CB: Sorry for taking so long, guys! (Why do all my chapters seem to start like this?)
A couple of things: Firstly, FF.Net keeps mucking up my formatting, so if things aren't in italics when they're meant to be, or the spaces between paragraphs suddenly vanish, I apologise. Also, since the uploader doesn't seem to like asterisks, scene changes will now be AaAaAaAa
Secondly, I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all the people who have drawn me fanart. I'm…well to say I was happy would be an understatement. Thanks guys!
Thanks To: Sona, who once again fiddled around with the smutty stuff for me.
Extra Warning: There be smut in this chapter. It's not overly descriptive, but it's there. Be warned.
'I have been astonished that
men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you. '
- John Keats
Cries echoed around the Ministry of Magic as people ran to and fro in a state of utter panic. There had been a death eater attack! Crouch had been killed. Crouch had been wounded. A trusted auror had turned out to be a traitor. The infamous Black had killed thirteen members of the inquisition. James Potter had been handed over for questioning. Another attack was expected by tomorrow…
Unheeded, crouched in a corner, two shadowy figures leant closer together and conferred.
"Are you all right?" Remus murmured, the back of one hand brushing Sirius's blood encrusted cheek.
"Nngh." The Death Eater blinked muzzily, licked his lips and drew a deep breath, wincing at the flash of pain in his side. "N-not really," he croaked, "but we have to get out of here. Now." One shaking hand pressed itself against the wall for support, even though he was sitting down. "If they find us…you…they'll…" He shook his head then let out a groan of pain. "Doesn't matter…we need to go."
"I know," gold eyes studied the pain lined face worriedly, "but will you be able to make it to the exit?"
"Sure." Sirius fought back a wave of dizziness and tried to give a reassuring smile, which came out more like a grimace. "Jus' don't expect athletics any time soon."
His speech, Remus noticed with a sinking feeling, was becoming slightly slurred, and his eyes were losing focus.
"Sirius, I need you to stay with me. Try and stay conscious."
"Ah, s-stop worryin'." Sirius blinked several times, not heeding the fresh trickle of blood oozing from a large gash on his forehead. "Le'ss jus' go before someone thinks to look for us here."
Leaning heavily against the wall, he managed to push himself upright, then staggered as his legs promptly buckled under him. Remus's hands shot out and steadied him, gripping him tightly, and they slowly began to make their way down the corridor.
For Remus, every step was a nightmare. The back of his neck prickled and he found himself stiffening at every sound and distant shriek, expecting that at any moment a squad of aurors would descend on them, wands raised, ready to blast himself and Sirius into a new, and probably very lethal, dimension. A yell, close by, made him jump and Sirius tripped, bumping into him and nearly knocking them both to the floor.
"Sorry."
"Don't worry." Remus shot him a strained smile as finally, finally the exit came into sight.
"Remus."
There was a small scuffle and James appeared from one of the side passages, his wand raised and aiming directly at the two men. His face a pale mask, the auror was trembling as he stared at his long time friend.
"James." Remus stared back at him, heart sinking as he saw the stony resolve in the normally gentle brown eyes.
"I can't let you get away."
Next to Remus, Sirius let out a small groan, his head dropping forward to hang limply. Blood splattered the white floor and the gaze of the other two followed its slow scarlet progress across the linoleum for a moment, before James tightened the grip on his wand and looked back up.
"Why did you do it, Re?" His eyes were hard, as though he were looking at a stranger.
"He didn't deserve that treatment, James. Nobody does, no matter what they've done."
"He's killed people."
The werewolf shrugged, steadying Sirius who was by now practically unconscious on his feet. "Maybe. But then, so have we. It works both ways, you know."
"Why did you do it?" James asked again, and his grip tightened, so the wand was levelled at Remus's heart. "You stunned Crouch, I think you killed those two guards, you've turned the ministry into a suspicious, panic stricken, useless organisation in the space of half an hour. Why?" He stared at him; face pale, "What is worth all of that? What is worth the risk of losing everything, even your life if the ministry catches up with you?"
Remus made no reply, merely looked at the ground.
"Tell me." James's eyes were blazing and he was shaking with barely suppressed fury. "What is worth it?"
