CB: Just a quick note. I was touched by how many of you pointed out how OOC Sirius was in the last chapter. Because I'm weird that had me sitting there feeling all loved because people took the time to actually read the detail. Don't worry my darlings, he's deliberately OOC – and all will be explained.
'To say that he was evil would be an exaggeration,To say that he was simply misguided would be insufficient.
Perhaps it is best to state that he was simply human.'
- Anne Calling 'The Crying Game'
"And if that means joining Voldemort…I'll do it."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Remus regretted them.
"You'd do that?" Sirius raised an eyebrow, looking sceptical.
"No…yes…oh I don't know." Frustrated the werewolf buried his face in his hands, a headache beginning to form behind his eyes. "I don't know why I said that," he confessed in a muffled voice, "it's not what I meant at all."
"Really?" Sirius sat up, gently prising the hands away from the auror's face. Grasping them in his, he looked thoughtfully at the bowed head. "You wouldn't join Voldemort?"
A sigh escaped Remus's lips. "I…don't want to join Voldemort," he confessed slowly.
"And why not?" Sirius's voice had turned icy, his grip tightening on the hands he was holding. Surprised, Remus looked up at him, to see his face set into a stony mask. "Why wouldn't you want to join Voldemort?"
"Because he's evil!" Remus wrenched his hands away and moved off the bed in one swift movement. Pacing the room, he battled with a surge of irritation and anger. "I admit, we aurors aren't especially nice – I hadn't realised that before, but after I saw the way you were treated, I did. However, I can't simply stand by and agree that Voldemort is good; that would be going against every instinct in my body and the teachings of my entire life."
"You're a fool." Sirius swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up as well, wincing at the sharp pain in his ribs. "He's not evil, and people like you just can't see that!"
"What in all HELLS do you mean by 'people like you'?" Remus swung around to face Sirius, his arms folded. "People who value human life, is that who you mean?"
"Oh, that's rich, coming from someone who isn't even human."
Remus gasped, feeling as though an icy bucket of water had been dumped on him. "How…how dare you!" Before even he could comprehend it, his fist had swung around and connected with the side of Sirius's face. There was the dull smack of connection and Sirius staggered back a couple of steps, cupping his jaw with one hand, eyes wide in his suddenly pale face.
"Fuck you, Black. I was right all along. You're nothing but an evil, twisted…" Remus raged, striding across the room to loom over the Death Eater, who had slid to the floor next to the bed, sitting in a dazed heap.
"…Arrogant, cruel, bitter, wicked…"
"Remus." The quiet sound of Sirius's voice interrupted the Auror in mid sentence and he paused, gasping for breath, his fists still curled as he stared down at the bowed, dark-haired head.
"What?" He spat at last, when no other words seemed forthcoming.
"I'm…I'm sorry." Barely a whisper, and still Sirius refused to look up, "I didn't mean what I said. You're the most humane person I know. You're kind and good and clever and…" The sound of a shaky breath echoed around the otherwise quiet room. "And everything, and I'm so sorry I said that."
"Then why did you say it?"
"I…" Sirius paused, lost for words as he continued to stare at the ground. "I don't know, alright? The words just sort of appeared."
The anger faded slightly and Remus bit his lip. "That's not really a good explanation, Sirius," he muttered, crouching down in front of the Death Eater.
"Look, I…" Sirius drew another shaking breath. "I think something's happening to me…something…" He closed his eyes, pressing knuckled fists to his forehead. "I don't know," he whispered eventually, repeating himself – this time with a hint of fear. "I don't know. I'm…I'm not in control – I can feel things…something, at the back of my mind…it's…making suggestions to me." He swallowed hard, and looked up, grey eyes wide in his face. "And it'll surge when…something distracts me and it'll make me act…" He broke off and looked away, but not before Remus caught a glimpse of something bordering on panic in the Death Eater's expression.
"When did this start to happen?" Remus refused to crouch down next to Sirius, in case this was another ploy.
"I – I don't know…wait, yes I do." Sirius bit his lip. "After…after I was in there. After they hurt me for the first time, and its been getting stronger since."
"Since James took you to the ministry?"
"Yes."
Remus frowned, his mind already racing. "And you say it's something at the back of your mind…something that's compelling you – and, it seems, me – to say and act differently."
"Yes." Again, the barest of whispers.
'At the back of your mind…' In his mind, Remus felt the wolf stir slightly, shifting uneasily as it covered the spell, which had been linking him to Sirius.
/Could be that his mind's been destroyed, / it suggested dubiously, at length.
'I doubt it,' Remus replied absently, still staring hard at Sirius, who was in turn staring hard at the floor. 'If it was his mind that the ministry had destroyed, I doubt he'd be able to string a coherent sentence together. No, it's got to be someth–' he stopped, a sudden, horrible, thought striking him.
"Sirius…"
"What?" Sirius continued to stare at the floor, refusing to look up.
"Who…" Remus cleared his throat, swallowed, and tried again. "Who cast the spell to help you keep track of me?" He waited, heart thumping painfully in his chest.
"Voldemort." Sirius did look up at him now, his expression puzzled. "Why? What has that got to do with…this?"
