Chapter 4 Jason

Right now most of it had to do with Barbie Chu, the woman Andy had married. Didn't it figure that, at least in the looks department, she was exactly what had always attracted Ken more than his brother? Long black hair – not the curly blond hair. Pearly skin, small nose, brown eyes that were candid and uncomfortably perceptive. A small-boned build that looked fragile but probably wasn't. He'd noticed her short unpainted nails, seen a few scratches on her hands. Her clothes didn't match the china-doll image, either; she wore snug, faded denim jeans with a Madras cotton shirt knotted around her slender waist, outlining small but shapely breasts.

Andy had always liked flashier women, ones with big tits and pouty lips and invitation in their eyes. Which hadn't stopped him from pursuing the ones with a quieter kind of beauty once he'd noticed his brother's interest. It had been his life's work to demonstrate that anything Ken could have or do, he could have or do, too.

Ken focused on his brother's grin again and could have sworn it had become a taunt from the past.

"What the hell is the matter with me?" he said aloud, backing away from the mantel. Good God, he did still hate Andy after al this time? Maybe his brother never had been the one with the problem. Maybe he was.

Before he had a chance to pursue the disquieting thought he heard the front door slam, quick footsteps and a boy's voice. "Hey Mom, what are you doing ---"He broke off suddenly, obviously noticing there was a man in the living room. His back was still to him. "Oh sorry. I didn't know anybody was here."

Ken turned to face him with damn near as much reluctance as he'd approached the family portrait gallery. He shouldn't have come like this, taken them by surprise.

He got what he expected and deserved. The skinny, dark-haired boy first flushed, then paled. In a clogged voice he said, "Daddy?"

He felt lower than lice. Nothing like replaying this scene, and with a child even more vulnerable than his mother.

"No," he said quickly. "No, I'm not your father. I know I look like him. We were twins. I'm his brother."

He did nothing but stare from those huge almond dark eyes for a long unnerving moment. Then he said tentatively, "Are you Uncle Ken?"

"Yeah. That's me."

"Daddy ..." He pressed his lips together. "Daddy used to talk about you."

"Did he have anything good to say?" Ken cringed inwardly at his question. Did he sound like he was begging? Throw me a crumb. Tell me my brother remembered me with some affection.

"Well, of course!" His smile was unexpectedly merry in that solemn little face. "He used to tell me about things you both did like doing pranks with your classmates. How your classmates get confused because you look alike. He told me also how you tricked your butler when one of you doesn't like to go to school. He said he hadn't had as much fun since."

That part had hurt his feelings, Ken could tell. He wanted to tell him the pranks hadn't been fun at all, though probably they'd started out that way. But he could hardly say, "Your dad lied. He liked cruel pranks."

He settled for, "Twins can pull strings off that no one else can."

"I wish I had one," he said wistfully.

This pang was closer to a knife stabbing in his chest. If he had a twin, he could be cured of leukemia. He had to be thinking that.

"It has its down side. Sometimes..." He hesitated, then said what he'd never admitted aloud, "Sometimes you're not sure whether you exist at all alone."

His eyes were disconcertingly intense. It was a relief when, after a moment, he ducked his head and hunched her shoulders awkwardly. "Uh, do you know where my mom is?"

"She went off to make a phone call."

"Oh." His head lifted and he offered him a polite smile. "Excuse me. I'll go tell her I'm home."

"Sure."

He turned and walked right into his mother, who came through the doorway. Jason gasped, and Barbie gave him a hug. "Sorry. I sneaked up on you." Though her tone was light, Barbie's gaze went straight to him, and he saw the wariness in it. "Did you meet your uncle Ken?"

"Yeah, and he is what Dad told me."

Had Andy talked about him often?" Missed him? Ken had a disorienting sense of the ground shifting under his feet. All these years he'd done his damnedest not to think about his brother. Someday they'd forgive and forget. But what was the hurry? Apart from Ken, his mirror image, maybe Andy would quit feeling as if he had to prove himself over and over again. Maybe he'd find contentment.

Well, to all appearances he had. With luck, he'd been freed to remember Ken with fondness.

Mother and son were staring at him, he realized suddenly. He'd been silent too long, missed something. "I'm sorry, "he said.

Nobody repeated whatever it was. Jason suddenly frowned. "Why is uncle Ken here now?"

The alarm in Barbie's eyes was clear, as was her dilemma. Did she tell the truth and perhaps falsely, raise his son's hopes? Or lie?

He had no idea how much his nephew knew about his illness. His nephew. Already he couldn't bear to think of him dying. If he hadn't seen that school picture, which must have been taken a few months ago, he might not have believed in his illness. His hair was several inches longer and straight, a halo surrounding a piquant face that was all cheekbones and high forehead and big eyes. He was thin, but no more so than many boys his age. His father had probably looked much the same, which he forgot, a mirror image of himself.

If she'd meant to lie, Barbie shouldn't have hesitated as long as she did.

Jason stepped away from his mother and lifted his chin. "It has something to do with my leukemia, doesn't it?"

Barbie visibly gathered herself. "Yes," she said gently. "He's here to have his blood tested to find out whether he might be suitable bone-marrow donor."

Jason went completely still, unblinking. Then she focused on his face, gave a small nod and said quietly, "Thank you." She turned to his mother. "May I get a snack?"

"Of course you can, honey." Lines formed on Barbie's brow as she watched her son leave the room, composure.

Ken waited for a moment. Then he asked in a low voice, "Is he afraid of the transplant?"

He had never seen a woman look as vulnerable as Barbie Chu did at the moment. "Do you know," she said, "I don't have the slightest idea?"

"He doesn't talk to you?" he asked incredulously.

She clasped her hands together as though she was praying. "On any other subject, yes. On this one... he listens and nods and asks questions when he doesn't understand something. Usually he answers a direct question. But as close as we've always been, I truly don't know how frightened he is. I think..." Her voice broke. "It's as if he senses my fear and doesn't want to burden me with his."

He nodded and shoved his fisted hands into his pants pockets. It was the only way he could figure to keep himself from pulling her into his arms. They didn't know each other well enough for that, even if he felt as though they did. Or maybe he only wished they did.

"When do they want me at the hospital?" he asked with unplanned brusqueness.

She gave her head a shake, as though she could rid herself of sad thoughts like a dog shaking off water droplets. "Now, if you want to go. At least you're going against rush-hour traffic. You can make it in forty-five minutes.

"How long until they know whether I'm a match?"

"A while, unfortunately. Next week sometime. The doctor guessed Thursday." Barbie smiled wanly. "You wouldn't believe how slowly time can crawl. Or how little sleep you can exist on."

He knew damn well that he wouldn't sleep much tonight, either. No more than he had last night. Then he'd had only his brother's ghost to torment him. Now, Jason, would stand beside his father to stare reproachfully at him in his waking nightmares.

She and his mother needed him, and he hated like hell knowing that his ability to play the hero was no more than tomorrow's weather.

Yeah, he told himself, and if you do turn out to be the hero, it's only because you're a carbon copy of Andy. A humbling thought.

Author's Note:

Thanks for your comments. I know you'll find it odd for me to pair Barbie and Ken but I like variety. There are a lot of Ken-Rainie, Barbie-Vic/Jerry fics here, so I'm trying a different tandem just to make both of them flexible. This is not a spin-off of Mars, though maybe next time I'll write a Mars fic. With your comments, I am more inspired to continue writing. I know there are also silent readers (well, I used to be one) out there.