The golden gaze rose slowly, defiantly, to meet the accusing glare, and Remus straightened, his chin coming up. It was as though a realisation had just manifested itself in his mind – as though, for the first time in his life, he knew exactly what was right, and that there was no contradicting it.
"Shall I tell you?" He said, quietly, but with enough force behind the words that it was almost as though he had shouted. "Shall I tell you what is worth all of that?" His eyes were grave, but his lips curled into a small, hard smile. "He is." He said simply.
"You…" James stared at him, disbelief written across his face. "You're willing to lose all that for him?" He spat the last word in the direction of Sirius, who raised his head to blink tiredly at the enraged auror.
"I am willing to die for him, if necessary." Remus's voice was cold. "Now move, or I'll be forced to hurt you, James."
The panicked shout of a ministry member – close this time, no more than two corridors away – made James jump, and he licked his lips nervously. "Remus…you don't mean… you can't mean…"
"I mean it. Now move."
The sound of footsteps coming closer made James hesitate, his eyes darting left.
"Remus…"
A plea.
"Get out of the way," Remus snarled, his lips curling back to bare his teeth as he hefted Sirius's practically dead weight.
James paused for a heartbeat longer, then nodded, stepping to one side and lowering his wand.
"Get out of here," he said, simply, jerking his head towards the exit. "I'll hold them for as long as I can."
"What?" Remus gaped at him in disbelief. "I'm not asking you to do that, James."
His friend smiled, face sad. "No, but it's probably the last thing I'll be able to do to help."
Remus swallowed hard, biting his lip. "James – "
"I heard something – down that way!" The cry was loud in their ears, and Sirius staggered forwards, wrenching away from Remus's supporting hands.
"We have to go," he rasped. "Now."
"I saw something!" A second voice shrieked, and the sound of running footsteps echoed loudly.
"Go." James's face was determined as he brushed past them, his wand raised. "Go now, I'll see what I can do to hold them off." He shot a final smile at Remus, who returned it hesitantly, before striding off down the corridor, his voice ringing out clearly. "Nothing down this way, post guards at the end of the corridor – make sure they can't get out through here."
Remus stood there, staring after him, until he felt Sirius tugging at his hand.
"Come on," the Death Eater was muttering, "let's go."
"Yes." Shaking himself out of his shocked stupor, Remus flung an arm around Sirius's waist, half supporting, half carrying the injured Death Eater to the lift. Within moments they were soaring up and out into the bright sunshine of London.
Staggering out of the phone booth, they both fell to the pavement in a tangle of limbs, blinking in the sudden light. Sirius let out a small yelp as he landed heavily on his hands and knees, jarring his broken finger, and an elderly lady, pushing her battered trolley along the pavement, jumped at the abrupt appearance of the two men.
Remus frowned as he pushed himself back up onto his hands and knees.
"Sirius? Are you ok?"
"Me?" The Death Eater stared at him out of hazy eyes. "I'm jus' f – " He cut himself off by coughing abruptly, a loud, tearing sound, that caused several cuts on his face to reopen. As Remus stared worriedly at him, a small trickle of blood wormed its way from one corner of his mouth to drip down his unnaturally pale skin.
"You need help?" The old lady had ambled over with her shopping trolley, and she now poked Remus in the side, giving him a tooth-gapped grin. "Your friend sick? Need doctor?" Her voice, heavily accented, was as harsh as a crow's, and equally loud. Remus, trying desperately to support the still coughing Sirius, stared up at her, a look of gratitude spreading across his features.
"No, ma'am, thank you. But tell me, is there a hotel or something around here?"
"Hotel, hotel." She tapped her wrinkled chin with one bony finger, considering. "Yes, yes! Hotel just around the corner!" She cackled triumphantly, her fading memory supplying her with the answer. "No more than three streets away," she added, shooting a suspicious look at Sirius, who was shakily attempting to wipe some of the blood away from his face and failing, as more simply appeared each time.
"You sure you no want doctor?" She enquired; casting a dubious look at the two men still crouched on the ground.
"No. No doctor," Remus said firmly, hauling Sirius to his feet.
"Ok." She shrugged and jabbed her hitherto unnoticed umbrella down the road. "I show you. This way, eh?"
"Thank you." Remus followed her, supporting Sirius.