Remus stared at him, his hands shaking. "Voldemort placed the spell to link us together. You're sure?"
"Yes, of course."
"Oh…oh god…" Almost without realising it, the auror's knees buckled and he slumped to the floor, pale and visibly shaken.
"Why?" Sirius shifted impatiently, his expression becoming irritable.
"Voldemort…" Remus croaked, "…Voldemort cast the spell. This spell allows you to see where I am – to read my mind. It works both ways, as we discovered, we can…communicate." He swallowed, licked his lips and continued: "However, a link to the caster of the spell will remain as long as the spell itself is still active. Normally, this means a slight 'residue' – nothing more, but in a spell such as this, I'm willing to bet it's an exceptionally strong bond. When you got tortured, your mental control slipped and, without either you or Voldemort realising it, his essence and influence became magnified by the spell. The manipulation in your head by the ministry probably…probably triggered it."
"You're telling me," Sirius whispered, going pale, " that Voldemort is controlling me?"
"Not exactly. Rather, his emotions, reactions and personality are slowly filtering into you through the mental gateway this spell has created. You're…you're absorbing his essence." Remus stared at Sirius, a sudden, horrible thought occurring to him. "If this is the case…it's likely that it's actually Voldemort himself that is entering you. You're becoming, sort of, one…"
"What?" Sirius had turned so pale that his skin seemed translucent. His eyes flashed with panic. "So…so that's why I've been acting differently? His personality is in my head?" His voice was a harsh, frightened whisper. "No…that's not…that's not possible…"
"Well, I'm not an expert," Remus said softly, hoping to alleviate the terror he could see clearly written on the Death Eater's face. "I could be mistaken."
"No…no, you're not." Sirius licked his lips, fear welling up in his eyes. "When we…when I…" he gestured vaguely, and Remus nodded, understanding. "I called you…"
'Evil…stunning…my twisted angel…'
The words hung between them, and Remus recalled the flash of discomfort he'd felt momentarily. He'd thought they sounded odd, but he hadn't been able to think why, and then Sirius had distracted him.
"Yes," he said gently, in the end, changing the subject. "Maybe…maybe we should go and…and talk to him about this."
"What, Voldemort? Are you crazy?" Sirius stared at him, his mouth hanging open. "He'd kill me for sure!"
"Not if he didn't know whether it would have repercussions on him," Remus pointed out. "Maybe we should go back and –"
"No!" Sirius scrambled to his feet, eyes wild. "We can't! He'll kill you; I know it! He wants you for something and he won't bother to stop and think about how good a Death Eater I've been before he uses me as bait to get at you!"
"What are you talking about?" Remus stared at him, half wondering whether Sirius's mind wasn't affected after all.
"Remember…" Sirius was still staring at him, his whole body tensed as though he was about to run, "…Remember, that's why I had to get you in the first place." He shuddered and closed his eyes. "I don't know what he wants, but I thought…I thought after you escaped, that at least you were safe from Him."
Remus bit his lips and hesitantly reached out to touch Sirius' arm. "But, what choice do we have?" He asked gently. "We need to know. And if Voldemort is infecting you then something has to be done. His personality and power are so strong, that if we don't do something, your mind will be eclipsed." His fingers tightened briefly and Sirius opened his eyes, looking at him.
"I...I know," he admitted in a hoarse whisper, "but I'm scared. I don't want you to get hurt…I don't want me to get hurt – not again. I don't want to go back."
Remus smiled encouragingly at him, but his face held determination. "I know," he said gently, "but we don't have a choice."
AaAaAaAa
"Well, if it isn't the two canines." Snape sneered and folded his arms, his expression dripping disgust. "And what brings you both back here. Get bored of…other hospitality?"
Sirius snarled, his lips pulling back from his teeth as he lunged towards the sallow skinned man, grey eyes not quite sane.
"Sirius!" Remus leapt forward, planting himself between the two Death Eaters with remarkable speed. "Stop it! Both of you!" When Sirius ignored him, trying to reach over his shoulder and throttle Snape, he smacked the other man hard on the shoulder, earning a pained yelp in his ear for his trouble.
The three of them were standing in the castle courtyard, Sirius and Remus having journeyed back by train. The sun was shining down, the air was remarkably warm for the time of year and if you strained your hearing, it was possible to catch the murmur of life coming from inside the castle. A few weeds poked out from between the grey flagstones under their feet and dirt scraped against soles as all three struggled together. A small breeze lifted the hair away from Sirius's face, exposing the livid bruise that had bloomed down one side of his face and Snape, unexpectedly, hissed in something that sounded remarkably like sympathy.
"Good God, Black, what happened to you?"
"What do you think?" Sirius snapped, stepping back and throwing his hands up in disgust as Remus scowled, infuriated, at him. "The ministry pulled a raid and took me with them for a little chat." He spat on the ground in disgust, as though in reaction to the very memory of James, Crouch and Fudge. "Lupin's friend had been tracking us from Hogsmeade – found us nice and vulnerable on a hill, captured me and carted me off." He turned hard grey eyes on Snape. "Why, what's it to you, anyway?"
"Curious," came the flat reply.
"And here I thought you didn't have a human emotion in your body."
