The next afternoon Rory waited at the bridge for Jess to arrive. It was all ready ten past two. He was late, but the diner was shorthanded so she wouldn't worry. Anyway, the new Jess wasn't the type to stand her up.
Jess had been helping out so much since here grandparents' deaths. He took over at the diner when Luke was needed at home. He kept her up as best he could. He even got over his fear of speaking in front of crowds to read her grandfather's eulogy when she was too overcome to finish the tribute. He was showing the world the man she always knew he was.
Rory sat lost in thoughts about Jess. He'd become such a wonderful, mature man in only a few short months. She loved him like that. Who was she kidding? She loved him period.
"Penny for them?" Jess greeted sitting down beside Rory. "You were a million miles away."
"I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind," Rory said. "You're late."
"I know. I had to give Caesar and Lane breaks first," Jess replied. "How's your Mom?"
Rory shook her head. "Not good. I don't think she let Luke out of her sight long enough to go to the bathroom last night."
"Luke can handle it. He wants to help her," Jess assured Rory. "But the diner…"
"Jess, I go back to school on Monday, but if you need help at the diner my classes are usually done by three o'clock. I could commute back here and help out for a few days. I was probably going to do that anyway," Rory told him.
"I'll see," said Jess. "Maybe your Mom will be feeling better by then."
"I hope so. It's so…she's not usually like that," Rory said. "I mean yeah, she can definitely lose it, but they weren't even that close."
Jess sighed, 'Maybe…never mind. You want to eat?"
"I never say no to a Jess burger," Rory smiled.
Jess unpacked their lunch and he and Rory ate in silence. He wanted to address what he'd overheard the night of the wake, between her and Dean. She wanted to address her feelings for him and ensure he was here to stay.
Rory broke the silence. "Jess, I want you to know…to realize how much it meant to me to have you here during all of this."
"I know, Rory," Jess replied. "I told you that you could count on me now. You can, even after I got back to New York. I will be here for you."
"New York? I thought…I should have realized. You hate Stars Hollow. You'd never want to stay here." Rory tried to sound indifferent and fight her tears.
"Rory…"Jess began. "Don't be upset. I know we shared a lot this week. I told you how I feel about you. I told you that I love you and that isn't going to change. I've loved you since that day on the street when I returned the book that I "borrowed." He made the quotes with his fingers.
"Then why? If you love me and I love you why are you leaving?" Rory asked, confused.
"Because…Rory, I know." Jess said.
"You know?" She repeated, confused.
"I know. I heard you and Dean talking at the funeral home Thursday. I didn't want to say anything then, but Rory," Jess sighed. "I can't do this again. I can't compete with him and lose again. I can't."
"You don't have to compete with him. It's not him that I want and after that night, I knew that. I knew once and for all that after we… after he promised so many things and reneged on them, I knew that I could never love him the…I could never…" Rory stopped for breath.
"What, Rory? Spit it out, just say it," Jess implored her.
"I knew that I could never love him the way that I love you. I knew what I did was so wrong, but…" Rory trailed off and studied the old wood of the bridge.
Jess reached out with a long finger and lifted her chin. "Rory, why didn't you say anything to me about it? I mean, we've done so much talking this week, so much soul searching. Why did you leave that part out?"
It was true. They had done a lot of talking. They had talked about their lives as they were not. She had talked about Yale and Paris, about how it was to live with Luke, and about how much she regretted rejecting Jess that day. He had talked about his job as a messenger, what he was really using that money for, his life in the New York flat with seven other guys. He had told her about his life, his exploits, and the way he couldn't touch or kiss another woman with uttering her name. So why had she left out the fact she slept with Dean. With Jess' sordid past, he wouldn't rebuke her for it.
Rory's throat close and tears began to fall from her eyes, "Because I was ashamed," she admitted. "I thought I really loved him. I thought he loved me and that he would do all the things he said he'd do. But he didn't. I didn't want you to know what an idiot I'd been or that I'd been with someone else's husband."