AaAaAaAaAa
The room was dark and dingy. One small bed lay in the centre of the floor, its mattress sagging sadly. Two curtains that might – in their earlier days – have been pink, framed a grimy window, their material a dubious looking shade of grey. The carpet underfoot was sticky, the flowers on it a garish, flattened orange and the walls were painted a pale cream, but time and other occupants had worn away the white, replacing it with dirty streaks and the occasional view of concrete underneath.
Sirius lay on the bed, his breathing rapid and shallow. Blood and sweat stuck his hair to his face and neck and his clothes, already in shreds, clung to his body for the same reason. His eyes were slitted, almost as though against a bright light (although the bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling could be called feeble at best) and his fingers were clutching the blanket beneath them so tightly that his knuckles showed starkly under his skin.
Remus watched him solemnly, noting the flicker of grey eyes through the narrow slits of eyelids and wincing as every breath Sirius took made a harsh, rasping sound, followed by a cough that spilt more blood down the Death Eater's chin.
Biting his lip, the auror stepped quietly up to the side of the bed, clutching the first aid kit he had politely requested from behind the desk in the reception of the seedy hotel.
"Sirius?" A low murmur as he opened the box, bringing out bandages, antiseptic cream and cotton wool swabs.
"Y-yeah?"
"I need you to try and stay awake for as long as possible for me, ok?" Graceful hands picking up a damp cloth, carefully working loose the dried blood off of pale cheeks and forehead.
"No problem…" Sirius shuddered, his breath the loudest noise in the room.
"I can't really heal you with my wand until we've cleaned your wounds up a bit," Remus said apologetically.
Sirius let out a low whine of pain as the cloth accidentally brushed into the deep cut on his forehead. "Hurtsssss…"
"I know, just lie still for me." Carefully, Remus applied some cream to his fingertips then gently rubbed the antiseptic substance into the smaller cuts on the other man's face and neck. "We need to get you out of these robes," he murmured as he did so. "I don't want to move you, but…" Glancing down, his gaze fell on a pair of surgical scissors and he picked them up, thoughtfully.
Sirius watched him, clearly forcing his eyes as wide as possible.
"Maybe…" Remus leant closer, scissors in hand.
"If you're going to kill me," Sirius rasped, "do it now."
"Kill you?" Lupin nearly dropped the scissors in shock. "Why would I do that?"
But Sirius, who had been fighting a losing battle against a mild concussion, merely muttered something under his breath, his eyes drifting closed.
"No! Sirius, stay awake." Remus pinched the Death Eater's hand and heard a disgruntled murmur from somewhere above. "Keep talking to me," he continued, glancing briefly up from his work of cutting Sirius's robes away to make sure that the grey eyes were actually open.
"How…" Sirius winced and licked his lips. "Why did you save me?"
'Straight for the jugular,' Remus thought with a kind of bitter humour. "I didn't wish to see you tortured," he said at length, picking up a roll of bandages.
Sirius sniffed, the sharp scent of antiseptic filling his nose. "Not worth your life to save me," he reprimanded, blinking owlishly as another wave of dizziness overtook him.
"Yes it was."
And this, Sirius reflected, was enough to startle him at least somewhat out of his pain filled haze. Glancing down at the bent head of light brown hair and the pale, graceful hands that were busy tying a bandage around his lower arm, he let out a small sigh.
"Re…" he began, but a sudden, sharp pain in his ribs made him shudder, gasp for air so hard that his body twitched in a convulsive jerk, and the world grew very dark and distant. Somewhere nearby he could hear Remus talking to him, but couldn't make out the words – just the pleasant, soothing noise. With a great deal of reluctance, he gave himself up to a state of unconsciousness, only managing one clear, rueful thought before he vanished from the waking world.
'I have the worst timing…'
AaAaAaAa
A television hummed quietly in the next room, its noise barely discernable from the rumble of traffic and the chatter of pedestrians outside. A clock beeped once, twice, and then fell silent, marking the time as five o'clock. Downstairs somewhere, there was a clatter as a waiter dropped several trays in the kitchen, and then the muffled sound of a chef, cursing loudly in what sounded like Spanish.
Sirius stirred, his eyelids twitching as his fingers curled into his palm, nails biting into the tender skin, leaving white imprints. Slowly, drowsily, the Death Eater shifted, rolling onto his side with a small sigh.