"Takes one to know one, Black."
"Tosser."
Snape sneered again, black eyes cold. "You're not even worth the trouble of answering that."
Sirius snarled, fingers itching for a wand, and shifted from foot to foot as he restrained the urge to punch Snape on his hooked nose.
"As lovely as it has been to chat with you," Remus said softly, intervening again before either man could cause grievous bodily harm, "we must see Voldemort."
Snape winced at the blatant use of the Dark Lord's name, but maintained his vicious expression nonetheless. "You have been out of touch," he commented coldly, smiling as Sirius growled at the back of his throat. "He has decided to visit the Death Eater camp further north, apparently there was a little…trouble. He won't return until late this evening, or, indeed, tomorrow."
"You're lying!" Sirius glared at Snape, but a hint of fear had crept back into his eyes.
"Why on earth would I lie, Black?" Snape drew himself up to his full height and stared down his nose at Sirius. "Clearly whatever brain you had was lost when you went for your little stay at the ministry."
"Fuck yo –"
"ENOUGH!" Remus's voice echoed around the courtyard, bouncing of the grey walls as he stood rigidly between the two men, his fists clenched. Amber eyes sparking furiously, he pointed an accusing finger at Snape. "You, you're going to help us." He swung around and faced Sirius, still looking angry. "And you are going to keep quiet unless you can say two words without provoking him!"
Sirius stared at him, shock written across his face, before he swallowed and nodded. "Fine. I will if he does."
"You're both so childish," the Auror muttered under his breath, shoving past Snape and stalking up the steps of the castle, pausing only to make sure both men were following him.
"Right," he said as soon as they were all standing in the entrance hall, "Sirius, I want you to tell this man exactly what's happening to you." He turned his gaze on Snape, who actually contrived to look uncomfortable. "Then you are going to help us. I don't want any sarcastic comments or sniping, I just want you to do something. I've heard about you – you're the one who will probably have the answer to our problem, since you're so…" he paused, his face twisting slightly, "…clever."
Sirius folded his arms; a defiant looks crossing his face. "Why should I tell him?" He snarled, shooting Snape a poisonous look.
"Because if you don't," Remus hissed quietly, "in less than twenty four hours there won't even be enough of your personality left to regret not telling him." He placed one hand comfortingly on Sirius's shoulder. "You've got to understand that."
Sirius glanced coldly at him and shrugged the arm off. "Alright, but if he so much as smirks, I'm going to hex him into the next century," he promised icily, the darker side of his personality gaining the upper hand momentarily.
Snape rolled his eyes, but didn't comment, privately wondering what on earth they were both rambling about.
"Just get on with it, Sirius."
AaAaAaAa
/Sirius is…becoming Voldemort, in a way…/
Snape finished the letter and attached it to the leg of the owl.
/I'm absorbing the Dark Lord's personality – his power…/
Going to the window, the undercover Auror opened it and picked up the owl.
/If we don't do something soon, I think it's possible that his own personality will be overpowered and he'll essentially be Voldemort walking around in a new body…/
Launching the owl out of the window, Snape remained standing there for a moment, watching it wing away to the south.
/Interesting…I have heard of this phenomenon only once before. I believe in that case the caster and the subject were forced to endure a ritual expulsion. This involved a battle of wills between the two of them, until the subject forced the alien influence out of his mind and body. It's difficult, however. Very difficult. If one personality is more dominant, the battle can, essentially, be lost, and a full role reversal can occur – swamping one of the minds utterly and leaving nothing behind. I will contact our lord as quickly as possible, Black, and see if we can perform the expulsion ceremony at sunrise tomorrow. Until then, both you and our lord are vulnerable to magical attacks…/
Turning away from the window, Snape sighed and rubbed his forehead, feeling drained. It had been hard talking to someone he disliked so utterly with such patience, and Lupin hadn't helped, either. Constantly touching Black, as though in reassurance. He frowned and picked up the draft of the letter he had just sent, intending to burn it in the fire.
/Albus,
Muster as many Aurors as possible to attack the castle tonight. Voldemort had been weakened sufficiently that there is a chance we could well defeat him. There is, however, a catch. You must also destroy the Death Eater Sirius Black, as he and the Dark Lord's mind and power are slowly becoming one.
I have already contacted Voldemort, he will be returning early this evening to prepare for the battle of wills that will reverse the vulnerability. This reversal is to take place tomorrow at dawn.
You must hurry.
I would ask why Lupin is back here as well, but from his attitude towards Black, it appears evident. This is yet another cause for concern. I managed to gather some information as to why Voldemort needs the werewolf, and from my findings, have deduced that it is for two purposes: to gather information as to our forces, and to use his blood in an unnamed ritual that will help him achieve an insurmountable magical force around the castle. Lupin's blood is immortal, and it is stupid of me not to have realised sooner how powerful a barrier erected using immortal blood will be.
He must be stopped.
Severus. /Casting the letter into the fire, Snape watched as it blackened into a fine ash, before he turned and strode from the room, leaving nothing behind him.
AaAaAaAa
Remus lay with his head pillowed on Sirius's chest, fingers idly wound in the thick black hair.
