Chapter 5: More Insanity!

After Isaac woke up, the evil author smiled on him. The tremors of Weyard were no more, all the damage in Vale was fixed and Isaac finally realized that he was in a stupid fanfic by an evil author called The Big Rocky Eye and that everything was supposed to be insanity. He chuckled. "If this fanfic was supposed to be Golden Sun Insanity," Isaac thought, "Mercury Lighthouse would have been lit with the Mars Star, Venus Lighthouse would be called Earth's Tower, and the Jupiter Star would be called the Hermes Star." (Which meant that Jupiter Lighthouse would be lit by the 'Mercury' Star, because Hermes was the Greek equivalent of Mercury.)

Immediately, Mia ran in, yelling, "Isaac, my love! Guess what? Mercury Lighthouse has been lit wit the Mars Star, Saturos and Menardi fell into the beacon of Earth's Tower again, and Jupiter Lighthouse split apart from the force of the Hermes Star! Isn't that wonderful?"

Isaac groaned. "I should have known that the evil author would pull something like this." Mia blinked. "Evil author?" And then Garet fell through the roof of Isaac's house with eight chickens which were dressed like farmers while Ivan proposed to Sheba in front of Felix downstairs where Dora and Kyle were cooking. Isaac groaned again. Everything was going insane!

Ivan and Sheba were smooching into eternity while Felix was bashing Ivan with Kyle, who was hanging on to Dora for dear life, who was staring at her son talking with Mia upstairs, who were talking about this stupid sentence. Then Isaac and Mia noticed Garet being whipped by the chicken farmers (forgive the pun). "Whoa, Garet!" Isaac exclaimed while throwing the chickens out the window. "What's with the chickens in farmer's clothes?" Garet started fuming, and Jenna wondered if "the time of the month" ever happened to boys. "For your stupid information, Isaac, my stupid sister Kay and my equally stupid brother Aaron happened to procure eight of Kraden's chickens."

Kraden was well known for his experiments on Alchemy, and it was equally well known that he used chickens for test subjects.

Ivan and Sheba came upstairs to proclaim the date of their marriage, when it occurred to Ivan that they should tell the world about their marriage from the top of Mercury Lighthouse because Mercury was the messenger of the gods! So they went, and Mia asked Isaac when they would marry.

Kraden picked up his lost chickens and Garet chased his brother and sister casting Pyroclasm wherever he went.

Isaac decided he had too much of a headache to decide about their future.

"You rotten little pigs!"

"I'm sorry, Mia, it's just that lots of weird stuff has been going on."

"Get your (censored) back here right now, Kay!"

"But Isaac..."

"Don't tell me what to do, Garet! I'm older than you and no amount of profanity will change that!"

"Remember Bob's house?"

"(This whole sentence has been censored to retain an acceptable rating.)"

"Isaac, you can't put off love indefinitely."

"Garet, when you're done trying to fry my butt, I'm going to tell mom on you for saying that!"

"I can't think of the future when Mercury Lighthouse has been lit with the Mars Star!"

"Finally! Isaac's house! Sanctuary! SANCTUARY!"

"Why is Kay claiming sanctuary here? I thought you could only claim sanctuary in Sanctums..."

"Isaac! You have got to help me! Garet won't burn us as long as we're in here! Please, help me get to the sanctum!" Kay panted. Aaron had those puppy-dog eyes on his face, and Isaac just couldn't get it out of his mind. "Kay, what you did was wrong. Isaac, dear, throw them outside and let Garet have a crack at them!" Mia said in a smooth voice. And of course Isaac had to listen to his one true love. Suffice to say, the "Extra Crispy Theorem" required updating.

MORE LATE-BREAKING NEWS

Mathematical theorem update!

The "Extra Crispy Theorem" has been revised as follows:

Piers = Extra Crispy [OR] Kay(Aaron) = Extra Crispy

If Piers = Extra Crispy, then Extra Crispy = Jenna When Pissed Off

If Kay(Aaron) = Extra Crispy, then Extra Crispy = Garet After Being Whipped By Kraden's Chickens Which Are Dressed Like Farmers

And now, back to the original program.

Aaron and Kay gave Isaac the face, Mia giggled, and Isaac started playing the piano. As for Garet, he was dragging his crispified siblings to spend some "quality" time with Kraden. As soon as Isaac heard, he went from playing another upbeat rag to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, BWV 565. (For those who don't know, it's one of those scary, haunted-mansion songs.) A girly scream, presumably from Aaron, was heard (or maybe it was Kay?) and Kraden launched into another of his infamous lectures on Alchemy which were known to last weeks on end. Even Lord Babi was providing a reward for anyone who could find out Kraden's secret to not sleeping for weeks while carrying on a lecture.

Alex found himself in a cave full of pictures of Sheba – Sheba standing, Sheba sitting, Sheba reading, Sheba writing in her diary, Sheba jumping, Sheba learning Reveal at Air's Rock, Sheba yelling, Sheba taking a shower, Sheba...WHAT? Sheba taking a SHOWER?!?!?!? This guy must be SICK! But then Alex noticed something else, too:

A dirty doll of Ivan with white and black needles sticking through him.

Then he saw a picture of Felix and a picture of Sheba on an altar with four candles shaped like lighthouses complete with blue, green, purple and red flames and a prayer mat in front.

Alex finally realized where he was. After Mia dragged him by the ear all the way up the Goma Range and then kicked him all the way down into the river that flowed through Vale, he fell down through the waterfall just behind Felix and Jenna's house (ahh...Jenna) and ended up in a secret waterfall cave which Felix used as a worshipping place for Sheba and for cursing Ivan who proposed to the girl of Felix's dreams!