Downstairs, a telephone began to ring, and Sirius, already on the verge of waking up, gave a small shudder and opened his eyes.
The first thing he noticed was that the room he was in didn't look at all familiar. Instead of the warm oak floor and pale walls he had expected to see, there was a disgusting carpet and grimy concrete. Frowning, his gaze flickered up to glare accusingly at the bare light bulb, before he rolled slowly and carefully onto his back.
That was when he noticed the second thing.
He was covered in bandages, some already soaked with fresh blood. A dull pain throbbed in his side, whilst a cautious exploration with his hand of his forehead revealed that a long gash was running parallel across his skin. He had a headache that was thumping through his skull and his lips were dry and cracked. His throat, when he drew breath, stung as though it were hoarse from screaming, and his little finger on his left hand had swollen and turned an interesting mixture of purple and black.
Frowning, he shifted his head slightly, looking to his other side, and his gaze connected with the gaze of the other occupant of the room.
Remus was sitting on a hard wooden chair next to the bed, staring at him with a mixture of apprehension and relief.
"You're awake, then," he murmured, leaning forwards to brush a dark strand of hair back from Sirius's face.
"Yeah…" Sirius winced at the raw edge to his voice and licked his dry lips. "Where are we?"
"In a hotel." Graceful hands gently pulled the duvet back to check on the large wound on his abdomen. "This seemed like the best place to let you recover before we…" Remus shrugged, helplessly, tugging the duvet back over the pale body. "Well, this seemed like the best place for you to recover."
Sirius nodded painfully. "You…rescued me, didn't you?" It wasn't really a question. "I remember…" he frowned and shifted uncomfortably. "I remember…"
/Pain…flash of light…harsh voices… "Tell us!"…more pain…amber eyes…Remus…/
"I don't remember much, actually," he rasped. "Just…pain a-and then you."
"Well, that about sums it up, anyway," Remus said gently. He smiled and carefully rested his hand on top of the pale one lying limp on the bed. "I'm not surprised you're a bit confused. They were…" he swallowed hard, gaze skittering away. "They were hurting you terribly." The words sounded feeble, pathetic, almost like an excuse or an apology and not at all the way Remus had meant them, but looking at Sirius's grey eyes, he thought he saw a flicker of understanding.
There was a long silence, both men simply sitting there, Remus absent-mindedly rubbing the back of Sirius's hand with his thumb. Outside, a siren wailed briefly and someone shouted obscenities a a traffic warden who'd given them a ticket.
Eventually, Sirius shifted again. "Hurts like hell," he complained, a spark of humour returning to his face. "I guess I won't be doing anything useful for a while." His smile, whilst slightly bitter, was genuine.
"Mm." Remus bit his lip, looking at the opposite wall. At last, he ventured to speak what was on his mind.
"You know that, er, boy you met outside the library at Hogwarts?" He began, voice brittle with tension.
"Yes?" Sirius's voice was low, cautious.
"Well, um, you do know that was me, don't you?"
"Yes, I…" Sirius's brow wrinkled in fierce concentration, "I think I told you at the ministry. I could be wrong," he added hastily as Remus looked at him.
"No, no! You did, I was just wondering whether you remembered." Remus sighed and reluctantly removed his hand from Sirius's. "I- I wouldn't happen to have been the person you fell in love with, would I?" Even to his own ears, his voice sounded unnaturally high and tinged with fear.
Sirius tilted his head on the pillows, so he was looking directly up at the hesitant werewolf. "Yes," he said simply.
There was another long pause, as Remus's mind whirled in a dizzying maelstrom of confusion. Looking down at his hands, folded neatly on his lap, he nodded, refusing to look up.
"I see," he whispered, barely audible above the traffic outside. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? What for?" Surprised, Sirius attempted to push himself upright, but the abrupt pain pulled him up short, and he had to sink back down, breath coming a little faster.
"You must truly hate me." Remus looked up at him then, face expressionless. "I caused all that trouble with your parents. I'm, essentially, the one who drove you to side with Voldemort. If it hadn't been for me –"
"Rubbish." Sirius's voice was hard, with no pity in it. "You think you deliberately let that happen? You think either of us had a choice in whether I was attracted to you or not?" He scowled at the werewolf's startled glance. "It was simply a matter of fate, and hey, here's some news for you, I got over you, so even if you were the spark that set the whole thing burning, you certainly weren't the reason I joined the Death Eaters." He let out a harsh, barking laugh. "To be honest, I'd forgotten about you, really. Until I was told to go and collect you I only truly remembered my parents' discomfort. I didn't remember that it was you who had initially started the path that led to that.