They'd both returned to the familiar room in the castle, unable to face anyone. Sirius, in particular, was especially nervous and jumpy, his mood veering from happy and content to angry and depressed and back again in moments. Remus had curled up next to him on the bed, hoping to calm him slightly. The sun streamed in through the window, catching dust particles and making the spark like fairy dust and the room was pleasantly warm.
Sighing, the werewolf decided now would be the best time to broach a subject that had been nagging him since the icy conversation with Snape.
"You know," he said softly, "once you've banished Voldemort's influence from your mind…you don't have to stay here."
"Don't I?" Sirius's voice was husky and low as he stared at the ceiling, absent-mindedly stroking the top of the auror's head. "Where would I go? The ministry won't want me, and I'd be damned if I went anywhere near them anyway!" His body tensed and Remus, aware of this, soothingly rubbed his shoulder. "Being a Death Eater has been my whole purpose in life," Sirius said eventually, his voice slightly sad. "First it was a way to rebel, then it was simply a Way."
"But you don't like it…"
"I don't dislike it," Sirius murmured. "I have some friends here, to be honest Voldemort doesn't demand much – just unquestioning loyalty and the willingness to do what he asks." He smiled, still looking at the ceiling. "I suppose the only truly wrong thing about it is having to wear a mask."
"You still don't think he's evil?" Remus asked, propping himself up to look at Sirius.
"Oh, I think he is. But like I told you – what can you honestly say is good?"
There was a long pause as Remus studied Sirius, from his startlingly calm grey eyes to the way he held his gaze without flinching. "What…" he whispered finally, unsure how to phrase the question, "What made you become a Death Eater? Really?"
"That's a difficult question." Sirius closed his eyes, his expression turning grave. "In what way do you mean?"
Remus shrugged. "In any way. What made all of…" he waved a hand vaguely, "…this, worth it?"
"Well, I suppose it was partly my parents," Sirius murmured. "You know about them – how they…how we, didn't get on."
"Yes."
"But they weren't entirely to blame. Not really." Sirius paused and opened his eyes, looking up at Remus. "Are you sure you want to know this? You're probably not going to like it."
"I'm sure."
"Well, after I'd left school, I wandered around for a while. I didn't want to go home and I didn't have a proper job because I couldn't seem to stay in one place for more than a month. Well, when I was in France, Calais, actually, I was approached by a…a man. He was handsome, intelligent and considerate. He seemed to believe in the idea that pure-blooded families were stronger than mixed and that the wizarding world should revert to a mediaeval style of hierarchy so it could be utterly cleansed and everyone could benefit from it. Well, as you can imagine, I thought this was a load of bollocks, and I told him so.
"But he fascinated me, so I carried on talking to him, started to get to know and understand him a bit better until finally we…we became friends, I suppose. It turned out he came from England too – not far from where I grew up, in fact – and he intended to return there three days later. 'Come with me,' he said on the last day, 'come and see what I was talking about.'"
"Well, since I hadn't been back to England for almost three years, I figured it was worth a shot – besides, where else did I have to go? So I went with him, and when I came back, I did see how stifling and prejudice the society had become in the wizarding world. So I agreed to join his cause – it seemed like the right thing to do. Besides. He was a good friend…often a little bit haunted by his own demons, I think, but a good friend nonetheless."
"What was his name?" Remus murmured, soothingly combing his fingers through Sirius's hair.
"His name?" Sirius let out a harsh laugh, closing his eyes again. "His name was Tom Riddle."
"Voldemort?" Remus's hands flew away from Sirius and he sat bolt upright, shocked. "You were friends with Voldemort?"
"You wanted to know." Sirius looked at him, his expression guarded. "I warned you, and that's not all of it."
"What…" Remus trailed off, not sure if he wanted to know.
"When I returned to England and saw the situation, like I said, I joined his cause. That was when my parents disowned me. Back then, Tom wasn't evil – not really – I think he simply sincerely believed that his way was the right way, kind of a religious fervour, if you like. Anyway, I joined his sect and was surprised to see how many of the Death Eaters genuinely seemed to fear him. To me, he simply seemed human. Handsome, a little arrogant, occasionally lost his temper – but didn't we all? I couldn't understand it.
"It was only later that he told me he had actually been looking for me in Calais, or, to be more specific, someone that was like me. He needed a pure-blooded wizard who was skilled in magic and capable of obeying his orders directly. In other words, he needed someone to be his right hand man, advisor, grand vizier, whatever you want to call it. But it wasn't only that, not by a long way. I think, at that time at least, he also genuinely needed a friend, someone who understood at least some of his pain."
Sirius took a deep breath and stared past Remus, unable to meet his eyes. "He needed me," he said.
"He…" The auror swallowed, his heart hammering in his chest as he stared in disbelief. "He…you…"
Sirius smiled bitterly. "He…I…" he mimicked, but it was only gentle teasing. "Yes, Tom and myself. We were…close, that's all you need to know. But we grew apart, a long way, opposite ends, you might say." Another smile, this time sad. "I was a fool, to begin with – I thought myself in love. He never was, his only love was his precious crusade, and I was simply a means to an end. Keep me satisfied and he had a loyal pet to pander to his every need."
