Golden Sun Insanity!!!!!!!!!!!
DISCLAIMER (a.k.a. Boring Legal Stuff): The evil author does not own Golden Sun, Golden Sun-The Lost Age, Beethoven's 5th Symphony, Chopin's op.25 no.9 Etude, Chopin's op.25 no.11 Etude, Joplin's Maple Leaf Rag, Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, BWV 565, or anything else, for that matter. Nintendo and Camelot owns the Golden Sun series, Beethoven owns his 5th Symphony, Chopin owns his Etudes, Joplin owns his rag, and no one knows who really owns the Toccata and Fugue. So there.
Moving along, I would like to say that this is my first ever fanfic and that I suck and that you will not enjoy this and...READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. The evil author does not take any responsibility whatsoever for the torture of any innocent people through the reading of this horrible fanfic. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Oh, and yes, Picard will be Piers in this fanfic.
Chapter 1: Insanity at the Town Hall
Isaac was playing Liszt's transcription of Beethoven's 5th symphony. Garet yelled, "Mia, go get the door! Fate's here!" (It is said that the first four notes of Beethoven's 5th Symphony represents Fate.) Mia sighed, then explained patiently to Garet that it was Isaac playing a transcription of Beethoven's 5th symphony, and not Fate knocking at the door.
"Mia, someone called Fate is looking for her rods. Have you seen them?" Ivan called from the door.
"See Mia? I told you it was Fate knocking at the door."
"But Isaac was..."
"Yes, I was playing it."
"But then why would Fate be at the door?"
"Looking for her rods?"
"All right, Ivan, give her this."
Mia handed over Clotho's Distaff.
Ivan gave Clotho's Distaff to Fate.
"Okay, Fate took her rod. She asked if anyone saw Lachesis's Rule." Ivan called.
Felix walked into the room.
Isaac played Beethoven's 5th symphony again, but only the first four notes.
"Fate's knocking again!" Garet yelled.
"No, she isn't!" Ivan yelled back.
Isaac almost bowled over in laughter. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! DID I REALLY FOOL YOU, GARET?!?!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"It's not funny!" Garet whined.
"Yes it is!" Felix managed to squeeze in between bouts of laughter.
"No it isn't!"
"YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Jenna, Sheba and Mia in unison.
Most of the Golden Sun crew, plus Menardi, Karst, Saturos, Agatio, Kraden, Master Hama and Alex, were dining at the town hall that was built in place of the (wrecked) warehouse. Many others, including Isaac, Jenna and Garet's parents attended also, as well as the mayor. Dora was well-known for her culinary prowess, after all. And there was a nice Steinway grand piano, imported from Earth. Isaac was playing it.
Mia spotted Alex, who in turn spotted his former teacher snarling in his face. "Uh-oh" was all he could say before there was a deafening explosion. Of words, that is.
"Alex?!?! I though you were dead! Why in the name of Mercury are you still alive? (Here Mia's tone of voice becomes considerably nastier.) You deserved to die, you cretin! You tried to take over the world! You little (censored)!!! I have half a mind to – where are you going?!?! – I have half a mind to stab you with my rod right now!!! And yes, it will hurt because I'll have to drill a hole in you first, you blue-haired dog! Because of you I am ashamed – yes, ashamed! – of admitting to being a part of the Mercury Clan!!!! You defiled our name, you (censored)!!!!!!! You defile the earth by walking upon it; you are a disgrace!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should kill you right now!!!!!!!!!! I feel sorry for Weyard, not only because you defile it with your presence, but that it could give birth to such vile creatures! You ran away and went off with Saturos and Menardi and then you went to Vale to steal the Elemental Stars and then you raced to Mt. Aleph to try to get the power of the Golden Sun! What do you have to say for yourself, hmm? (She pauses for no more than a second before she continues.) Well, I guess you don't have anything to say for yourself, so now I'll tell you that you are a (censored) that is too greedy for your own good! And don't try that stupid 'I love you Mia I only wanted to rule the world for you' trick because I don't care how much you love me! You might as well die fifteen times for all I care, you little cretin! In fact, you do deserve to die fifteen times and then spend an eternity in hell! Don't tell me it was for the good of mankind, either! You just want to rule the world! (Just to keep it short, I'll skip right to the end of her lecture.) Tell me, you selfish brat! Where in the name of the elements did you get these ideas of ruling the world?!?!?!?! TELL ME!!!! TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mia screamed.
"Remind me never to get her mad!" whispered Jenna.
Alex, for his part, was frozen. Pounds of ice was falling on him, pelting him, or otherwise making their way towards him with extreme force. For all intents and purposes, he was buried under a glacier.
Isaac whistled, then played the Butterfly Etude (F.F.Chopin, op.25 no.9).
Piers laughed.
He promptly joined Alex in a glacial burial.
Isaac played the Maple Leaf Rag (S. Joplin).
No one laughed.
Mia turned red, and overheated, sending her promptly to the nearest chair and fainted.
"Quickly, Ivan! Get Piers to heal her!" Jenna yelled.
"One problem-Piers is still a human-in-a-glacier."
"Damn! Garet, help me melt all this ice!"
"Yes, dearest."
"Garet, if you don't be careful, you are going to find yourself in a fiery grave."
"Yes, Jenna."
They managed to get Piers out of the ice (leaving Alex inside), then got Isaac to revive him. Piers then shook his head. He managed to cast Ply on himself, and the fog in his mind cleared.
"What's the matter with Mia?" he asked.
"She's exhausted from yelling at Alex, then casting random Psynergy attacks on him and, after you laughed, you." Jenna said. "Now get healing!"
"Yes, dearest."
Jenna turned bright red, and smoke came out of her ears.
Isaac played a transcription of a Toccata and Fugue in D Minor (attributed to J.S. Bach, BWV 565).
Dora, watching from the kitchen while delicately shaping slices of carrot, laughed.
Kyle, who was helping Dora in food preparation, laughed heartily.
Mia was healed by Piers, and then laughed without knowing why.
Piers tried to cast Ply Well again, but managed to cast Tickle on Jenna instead.
LATE-BREAKING NEWS
New mathematical theorem!
The "Extra Crispy Theorem" works as follows:
Piers = Extra Crispy
Extra Crispy = Jenna When Pissed Off
And now, back to your regular program.
Jenna was still pissed off, and fire prevailed in the room.
Alex's glacial grave immediately disappeared, and his "derriere" was caught in the path of a dirty-minded Dragon Fume.
The aftermath: Mia losing her voice and hands to the Excessive Clapping and Cheering Disorder (hereafter to be referred to as ECCD), and Alex losing his mind.
Literally.
Boy, Alex is an enigma to people everywhere.
After all that, the huge dining hall remained unscathed, without a single trace of what had happened before.
Dora rang the dinner bell, the food was served, and everyone was happy.
Or so we thought.