"But then I saw you, standing there in the lamplight on that blasted freezing night and I started to remember. I started to think. I didn't recognise you immediately; you'd grown, after all, and I'd only seen you once or twice, but I have an uncanny knack for remembering faces. And then I realised, you were that young, innocent boy I'd fallen in love with, and even after whatever your life had done to you, you still seemed so…innocent." There was a mad gleam in Sirius's eye, and this time, he managed to push himself upright in bed, leaning over to grab the collar of a startled Remus's robe and pull him closer, until they were nose to nose.
"And do you know the funny thing was, I didn't want you to be innocent," he hissed, tugging Remus still nearer. "I wanted you to be dirty, filthy, broken. I wanted you to be like me, because then, maybe then, I would have stood a chance at discovering and understanding the man who had blossomed from that young boy." Lips curled back from his teeth in a snarl, but Remus wasn't sure whether it was truly one of anger. "Or failing that, I wanted to be the one who took you, made you dirty, brought you down from that glorious pedestal you had placed yourself upon – untouchable."
The hands gripping his collar pulled tighter, surprising Remus with the strength in them despite the injuries Sirius had sustained.
"There, does that make you feel better?" Sirius was saying, his words an angry hiss in the otherwise thrumming silence of the room. "That I wanted to use you, to make you feel as bad as I had?" One hand wrenched itself away from the robe collar to bury itself in brown hair so that Remus's head was pulled still nearer. "But then I started to know you, and I realised I couldn't ruin you. I couldn't destroy your perfection. You believed so strongly in the side of 'Right' and the goodness of people that it was impossible to shatter your belief. How was I to make you turn to our side?"
His head was titled slightly, his face so close that their noses were practically touching and still Remus sat, frozen, unable to comprehend what Sirius was saying.
"But you've done that on your own, haven't you?" Sirius stared at him, grey eyes dark with…what? Anger? "You've abandoned your own side to protect me. You've killed two ministry members and stunned the next minister for magic, all for me." He laughed softly, wickedly, and a chill raced up Remus's spine as he wondered where the calm, placid Sirius of not five minutes ago had gone. "You've done the one thing I really thought you wouldn't do. You've betrayed your own side. For me." Said victoriously, viciously, a wash of darkness suffusing his face.
"And I didn't have to do anything."
That snapped Remus out of his dazed trance. With a soft gasp, he wrenched his head backwards out of Sirius's grasp. "I –" he managed, trembling with a large range of emotions. "You were being tortured, I saved you."
"Yes, you did." Sirius's voice was low, crooning, his eyes gleaming in the dim light. "I just didn't expect it of you, Remus." He smiled, lips peeling back from his teeth in a grin that was feral. "I thought I had found the most perfect person in the world – someone it would be impossible to corrupt. But I was wrong. You're not perfect, are you? And now you have nowhere to go except back to Voldemort. You're your own worst enemy."
"Shut up," Remus hissed, striding angrily back to the bed. "You have no right to say that. No right. I saved your life, Black, that was an act of mercy, not of wickedness."
"Mercy?" Sirius eyes fluttered shut as he tilted his head back, laughing. "Yes, I suppose it was. But Remus, Remus, you don't understand: you disillusioned me. I thought you were wholly good, and now I discover there is a streak of untamed violence in you. I thought," he continued, eyes still closed, "that you would never fall. I thought I would have one thing in my life that was untainted. But you're dark as well, aren't you?"
"Shut up!" Remus yanked the duvet off of Sirius, dragging the injured man to his knees on the bed. "You don't know what you're talking about!" His hands closed around Sirius's neck, not choking, just warning, and it was clear the wolf was in his movements.
Sirius regarded him from under lowered lashes, his expression unreadable. "Go on, Remus." His eyes blazed with a unholy light as he stared up at the werewolf, taunting.
Remus shuddered, able to feel the flex of tendons and the vibration of vocal cords under his hand.