"You were lovers?" Remus fought to keep the jealousy out of his voice.
"No. Perhaps I was, but he certainly wasn't. I don't think he's capable of love, especially not now. Now his passion has destroyed him, whereas mine…well, at least mine passed, eventually."
"And what about now?" Now Remus couldn't keep the jealousy out of his voice, and Sirius glanced at him, surprised and smiling.
"Now?" One hand lazily reached up to tug Remus down so that he was nose-to-nose with the Death Eater. "Ah, now," Sirius murmured, his lips brushing Remus's with every move of his mouth, "I think I do have a lover, and I think my feelings this time are reciprocated." He smiled and leant forwards to kiss the Auror.
When they parted, Remus settled back down next to Sirius, his mind spinning in a confusing jumble of thoughts. So, that was the reason for the other man's loyalty – why he never seemed to question what his Lord told him. The werewolf sighed and rubbed his forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache.
"I have something I want to give you," Sirius murmured suddenly, rolling away and sitting up. Striding across the room, he flung open the wardrobe doors and rummaged around in the furniture's depths, looking for something. A moment later, he let out a small grunt of satisfaction and held a small, leather bound book aloft.
"What's that?" Remus sat up as well, frowning at the book. It took him a moment to recognise it, and when he did, he bit his lip, hoping Sirius wouldn't realise he'd already seen it once before.
"I'll explain." Coming back to the bed, Sirius sank down on the edge and handed it to the Auror. "It's my diary," he said quietly, a soft look creeping into his eyes as he stared at the book. "It's a record of my life. Everywhere I've ever been, who I've spoken to – even my thoughts on all of…" he waved a hand expressively, "…this. This book contains everything. Everything about me. It's part of my life." He shrugged. "It is my life, and I want you to have it."
"W-what?" Remus looked up, startled.
"I want you to have it," Sirius repeated sincerely. "Not only because," he drew a deep breath, "I might not survive this battle of wills thing tomorrow, but because…" He swallowed, and looked down at his hands, which had curled into tense fists. "But because you are my life now," he said softly – barely audible despite the ringing silence of the room, "and I don't need this book to remind me of what I've been and what I've become."
"Sirius…" Remus choked, swallowed and tried again. "I – I can't accept this. It's yours, not mine."
"No. It's not." The Death Eater gently placed the book on Remus's lap, still refusing to meet his gaze. "It's yours now. You have the right to know everything about me, not only because I've been your captor, then you captive, but because – because I think somewhere, deep down, you've changed me. I'm not as arrogant as I used to be, I think. Oh, I admit, I'm still a nasty piece of work, stick around and you'll probably be so irritated that I'll get slapped around the head several times a months, but…I don't know." He frowned and ran an exasperated hand through his hair. "It's like…before I met you, I was just empty inside. I didn't realise it, and I thought life was good, but then you appeared…reappeared…and this warm sort of glow started to fill me." He let out a small bark of laughter. "God, I sound so sentimental."
"No…" Remus smiled and touched the cold leather, part of his shock slowly draining away. "I think…I think I understand." Reaching out, he pushed some of Sirius's hair away from his face, and gripped his chin, forcing him to look at him. "I think what you've taught me," he murmured, "is that there isn't any 'good' and 'evil' – just human beings. Because of you, I'm starting to understand that concept." His fingertips lightly brushed Sirius's cheek and he felt a small spark of pleasure as the Death Eater unconsciously turned his head into the caress.
"So, we both learnt something, then." Sirius smiled and leant closer.
"Yes, I think we did."
AaAaAaAa
It was dark by the time Sirius finally stirred, opening his eyes.
Remus was still curled up next to him, a warm, reassuring weight against his side. His light hair was spread over the pillow and a small frown marred his forehead. One arm was outstretched and Sirius smiled as the fingers twitched as the werewolf dreamt.
Slowly, carefully, he rolled away from Remus, off the bed, and stood up. Remus's only reaction was to move unconsciously into the warm hollow in the mattress that Sirius had just vacated. Smiling, the Death Eater watched him for a moment. They'd talked, long into the day and most of the evening, about anything, everything. Most importantly, however, it had felt like they were finally communicating properly; and the soft touches Remus had kept bestowing on him… he grinned.
Moving quietly, he picked up the diary and crept over to the window, grabbing a quill and some ink as he passed the small oak desk. Settling himself in the window seat, he bit his lip, staring out of the glass for a moment before turning his attention back to the diary.
/Tuesday, October 12th
This will be my final entry, one way or another, and really, its only purpose is to clarify a couple of things – particularly for you, Remus, when you read this.
Firstly: I love you. I fell in lust with you during that brief time at Hogwarts, and fell in love with you when I began to finally understand who and what you were. I haven't really told you this properly, I don't think; this is because I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I may be able to force Voldemort out of my head, then again, I may not, it's all going to depend on my strength. Admittedly, I should really have told you my feelings in case anything does happen – but I want you to have some kind of life after all this is over and done with and I don't want you dragging around a load of emotional baggage if I'm not there to help you start that new life.
