Chapter one: Revised

Tell me Sarah, have you ever?

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry... Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night... Have you ever tried the words but they don't come out right... Have you ever, have you ever...

Jareth sighed as he leaned his head back against the wall, allowing his arms to tighten around Sarah's now still form. If anyone bothered to ask if this is what he had wanted in the first place, they would get a resounding no! right before a nice detour straight into the bog of eternal stench. Of course, there was no one that would have the courage to ask, much less approach the Goblin King on his now nightly excursions. So that left him with his tortured thoughts, and a rather contented Sarah sleeping next to him. Now, mind you, Sarah knew nothing about this now nightly routine, which only directly feed into the frustrated anger that was washing off Jareth in waves.

How many nights had the nightmares and frightening images that now haunted Sarah's dreams had left her crying, calling out his name in a heart wrenching plea that left him unable to do anything but answer? Weeks. Months maybe? Time becomes irrelevant when one is so close to the thing that they crave the most, the one person that owns their heart and soul so completely...

The urge to toss her off of his chest and demand the answers that were driving him completely crazy was almost too tempting for words. Now, mind you, had Jareth followed through with the course of action that was so dangerously close to playing out, Sarah would have done one or two things... Scream or bolt straight out of the room. Of course a nice combination of the two was possible, but it would only serve to make him less then pleasant company, and her less then pleased. So instead, thoughts that would still have no answer continued to torment him to the point of insanity.

Could Sarah, just once, tell him of a time when she loved someone anyone so much that it made her cry? Could there ever come a day when she would dare to look him right in the eyes and honestly tell him of a time? Perhaps if she was willing to listen enough to think about doing just that, Jareth could tell her of all the times where he had cried, although silently. See, there was a time long ago when his world was turned upside down by the raven-haired woman that lay in his arms so contently now; A time where he had offered Sarah the world, her dreams, and unbelievably to those that knew him well enough, himself.

But Sarah had not allowed herself to see just how much he cared, or the truth that had shown in his eyes for that heartfelt moment. It had destroyed him that night that she would never allow herself to see past the roles that she had cast from them both.

In time, he had realized that she hadn't been ready, ready to see what he was truly offering her that night. But the hurt and the deep-rooted scares had never quiet healed.

Have you ever been in love... Been in love so bad you'd do anything to make them understand... Have you ever had someone steal your heart away... You'd give anything to make them feel the same... Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart but you don't know what to say... And you don't know where to start....

At one time, I had thought that I found the right words, perhaps bring them to life in a song, anyway that would finally make you understand just how much I love you, Sarah. But each and every time I have took my feelings and made then tangible for you, each time I have offered up more of myself, you have refused me each and every time. Just like now, you refuse to have me in your life outside of your tormented dreams. What could possibly be holding you back, my love? What could be gained in denying the truth that has always started at you since the time you left me? I don't believe in your Gods, in your saints, or your beliefs, Sarah. I am what I am, even your God, if he does exist, couldn't change that.

Does this mean I do not believe in nothing...save the world I create? Far from it, my dear. I do believe in something outside of my control, outside of my understanding. You. I believe in you, and I am listening for that day when perhaps you finally decided to open up enough to explain some, if not all, of this to me. Perhaps one day, I will hear an answer. There is always hope, Sarah. Strange, I know, coming from someone like myself... but it is a truth. One that can be held onto, one that dreams, no matter how far they seem can be founded on. Always hope.

Have you ever found the one you've dreamed of all your life... You'd do anything to look in their eyes... Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to only to find that one won't give their heart to you... Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there and all you can do is wait for that day when they will care...

He had waited, watching her as time had slowly slipped past them both in the hope that one day she would be able to conquer whatever fear it was that kept her from fully seeing what he had, and was still, offering her. Running his hand lightly, he frowned as his thoughts turned darker still.

Perhaps, that was the sole reason I did not catch sight of something that was wrong at first, didn't see just how bad things would turn in mear seconds. I had watched you as you played with Toby in the park that weekend, watched as your eyes turned and tried to search for me. I was there, Sarah, leaning against a tree, holding my breath as your eyes seemed to lock with mine, hoping against hope that perhaps you had finally come to your senses. But in the end, it was a dashing dream, for you looked right through me again, still refusing to see what could be yours. It angered me that I, the Goblin King was still in love with the girl and the girl was still too stubborn and selfish to see. I left, swearing that I was finally done with pining away at a lost cause, and that, my dear, was my biggest mistake. I fully realize that now, and it only serves to make me wonder every night since on what you would have done if I had suddenly waltzed over to you and forced you to listen.

Would you have run? Or would you finally allow a side of yourself that you keep hidden to blossom?

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby.... What do I gotta do to get in your heart.... To make you understand how I need you next to me...