"Go on," Sirius repeated, closing his eyes again. "I know you want to. Hit me, choke me…it'll only prove my point."
And he was right, Remus realised. If he did that, it would prove that Sirius had a valid point.
Slowly, carefully, he released the grip of one hand on the slender neck. Equally carefully, he allowed his fingertips to lightly brush Sirius's cheek, savouring the surprised noise he was able to wring from between parted lips. The other hand slid down, resting against the pale chest half covered with bandages, and Remus noticed that he had left bruises on Sirius's throat – fingerprints that were a silent testimony to the violence that had nearly happened.
Sirius remained utterly still, his head half tilted back, knees folded under him on the bed. His black hair was a tousled mess and – Remus noticed for the first time – he was wearing little besides the faded, unbuttoned shirt he had had on under his robe and that Remus had put back on him earlier to keep him warm.
"You see?" Sirius's voice was barely more than a throaty whisper as he opened his eyes to look up at Remus. "The violence and the darkness are there." He let out a small sigh as Remus lightly trailed one finger over his collarbone. "And all that remains is for you to embrace it." His hands reached up, almost as though in supplication, and Remus caught them, trapping them with his own. Turning one to face palm inwards, he pressed a kiss to the soft skin of a wrist, and saw Sirius smile, eyes cold beneath thick lashes.
"You should really join us," a low murmur, nothing more, as Sirius knee-walked closer, almost as though he was being pulled. "You would be perfect…the most perfect."
"Perfect," Remus echoed, dropping Sirius's hands to run curious fingers up smooth, pale thighs.
"Mm." More of a moan than an agreement, and the Death Eater was moving still nearer, until, suddenly, shockingly, he was straddling Remus's lap, looking down at him out of amused eyes that glittered from behind several strands of ebony hair. "Perfect." One hand, strong and sure, shot out to trace Remus's lips and Sirius pressed closer still, head bowed to meet the curious golden gaze.
The violence had vanished, Remus realised, or it had been transformed. Perhaps it had never existed in the first place, except in his mind. Or maybe he had simply passed some kind of test or displayed some ability. Whatever it was, there appeared to be no more anger – simply an overwhelming, burning want that pooled low in his belly and flickered behind Sirius's veiled gaze.
"You're so amazing," a low, whispered prayer, fervent, hot breath fanning across his face as fingers fluttered over his skin, teasing. "You're so perfect, so dark, so beautiful…" and the words continued to tumble from his lips, even as he cupped Remus's face in shaking hands, tilting it up. "Evil, stunning, my twisted angel."
Remus knew he should be angry. Knew, somewhere at the back of his mind, that the words were insulting – that Sirius was merely dragging him down to his level. But the heat injected into the soft hisses and the way Sirius was leaning nearer all contrived to distract him from the small nagging irritation. He wasn't evil, he knew it, but in Sirius's eyes, he seemed to take on some kind of deification and he revelled in it.
Hot hands swept the length of his body, feeling him through his clothes and even the sight of some blood oozing out through the bandage around Sirius's chest did not alarm Remus as much as it should have. Sirius's lips, delicate and tender as a butterfly's wing were pressing hard against his neck, dragging across his skin, teasing, tasting. Hot breath rushed into his ear as the Death Eater continued to murmur to him, crooning, pleading, worshipping.
"You're gorgeous…" Sirius's breath was coming in pants as he rocked against Remus, who whimpered, helpless. "So gorgeous, so wonderful…think of the darkness, Remus…" Grey eyes glittering with lust; smoke from a gun, the fog of Victorian London – dangerous, beautiful.
And he couldn't help it, couldn't help wanting to stop the flow of words if only for a moment. Couldn't help wanting to feel those lips. So he leant forwards, capturing Sirius's mouth with his own, and oh, oh, he tasted of blood and smoke and everything wicked and corrupt. And it was a simple step from there to push past Sirius' lips, to grip his hair with both hands, to pull him closer, crush them together as hard as possible, so that he could feel the rapid heartbeat so close to his own. He didn't think, didn't need to think, as Sirius moaned and writhed against him, his body saying what his mouth could not.
"See what you do to me?" He hissed when they parted with a dull smack, still clinging to one another. "See how you make me lose control?"