Secondly: I told you about how I became a Death Eater, you understood how I became attached to Tom, but I didn't tell you that whilst I didn't regret it at the time, I do now. I regret it because you have saved me. Oh, I don't think I'll ever regret believing in a cause – it's only human to – but I do regret not questioning things a little more, perhaps being slightly less impulsive. You've taught me that, in our brief (too brief) time together.
Lastly, I just wanted to say to you that, no matter what happens, be happy. Be happy if I'm not there, be happy if I am; enjoy life, Remus, it's about time you did, and don't let the Ministry or Dumbledore, or that friend of yours push you around any more. Think of yourself for once.
I love you, Remus Lupin. Don't forget it, but learn to live with it and without me, if the worst happens.
You have saved me, more than you could ever know.
Truly, yours forever,
Sirius Orion Black. /Carefully, Sirius opened the front of the book and wrote something on the front page, before he shut the diary and placed it gently on the window sill, where he knew Remus would find it tomorrow morning.
From somewhere far away in the castle, a crash echoed, and Sirius rolled his eyes, grumbling under his breath as he shot a glance at Remus to make sure he hadn't been woken up. As the echoes died away, he heard shouting coming from what sounded like the entrance hall, followed by a loud shriek and another crash, one that sounded much closer than the last.
"W-what's going on?" Remus was sitting up in the bed, blinking muzzily as he stifled a yawn. "Sirius? What's all the noise?"
"Not sure." The Death Eater frowned as he thought he heard a loud 'crucio' from somewhere downstairs, followed by a shriek of pain. Shaking his head, he wondered briefly if he'd imagined it, but Remus had leapt to his feet and flung open the door.
"Something's happening! I think the castle's being attacked!"
Sirius…"Wha –?" the Death Eater stopped halfway across the room and clutched his skull, as the inside of his head lit up with bright pain.
Sirius, they have come for us…Sirius staggered, then fell to his knees. "My…my lord?"
We have been betrayed. Come to me, we must perform the ritual quickly so that I can annihilate these invaders.
Remus was back at Sirius's side in a instant, gripping his arm painfully as he hauled him to his feet. "What is it? What's going on?" His voice was higher than usual and tinged with panic as the sound of fighting filtered up to the room.
"We're…the castle…" Sirius managed, before pointing down. "The ministry, they've come to kill Voldemort."
"What?" Remus bit his lip, clearly struggling with his emotions, undecided over which side was possibly in the right.
They have come to kill US… Voldemort amended in his head, because you and I are as one, at the moment. They destroy you, they destroy me and vice versa.
"Right." Sirius surprised even himself by shoving Remus away and standing upright, just as the door at the far end of the corridor flew open and the sound of footsteps filled the air. "Remus, I want you to take this," he darted back across the room and shoved the diary into Remus's hands, "and I want you to get out of here. The ministry won't take kindly to you being here, and I'm not going to risk you getting hurt."
"I can fight my own battles!"
Sirius's eyes softened for a moment. "I know, but I don't want to have to worry about you, so go."
"I'm not leaving here without you!"
The footsteps were coming closer.
Sirius leant towards Remus, dragging him into a hard, fierce kiss. "If I have anything to say about it," he hissed, "you won't be. I'll catch you up, but you must get out of here. Now, someone's coming down that corridor and I'll be damned if I let them take you. We're linked; I'll tell you how to get out of here through that link so that you can hide in the forest at the back of this place. On the count of three, we're going to burst out of here and stupefy whoever it is. When that happens, I want you to run as fast as you can down the corridor. Have you got that?"
"Yes." Remus gripped Sirius's hand for a moment. "Stay safe, Black, or I'm never going to bloody forgive you."
Sirius shot him a smile. "Hey, don't worry about me. Now, on the count of three. One…two…"
The footsteps paused outside of their door.
"Three!"
Remus burst from the room and hit the Auror with a stunning charm. Not even waiting to see who it was, he hurtled down the corridor and flung open the door at the far end. Pelting down the stairs, he skidded at the bottom and nearly fell over a body – stunned or dead, he didn't know which – and vaulted over it.
Which…which way now? He asked, through the link.
You in the main hall?" Sirius's voice was distant, distracted.
Yes.
Right, go right. Follow the corridor to the end.
Obeying the direction unquestioningly, Remus flew down the new passage, pausing only to knock an oncoming Auror out of the way. Wrenching open the door, he burst out into the cold night air.
I'm outside, now where?
Go straight on down the garden path, when you get to the end, go through the gate. Directly in front of you will be the forest. Sirius's mind voice was fierce. Hide in there, no one will see you.
Path…path…Remus felt like his feet were hardly touching the ground as he ran down the garden opened the gate and dived into the inky trees beyond. His breath rasped in his throat and his blood pounded in his ears as he struggled through the dense undergrowth, still clutching Sirius's diary tightly in one hand. Pushing aside some brambles, he winced as the thorns scraped his palms and gasped as he tripped over a tree root.
I'm deep in the forest…he mind-murmured to Sirius, and felt a mental warmth.
Good, I'm going to have to break the link now, Remus. See you on the other side.
Be…be careful.
No worries. Sirius's voice resounded with forced cheerfulness.
And then the link was gone.