I looked for you two days later, even though it went against my best judgment, fully intent on finally ending this charade that we have kept going for years. I panicked when I couldn't seem to find you, even going to the extreme of staying the night in your house, without ever being seen or heard just waiting... listening for anything that would give me a clue as to where you were. Deep down inside, I already knew and had accepted something had happened to you, and that left me with this deep longing to be by your side. To be given a chance to right this wrong, to right your perception of me. It was later that night, within the darkest hour that I finally was able to gain enough information to piece together what had happened... and I have never been afraid as I was in the instant that I knew. I have always loved your stubbornness, your touch me not attitude, even now, when you are continuing to dive me insane.

But this... how could you not know that something was wrong? How? Even I feel pain, Sarah. I think it was that thought... that thought alone that caused me to stand there at the foot of your hospital bed in complete awe of how much you mean to me. Not to the Goblin King, but to me... the man behind the title.

I did have to wonder though, what would your parents tell you if you happened to live? Would they are tell you the truth? Would Karen dare tell you, outside of an argument that you shouldn't be here right now? That you shouldn't be curled up so contently in my arms as I hold you? Will your father dare tell you how your appendix burst that very weekend that I stood there watching you? Will they tell you that you went two days before showing any signs that you were sick? Will they dare tell you that it is the reason you had a stomach ache on Monday? Will they tell you that is why you lay in bed that night, fever raging a war of its own, as silent tears ran down your face?

Will they dare to chance things by telling you that is the very reason they called the ambulance at 5 am Tuesday? Or even, that is the very reason you were rushed into emergency surgery? Will your father or Karen dare to tell you how gangrene had set in on all your organs; how the toxins had seeped into your blood stream, slowly poisoning it so that the lab tech that night couldn't even believe that you were still breathing? Or even how the doctors stood in awe over you, amazed that you were living this long? How about how the same doctors came into the conference room and broke the news to your family that you very well might not make it through the night? Will they dare say anything about how you had less then 25 percent lung usage and that the numbers were falling still?

How the doctors were pushing your family for them to make the call of putting you on life support? How the nurses offered them the use of the conference room to prepare your funeral? Better yet, will they dare tell you how they spent night after night, praying to their God that you would live or that if he must take you, to do so then, and not to allow you to suffer anymore than what you already had?

I doubt it, Sarah. Because, against all odds, you started doing better. Slowly, you began more conscious of your surroundings, of why you were there, at least to a degree, and you ever so slowly regained your footing in this world. They won't tell you, because they would love to believe that their God answered them. And I will allow them that thought, at least for now.

Jareth frowned even more as he forced his eyes open, hating the fact that he was becoming to comfortable in this position he now found himself in. It was an annoyance that wouldn't be going away anytime soon, unless the impossible should happen. Granted, Sarah was a tad too stubborn for her to suddenly call out for him, and bear her heart and soul to a man she still considered an enemy. Sarah had gone against Death himself and won, in her mind, Jareth would literally be a piece of cake this time, and he wasn't daft enough to think otherwise. Even still, if she called just wanting the answers that only he would give, he couldn't deny her that... even though telling her that he helped pull her back from the brink of death was bound not to go over well. And it was yet another reason he now found himself still in her room, still cradling her to his chest and still wishing things could play out differently.

Each time he had been careful, had tried to keep her from waking as he had slipped into her hospital room nightly. And each and every time, she had opened her eyes and silently watched him as he aided in mending her body back together. Aided in pulling out the toxins that were still threatening her life. Perhaps, that is why she called for him deeply locked in her nightly nightmares? It was a faint hope, but enough of one to dare wonder...

I never spoke, and neither did you, Sarah. We both knew there was no need for pleasantries, or either another verbal war that was sure to come later down the road. I want to believe that by my actions, by the care I took, you would start to realize what I could never place in words. You are my world, my everything, and I wasn't about to let you go without a fight, Sarah. Once you were out of danger, I stayed away, letting you have your space, the time to sort out your thoughts, your feelings. But I never stopped listening, never stopped watching as I went about my duties. I wasn't about to make that same mistake again, not when I nearly lost you the first time.

Gotta get you in my world.... 'Coz baby I can't sleep

That is the very reason that this has become a nightly routine for us. You muttering my name as you toss and turn, locked in the nightmarish hell of your dreams and my answer of just sitting here on the edge of your bed, the only thing that can calm the dreams and let you get the rest you need. At first I stayed until you finally managed to find peace again, able to sleep through what was left of the night without the fear of yet another hellish dream. Tonight though, your muttered plea to stay beside you all night surprised me, and even knowing that should I do just that, things would not be so calm when you woke, I still aim to please.

Jareth slowly slipped Sarah's still sleeping form off his chest and watched her curl into his side. For a moment, he fully debated staying, but fear of the heated argument that would come of it caused him to slowly pull himself away. There was a faint plea deep within him for whatever God, saint, or deity was listening, for them to allow Sarah the knowledge of just how much he loved her. And that if she dared to fall once again, he would catch her...

Please... if there is a God above... please let her begin to see just how much I do love her...

As the first rays of light flickered to life in Sarah's window, the Goblin King vanished...