And Sirius simply laughed, throwing his head back even as he was shoved backwards to land on the mattress with a soft thump and then Remus was straddling him and Sirius was squirming and shuddering, his nails raking down the auror's back, catching on the soft material of his robe.
"Off…off…" And who was he to disobey that voice? The robe went flying and Sirius was staring up at him hungry and wanting his hands trailing down Remus's chest, luxuriating.
It was so easy in the end – almost too easy. But then, Sirius had always had this uncanny knack of overwhelming his senses and he was doing so now. The werewolf was drowning in his scent, in the movement of his body as he shifted, pleading, begging, moaning beneath him. It made him shudder to think that it was he, and he alone that had brought this wise, depraved creature to this state.
"You see," Sirius was whispering to him, nails raking thin red welts down his back as he shivered, head rolling to one side, "you see what you do to me?"
'What you do to me…'And suddenly Remus realised that he wasn't the only one who had lost control. He wasn't the only one to have sudden changes in temper. He wasn't the only one to be so utterly confused yet uplifted by this strange inexplicable bond…
Sirius was still writhing beneath him, mouth open, lips glistening as he gasped for air, his eyes shut as he growled low at the back of his throat. Unbidden, Remus leant forwards, kissing the smooth skin of the pale chest, feeling the soft scratch of bandages beneath his cheek. This was adoration, he thought dizzily as Sirius wrapped his legs around his waist. Holy blasphemy, a thousand contradictions wrapped in a perfect moment.
The darkness glittered at the edge of his vision as the wolf howled in his mind. Sirius pulled him down so that he was sprawled on top oh him, pushing him into the mattress, and he saw how badly the Death Eater wanted to be used.
/I wanted you to be dirty, filthy, broken. I wanted you to be like me…/
And wasn't he being used as well? Even as he smothered Sirius's face with kisses, ravished his open, panting mouth, Remus was aware that something was different…almost wrong. But he ignored it. No time for that now, not with Sirius here beneath him, crying his name and moaning at every shudder and thrust of his body. Not when the two of them were locked together, so right, so perfect, so beautiful as two made one that there was nothing else.
They collapsed together, clinging and panting, the air around them humming with the aftermath of what had happened.
Closing his eyes, Remus rested his head on Sirius's chest, listening to the rapid heartbeat begin to return to normal and his breathing gently slow. They were sticky, locked together with sweat and blood and come, and Remus unconsciously inhaled the sharp aroma of all three - a distinctive tang at the back of his throat.
"You know…" Sirius's voice, still hoarse, broke the silence, "of all the outcomes of that conversation, that was the only one I didn't expect."
The werewolf looked up, resting his chin on the muscled body so that he could see into smoky grey eyes. "Perhaps, but then, neither did I."
"Hmm." Sirius rolled his shoulders, easing the stiffness in them, then gasped at the sting of reopened wounds. "I don't think that was the best idea," he admitted, staring at the smeared blood now adorning not only himself but Remus as well.
"No," Remus buried his face again, "probably not."
Because his gaze was hidden, he missed the small, wicked grin that spread across Sirius's face as he wound his fingers through the light brown hair. "You're beautiful," he commented and Remus looked up, startled.
Sirius propped himself up on his elbows, pulling Remus towards him with the barest pressure of two fingers under his chin. "My beautiful dark creature," he murmured, lips no more than a hair's breadth away. "So perfect…" grey eyes, half lidded, glittered at the werewolf, "…but not so pure."
Remus, about to make a scathing retort, opened his mouth, swallowed and shut it again.
"What? No protest?" Sirius ran a hand between them, wiping away some of his own blood. "I would have expected a bout of self-righteousness at the very least."
"I am a dark creature," the werewolf said quietly, his expression grave, "I cannot argue with that." He sighed and looked away.
"I was only teasing," Sirius said quietly, forcing him to look at him. "You are perfect, and you are pure, even after people like me have tried to taint you."
"You're wrong," said again, this time with conviction. "I'm neither, any more." Remus looked up at Sirius and smiled, and the startled Death Eater noted something new, gleaming and cold about him that hadn't been there before. "I'm simply yours." He swallowed and grasped Sirius's hand. "And if that means joining Voldemort…I'll do it."
To Be Continued…CB: Wow, that was…er…interesting. Confused yet? Heh, all will be explained. Two more chapters to go…