Remus staggered, feeling suddenly empty, and he tripped again, falling onto his hands and knees with a soft cry of alarm. The diary, which he had been holding so carefully, flew out of his hands at the impact, and landed a few feet away, on a patch of mud.
Grumbling, Remus pushed himself upright again, and looked down for the diary…
…Which was rapidly sinking into the 'mud'.
"No! Oh NO!" Scrambling forwards, he flung himself at the diary, but his scrabbling finger missed it by centimetres as it sank with a sullen 'glub' and he had to throw himself backwards as he felt his own feet start to disappear as well.
"Damn," he cursed, feeling tears of frustration stinging the back of his eyes. "Damn."
AaAaAaAa
Sirius dodged the jet of gold light that span from the end of the Auror's wand, and retaliated with his own stunning spell. His opponent dropped like a stone, and the Death Eater paused, panting in the sudden, abrupt silence.
Where are you, my lord?The great hall. The reply was icy, focused, angry. I need you here NOW, Sirius.
Nodding, half to himself, Sirius fled down the nearby passage as the sound of more Aurors approaching warned him. Ducking inside the great hall, he felt another irrational surge of anger as he slammed the huge door closed, locking it as best he could.
"I am here, my lord," he said into the inky darkness that now enclosed the room.
"Good." Voldemort strode from the shadows, one hand outstretched. "Give me your hand, Sirius, we must do this quickly."
A loud bang on the door indicated that the Aurors had discovered it was locked.
"You know what to do?" Voldemort asked.
"Yes." Taking a deep breath, Sirius tried to ignore the sting in his shoulder where he had been unfortunate enough to be hit with a curse. He tried to soothe the bubbling rage that seethed and twisted at the back of his mind – now awoken permanently by the attack of the Aurors – and he tried to block out the worry he felt for Remus. Instead, he concentrated on emptying his mind utterly, preparing himself for the mental struggle that was about to begin.
The force of Voldemort's mind slammed into him without warning, and he gasped, knees buckling as a wave of darkness washed over him, blinding him and stealing his breath. As though from far away, he could hear someone screaming, and realised vaguely that it was himself. He could also hear the renewed attacks on the hall door and Voldemort's voice telling him to push back against the force of will.
With an almighty effort, he gritted his teeth and pushed, straining as hard as he could, trying to remember light, and joy, and why he hated eggs and how it had always amused him how Peter chewed his fingers when reading, and how the colour of Remus's hair made him think of dark honey…he tried to remember that he disliked Francis Bacon, but idolised Shakespeare; that he despised any domestic activities, but loved to work on his bike…
He heard the halls doors crash open and lost his concentration.
With a curse, he felt Voldemort break the mind contact and he blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to dispel the shadows that lingered at the edge of his vision.
Aurors were pouring into the hall, their wands at the ready and he could sense the gathering power as they each mentally prepared themselves for a grim battle.
The ritual hadn't worked…
Sirius sagged in defeat as he felt the almost familiar black rage begin to pour through him. Everything had been in vain and he, Sirius Black, was about to be killed. Next to him, he felt Voldemort shift and knew without looking that he was reaching for his wand. Almost as though he was being directed, Sirius felt himself reach for his own as well, as the Aurors continued to advance, the beginnings of spells on their lips.
"Let's go down fighting, Black." Said softly, for his ears alone, and Sirius, surprised, turned to look at Voldemort, who – there was no other word for it – grinned at him.
"If that's what you want, my lord."
"It's not what I want, it's what I'd like." Voldemort raised his wand, and Sirius noted with some satisfaction that the Aurors stopped dead in their tracks, apprehension written plainly across their features.
"Well, since you asked…" Sirius raised his wand as well, throwing his shoulders back. Shooting a quick glance at Voldemort, he noted, with some surprise, that the other man's eyes had slowly shifted from red to a cool, calculated, grey.
"My lord, your eyes," he murmured, drawing breath to shriek the killing curse.
"Yours too, it would appear." Voldemort also took a deep breath.
Sirius felt a fierce, desperate grin pull his lips back as the rage and dark magic in his mind swept to the surface. Flinging his head back, he let out a howl to the ceiling, his eyes gleaming red in the light from the doorway. Opening his mouth wide, he screamed at the top of his lungs:
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
AaAaAaAa
AVADA KEDAVRA!
Remus felt the magic rip through his mind like a hurricane, and he collapsed to his knees, awed by the power of the curse. At the back of his mind, the link flared in a rush of gold fire, pouring through his mind, swamping him, wrapping him up in a rushing, roaring crash of light, and flickers of thoughts and sights. He soared high over the castle for a moment as the golden cloud suffocated his body, and he heard a single, pure voice cry out:
"REMUS!"
And then the pull back was too strong to resist and he was sucked backwards, until darkness slammed into his mind, knocking him senseless…
AaAaAaAa
James staggered into the great hall, Dumbledore at his side, his eyes wide with disbelief.
The floor was littered with bodies. Many of the Auror who had entered the hall were now no more than crumpled heaps on the ground. The hangings that had decorated the room were scorched black and falling from their rails. The ceiling was also black, as though from a fire and the windows were cracked and, in some cases, shattered. There was very little left of whatever furniture had been in the room and the grey stone floor was a mass of soot marks.