She said that last word on a sob and Jess pulled her into his arms. He sat with her face buried in his chest and rocked her back and forth. "Rory, you screwed up. It's okay to screw up. I'm the king of doing that. You don't have to feel bad about it or embarrassed by it. But you should have told me Rory; especially since we were telling each other so much."
Rory pulled out of his embrace, "I'm sorry, Jess. I know that I…"
Rory never got to finish her sentence. Jess' lips were on hers kissing her with passion, love, and forgiveness. "You know, they say you never forget the first time you have sex," he told her.
"I know," she whispered, leaning in for another kiss.
"You know what else I be we won't forget?" Jess asked her, teasing her with little pecks between his words.
"What?" she asked, nearly breathless with the incredible feelings running through her.
"The first time we make love. I've been with women Rory, but I've never made love. I want to make love to you. I want the first time I give that much to someone…I want it to be you." Jess had never said so much before. It was hard to imagine him romantic like that. But this was the way of their very special bond. He could always say what she needed to hear, even if he'd once thought words like that were stupid.
"Jess, I don't know if I'm…"
Jess cut her off with a shake of his head. "Not now, Rory. Not for a long time maybe. When we're ready, when we're both ready, that's when it will happen."
Rory hugged Jess fiercely and kissed his on the mouth. "So you're not going back to New York?" she asked.
Jess sighed. "I have to go back temporarily to see what credits I can transfer to Southern Connecticut State, but no, I want to be near you and if that means Stars Hollow…"
Rory shrieked with joy and hugged him again. After a minute, it dawned on her what he'd said about transferring credits. "Jess are you enrolled in college?"
Jess blushed and nodded, "Yep. I figured I had to do something with my life. I'm taking a bunch of psychology courses. I want to…I want to do what Uncle Luke did for me only without the water torture."
Rory laughed, "So you'll be Dr. Jess then huh?"
"Don't mock it. Look at that Phil guy, and I think I'm much better looking."
Rory laughed again and she and Jess finished their lunch and walked back to the diner. They were greeted by a frazzled Lane. "Thank God you're back. I'm going crazy here. When's Luke coming back?"
Rory sighed. That meant things weren't better at home yet. "I better go check on my Mom. Come over later okay?" she asked Jess.
"Sure, I'm closing at eight. See you then."
Rory left the diner and darted home as fast as possible. She walked in to find the the downstairs was still empty. Her mother had probably been in bed the entire day. She heard Luke's voice, speaking gently to Lorelai. She couldn't make out his words and she didn't want to intrude. Luke was handling the situation nicely.
Truth be told, Luke wasn't handling the situation at all. He couldn't stand seeing Lorelai like this. And he had the diner to run. She was so crippled by her fears that he couldn't leave her alone in the room with constantly talking to her so that she knew he was okay. If she didn't snap out of this in a few days, he'd have to call the doctor.
"Lorelai," Luke coaxed. "Come on, just eat a little bit of the muffin. It's chocolate fudge. Your favorite."
Lorelai didn't respond to him, she just lay in the bed, covers to her chin. Luke kept trying.
"Lor, I know what you're going through is really hard, but you can't just lie down and die, Babe. You have to go on. You have to move on."
"I can go on from this?" She says it like a question.
"Yeah, Lorelai. You can move on from anything. It'll hurt, but I'll be here and Rory." He smoothed back her hair.
"What if something like…like my parents…happened to you. Could I move on then?" She asked looking him in the eye for the first time.
"Sure. It would take while, but sure you could." Luke told her gently and prayed he'd said the right thing. "But nothing is going to happen to me Lorelai. Nothing at all."
"Nothing," she whispered into the blanket.
"That's right," Luke told her. "Nothing."
Lorelai seemed to finally accept that assurance so Luke moved on to the next phase of his plan. Of course, this was a plan he was making up as he went along.
"So, do you think that tomorrow you could sleep in a bit while I go to the diner then…"
"No!" Lorelai's reply was swift and sharp. "No, no, no…you promised not to leave me alone. You promised, Luke."
Luke sighed and held her close as she started crying once again, "I know, Baby. I know."