all my fault."
Kirsten couldn't argue, because she knew that was how Ryan felt. He had said the very same thing less than an hour before up in his room. But somehow, she was determined to bring her family back together. It couldn't go on like this forever. She wouldn't let it.