"My god…"
Dumbledore knelt thoughtfully next to the nearest body, gently touching the cooling flesh. "A great power was unleashed," he said quietly, gently shutting the dead man's eyes. "You felt it – we all did. I must say, however, that I am surprised it managed to come from a mind, or two minds, that were not whole."
"You mean…"
Dumbledore smiled gently. "I mean that Voldemort and Black did this, but I think it cost them a great price. A very great price." He nodded towards the centre of the room, where James could just make out two more shapes crumpled on the floor.
"That's them?"
"Indeed."
The Auror swallowed. "Are they…"
"Indeed." The headmaster peered gravely over the top of his spectacles. "To use a killing curse with such a wide radius requires a great deal of power, more than even Voldemort and Black had combined. Because of this, the curse drained their souls as well – using those for the extra power it needed. So, they killed their enemies, but killed themselves in the process." He smiled sadly. "It is not something I would think is worth the effort."
James nodded and walked forwards hesitantly. "I'm just going to make sure…" he muttered.
The two men were sprawled on the flagstones exactly where they had fallen. Their wands lay a few feet away, where they had either been thrown or rolled when their owners died. Sirius's black robes were partially burnt off, and Voldemort's were ripped.
As James bent nearer, his eyes widened. "My god!" He gasped for the second time in as many minutes.
Voldemort was sprawled awkwardly on his back, but he no longer resembled the Dark lord many had known and feared. Instead, thick, black hair tumbled from his head and across his forehead. His face was entirely human and his narrow but handsome face was relaxed, as though he was simply sleeping.
"Ah." Dumbledore had come over without James realising it.
"Is that even Voldemort?" The Auror was staring at the body with an expression of apprehension.
"Yes, but then again, no." Dumbledore looked at the dead man sadly. "It is a man called Tom Riddle. I knew him once, long ago, as did many."
"So that really is him?" James frowned and knelt down to get a closer look.
"As I said, yes, that is him. But that is him as he once was – innocent and kind, and not tainted by greed."
"But how –?"
Dumbledore shrugged. "It was only Riddle's soul that was corrupt, so when he lost it, his body no longer had to twist itself to express the evil inside. It is now simply a reflection of what he was, or what he could have been."
"What a waste," James muttered.
"Indeed."
Both men looked at the other body.
Sirius, too, was lying on his back, his arms flung out, almost as though he was on a cross. His long, black hair pooled on the flagstones around his head and his skin was a perfect, snow white that contrasted shockingly with his still red lips. His face, too, was relaxed as though in sleep, but unlike Voldemort, a small smile stretched his mouth as though, in his last instant, he had seen or heard something that had filled his heart with joy.
Apart from the burnt robes, the Death Eater looked as though he were a mannequin, perfect and pristine and it was eerie to think that he had ever been alive, because he looked so very, very dead.
James leant closer, a frown marring his forehead as he stared intently at Black. He had never seen anyone who looked quite that dead before, even when they were. 'there's something odd, here,' his mind told him, even as he picked up one lifeless hand, looking for some reaction.
A scuffle from the door behind him interrupted his train of thought, and he leapt to his feet, wand at the ready in case it was another Death Eater.
Remus stood swaying in the doorway, grimy, pale and with wild eyes.
"Re!" James bounded over, intent on hugging his friend, but was stopped before he had so much as touched the other man. The coldness in Remus's eyes was shocking, and it knocked the breath from his lungs.
"Where is he?"
"Remus, no, he's…"
"Where. Is. He."
James swallowed. "Remus, he's…he's dead."
Remus felt the ground give way under his feet. The room span once the realigned itself with a sharp, cold, clarity. As though from a distance, he heard James talking, but couldn't make out what he was saying. He saw Dumbledore standing some distances away, an unfathomable look in his wise blue eyes. He saw the bodies, all huddled on the ground like so many spare rags and there, in the centre of the room, he saw a flash of black hair.
A sobbing breath escaped his lungs, but he hardly felt it. He was too numb, too shocked. He should have known, should have known when the link exploded in that glorious cloud of gold and he'd hear Sirius cry his name.
'I'll catch you up…'
"Liar…you liar," he whispered, sinking to the floor, unable to support himself any longer.
'Don't worry about me…'
He could still hear James talking, hear the worry in his voice, but he ignored it, unable to hear or see anything – too wrapped up in the agony that his soul was going through. He could feel a cold numbness creeping across his mind and he shuddered as his vision went grey.
'I'll catch you up…'"You promised me…you liar!"
I'll catch you up… To Be ContinuedCB: Don't kill me, please don't kill me! An Epilogue to follow.
TO SAY THANK YOU: Because so many of you reviewed and were so kind, I really want to thank all of you. However, I can't go back through 250 odd reviews and name each and every one of you as you deserve. So, instead, I'll write each of you a drabble. If you review this chapter, leave your name and then five words to indicate your drabble is to be about, I'll write you one.
E.G. Sirius, Remus, chocolate, book, map.
Out of these words I will make a drabble for you.
Thanks everyone!